Today, I went to my grandmom's house for an hour or so. When I came home, my boyfriend was on the bed, covered in the sheets and about to cry. Turns out he taped his ballsack to his leg and couldn't get it off because it "hurts too much." I'm 24 and he's 26. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had dinner with my grandparents. At the table, my grandfather openly complained about how hard it is for him to get out of their hot tub. Not because of his prosthetic leg, but because his balls somehow "get stuck". I really didn't need to know that. FML
Today, my husband called me to our bedroom, saying he needed help with something. I found him sitting on the bed with his pants down, so I smiled and asked if he was angling for sex, which was fine with me. Nope. He needed me to pop a pimple under his ballsack. FML
Today, I had to listen to my best friend explain how to properly unstick one's balls from one's leg. I'm a girl. FML
Today, my 5-year-old son woke up early and ran into my bedroom to wake me up. Unfortunately, he did this by jumping onto my bed, slamming his knee into my balls in the process. I had to explain my tears of agony away by claiming I was just so happy to see him. FML
Today, I found out my grandmother passed away. When I told my boyfriend I began to cry. Instead of caring, he said "you're getting my bed wet," rolled over, and fell asleep. FML
Today, my boyfriend met my parents. Within minutes, my dad managed to verbally sever his balls and reduce him to tears, "just for fun" apparently. FML
Today, at work, I wet my pants. I had to throw my tighty-whities away. Since I didn't have underwear on, I chafed real bad and got a rash on my butthole and near my balls. I had to push my boyfriend off of me, all because it hurt too much to touch. FML
Today, I'm sitting in the emergency room because my girlfriend thought it would be funny to superglue my penis to my thigh while I was sleeping. FML
Today, I woke up at my boyfriend's place with grumbling stomach pains. I left him in bed to go have explosive diarrhea in the bathroom next to his room. When I was done, I came back to bed and snuggled in next to his sleeping body. He rolled over to whisper, "I heard everything." FML
Today, my boyfriend came over. My mom told him the story about the time she caught me having sex with my ex-boyfriend. My ex is his best friend. FML
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Top comments
EvilUndead 9
Well, if he took a hot bath, warm water would make it easier to peel off.
flockz 20
i once heard from a monk that female saliva will just take the tape adhesive right off. trust him, he's a monk.
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Comments (96)
xxlizsandraxx 7
if you videotape it, you could make a hardcore **** :-D
seaman83 8
I know people that do that all the time. They are drag queen hiding their junk. Busted.
brandonkb93 5
What was he doing with tape that close to his nuts anyway?
mkcherry 14
is he a cross dresser? Only men I've ever heard of who use tape to hide their penises/testicles. Id look into that.
Recon1 11
Try taking a training round to the sack.
mullisupreme 16
what does your age have to do with it?
Inkedldd 8
He sounds like a smart one ( sarcastically speaking).
Ray_of_midnight 23
Many aestheticians who do male genital waxing won't wax the scrotum.
Ray_of_midnight 23
Must've listened to that Mojo Nixon song "Gonna Tie My Pecker to My Leg." (Be warned, the lyrics are absolutely filthy and NSFW or kids.)
girlymae 12
Well hopefully that killed most of possible children so you have lower odds of reproducing with this dummy!