Today, I went to a haunted house with the girl I like, thinking...

By Anonymous - 25/10/2013 04:35 - United States - Grand Prairie

Today, I went to a haunted house with the girl I like, thinking that she would get scared and turn to me for comfort. I ended up running out, and was put on the Wall of Shame. FML

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Love

Basic Instinct

Trip Advisor says no

A beautiful truck decoration

By Anonymous - 8/10/2019 18:00 - United Kingdom - London

To each their own

Today, taking a piss still gives me more pleasure than masturbation or sex. FML

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By confusedbutloved - 8/7/2012 12:42 - United States - North Easton

Today, my boyfriend of seven months and I were looking at some pictures on his iPad. I saw a picture of a kid of about two years old that looked a little like him. I jokingly said, "What, is that your son?" Imagine my surprise when he said that it was. FML

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By nodad - 11/10/2011 04:52 - United States

Today, I found out my dad stole money from me when he was arrested for buying Oxycodone from an undercover cop. FML

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By -_- - 30/8/2013 20:31 - United States - Lahaina

Today, I woke up to a warm bed, the morning sunlight bathing my face, and my boyfriend sneaking my credit card out of my purse. FML

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By wasted time - 19/12/2013 09:09 - United States

Today, I learned, 90 horrifying minutes into a college exam, that my 85-year-old calculus teacher had spent the last three weeks teaching us the wrong chapter. FML

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By R2A8 - 1/3/2019 04:00 - Kenya

Today, after I got lectured about not replying on the family group chat, I decided to wish everyone a good morning. No one responded. FML

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By eggman 583 - 13/9/2016 21:12 - United States - Massapequa

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I was, "trying to change her." A week ago I asked her to stop talking to the 6 guys that have all previously asked her for nudes. FML

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By sunboy52 - 5/5/2009 07:43 - United States

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. We got on the discussion of animals, and I showed them a picture of my cat on my phone. Being a touchscreen, when her father grabbed it, it changed picture. To a picture of my girlfriend, fully nude. FML

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By BigSister - 13/9/2009 18:19 - United States

Today, my 15 year old sister came home at 4am totally stoned. My parents treated her really nicely and woke me up. I'm now grounded until I go college for being a bad influence. I volunteer at schools to talk about abusing drugs. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/6/2020 17:00

Strawberry surprise

Today, my husband got home and shouted he had a surprise for me. I shouted back that I hoped it was his tasty knob with strawberry lube. Nope, he'd picked up my grandparents for a visit now social isolation is being relaxed. They might be in their 80’s but they’re not deaf, unfortunately. FML

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By unloved - 14/10/2010 22:10 - Australia

Today, it's my birthday, and the only person that called me was my boss. He wants me to cover his shift tonight. FML

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By haveahappyperiod - 4/10/2013 09:39

Today, my purse was stolen from my bag while I was on the train. The thief will be surprised to find that it wasn't my money purse, but in fact my "period purse". Hope they find tampons useful. FML

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By rebeccacaissie - 21/11/2010 18:16 - United States

Today, I was being a little playful with my boyfriend when we began wrestling. He then put me in a choking headlock and wouldn't let me out until I "tapped out". FML

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By Anonymous - 2/4/2016 13:38 - United States

Today, the coach bus I was riding almost crashed. I was using the restroom at the time. The bus braked so hard, I peed all over the wall and splashed my shirt. Nobody wanted to sit anywhere near me after that. FML

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By Dana - 29/1/2010 18:59 - United States

Today, it was very windy and snowy and the neighborhoods garbage cans were blowing everywhere. I had already brought mine in and I saw my neighbor's being blown away. Thinking I'd be nice, I went out to pick it up. Just before I could however, the wind smashed it into me and I fell on the ice. FML

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By herestowaiting - 30/8/2016 20:56 - United States - Detroit

Today, I'm officially a week overdue. I went to the hospital, thinking I was in labor since I was in so much pain. Turns out it was just gas. The nurse couldn't hold back her look of pity as she told me this. FML

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By JoJo - 17/10/2009 06:26 - United States

Today, I realized that acne is a major side effect of a medication I'm taking. The medication is to help me with my anxiety. The acne is creating more anxiety. And the more anxious I get, the more meds I need. And the more my face breaks out. FML

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By Ally - 19/5/2011 01:07 - United States

Today, I came home to my front door open and a homeless man taking a 'bath' in my sink. If this wasn't bad enough, he refused to leave because 'finders keepers!' FML

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By Username - 9/5/2011 07:38

Today, I learned that chivalry truly is dead when a seemingly fit man pushed me into a door to get a seat on the train before me. My leg is in a cast. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/3/2012 16:08 - United States

Today, I had a mild epileptic seizure. My mom's immediate reaction was not to comfort me or call for help, but to freak out over the fact that I'd spilled my glass of milk over the floor. FML

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By nojob - 7/5/2009 19:15 - Canada

Today, I was desperately handing out resumes. I came to my local grocery store and asked for a job application, the customer service rep told me all she needed was my resume. I smiled and gave it to her only to see her read it, laugh and put it straight in the garbage as I walked out. FML

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By howniceofyou - 1/8/2011 18:12 - Canada

Today, I was at a pool party with some friends. They grabbed and lifted me in the air, about to throw me in the pool. My iPhone was in my pocket, so I screamed "MY PHONE!" They paused so I could gently throw it onto a deck chair. It bounced, hit the concrete, and cracked its screen. FML

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By overflowing - 16/4/2011 22:20 - United States

Today, I had to take a mandatory drug test with the doctor present. Nervous, I couldn't get myself to pee in the cup right away. When I finally did, I couldn't stop myself from overfilling the cup and getting pee all over myself. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/1/2012 04:06 - United States

Today, I got pulled over for a busted tail light. The officer gave me a warning and told me to fix it. Ten minutes later I was pulled over again for the same busted tail light by the same cop. This time he wrote me a ticket. FML

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By Canadagirl - 24/8/2017 01:30

Today, my boyfriend of seven and a half years broke up with me. By text message. FML

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By justwow - 13/7/2010 14:27 - United Kingdom

Today, I must be the only person who has been taking the contraceptive pill for six years without ever needing to use it as a contraceptive. FML

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By jaqlove - 2/7/2016 20:28 - United States - Clementon

Today, I woke up with a cockroach in my ear. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/12/2012 14:53 - United States - Conroe

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years drunkenly introduced me to another very special lady. His wife. FML

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By masterzach21 - 22/1/2010 06:25 - United States

Today, I took a picture of my "privates" on my girlfriends cell phone and set it as her background without her knowing. Minutes later, I heard her mom scream. She has the same phone. FML

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By megean c.l. - 20/1/2013 21:36 - United States

Today, my dad was making drinks for my mom and himself, so I asked him to make me some coffee too. When he brought me my drink, I took a sip, and realized he'd poured salt in it. As I gagged, he muttered, "Next time, make it yourself." FML

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By richardmrcs - 8/7/2013 20:00 - United Kingdom - Bradford

Today, I got mauled by some wild animals and had to get my butt cheek stitched up. The embarrassment doesn't end there though; the animals in question were kittens. The nurses on duty laughed and the entire ward found out. FML

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By Mmorgan771 - 4/8/2015 17:02 - United States - Altamonte Springs

Today, at work, a customer told me how unprofessional my piercing made me look, and insisted that someone else wait on his table. It's not a piercing, it's a mole. FML

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By TomPom - 25/11/2008 06:54 - France

Today, in one of the corridors at university, I was pretending to have passionate sex with one of my lecturers to make my mates laugh. She happened to walk by just at that moment. She reminded me when my next exam is; she will be marking me. FML

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By Chris - 13/2/2010 05:04 - United States

Today, I put my hamster in his ball, and spent about an hour cleaning his cage. When I came back, I realized he wasn't even alive. FML

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By L_lives - 30/5/2015 05:40 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I realized out how sad my love life is when I got excited that the number a girl gave me turned out to really be hers. FML

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By Discouraged despite my effort - 15/12/2016 18:27

Today, I told my future MIL that we couldn't see her on Christmas because I have to work that day passing out gifts to elderly patients, but that I would call off work to travel to see her any day after. That isn't good enough, so she asked my fiance to spend Christmas without me. FML

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By bribreeeeeezyfreshhh - 6/12/2010 17:03 - United Kingdom

Today, my grandmother told me to say "sofa king retarded" really fast. Not only did it take me several attempts to figure out what it meant, I'm now grounded by my mother for having a foul mouth. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/9/2010 23:38 - Canada

Today, I dropped my iPod Touch underneath concrete slab steps, and it's physically impossible to get it back. If you stand above where the iPod is, you can still hear it play music. It's like it's mocking me. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/9/2018 05:00

Today, getting home from a long day at work, I checked the mail and saw 3 envelopes from the IRS. Apparently I now owe over $4,000. I only have $2 in my bank account. FML

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By fail - 16/1/2011 01:50 - Canada

Today, I decided to play a friendly game of Clue with my family. This resulted in one kid crying, one dad with a broken nose, two broken plates and a trip to Walmart to get a new Clue game. FML

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Top comments

By luc887_fml | 28

#5729039 - Friday 25 October 2013 12:20

You can also turn to her for comfort :)

By DocBastard | 38

#5729060 - Friday 25 October 2013 12:53

Ah, the old "try to impress a girl by doing something stupid"routine. It's a trick men have been failing at for thousands of years.

Come on, men! We're smarter than that! We don't need to do stupid shit to impress any...hey, what's this red button for?

COMMENTS

By luc887_fml | 28

#5729039 - Friday 25 October 2013 12:20

You can also turn to her for comfort :)

annie_nk | 22

#5729045 - Friday 25 October 2013 12:23

As an added bonus, women have built in comfort pillows just below eye level.

Ambient25 | 24

#5729056 - Friday 25 October 2013 12:48

And they actually listen when you talk, unlike us men >_>

Kruitdamp | 44

#5729089 - Friday 25 October 2013 13:49

I don't think she will do that..

Ambient25 | 24

#5729092 - Friday 25 October 2013 13:52

I mean in general

JMichael | 25

#5729126 - Friday 25 October 2013 15:25

Lay your scared little head on my big soft bosom and I shall tell you tales of when I was a wee little lass.

Damian95 | 16

#5729166 - Friday 25 October 2013 16:41

Maybe she will think its cute. You'll laugh about it later.

kaitlynjane | 28

#5729836 - Saturday 26 October 2013 4:51

#28 And then afterwards can we bake cookies and sing songs of tales from long ago while we frolic in the woods?

tjv3 | 10

#5730801 - Sunday 27 October 2013 1:22

HAHAHA FAIL.

By Palirose | 22

#5729040 - Friday 25 October 2013 12:20

It's ok OP. We all have our own fears. Better luck next time. Or at least next time remind yourself it's just a fake haunted house?

mrfuzzywiggles | 11

#5729548 - Friday 25 October 2013 23:47

Or he should remind himself that he deserves it because he's a pu$$y

ShyAnn29 | 14

#5730221 - Saturday 26 October 2013 12:44

He deserves it for being scared? That's just stupid, everyone gets scared sometimes, and haunted houses can be very scary!

By tpm45 | 25

#5729041 - Friday 25 October 2013 12:20

Maybe next time take her to the movies or something?.... Just a suggestion for the future.

Goblin182 | 26

#5729070 - Friday 25 October 2013 13:16

What #3 said, but make it a Disney movie.

Rainhawk94 | 27

#5729111 - Friday 25 October 2013 14:43

What #16 said just not as pointless

By annie_nk | 22

#5729042 - Friday 25 October 2013 12:21

Try a movie next time. They don't have a Wall of Shame so you can discretely run out.

DanielleinDC | 32

#5729440 - Friday 25 October 2013 20:32

Or even discreetly run out. Of course, she's bound to notice if she looks to her date for any reason and sees an empty chair, but nice try.

By steve31789 | 8

#5729043 - Friday 25 October 2013 12:21

I hope you at least ran out with her over your back, like a real "man"

By worldclassrager | 39

#5729046 - Friday 25 October 2013 12:24

Wait you ran out? Swap roles that might help...lol...well how did she do go all the way through? And wonder where you were for the time you she was scared...sure hope she doesn't hold that over you...

By MasqueradePrince | 25

#5729047 - Friday 25 October 2013 12:26

You must face your fears my friend!!!! Try again and complete the path through the house! It will be a sweet victory for your soul!!!

By Grayness_ | 26

#5729053 - Friday 25 October 2013 12:31

Hopefully she found it sooo funny. That shes going to forget that you ran your ass off.
What made you run either way? Do tell us.

By UnluckyGenius | 21

#5729054 - Friday 25 October 2013 12:42

This should go down on the list for "things jackasses do"

tvwrestler98 | 14

#5733355 - Tuesday 29 October 2013 0:18

Good idea. A real "man" doesn't run!

By Dramori | 29

#5729055 - Friday 25 October 2013 12:43

Very macho! Pick something you know you are fine with the next time maybe? Roller coasters for example - you can't run when you are strapped in... Just don't throw up on her! :D