Today, I went out of my way to avoid street preachers thrusting... - FML

By Anonymous - 26/10/2012 12:24 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, I went out of my way to avoid street preachers thrusting hateful propaganda at me. A young woman ran up to me and started waving paper in my face, and I snapped at her to fuck off. Right afterwards I realised she was returning something that fell out of my pocket. She looked terrified. FML

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Superficial World

Tonight, on Grey's Anatomy…

A beautiful truck decoration

By Anonymous - 28/5/2010 23:51 - United States

Today, I went out to eat to celebrate getting over the stomach flu. I hadn't eaten solid food in over a week, so I was really excited and ordered my favorite dish. It gave me food poisoning. FML

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By Username - 23/3/2011 16:16 - Japan

Today, I quit my job and sent a mass mail on Facebook that I was moving to a different state with my long time boyfriend. He called me later that night to tell me we aren't moving after all. Now we are both jobless with loads of bills to pay by the end of the month. FML

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By smh - 10/9/2015 06:09 - Canada

Today, after coming home from a long day at work, I found out that in a house full of 5 adults, some rules still need to be set. The newest addition to the rules: No watching porn and jerking off in the living room. FML

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By Thai rice mistake - 12/2/2013 08:04 - United States - Oakland

Today, I was super hungry and went to a Thai restaurant. The waitress left two small bowls of fried rice on the counter, and I thought they were for me. I ate one and a lady came over screaming. Apparently the small cups of rice was part of a religious ceremony. FML

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By trackdaddy - 2/5/2017 09:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, my dad came to take pictures of me at my track meet. When looking back at the photos, I noticed most of them were zoomed in shots of the girls' butts in their spandex. FML

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By hockusa3 - 11/9/2014 15:44 - United States - Silver Spring

Today, I was driving to the DMV to take a test, after getting some points removed from my license. On the way there, I got a speeding ticket and got my license suspended completely. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/4/2020 08:00

No thanks, mom

Today, my crazed and very hormonal pregnant mother told me that I should get pregnant too, so that we can be "preggo buddies." I'm 15. FML

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By beer guy - 1/12/2010 05:12

Today, I got punched in the back by elderly woman because she thought I was mocking the way she walked as I passed her. I was walking funny because I have a brace-boot on my foot due to the fact that it got run over. FML

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By yuck - 9/12/2018 03:30 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I was out riding and a seagull pissed on me. It got in my mouth. FML

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By yaa - 26/5/2009 22:35 - Canada

Today, on my way out of the subway station, I noticed an older woman standing at the bottom of a flight of stairs with a large cart. I went up to her and asked if she needed help getting it up the stairs. She looks me up and down and says, "No, not from you." FML

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By surprise - 15/1/2015 20:30 - United States - Starkville

Today, I wanted to surprise my roommate by picking her up from class with her dog. Her dog decided to surprise me by dumping a load on my passenger seat. FML

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By dulllife - 8/12/2011 07:30 - United States

Today, I noticed we had gotten new colored toothpicks at the restaurant I work at. That was the highlight of my day. Apparently my life has gotten so boring I get excited over colored toothpicks. FML

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By Albert - 26/4/2020 17:00

Useless

Today, I used up the last of my deodorant for a business meeting on Zoom. FML

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By E - 20/10/2016 19:07

Today, my office smells like a giant turnip green fart because of a sewage leak. FML

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By helpless_soul - 29/8/2011 04:27 - United States

Today, while standing in line at the video store, I happen to notice a very hot young girl on the TV screen, and mentioned to my friend that I'd "hit that." I was immediately punched by the girl in front of me. Seems the hot girl on TV was her on a security monitor. FML

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By jamongrande - 17/4/2015 15:50 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my roommate and I are so broke, we resorted to going to a Narcotics Anonymous meeting just for the refreshments. FML

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By Stuby14 - 23/11/2015 14:31 - United States - Brookings

Today, my girlfriend and I were sending dirty messages to each other. We were getting really into it until she replied to one of my messages with, "Oooooh yeah." I read it in the Kool-Aid man's voice and couldn't stop laughing. Mood killed. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/2/2010 18:23 - United States

Today, I got ice cream with a guy I'd met at a wrestling match a few days ago. When I got home, I found out that my mother had been sitting in the parking lot and watched us through the windows. FML

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By broken finger - 18/7/2013 20:53 - United States

Today, while wiping my ass, the broken finger that has been set straight dipped into the toilet and touched a turd. This keeps happening since I broke it, and I'm sure it will again. FML

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By weddingcrashed - 19/9/2009 21:04 - United States

Today, it is my wedding day. I couldn't find my very expensive wedding dress anywhere. After almost 2 hours of panic and chaos, I found it in my pool, covered in red paint, with a note on one of my lounge chairs reading, "Today is MY wedding day, bitch." FML

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By Ryan - 7/2/2010 14:18 - France

Today, I cut my finger at work while chopping some vegetables. I grabbed the nearest rag I could to stop the bleeding and put it on the cut. I didn't know the rag had just been used to clean up a lemon juice spill. FML

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By idislikeblanks - 30/1/2013 07:03 - United States - Lathrop

Today, my 5-year-old nephew had the most amazing idea: to play a game with my keys. He took out all ten keys individually and hid them around the house. So far it's been two hours and I haven't found a single one. FML

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By kallens - 17/1/2009 20:57 - United States

Today, I was putting a wristband on a little boy's wrist so he could swim in the waterpark. Just before I finished, he coughed all over my hands and arms. I finished and looked up at the boy just in time for us to make eye contact and for him to cough directly into my face. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/6/2015 12:36 - United States - Tallahassee

Today, my ex-boyfriend dumped sand into the crankcase of my truck and then filled it to the top with water after I dumped him for being immature and not respecting my things. FML

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By thoughthewasjoking - 15/8/2014 21:10 - United States - Bessemer

Today, while walking to work, I saw a homeless guy with a funny "NEED MONEY 4 BOOZE" sign, so I gave him a few spare dollars for his humor. On my way back home, he was out cold on the sidewalk with several empty bottles beside him. Whoops. FML

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By Jesse Thames - 16/5/2019 04:03

Today, I received a series of rejection letters from jobs, one after the other. Last night, I stayed up into the wee morning hours to apply to campus jobs I'm not qualified for, because I was classified as a part-time student due to an administrative error. FML

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By ForeSight - 14/8/2019 16:00

Today, my girlfriend wanted to play a game call "bondage bingo," taking turns tying each other up in different positions, and if we can’t escape, we get to take a picture. Whoever gets the most pictures wins. After tying me to a chair, she ended up leaving me there for hours. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/12/2016 04:02 - United States - Bend

Today, I had a feminine emergency. After scrounging up 4 quarters to use the machine in the women's bathroom, it dispensed a diaper. FML

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By Singleton - 2/1/2010 00:33 - Canada

Today, it was my birthday dinner with my family. Everyone was making an effort to avoid a certain topic. Later my 5 year old cousin gives me a nice hand drawn card of me and my boyfriend. Apparently no one had the heart to tell her my boyfriend had broken up with me on my birthday. FML

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By depressedpreggo - 18/11/2012 11:00 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was grocery shopping. When I turned around I noticed a group of teens passing by laughing. I didn't think anything of it until I got to my cart. The losers had left a pack of Slim Fast in my cart. I'm pregnant. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/5/2009 17:22 - United States

Today, I went to the pet store to get mice for my mom's snakes. While checking out, the guy working behind the register asked what kind of snakes I had. I told him they were my mom's and he mentioned this crazy woman that talks to her snakes. That's my mom. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/9/2019 02:02

Boom, headshot!

Today, my boyfriend headbutted me during sex. This wouldn't be so bad if it was the first time. FML

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By XxtentaculonxX - 8/12/2012 22:52 - United Kingdom - Oban

Today, I was chatting to a friend on Facebook about girls, and why we're single. We somehow ended up admitting to one another that we'd never get girlfriends, finding out that we both like hentai porn, and trading info on Japanese sex toys. FML

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By ART - 6/3/2010 08:32 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of a year decided to confess to me that almost everything he has told me in our relationship has been a lie. This includes telling me that he was single when we first met, telling me that he loved me, and telling me that I was beautiful. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/5/2018 20:30

Today, my child told me when she makes enough money to support herself, she's never going to speak to me again. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/8/2013 04:02 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I got a call from my son's kindergarten teacher. Apparently my son asked a girl to marry him. After she said no, he stabbed her with a fork. FML

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By Crash - 30/6/2010 23:06 - United States

Today, I saw a woman still texting on her phone as she started to drive away when the light turned green. I made sure to stare her down and give her a dirty look because she wasn't paying attention to driving. She laughed as I rear-ended the car in front of me. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/9/2013 17:28 - United States - Dell Rapids

Today, my entire gym class had to run the 1600 with our coach calling out finishing times. My finishing time was reported as "3 days short of a year." FML

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By geek - 22/7/2015 03:02 - United States - Lynnwood

Today, I had to explain to my boss that DVI ports are not the same as HDMI ports. When I showed him the HDMI cable, he said, "Oh! You mean USB!" He's an engineering manager. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/5/2013 16:56 - United States

Today, I got dragged along to a family dinner. Some idiot invited my douchebag vegan uncle, who spent half the night making condescending remarks and lecturing us on how disgusting it was to have steak on offer at the table. A fistfight eventually erupted, and the cops were called. FML

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Top comments

By melij99 | 5

#5084830 - Friday 26 October 2012 18:48

It's a simple rule my friend: Treat others the way you would like to be treated.

By ManInTheMachine | 19

#5084832 - Friday 26 October 2012 18:48

You should probably listen to what someone has to say before you snap at them. I can gurantee she tried to say something, and wasn't just thrusting paper in your face.

Comments

By Pleonasm | 34

#5084822 - Friday 26 October 2012 18:47

"Turn the other cheek! No wait sir, your wallet is falling out of it!"

Reply

herpderpherpderp | 13

#5085478 - Friday 26 October 2012 23:16

I'm sorry, but in no way do I understand this comment. :c

Reply

CountMango | 5

#5085509 - Friday 26 October 2012 23:28

I suppose butt cheeks are too sophisticated for some people.

Reply

Pleonasm | 34

#5085549 - Friday 26 October 2012 23:43

I was joking about a situation where the person says something to OP that they interpret as religious propaganda, when in fact they were just trying to help OP and point out that his wallet was going to fall out of his back pocket, but apparently it wasn't clear.
Sorry guys, my bad.

Reply

Delta2Almanac | 7

#5085558 - Friday 26 October 2012 23:45

it is a Biblical reference to Mathew.

Reply

herpderpherpderp | 13

#5085777 - Saturday 27 October 2012 1:45

alrighty than. thanks everyone :D

By Kiki242 | 19

#5084828 - Friday 26 October 2012 18:48

More like FHL.

By melij99 | 5

#5084830 - Friday 26 October 2012 18:48

It's a simple rule my friend: Treat others the way you would like to be treated.

Reply

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#5084870 - Friday 26 October 2012 18:52

I really love it when people scream fuck off in my face.. Maybe OP's masochistic?

Reply

zenrael | 21

#5085056 - Friday 26 October 2012 19:36

More of a guideline.

Reply

CrewBoy | 10

#5085091 - Friday 26 October 2012 19:46

Well, if someone is threatening me with hell ill threaten them with something else. If they didn't want to be threatened, they shouldn't threaten me. Treat others how you want to be treated.

Reply

UncleMuscles | 5

#5085222 - Friday 26 October 2012 20:45

@7, "God, yes! Now insult my mother!"

Reply

Unibear | 1

#5085353 - Friday 26 October 2012 22:02

#30-So if someone keys my car then lights my house up in flames...I should do that to him? Even payback right?

Reply

CrewBoy | 10

#5085399 - Friday 26 October 2012 22:32

46, Sure, you SHOULD, you'd get in trouble with the law and you could have just called the police. But that doesn't mean revenge is wrong.

Reply

Bluekaren16 | 19

#5085541 - Friday 26 October 2012 23:40

It's treat others the way they want to be treated.

Reply

CrewBoy | 10

#5085564 - Friday 26 October 2012 23:47

59, no it's not.

Reply

Holyshihtzus | 7

#5085711 - Saturday 27 October 2012 0:57

OP was probably just really paranoid about it. I don't know about you guys, but I probably would be too if I was trying really hard to avoid someone.

By ManInTheMachine | 19

#5084832 - Friday 26 October 2012 18:48

You should probably listen to what someone has to say before you snap at them. I can gurantee she tried to say something, and wasn't just thrusting paper in your face.

Reply

MormonPornstar | 7

#5085195 - Friday 26 October 2012 20:32

No, you can't guarantee anything as you were not there.

Reply

domking1315 | 20

#5085307 - Friday 26 October 2012 21:43

Its at least very probable

Reply

Pleonasm | 34

#5085439 - Friday 26 October 2012 22:52

Hi, I'm just wondering, I left a couple of comments here that were here pretty early on, but quickly they both disappeared, and neither seemed to be breaking the rules at all; at leat, I can't see them anyway, does anyone know what's going on??

Reply

kingwess | 8

#5085469 - Friday 26 October 2012 23:11

But you see, that would be the logical thing to do! Common courtesy has gone out the window

Reply

dead247 | 13

#5086862 - Saturday 27 October 2012 8:31

To many variables. Op could have had a rough day before hand. I know if I was having one of those days, I may have snapped on someone.

Reply

bgreen1111 | 16

#6431993 - Sunday 11 October 2015 2:04

Yeah, I have a similar story where I was holding a pinecone and went up to my friend. I said, "Here, hold this.. But be careful.." He grabbed it before I had the chance to say "...it's covered in dog shit." Listen before you react.

By loserboii | 11

#5084843 - Friday 26 October 2012 18:50

I wonder why she didn't say something to you instead of waving paper.

Reply

JustDerpin | 11

#5084900 - Friday 26 October 2012 18:55

She could be foreign

Reply

TotallyAradical | 14

#5085156 - Friday 26 October 2012 20:15

Damn Mexicans.

Reply

TotallyAradical | 14

#5085233 - Friday 26 October 2012 20:54

Whoops. Damn foreigners. I won't be as specific next time!

Reply

the_wombat | 6

#5085552 - Friday 26 October 2012 23:43

She probably did. OP probably just wasn't listening. He sounds kind of like an ass to me.

By shellz102 | 12

#5084858 - Friday 26 October 2012 18:50

YDI for being an asshole. Even if it was a protester, you didn't have to be so mean to them.

By Pleonasm | 34

#5084879 - Friday 26 October 2012 18:52

I agree though FHL.

By Gottobekiddingme | 7

#5084881 - Friday 26 October 2012 18:53

Sounds like YOU are the hateful one.

Reply

onlychildFTW | 33

#5085405 - Friday 26 October 2012 22:34

Everyone has bad days where thy snap at people. No big deal. Just say sorry to the person and thank them then be on your way.

Reply

CrewBoy | 10

#5085443 - Friday 26 October 2012 22:53

She's not the one telling everyone that they're going to go to hell and that homosexuals are evil. And that all the non-believers will suffer for all eternity.

By misspulkadot24 | 17

#5084890 - Friday 26 October 2012 18:53

Wow. You sound like a delusional ass. I hope she ripped up that paper you lost, and I hope it was a winning lotto ticket.

Reply

LadyGore | 12

#5085010 - Friday 26 October 2012 19:19

That's a bit harsh, everyone makes mistakes. I think YOU are the delusional one.

Reply

LadyGore | 12

#5085019 - Friday 26 October 2012 19:22

How do you know OP doesn't severely need money and could really benefit from winning money. Now you are doing the same thing as OP.

Reply

misspulkadot24 | 17

#5085121 - Friday 26 October 2012 19:57

Nobody deserves to be treated like shit for waving a damn paper around. If he was so concerned about it being a preacher, he could've just said he wasn't interested.
And calm the hell down, pretty sure it wasn't actually a lotto ticket.

Reply

EpicBlondie89 | 19

#5085789 - Saturday 27 October 2012 1:50

Geez, everyone had bad days. This is a bit harsh. He made a mistake. All it takes is an apology to rectify the situation.

By Blueglasscup | 18

#5084894 - Friday 26 October 2012 18:54

Fuck your lifeboats? I'd say fuck that poor girl's life. She was doing a good deed too sheesh...