Today, I went out for some very expensive sushi. Two hours later, I found myself on the toilet, violently voiding my bowels. I essentially paid to have liquid orange shit. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my girlfriend wanted to try a new "exotic" restaurant that just recently opened. I paid almost a hundred bucks for a bowl of oily meat sludge and a bunch of mushy vegetables, then got to shit my brains out all night. Exotic my ass. FML
Today, I spent 5 hours in the emergency room for what I thought was heavy bloody diarrhea. After having various implements and doctors' fingers shoved up my ass, it turns out I was only shitting out the family-sized bag of red spicy cheese curls I had eaten for lunch. FML
Today, I had horrible pains in my stomach area so I went to the doctors. They couldn't find anything wrong and sent me to the Emergency Room for X-rays. After spending the entire day in the hospital, they tell me I'm slightly constipated. I had to pay $400 to find out I had to take a shit. FML
Today, I woke up with extreme stomach pains. After being rushed to the hospital and having numerous tests performed, I was told my intestines were over-stretched with stool. I'm essentially so full of shit it hurts. FML
Today, I spent an hour and twenty minutes throwing up at a toilet from a shopping mall because I ate rotten food without realizing it. At least during that time I made two new friends, a gay couple who were making out in the next toilet cubicle. FML
Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML
Today, I went for dinner and bowling with a woman I met online. The Mexican food was great but my bowels started feeling it during our first game. I slipped on the bowling lane and the impact of my ass hitting the ground made me shit myself. FML
Today, I had to shit worse than I thought possible at work. I left my desk and hurried towards the bathroom, dropping trou as soon as the door closed. I then tripped over my pant leg, hit my head on the toilet, and came to some minutes later with my ass spewing diarrhea like a volcano. FML
Today, I had a really big, satisfying shit in the loo of a pub several miles from home. After getting back to my table, my stomach rumbled, and, assuming it was just gas, I let it go. What followed was approximately a litre of brown water, soaking my underwear, jeans, and chair, and dribbling onto the floor. FML
Today, I fucked up by trusting the wrong fart and shat myself in the middle of the restaurant I was eating lunch at. I was so mortified, I couldn't even finish the meal I paid for. FML
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Top comments
luckycharm421 3
just because it's expensive doesn't mean it's good
chanel8711 0
orange liquid shit? you must have eaten too much fish called escolar. they have oils that we cant properly digest so you can only eat a very small amount of it. ydi for not knowing what you ordered.
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Comments (137)
braunwynn 5
you deserved it for trying to blame it on the sushi. 1, raw fish doesnt carry a bacteria that would give you the runs. 2, food poisoning takes longer than 2 hours to hit. more likely its that you gave it to yourself for whatever you had last night for dinner. 95% of all food poisoning occurs in the home. sushi is actually the restaurants with the least amount of food poisoning incidents in the country, people just like to blame it on them because media and the government like to tell you its dangerous. not only to they have to get special permits that cost them a lot of money to serve raw fish, all restaurants have to get certified for food safety regulations that people dont have to get in their own homes. its insulting to blame your food poisoning on the sushi when its your own damn fault.
LilaBear 2
how would you know what bacteria caused it? The fish (or anything else in the sushi) may have come into contact with something else in the kitchen that causes food poisoning. You'd have no idea.
Steve95401 49
You deserve it for eating eel and raw fish.
HateyMcHater 4
Speaking of which, some of that raw squirrel you had for lunch is still on your upper lip.
Gabbymcbride 2
WIN @HateyMcHater .
jenna9212 0
Hahahaha violently voiding! Also whats with instantly dropping the law suit bomb? What ever happened to just complaining? I mean is having the runs really worth some poor person losing their job that could have been something out of their control?
jenna9212 0
**for something that could have been out of their control opps
AshlyNicole 0
Maybe you had some rancid sushi. I love sushi and never has it given me bubble guts. Sorry hope your butt feels better. =D
JETT19 0
hahahaha... dont worry guys, Just keep swimming, just keep swimmin, yea hope your ass is not to RAW hahaha... wait wait somethings fishy. hahaha ok im done, anyone got any?
skulluks 0
You know the chance you take in eating sushi. This would be like somebody who broke a hand punching the wall, crying. Just eat vegetables from now on if you can't take the heat.
smileeee_fml 0
yum sushi !
aardvarkish 17
Pass the ginger, please...
Steve95401 49
Actually, it was beaver. ;-)
aardvarkish 17
More like Orangutan...