Love: Today, I told my best friend that I was gay and that I liked...

By 13a5ic H1p5t3r - United States - Spencer

Today, I told my best friend that I was gay and that I liked him. Turns out he's very open about the topic. Basically, he kissed me and then slapped me. I don't know what that's supposed to mean. FML

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Love

Coherence dude, do you have it?

They targeted gamers!

The Other Woman

By AlexB - United Kingdom - Blackpool

Today, in an effort to try and get fit, I was doing yoga on my carpet when my foot slipped. It went under my radiator, which peeled the skin off my heel like peeling a potato. FML

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By toiletgirl - United States

Today, I was on AIM talking to a really cute guy, whom I've had a crush on for forever, when he asked me to video chat. I got so excited and immediately pressed accept, without thinking. Not until he started screaming and cursing did I realize that I was still using my laptop on the toilet. FML

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By bablessinbedsty

Today, I announced to my fiance that I was pregnant with twins. He immediately called off the engagement, furious at me because we "agreed to only have one child". Sorry my embryo decided to split in two. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, as I was driving in reverse, I hit my boyfriend's mom's car. I met her for the first time while giving her my information. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/7/2020 23:01

Caught spunk-handed

Today, I was watching porn in the living room with the volume turned up, because I was under the impression that my family had already left for vacation. It turns out my cousin and his girlfriend were upstairs the entire time. FML

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616

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By icantdrive - Canada

Today, I went to a party to see my crush. He offered me a drink and I declined telling him that I don't drink because alcohol makes people act stupid and crash their cars. He then saw me back into a car parked on the street and shatter my backlights as I reversed from the driveway to go home. FML

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By Garchomp - United States - Dodge City

Today, working my job, I had to explain to a kid that Pokemon is owned by Nintendo and they don't make it for the Xbox. Upset by this, he took hold of my leg and started biting. I'm also suspended, because his mother complained when I kicked him off me. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/7/2020 08:06

Easy listener

Today, on the phone, my boyfriend was complaining about the heat. When I told him that it wasn't hot where I live, at all, but that I had trouble sleeping due to stress, he replied, "Because of the heat, right? What else can it be?" FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Oakland

Today, I found out the real reason my dad bought a new car and generously gave me his old one. He knew the engine was about to fail and didn't want it to be his problem when it finally did. It blew out while I was driving at high speed on the motorway. Just my luck. FML

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By bad poet - United States - Millerton

Today, my boyfriend asked me to write him a poem, as I am an avid writer. Happily, I agreed. After hours of working, I proudly presented it to him. He read it, laughed, and said, "No babe, I meant a real poem." Maybe I should rethink my career choice. FML

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By blah - France

Today, it's officially been two weeks since I found out I have mono. It's also been two weeks since anyone has visited me, called me, or even emailed me. The real kicker? I'm now fired from my job because they can't believe I can have mono twice in one year. I guess I'm just lucky that way. FML

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31164

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By Teaching26 - United States

Today, I lectured my second-grade class to be more descriptive in their writing. I gave them an assignment to describe something in the classroom. I was grading their work later, and one student wrote, "My class is taught by a fat teacher with gray hair." FML

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By panicromanceX3 - United States

Today, my friends and I spent hours on the Disney website playing in Pixie Hollow. We made our own fairies and flew around completing tasks for TinkerBell and her fairy friends. We're in college, and this is how we spent our Saturday night. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Pinellas Park

Today, I was snooping around in my parents' closet to see what I would get for Christmas, when I came across a UPS package. It was the video game I ordered off eBay 3 weeks ago, addressed to me. They told me it had never arrived and said I should ask Santa to bring it to me. FML

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33404

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By burning balls of fuck this - United States - Oakton

Today, I locked my keys in my truck. The good news is that I have a spare set in my house. The bad news is that my house key is on the same keyring as my locked-in truck key. FML

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29587

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my GPS told me that I'd reached my destination. In the middle of the highway. FML

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29839

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By Sarah - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boss mistakenly drunk texted me and was talking shit about me. FML

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21718

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1713

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By thenewgirlfriend - United States - League City

Today, I cut my bangs. When I asked my boyfriend if he liked it he said, "It's like I'm dating a new girl, this way I won't get bored with you." FML

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50555

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By Busted - Mexico

Today, I canceled my ATM card, because it had been lost. Then I found it. Then I found out I can't reactivate it, because I asked for a replacement card. I'm from CA, and I'm in Mexico with only 20 bucks. FML

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By Radbaby

Today, I asked a guy to change into a gown for an X-ray exam. I asked him to leave his underwear on, everything else off. Apparently he was going commando, as he left skid marks on my table when the exam was over. FML

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2991

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By Andre - United States

Today, I got a parking ticket while standing beside my car. FML

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31665

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9389

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By Bambi - United States

Today, I crashed my car. I saw a deer getting ready to run into the middle of the road, and I was very sleepy, so I panicked and slammed on the brakes, causing me to lose control of the car on the wet road. After I hit a tree, I realized that the deer was a plastic lawn ornament. FML

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20164

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By Mustanggt - 1/11/2020 14:01 - United States - Rochester

The diet plan from hell

Today, I learned that the vomiting and uncontrollable flatulence I've been suffering from is normal with my new diet. FML

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777

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By GabyLeann - United States

Today, while showering, I broke the cap off the shampoo. Not my shampoo, my roommate's. The $60 shampoo I swore I wouldn't touch. FML

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By mugs - United States

Today, I asked my parents if the outfit I was wearing made me look fat. My mom looked at me and paused for a while; my dad said, "Honey, that outfit doesn't make you look fat. Your fat makes you look fat." FML

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By hcflorence1 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend went on a date with her mechanic. She said it was to get discounts when she goes in for maintenance. Not only does she not see a problem with it, but she's probably getting discounts on other services too. FML

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By minnie - 23/2/2021 04:58

#1 Mom of the Year

Today, while trying to walk past my mother in the hallway, I hesitated because she suddenly moved to the side. She screamed at me for a solid five minutes about not being able to "predict her movements." And she wonders why I’m suicidal. FML

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By Shalamar - Canada

Today, the new guy at work - who is probably at least ten years older than I am - admired the photo on my desk of myself with my husband and teenage daughters and asked "Are those your grand-children?" I'm in my 40's. FML

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By Leslie - United States

Today, my husband left me for one of the college students I was tutoring in Spanish. We have two kids and are expecting a third. He left a note that said he would "stay in touch." FML

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By really - Australia

Today, after telling my boss about my hearing problem, she simply told me to "listen harder". FML

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8855

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By beachbumb8538 - United States

Today, I had to do a "damage report" on myself after going to the midnight premiere of Harry Potter. As I was waiting for the previews, a 20 year old man dressed as a house elf tackled and wrestled me for my seat. FML

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By undineA - Greece - Thessalon?ki

Today, feeling magnanimous, I decided to help a frail-looking old lady across a busy street. She managed to "accidentally" hit me in the balls with her cane no fewer than three times before we reached the other side. FML

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By Robert - United States - Anchorage

Today, a brief survey of everyone I know revealed that everyone, including my parents, sibling, and best friends, thinks I'm gay. I had to do the first reverse coming out in history. FML

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4349

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By Anonymous - New Zealand - Auckland

Nokia 3310 FTW

Today, while taking a rather large crap, I sent my sister a joking text saying, "I'm shitting my ass inside out." Turns out I sent it to my entire list of contacts. FML

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483

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By lsta - United States

Today, I donated blood for the first time, and all the nurses kept complimenting on how good my veins were. That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me in the past 2 months. FML

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55951

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By HelloItsMee123 - United Kingdom

Today, I had routine surgery and should have been discharged on the same day. Now due to an avoidable mistake the surgeon made I'll be staying in hospital over Christmas. FML

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7283

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By 30Jenna - Canada

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me on my Facebook wall. 27 people liked it. FML

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47662

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By Anonymous

Today, I was fired from my job for "lack of work". What that means is that my boss hired his good-for-nothing lazy son, who then got too big of a mortgage, and he had to let me go to pay him a higher salary. FML

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3889

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By running scared - Norway

Creepypasta

Today, I found out that my violent ex has moved to my country for the sole purpose of tracking me down. I know this because my former boss called and told me she gave him my address. She loves the idea of us getting back together because, "You're such a cute couple!" FML

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29219

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By VMV - Spain - Abrera

Today, I desperately needed to pee, so I decided to confront my anxiety issues and use a public toilet. I opened the lid, only to see several huge, rancid floaters staring back at me. I had an attack, started sobbing, and pissed myself on the way home. Never again. FML

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Top comments

By joeyl2008 | 29

#6687089 - Saturday 10 September 2016 15:03

Good for you for coming out. Good luck figuring that sistuation out

By cacheson | 41

#6687092 - Saturday 10 September 2016 15:09

If he's that open about it perhaps the next step is to ask...

COMMENTS

By joeyl2008 | 29

#6687089 - Saturday 10 September 2016 15:03

Good for you for coming out. Good luck figuring that sistuation out

Dave_Davington | 33

#6687285 - Saturday 10 September 2016 22:29

I can't tell if that's a typo or a pun that I'm just not getting.

orangejubejube | 20

#6687411 - Sunday 11 September 2016 5:14

No answers..apparently nobody can figure out the pun.

shadypalmtree | 20

#6688125 - Monday 12 September 2016 14:11

Even if it's a pun, it's still a typoed pun. The cistuation could not be more weird OP.... Tried it.... Not a funny pun

By socreativedude | 19

#6687090 - Saturday 10 September 2016 15:06

Maybe he was upset you didn't come out sooner and didn't know how to express those feelings.

tounces7 | 27

#6687220 - Saturday 10 September 2016 19:55

You know, either way, this could have gone a LOT worse.

By cacheson | 41

#6687092 - Saturday 10 September 2016 15:09

If he's that open about it perhaps the next step is to ask...

By Cadillac_kid_15 | 27

#6687094 - Saturday 10 September 2016 15:17

That's something.

By extremereviews | 26

#6687103 - Saturday 10 September 2016 15:29

I had a similar experience except no kissing or slapping and just rejection
He was already out though

sweetpotato301 | 7

#6687159 - Saturday 10 September 2016 18:05

So... not really a similar experience at all since the main FML is about how confusing it was

val_428 | 8

#6687730 - Sunday 11 September 2016 20:34

People don't get sarcasm these days..

ZaiopePerSe | 15

#6687895 - Monday 12 September 2016 4:27

56, people get sarcasm, they just don't find it automatically funny

val_428 | 8

#6689840 - Thursday 15 September 2016 4:53

17 missed the sarcastic part of it and if you thought that sarcasm is always funny, then you're missing it also.

By BLDYRBBT | 16

#6687105 - Saturday 10 September 2016 15:35

I'm sure it will become clear. After all, It's just like pumpkins in your rose garden

By yakkady | 8

#6687106 - Saturday 10 September 2016 15:36

Such a romantic gone with the wind moment

By Fireant_man | 6

#6687112 - Saturday 10 September 2016 15:51

I think you have found your Prince

By metalcrazed | 21

#6687122 - Saturday 10 September 2016 16:10

Maybe he's into s&m?

Colon_Man | 17

#6687151 - Saturday 10 September 2016 17:45

Sweeping and Mopping.

That's what my grandma says that means.

RebbeAsh | 10

#6687395 - Sunday 11 September 2016 4:56

oh honey

By RabbitOfAurora | 28

#6687127 - Saturday 10 September 2016 16:38

Was it a good kiss or like... a pathetic peck? If it was an A+ genuine kiss I say go for it!