Today, I told my best friend that I was gay and that I liked...

By 13a5ic H1p5t3r - 15/8/2016 03:58 - United States - Spencer

Today, I told my best friend that I was gay and that I liked him. Turns out he's very open about the topic. Basically, he kissed me and then slapped me. I don't know what that's supposed to mean. FML

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Love

Season finale

Get me away from here, I'm dying

Territorial pissings

By Anonymous - 7/3/2015 19:05 - United States - Brandon

Today, my brother was doing an extremely annoying Shrek impression, so I turned the TV on in a desperate attempt to drown him out. You'll never guess what movie was on. FML

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By stinky - 24/1/2012 08:15 - United States

Today, my co-worker handed me a note. The note said, "If you can, please take a shower once in a while." The smell was coming from the broken bathroom next to my office. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/10/2014 01:10 - United States - Dayton

Today, I never really thought that my boyfriend and brother having the same name was too weird. Until I called out his name during climax. FML

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By Pithegreat - 6/1/2016 04:48 - United States - Rohnert Park

Today, I went to move a load of laundry out of the washer and into the dryer, but the clothes were already in the dryer. Normally, I would be happy about this. However, I am currently living alone. FML

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By qx5 - 8/1/2011 22:05 - Canada

Today, I put my paycheck in my wallet, intending to cash it in the next day. Later on, I met up with a friend and went to a party. I ended up getting so drunk, I gave away my $400 check in exchange for a pack of smokes, thinking it was a $5 bill. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/2/2016 03:48 - United States - Smyrna

Today, I was driving back home when I saw a yellow object flying off my roof of my car through the side mirrors. I thought nothing of it, then I noticed that I didn't have my phone with me. That's when I realized that the "flying yellow object" was my phone. FML

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By ouchies - 5/5/2011 02:38 - United States

Today, I had to call the doctor to go and have them remove a tick that had got stuck to my man-parts while fishing. The receptionist laughed, she thought I was prank calling. FML

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By anotherdayfml - 4/3/2020 21:00

Strong incel vibes

Today, I told a guy that I was on birth control. He decided that it would be best for us not to continue speaking with each other. I never would've thought taking care of myself would be a deal breaker. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/12/2010 02:07 - United States

Today, I spent ages at CVS waiting for a flu shot. The main cause of holdup was a disagreement between the pharmacist and the insurance company over 4 cents. FML

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By mammamia - 27/4/2009 12:54 - United States

Today, in a big argument, my sister uninvited my mom to her wedding. Trying to comfort my mom, I rented Mamma Mia knowing she's wanted to see it for a while. Turns out, Mamma Mia is a mother/daughter feel-good about the daughters wedding. I had no idea, and my mom cried the whole movie. FML

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By Someguy - 6/6/2011 18:55 - Belgium

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to declare my love to the girl I have a crush on. I guess I shouldn't have gone and kissed her without warning, because now my face is covered with slap marks, and I had to explain myself at the police station for sexual harassement. FML

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By ihateyouatt - 18/3/2010 13:30 - United States

Today, I was trying to change my PIN code in order to make my phone more secure and prevent people from getting information from it. Instead, I somehow ended up locking my phone permanently. FML

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By mark - 31/12/2011 17:40 - United States

Today, my wife was about to take a shower, when she called me into the bathroom. She stripped me off and pulled me in with her. As I started to get into it, she sighed, "Thank god. You really needed a shower." FML

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By Anon - 9/1/2013 19:27 - United States - Southbury

Today, I was laughing at a girl who really sucks at badminton. Turns out she has anger issues, and a really good aim when she's mad. I've never been hit so hard in the crotch before. FML

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By ilovezim29 - 3/6/2012 07:45 - United States - Windsor

Today, I went to Safeway. The security guard wouldn't stop staring at my boobs. When I confronted him about it he told me that they looked fake and he was making sure I didn't stuff my bra with stolen items. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/5/2016 22:25 - United States - Phoenixville

Today, my college instructor told me I hadn't actually failed a big exam as he originally said. It turns out he'd mixed me up with another student. Now thanks to the power of gossip, half my class thinks I slept with him so he'd switch my grade with the other student's. FML

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By punchedhelper - 20/6/2012 23:27 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I saw an old man struggling with three bags, so I offered to carry them for him. He must not have heard me because when I bent down to take the bags, he thought I was stealing them and punched me in the face. FML

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By diddlebuag - 27/5/2011 22:09 - United States

Today, I came home from work, only to find the babysitter passed out on the couch with a bottle of Jack Daniel's. At some point, it seems my son had taken the liberty of peeing on her while she slept. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/8/2020 20:01

Childlike

Today, I asked my fiance for some attention. He licked my cheek and attached himself to my leg. He's 34 years old. FML

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By doubleCoupon - 24/6/2014 18:38 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my friend excitedly told me about the number of guys who are romantically interested in her. I realized how pathetic my life is when all I could talk about in turn was the number of coupons I got to use today at the store. FML

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By dumbass stereotypes - 25/3/2020 20:00

The Gordon Ramsey of Racism

Today, I was chatting with a guy on a dating site. He accused me of being a liar and trying to catfish him after I told him I like my steak medium-rare. According to him, that can’t possibly be true because black people only eat their steaks well done. No exceptions. What an idiot. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/4/2013 18:32 - Lithuania - Prienai

Today, my psycho and now ex-girlfriend accused me of cheating on her with my own mother. FML

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By cheated - 11/3/2010 12:50 - Australia

Today, I found out my ex boyfriend who recently cheated on me and broke up with me for another girl, has herpes. Guess how I found out? FML

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By harrysolo - 19/7/2009 01:26 - United States

Today, I was going on a first date with a girl I really like. We were going to see the new Harry Potter movie, and she told me she was getting all dressed up. It was only after I picked her up I realized she meant that she was dressing nicely. I was dressed as Harry Potter. FML

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By stinky car - 16/8/2013 03:18 - United States - Bessemer

Today, I went on a new medicine. One of the listed side-effects was "anal seepage" and I spent the better part of the day laughing with my coworkers about how it's "not a real side-effect". I found out that it really is while stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic on the way home. FML

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By secondchild - 12/7/2019 14:00

Today, my parents spent more time, money and effort on my boyfriend's birthday present than they ever have on any of mine. FML

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By pwndbykidz - 9/8/2009 23:54 - Canada

Today, I found out the hot girl I'd been flirting with on Facebook is actually 3 10-year-olds who created a fake profile to see how many desperate losers would try to hook up with her. FML

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By funnyguyNOT - 5/4/2009 21:39 - United States

Today, a car was waiting for me to cross the street so I thought it would be funny to slowly limp across the street. When I got to the end, I jumped as high as I could to show I was faking. Turns out I tripped and hit my head hard on the sidewalk. That car took me to the hospital. FML

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By is there a environmental scientist in the house? - 5/3/2013 08:48 - United States - Walnut Creek

Today, wanting to impress my date, I bullshitted her about how I was an environmental scientist. She got so impressed that she invited me over to her place. Not her home, her office. So that I could give her pointers on her current project. She's a real environmental scientist. FML

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By ghostninja4593 - 2/12/2016 03:48 - United States - Council Bluffs

Today, my reflexes kicked in when I saw a hot glue gun falling. FML

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By a fat fucking shit and proud of it - 28/6/2014 19:09 - United Kingdom - Camberley

Today, it's been less than a week since I finally got a job, after over a year of searching. I just found out that there's about to be a wave of layoffs. I haven't even gotten my first paycheck, and already I'm going to lose my job. FML

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By Chia - 10/5/2013 22:58 - Australia - Mona Vale

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I cancelled our date tonight. I cancelled because I had a seizure and was taken to the hospital. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/9/2013 19:11 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I found out that if I say "make a sandwich", it doesn't matter what context it's in, or whether it's a command or just me describing my day; I'll be yelled at anyway by my hipster roommate for being a "sexist cunt", then end up apologizing just to get her to shut up. FML

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By anonymous - 5/3/2014 05:43 - United States - League City

Today, my mom came into my room, yelling at me about a pregnancy test that she found in my bathroom. My mom wouldn't believe me when I said it wasn't mine. Turns out my sister bought the test, threw it under my bathroom cabinet, and now she won't admit to the prank. She thinks this is hilarious. FML

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By Regina - 3/7/2009 06:19 - United States

Today, I got a job selling knives. I had training for 11 hours. At the end of the training session, the instructor promptly informed everyone that they had to pay $145 for a set of demo knives. I paid the $145. I went home and learned that it was a scam. I went back for a refund. They said no. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/11/2010 20:15 - Canada

Today, my sixteen year old son told me that he's following his guidance counselor's advice: to do what his hero does for a living. The problem? His hero is SpongeBob Squarepants. His ambition in life is to become a fry cook. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/3/2012 05:52 - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, I was leaning over a fence in a pasture to get a closer look at something. Nobody warned my nuts that it was an electric fence. FML

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By BaggedDown - 8/5/2014 01:25 - United States - Rochester

Today, I retrieved the wrong luggage from an airport carousel. I'm now the owner of two water-bras, a false beard, a bag of cat litter, and some anal beads. I am afraid to get in touch with the original owner. FML

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By Ilovelife07 - 14/1/2010 15:14 - United States

Today, I snuck out of work 2 hours early. As I was speeding away so I wouldn't be seen, I rear-ended my boss as he was leaving the lower parking lot for a late lunch. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/7/2019 00:01

Today, after 4 days without being able to poop, now, while sitting stuck in traffic, I have the sudden urge to use the bathroom. FML

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Top comments

By joeyl2008 | 29

#6687089 - Saturday 10 September 2016 15:03

Good for you for coming out. Good luck figuring that sistuation out

By cacheson | 41

#6687092 - Saturday 10 September 2016 15:09

If he's that open about it perhaps the next step is to ask...

COMMENTS

By joeyl2008 | 29

#6687089 - Saturday 10 September 2016 15:03

Good for you for coming out. Good luck figuring that sistuation out

Dave_Davington | 33

#6687285 - Saturday 10 September 2016 22:29

I can't tell if that's a typo or a pun that I'm just not getting.

orangejubejube | 20

#6687411 - Sunday 11 September 2016 5:14

No answers..apparently nobody can figure out the pun.

shadypalmtree | 20

#6688125 - Monday 12 September 2016 14:11

Even if it's a pun, it's still a typoed pun. The cistuation could not be more weird OP.... Tried it.... Not a funny pun

By socreativedude | 19

#6687090 - Saturday 10 September 2016 15:06

Maybe he was upset you didn't come out sooner and didn't know how to express those feelings.

tounces7 | 26

#6687220 - Saturday 10 September 2016 19:55

You know, either way, this could have gone a LOT worse.

By cacheson | 41

#6687092 - Saturday 10 September 2016 15:09

If he's that open about it perhaps the next step is to ask...

By Cadillac_kid_15 | 27

#6687094 - Saturday 10 September 2016 15:17

That's something.

By extremereviews | 26

#6687103 - Saturday 10 September 2016 15:29

I had a similar experience except no kissing or slapping and just rejection
He was already out though

sweetpotato301 | 7

#6687159 - Saturday 10 September 2016 18:05

So... not really a similar experience at all since the main FML is about how confusing it was

val_428 | 8

#6687730 - Sunday 11 September 2016 20:34

People don't get sarcasm these days..

ZaiopePerSe | 15

#6687895 - Monday 12 September 2016 4:27

56, people get sarcasm, they just don't find it automatically funny

val_428 | 8

#6689840 - Thursday 15 September 2016 4:53

17 missed the sarcastic part of it and if you thought that sarcasm is always funny, then you're missing it also.

By BLDYRBBT | 16

#6687105 - Saturday 10 September 2016 15:35

I'm sure it will become clear. After all, It's just like pumpkins in your rose garden

By yakkady | 8

#6687106 - Saturday 10 September 2016 15:36

Such a romantic gone with the wind moment

By Fireant_man | 6

#6687112 - Saturday 10 September 2016 15:51

I think you have found your Prince

By metalcrazed | 21

#6687122 - Saturday 10 September 2016 16:10

Maybe he's into s&m?

Colon_Man | 17

#6687151 - Saturday 10 September 2016 17:45

Sweeping and Mopping.

That's what my grandma says that means.

RebbeAsh | 10

#6687395 - Sunday 11 September 2016 4:56

oh honey

By RabbitOfAurora | 28

#6687127 - Saturday 10 September 2016 16:38

Was it a good kiss or like... a pathetic peck? If it was an A+ genuine kiss I say go for it!