Love: Today, I told my best friend that I was gay and that I liked...

By 13a5ic H1p5t3r - United States - Spencer

Today, I told my best friend that I was gay and that I liked him. Turns out he's very open about the topic. Basically, he kissed me and then slapped me. I don't know what that's supposed to mean. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17448

You deserved it

1875

Favorite

Love

Out of it

Sorry…

Not now, mom, I'm in pain

By Anonymous - China - Shanghai

Today, for the third time this week, a telemarketer called me. Seriously annoyed, I told him in German that I don't speak English, in an attempt to get rid of him. He then started delivering his product pitch in German. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55764

You deserved it

12496

Favorite

By Unluggee - United Kingdom

Today, at a party, my three friends and I thought it would be fun to urinate in a jug. We dislike the neighbours, so decided to throw the contents of the jug over the fence into their garden. It hit a tree and splashed back. I ended up covered in our piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13935

You deserved it

188334

Favorite

By Username

Today, I admitted to my boyfriend of three years that I have been suffering from depression for a while now. He took it as a good time to dump me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34316

You deserved it

4350

Favorite

By Noah - United States - South Haven

Today, I was at a bar with my girlfriend, and I noticed an obnoxious guy from college I used to hang out with. I tried to avoid eye contact, but all of a sudden he shouted, "There's the guy who puked his margarita back into the glass!" Everyone stared. Yup, that was me, just last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13636

You deserved it

2848

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I accidentally walked in on my dad as he was getting changed. Now I know genetics can be a real bitch. With such a massive difference in size, I have to question whether I'm even biologically related to this old three-legged git. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29878

You deserved it

3569

Favorite

By ex-employee - United States

Today, my boss came up to my desk to talk about a new project. He came up to my monitor so we can go to a website. My browser had frozen and I couldn't close it. The tabs I had open: Facebook, Gmail, Careerbuilder, Monster, and Resume Samples. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18056

You deserved it

69040

Favorite

By TANT - United States

Today, I decided to start working out because my friends said I'm scrawny and weak. I bought an expensive giant container of protein powder to take before during work outs. I wasn't strong enough to open the lid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

74421

You deserved it

24508

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got into my first car accident. Extremely upset, I called my parents, because it was their car and I didn't know what to do. I told them what happened, and asked if they were on their way to where I was. My dad's response was "Hell no, we're eating dinner." FML

I agree, your life sucks

48954

You deserved it

8884

Favorite

By heartbroken - United States - Cupertino

Today, even after loving him unconditionally, my originally 340 pound morbidly obese husband, who within the past two years lost almost 200 pounds, left me because now, he "can do so much better". FML

I agree, your life sucks

78518

You deserved it

4504

Favorite

By Tiff676 - Canada

Today, I was working at the theater as an Usher. A man comes up to me and gives me his ticket. At the same time, he takes a sip of water and suddenly felt the need to sneeze. The water came out from his nose and landed all over my face. I was covered with his mucus and had to wish him a good movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42854

You deserved it

2666

Favorite

By Anonymous - 20/11/2020 05:04

Free carer

Today, my mother-in-law moved in with my husband and I, where she shits the bed and herself. There's a waiting list for the nursing home, so in the meantime I’m cleaning up her shit and she isn’t even my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

846

You deserved it

202

Favorite

By copycat - United States - Norco

Today, I turned in my homework. Too bad I accidentally handed in the printed answer sheet I found online to copy from. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14640

You deserved it

50379

Favorite

By LetMeOut - United States - Richmond

Today, my husband got mad at me for not helping take out the groceries from the car. He yelled that I'm lazy, and that he regrets our marriage. I guess he forgot that the door handle on that side is broken and he had to let me out of the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50866

You deserved it

4602

Favorite

By fmlalways - United Kingdom

Today, whilst having sex, my husband screamed out a man's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56573

You deserved it

5117

Favorite

By Username - United States

Today, I came to terms with the fact that my boss owns my soul for the bare minimum wage, and has me so whipped that he probably will for the rest of eternity, or until his ancient, withered, necromantic ass dies. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13932

You deserved it

25249

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend road head. He closed his eyes when he came, and crashed into a pole. I have whiplash, and a very very angry father. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11673

You deserved it

61456

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I introduced my new boyfriend to my parents. Everyone knows he's into the emo scene, but this didn't stop my dad from slowly looking him up and down, then saying, completely deadpan, "You never told us you were a lesbian, honey." FML

I agree, your life sucks

24043

You deserved it

37388

Favorite

By bootyislife - United States - Seattle

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to give me a naked massage. She straddled my back and started rubbing, then she sneezed and peed on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45065

You deserved it

4948

Favorite

By Checkless chick - United States

Today, I decided I would try this feature on my banking app which lets me deposit checks by sending a picture of it. The instructions say to rip the check after depositing. The deposit didn't work and now I've got a ripped up paycheck. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27074

You deserved it

54337

Favorite

By notcountry!

Today, even though my mom’s only ever been to the south once, she’s completely obsessed with talking with a bad, overly exaggerated southern accent. Not to mention constantly prattling off random nonsensical country phrases. We’re from and still live in California, nowhere near any country. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1555

You deserved it

150

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - North Bay

Today, my girlfriend sent me a text message confessing that she's been cheating on me. Apparently she regretted telling me the truth, because when I confronted her face-to-face, she claimed her roommate had sent it as a prank. She doesn't have a roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54873

You deserved it

4533

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Houston

Today, I came down with food poisoning of some sort. After hours of scrambling to the toilet to vomit and empty my bowels, my three-year-old daughter got fed up and is now trying to potty-train me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26202

You deserved it

2739

Favorite

By crap - 17/7/2020 05:00

Compassionate

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because apparently, I'm a drug addict who can't speak without slurring and stumbling with my words. I have a recurring speech impediments and the stammer is definitely real. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1594

You deserved it

Favorite

By skating101 - Canada

Today, I went skating at the local rink. I had a really hard time balancing and was falling all over the place. After everyone had a good laugh, someone finally decided to tell me that one of my blade covers was still on, thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10842

You deserved it

28970

Favorite

By Gribby - United States - Branson

Today, I was accused of shooting drugs at work. I was only feeding a baby bird that was tucked into my arm using a medicine syringe. I've been smuggling it to work because it has to eat every 2 hours or it will starve. Now everyone there thinks I'm a hardcore dope fiend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49479

You deserved it

8752

Favorite

By liz - United States

Today, I went shopping at a thrift store. I found a really cute top that fit me perfectly, so I bought it. Afterwards, I noticed the original tag was still on it. It read: "designed with your pregnancy in mind". It was a maternity top. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44103

You deserved it

15136

Favorite

By deadinavan - Germany

Today, I found out the man I'm getting a ride from drives a windowless van and is "excited to see me". My friends had encouraged me to sign up for the cheap-ride program because it was less expensive than taking a train. If I never come back, look for a windowless van somewhere in Europe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27124

You deserved it

5145

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a parking ticket while I was in the car. I didn't even notice it happen. Ninja cops do exist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26608

You deserved it

6856

Favorite

By "Caroline Ballard Turner"

Chili beans

Today, I woke up to find that there has been a water main break in my neighborhood and there is no running water until the break is located and fixed. I had chili with beans late last night and it is wreaking havoc with my lower gastrointestinal track, and the toilet won't flush. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1981

You deserved it

209

Favorite

By Anonymous - Brazil

Today, my boyfriend refused to take me out on our three year anniversary because he was busy, "training to become a professional gamer." FML

I agree, your life sucks

37693

You deserved it

8624

Favorite

By Anonymous

I am the law

Today I got a ticket for driving on the wrong side of the road. It was a one-way street. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1098

You deserved it

336

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while leaving a football game, I saw a half-empty bottle of Mountain Dew on the ground. It was night-time and there weren't many people around, so for a laugh, I picked it up and tossed it behind me as hard as I could. It hit someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8308

You deserved it

53808

Favorite

By luciazee - Peru - Lima

Today, after having spent years staying in school, working hard to achieve good grades, and avoiding all the bad kids, my mom accused me of having no direction in life and complained about how I haven't given her a grandchild yet. I'm 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57884

You deserved it

3313

Favorite

By MathTeacher - United States

Today, after being annoyed one too many times by my students' whiney attitudes, I accidentally blurted out, "Quit being such a bitch," to the superintendent's daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25009

You deserved it

45981

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I won employee of the month. I was then fired for being late. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28698

You deserved it

6968

Favorite

By ohsnap - Australia

Today, I took my car through the car wash. I got bored, so turned the radio on, forgetting that the aerial/antenna on the car is automatic. My car aerial is now bent at a 90 degree angle and about to fall off. The radio is half white noise, half stuff that may or may not be free jazz jam sessions. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8660

You deserved it

35198

Favorite

By Ihavealisp - United States

Today, I fell down some steps, and my dad laughed at me. He then changed his facebook status to "My kid's an idiot." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34600

You deserved it

7026

Favorite

By Anonymous

Corolla Conspiracy

Today, I was talking to one of the advisors at my job about how almost everyone in the workplace who owns a Toyota has strangely been in some sort of car accident in the last year. I happen to have a Toyota. Guess who was rear-ended at an intersection after leaving work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3932

You deserved it

503

Favorite

By officeditz - United States - Saint Petersburg

Today, my District Manager was impressed by all the appointments in my upcoming calendar. Bubbling with pride, I blurted out "Oh, I just love to have all my slots filled!" The awkward silence was only broken by "That's what she said!" from the next cubicle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27389

You deserved it

5648

Favorite

By Oops - United States

Today, I was at the gym, when I saw my uncle at the front desk. I quietly went up behind him and slapped him hard on the back while yelling "What's up, loser?!" He turned around. It wasn't my uncle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27928

You deserved it

43424

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By joeyl2008 | 29

#6687089 - Saturday 10 September 2016 15:03

Good for you for coming out. Good luck figuring that sistuation out

By cacheson | 41

#6687092 - Saturday 10 September 2016 15:09

If he's that open about it perhaps the next step is to ask...

COMMENTS

By joeyl2008 | 29

#6687089 - Saturday 10 September 2016 15:03

Good for you for coming out. Good luck figuring that sistuation out

Dave_Davington | 33

#6687285 - Saturday 10 September 2016 22:29

I can't tell if that's a typo or a pun that I'm just not getting.

orangejubejube | 20

#6687411 - Sunday 11 September 2016 5:14

No answers..apparently nobody can figure out the pun.

shadypalmtree | 20

#6688125 - Monday 12 September 2016 14:11

Even if it's a pun, it's still a typoed pun. The cistuation could not be more weird OP.... Tried it.... Not a funny pun

By socreativedude | 19

#6687090 - Saturday 10 September 2016 15:06

Maybe he was upset you didn't come out sooner and didn't know how to express those feelings.

tounces7 | 27

#6687220 - Saturday 10 September 2016 19:55

You know, either way, this could have gone a LOT worse.

By cacheson | 41

#6687092 - Saturday 10 September 2016 15:09

If he's that open about it perhaps the next step is to ask...

By Cadillac_kid_15 | 27

#6687094 - Saturday 10 September 2016 15:17

That's something.

By extremereviews | 26

#6687103 - Saturday 10 September 2016 15:29

I had a similar experience except no kissing or slapping and just rejection
He was already out though

sweetpotato301 | 7

#6687159 - Saturday 10 September 2016 18:05

So... not really a similar experience at all since the main FML is about how confusing it was

val_428 | 8

#6687730 - Sunday 11 September 2016 20:34

People don't get sarcasm these days..

ZaiopePerSe | 15

#6687895 - Monday 12 September 2016 4:27

56, people get sarcasm, they just don't find it automatically funny

val_428 | 8

#6689840 - Thursday 15 September 2016 4:53

17 missed the sarcastic part of it and if you thought that sarcasm is always funny, then you're missing it also.

By BLDYRBBT | 16

#6687105 - Saturday 10 September 2016 15:35

I'm sure it will become clear. After all, It's just like pumpkins in your rose garden

By yakkady | 8

#6687106 - Saturday 10 September 2016 15:36

Such a romantic gone with the wind moment

By Fireant_man | 6

#6687112 - Saturday 10 September 2016 15:51

I think you have found your Prince

By metalcrazed | 21

#6687122 - Saturday 10 September 2016 16:10

Maybe he's into s&m?

Colon_Man | 17

#6687151 - Saturday 10 September 2016 17:45

Sweeping and Mopping.

That's what my grandma says that means.

RebbeAsh | 10

#6687395 - Sunday 11 September 2016 4:56

oh honey

By RabbitOfAurora | 28

#6687127 - Saturday 10 September 2016 16:38

Was it a good kiss or like... a pathetic peck? If it was an A+ genuine kiss I say go for it!