Love: Today, I told my best friend that I was gay and that I liked...

By 13a5ic H1p5t3r - 15/08/2016 03:58 - United States - Spencer

Today, I told my best friend that I was gay and that I liked him. Turns out he's very open about the topic. Basically, he kissed me and then slapped me. I don't know what that's supposed to mean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 482

You deserved it 1 881

Love

Stop talking!

Hiding from the drama

Very helpful, dude

By whathehell - 27/04/2013 08:28 - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking through a rough part of town, when a woman screamed that I'd stolen her bag. I was tackled to the ground by a large guy, who then gave my bag to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 050

You deserved it 3 622

By mariology - 11/12/2013 12:33 - United States - Newark

Today, I found a credit card at my job. As store policy goes, we have to cut up lost cards immediately after finding them to protect the cardholders. As I grab the scissors and cut, my manager calls out, "Has anyone seen my credit card?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 746

You deserved it 11 571

By Anonymous - 22/04/2015 13:39 - United States - Columbus

Today, my dad sat me down and angrily accused me of doing drugs, all because he's noticed I've recently become a lot more energetic and emotional than usual. The truth is, I'd been smoking weed daily for 3 years and just decided to never smoke it again 2 weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 715

You deserved it 6 030

By alphabetman - 14/09/2009 09:56 - United States

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. Thinking I was being cute I spelled out "Marry Me" in alphabet soup, because that's her favorite. She took one look at it and started to laugh. She then began to spell out "no". She still ate the soup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 864

You deserved it 6 763

By NoCookForYou - 22/08/2009 06:29 - United States

Today, I decided to cook dinner for my wife and kid. After a long day of preperation and cooking I asked them what they thought of it. My 12 year old son then says, "I would say it tastes like shit but not even shit tastes this bad!" My wife then laughed and gave him a high-five. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 612

You deserved it 5 814

By Sunshine.0.ninja - 29/07/2010 18:28 - United States

Today, I was looking through my boyfriends phone, when I found a naked picture of myself. Too bad I haven't sent him any. Ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 722

You deserved it 14 788

By Anonymous - 13/09/2010 09:40 - Canada

Today, I procrastinated on doing my on-line training for my new job. Thinking it would only take a few hours to complete, I started it in the early evening. It is now almost 4 am, and I start my new job in 3 hours. There is still about another hour and a half on on-line training left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 704

You deserved it 52 911

By Doritos - 17/06/2010 08:06 - United States

Today, my room-mate came out of the bathroom, tossed a Playboy on the coffee table, threw away a used condom, dug his hand into my bag of Doritos, and washed his hands. In that order. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 367

You deserved it 4 709

By UGGGH that was my 2nd attempt too - 04/09/2013 21:14 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I took my driver's test. The woman administering it wouldn't even look at me, so trying to be friendly I said the first thing I could think of: "It must be scary getting in the car with someone you don't know!" She failed me for "excessive chatting." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 991

You deserved it 5 017

Merry Christmas

By Jules - 23/12/2020 11:01 - Germany

Today, I'm unemployed and just had to move. My country’s unemployment agency considers that the ideal moment to invite me for a talk about my job search activities is smack dab in the middle of Christmas vacation, while I’m still busy unpacking moving boxes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 671

You deserved it 144

By Dixienornous - 03/06/2016 11:05 - United States - Rohnert Park

Today, my wallet got stolen. I don't have a photo ID to get a temporary debit card, and since I don't have a debit card, I can't go to the DMV to get a new license. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 067

You deserved it 1 151

By boo8713 - 28/11/2012 06:06 - United States - Bell

Today, my wife wants to name our first child Siri, after the iPhone function. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 397

You deserved it 2 851

By Thankshun - 04/03/2013 23:03 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me I was selfish for "choosing" to start my period on his day off from work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 336

You deserved it 6 602

By forever dog-less - 22/12/2018 04:00

Today, my mom told me to go meet a rescue dog. After doing all my research and emailing shelters left and right, I finally got a call. It went well! Then, my mom told me it would never happen. I'm still expecting several emails from the shelters I contacted, so I get to relive this pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 199

You deserved it 181

What are the odds?

By Anonymous - 25/11/2020 03:00 - Australia - Warners Bay

Today, while driving my car, there was a talk on the radio about road safety. I got so engrossed that I drifted and crashed my car into a sign promoting the talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 223

You deserved it 842

By szinna - 07/06/2009 19:14 - United States

Today, in an effort to seduce my husband, I laid in bed caressing myself. He walked in, looked at me, and said, "Is the ground beef in the freezer still good?" When I answered yes, he turned and walked out of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 968

You deserved it 6 759

By littlekellilee - 05/11/2018 03:00

Today, I reached out to an old friend to ask how his battle with cancer is going. He responded by asking for boob pics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 634

You deserved it 352

By iams - 30/08/2018 06:00

Today, I found out my mom is banging my ex-boyfriend's best friend. He’s 22 and my mom is 50. Oh, and not only does my ex know, but so does the whole town. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 429

You deserved it 315

By Anonymous - 27/09/2009 12:17 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, by text, while we were in the same room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 080

You deserved it 4 246

By rochellamaya - 02/09/2011 12:47 - Canada

Today, working as a nurse, I asked a 61-year-old patient if he did any physical activity. His reply was, "Well, I do masturbate a lot". He then went on to describe the various techniques he uses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 196

You deserved it 4 255

By jayscalaro - 21/04/2019 20:00

Today, it's raining pretty hard and there are a bunch of puddles everywhere. I’m in a full rain suit and great boots, so instead of walking around the puddles, I decided to walk through the biggest one, only to drop down 4 feet, all because the city didn’t cover up a massive manhole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 357

You deserved it 956

Built to last

By Anonymous - 15/11/2021 11:00

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me only two weeks after he moved into my place, because his massive German shepherd keeps running scared from my cat. Apparently, I ruined his dog by letting my cat be dominant to him, and it’s all my fault his dog is a wuss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 952

You deserved it 120

By Anonymous - 28/10/2015 15:28 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was supposed to start my vacation in Italy. I guess not everyone heard that I canceled it due to health problems, because this morning I caught two of my "friends" unplugging my TV after breaking into my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 960

You deserved it 1 720

By nullpointer - 03/08/2016 04:38 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I farted so loud that my cat thought that I was growling at him, and bit me in self-defense. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 731

You deserved it 1 947

Foreshadowing

By Anonymous - 22/05/2021 17:01

Today, I was talking to the girl I have a date with on Friday, and for the second day in a row, I misheard her and thought she was saying something about moving in with me. Friday is our first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 650

You deserved it 213

By Titi14 - 04/03/2010 03:19 - United States

Today, my best friend decided she wanted to tell my boyfriend about the time I pissed myself laughing at her house. When she was telling the story I ended up laughing so hard, that I pissed myself again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 512

You deserved it 25 893

By nr1234 - 24/05/2011 04:27 - United States

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend gets a nose bleed every time he orgasms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 248

You deserved it 4 477

By Anonymous - 12/01/2011 08:23 - Canada

Today, I told my husband I want to lose the baby weight I put on with my recent pregnancy, and once I succeed I will go on a clothes shopping spree. To this he remarked, "So either way I'm spending money; either on food or on clothes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 237

You deserved it 10 830

By Roxy19 - 22/01/2013 06:50 - United States - San Diego

Today, while at the gym, my boyfriend wouldn't stop texting me. I was confident enough to text while on the treadmill. Bad idea: I hit myself on the bar and tripped in front of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 367

You deserved it 39 430

By Anonymous - 04/12/2010 23:31 - Canada

Today, I got a birthday card from my parents. It was my sister's from earlier in the year. They scratched out her name and wrote mine underneath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 498

You deserved it 2 608

By Anonymous - 21/02/2010 12:56 - United States

Today, I was at the beach with my boyfriend in Key West. I had gotten a bikini wax and new swimsuit for the occasion. My boyfriend was being romantic until he pulled a long hair from a mole on my leg. It's all fun and games until the mole starts bleeding, profusely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 381

You deserved it 4 450

By Anonymous - 31/01/2013 07:23 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 5 years decided to buy a $2500 taxidermied wolf on eBay. This is the same guy who refuses to get engaged because it would "cost too much right now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 875

You deserved it 5 747

By Anonymous - 07/04/2011 13:28 - United Kingdom

Today, a guy who annoys me walked over. To avoid speaking to him, I pretended to be on the phone and he walked away. A few moments later, my phone rang. I looked around to see if he'd seen me. He had. He was the one ringing me from down the hall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 577

You deserved it 39 853

By drew_ar85 - 20/03/2010 16:30 - United States

Today, my girlfriend said, "People think I don't have talent, but I do. I'm really good with my mouth. Just ask anyone." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 957

You deserved it 6 668

By Anonymous - 05/08/2013 21:36 - Sweden - Falun

Today, my mom's dog saw a cat in our yard. I watched as he tried to jump at it, only to smack face-first into the window. He did this twice more before curling up on the floor and whimpering pitifully. When my mom came in and saw him there, and me laughing, she accused me of beating him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 645

You deserved it 7 309

By AllyCat - 07/06/2009 04:49 - United States

Today, was my graduation party. My birthday was about a week ago so my parents combined the presents. I thought it would be something big so I hinted for a new TV. I got a snuggie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 990

You deserved it 5 493

By spiderwoman - 15/04/2011 11:47 - United Kingdom

Today, I saw a spider crawling across a poster in my bedroom, so I smacked the spot below it to scare the spider into climbing back up the wall. Instead, because the poster wasn't completely flat to the wall, I catapulted the spider straight into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 255

You deserved it 32 113

By Anonymous - 16/10/2015 17:12 - United States - Eagle River

Today, four days after moving into my new house, I woke up to a guy yelling "Fuck you, Claire" followed by a brick smashing through my living room window. Now I know why Claire was so eager to finalize the sale. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 244

You deserved it 1 557

By only1bigdogme - 03/09/2011 05:24 - United States

Today, I tried to scare a new college friend by sneaking up behind her wearing a mask. It worked. And so did her lightning fast reflexes developed from multiple martial arts championships. My 2 cracked ribs, broken nose and bruised ballsack can now be added to her list of achievements. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 741

You deserved it 53 077

By PineapplePizza - 15/08/2016 07:41 - United States - Irwin

Today, I should be starting my last year of college next week. But no. My old advisor messed up my schedule so badly that there's no way I'll graduate for another year. So I'll be in school five years for a four year program because as a freshman I thought my advisor was helping me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 775

You deserved it 1 364

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Top comments

joeyl2008 29

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Saturday 10 September 2016 15:03

Good for you for coming out. Good luck figuring that sistuation out

cacheson 41

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Saturday 10 September 2016 15:09

If he's that open about it perhaps the next step is to ask...

joeyl2008 29

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Saturday 10 September 2016 15:03

Good for you for coming out. Good luck figuring that sistuation out

Dave_Davington 33

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Saturday 10 September 2016 22:29

I can't tell if that's a typo or a pun that I'm just not getting.

orangejubejube 20

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Sunday 11 September 2016 5:14

No answers..apparently nobody can figure out the pun.

shadypalmtree 20

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Monday 12 September 2016 14:11

Even if it's a pun, it's still a typoed pun. The cistuation could not be more weird OP.... Tried it.... Not a funny pun

socreativedude 19

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Saturday 10 September 2016 15:06

Maybe he was upset you didn't come out sooner and didn't know how to express those feelings.

tounces7 27

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Saturday 10 September 2016 19:55

You know, either way, this could have gone a LOT worse.

cacheson 41

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Saturday 10 September 2016 15:09

If he's that open about it perhaps the next step is to ask...

Cadillac_kid_15 27

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Saturday 10 September 2016 15:17

That's something.

extremereviews 26

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Saturday 10 September 2016 15:29

I had a similar experience except no kissing or slapping and just rejection He was already out though

sweetpotato301 7

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Saturday 10 September 2016 18:05

So... not really a similar experience at all since the main FML is about how confusing it was

val_428 8

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Sunday 11 September 2016 20:34

People don't get sarcasm these days..

ZaiopePerSe 15

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Monday 12 September 2016 4:27

56, people get sarcasm, they just don't find it automatically funny

val_428 8

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Thursday 15 September 2016 4:53

17 missed the sarcastic part of it and if you thought that sarcasm is always funny, then you're missing it also.

BLDYRBBT 16

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Saturday 10 September 2016 15:35

I'm sure it will become clear. After all, It's just like pumpkins in your rose garden

yakkady 8

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Saturday 10 September 2016 15:36

Such a romantic gone with the wind moment

Fireant_man 6

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Saturday 10 September 2016 15:51

I think you have found your Prince

metalcrazed 21

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Saturday 10 September 2016 16:10

Maybe he's into s&m?

Colon_Man 17

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Saturday 10 September 2016 17:45

Sweeping and Mopping. That's what my grandma says that means.

RebbeAsh 10

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Sunday 11 September 2016 4:56

oh honey

RabbitOfAurora 28

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Saturday 10 September 2016 16:38

Was it a good kiss or like... a pathetic peck? If it was an A+ genuine kiss I say go for it!

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 29

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 23

Spicy

Today, I found out my husband has to take Viagra to get it up with me. He never needed it with his ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 650

You deserved it 196

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 872

You deserved it 266

Merry Christmas

What are the odds?

Built to last

Foreshadowing

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