Intimacy: Today, I went on a date with a guy, who decided to rudely text...

By Username - 03/02/2011 18:27 - United States

Today, I went on a date with a guy, who decided to rudely text message his friend the whole time. When I got home, I realized he'd been texting the girl he was going to hookup with after our date; she happens to be my roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 902

You deserved it 3 718

Intimacy

Own it

Sorry…

BO Central

By Anonymous - 06/01/2011 06:34 - United States

Today, I was feeling sick but went into my waitressing job because I'd already missed 3 days this week. I was dizzy and managed to spill a tray of drinks all over the customers. Then, when their food was done, I tripped and spilled hot chili all over the man's lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 954

You deserved it 11 919

Join in the fun

By Anonymous - 23/11/2020 11:02

Today, after discovering my grown-up kids have sent poop pictures to each other since they were teenagers, I had an epic poop that looked like a question mark. So I finally lowered myself to their level and sent a picture of it to them. It got sent to my boss by accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 310

You deserved it 1 495

By Anonymous - 31/07/2012 16:17 - United States - Hudsonville

Today, a girl told me she couldn't text me anymore, because she was too tired and had to sleep. Over the next three hours, she updated her Facebook and Twitter accounts, and made a YouTube video of herself singing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 296

You deserved it 6 086

By tryena - 28/02/2009 10:59 - United States

Today, I babysat a five year old girl. She ran up to me, threw her arms around my waist and said, "YUMMY! I'm going to eat you!" with her face in my crotch. I said sarcastically under my breath, "Finally, some action!" I turned around to find her dad staring at me, having heard. He's my cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 259

You deserved it 92 511

By subtweetqueen - 09/09/2016 04:18 - United States - Santa Clarita

Today, the 3-year-old I nanny wanted to prove to me that he was tall enough to pee standing up in front of the toilet. When he realized he actually was tall enough, he got excited and misdirected his stream, covering himself, his brother, and me in urine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 437

You deserved it 1 209

By afraidtoburn - 26/02/2012 04:18 - Canada

Today, I discovered that during fire drills, my school lines everyone up next to some extremely flammable and explosive propane tanks. If we ever have a real fire, we will all die. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 310

You deserved it 2 562

By Unappreciated Grandchild - 06/11/2012 07:59 - United States - Bel Air

Today, I looked over to see my grandfather looking thoughtfully at me. Feeling flattered because he rarely shows affection, I waved at him. He then said, "I was looking out the window" and continued to stare past my head out of the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 810

You deserved it 2 116

By Nohouseforme - 07/10/2016 05:38 - United States - Tempe

Today, I was house-hunting online. I was becoming increasingly discouraged and began to look for mini-houses in absurd desperation. I noticed the Google sidebar advertising a cute mini house within my budget. Excited, I clicked on the ad - only to discover it was an ad for a child's playhouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 469

You deserved it 1 440

By AliKate - 17/08/2019 14:01

Today, my father has finally started to focus on his health to reduce his weight and cholesterol. He has also decided that I'll do it with him. Now, he won't let me eat unless he's there to watch me. He leaves at 7 a.m. and doesn't come home until 9. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 568

You deserved it 173

By single and unbuggered - 31/07/2015 21:04 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I caught my boyfriend cheating on me. He didn't break down into tears, or say he'd made a huge mistake, or even apologise. No, he just looked up and said "Bugger." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 216

You deserved it 2 256

By Professional - 29/05/2017 14:00

Today, I was fed up with things being taken from my room so I installed a key-locking handle on my door. I installed everything but the door knobs, and because I was worried that I would put the two of them on backwards, I closed the door to check. I'm now locked in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 201

You deserved it 3 954

Unmissable

By Anonymous - 03/10/2020 02:01

Today, I returned to work after testing out my theory yesterday that absolutely nobody would notice or care if I just did not show up. So far so good. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 036

You deserved it 154

By Anonymous - 14/11/2011 05:23 - United States

Today, I introduced my Chinese-born girlfriend to the rest of the family. My uncle immediately blurted out, "He's dating a communist." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 598

You deserved it 4 747

You light up my life

By Anonymous - 06/01/2021 02:01

Today, I can’t sleep because the moon is full. No, wait, that’s actually the floodlight from the neighboring farm shining in my window. Apparently, they thought it a good idea to hook the thing up to a motion detector, so the cats and mice can play disco lights at midnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 830

You deserved it 68

The whole package

By Anonymous - 11/11/2021 16:59

Today, I discovered my husband has a secret Facebook where he is a member of many step dad support groups. I thought it was sweet he was asking for advice, until I read some of what he posted. It was purely ranting about how much he hates my kids to other dads, who also hate their step kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 040

You deserved it 205

By Cam - 21/05/2012 22:38 - United Kingdom - Holsworthy

Today, I photoshopped a picture for my Facebook profile so my stomach would look a little flatter. I came back later, only to find someone had said, "What in God's name is this? Is your belly duck-facing?" and half a dozen other insults. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 208

You deserved it 43 666

By Still Waiting - 16/08/2016 18:54 - United States - Wenatchee

Today, I had an appointment. After 2 hours of waiting in the sun, my mom finally picked me up and lectured me on how irresponsible my dad was for not communicating with her. Not 5 minutes after I got home, my dad showed up and gave me the same exact lecture about my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 739

You deserved it 994

By Evjoel - 12/09/2016 10:52 - Bermuda - Hamilton

Today, I decided to take some local college courses to improve my résumé. I got into the physics room and a large, multi-colored sign in large print stated, "NO THROWING OR STABBING." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 179

You deserved it 762

Never get involved

By Boyufd - 08/06/2020 17:06

Today, my sister told me her ex-boyfriend abused her and I went to go confront him. Turns out, she lied because he dumped her after she cheated on him. I got my ass kicked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 620

You deserved it 536

By fiendishkitty - 20/09/2011 17:53 - United States

Today, six years after hurricane Katrina took everything from me, I received a letter in the mail from FEMA telling me that I have to repay them the money I received to replace what was lost. I have 30 days to repay $4,900 or the case will be sent into federal debt collection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 812

You deserved it 4 092

By pocahontas - 26/10/2010 01:47 - United States

Today, one of my coworkers called to remind me about the annual costume day at work this morning. I dressed as Pocahontas. There is no annual costume day. I was fired for dressing inappropriately in front of customers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 539

You deserved it 6 886

8 out of 10 orthopedists

By Anonymous - 15/05/2021 14:01 - Germany

Today, I had a talk with my orthopedist about getting back to fitness training. However, according to her, all my favorite exercises, although taught to me by professionals, are "things one should never do" and "very very bad". FML

I agree, your life sucks 710

You deserved it 83

Creepypasta

By Anonymous - 02/04/2016 15:48 - United States - Nashville

Today, for the first time, I made a guy get a boner and make out with me. This would've been great if it hadn't been a dream, and if the guy in question hadn't been my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 887

You deserved it 4 679

By Anonymous - 14/02/2019 16:35 - United States

Today, I am 3 months pregnant. While lying on the couch with morning sickness, my boyfriend farted loudly and filled the room with a smell so horrifying that I immediately threw up all over my coffee table. He spent the next 20 minutes texting his friends about this "epic" moment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 827

You deserved it 7 922

By UNmarried - 31/08/2009 18:10 - United States

Today, I found some .pdf files on my wife's computer. They were forms that had been filled out except for the date and the "reason" section. They were divorce papers. When confronted about it she said, "Well, if you piss me off really bad, I want to write down why before I calm down." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 761

You deserved it 4 147

By Anonymous - 04/02/2013 07:12 - United States - Bliss

Today, I had a half-hour conversation with my parents about going to college. I don't know what's worse, that they were trying to talk me out of it or that they're convinced that I'm going to get knocked up and drop out by the end of my freshman year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 921

You deserved it 3 386

By sofked - 09/10/2009 21:34 - United States

Today, the disgruntled ex-boyfriend of a woman who lives three floors down from me slashed her tires for breaking up with him. He also, for good measure, slashed the tires of the person parked to the left and right of her. I was parked to the right of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 602

You deserved it 2 174

By Anonymous - 29/01/2012 19:55 - United States

Today, I realized the closest thing I've had to an intimate relationship with a female is the one I have with my cat. Even then, she ignores me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 448

You deserved it 5 754

By Anonymous - 18/08/2012 00:20 - United States

Today, I got a phone call out of the blue from a young man, who screamed that he was going to kill me for sleeping with his fiancée. I told him I am a 49-year-old man who hasn't been laid since my wife passed away, four years ago. He stammered, shouted "Well she was a slut too" and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 438

You deserved it 1 831

By dmvfail - 15/09/2011 00:13 - United States

Today, I went to the DMV for my second attempt to get my license. I did everything perfectly, stayed at the speed limit, did my three-point turn flawlessly, and parked nicely. The lady failed me because I wasn't using the stick shift right. My car doesn't have a stick shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 282

You deserved it 2 949

By luckygirl - 14/12/2009 09:05 - United States

Today, I was hit on by a guy who decided to use the line, "My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 911

You deserved it 4 512

By nomfuck - 09/09/2014 15:53 - United States - Fremont

Today, I overcame my debilitating seasickness long enough to have a shower and take a breath of fresh air on the cruise ship balcony. Then as a reward, a passing seagull shat on my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 511

You deserved it 3 161

By bug20 - 18/07/2016 09:27 - United States - Wooster

Today, I received an almost $400 bill for Internet services I don't even have. When I called and talk to them they told me I still owe them $77 because I didn't catch it within 3 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 196

You deserved it 987

By Anonymous - 07/09/2009 06:05 - United States

Today, at my girlfriend's place I cleaned up her room, put candles everywhere, scented the air and placed rose petals all over her bed in an attempt to be romantic and loving. The first thing she said when she saw all this was "uggg I have to clean all this up". FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 229

You deserved it 5 445

Sex talk

By Bellagirl - 19/07/2010 07:10 - United States

Today, I found out what's worse than having the "sex talk" with your parents: having the "sex talk" with your boyfriend, when he's 23, right before you were supposed to have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 413

You deserved it 5 466

By highlandgirl10 - 21/07/2010 20:31 - Canada

Today, I brought my boyfriend of a year and a half to meet my parents. Turns out he dated my mom. This should be a fun dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 011

You deserved it 6 206

By nick - 27/06/2016 03:44 - United States - Highland Park

Today, my girlfriend started making pig noises during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 343

You deserved it 2 081

By notgoodwitholdpeople - 23/05/2014 16:00 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, an old lady fell in the street, and I rushed to help her. As I tried to help her to her feet, she started screaming, "She pushed me! She pushed me!" I froze up in shock, and ended up being chased by some guy who thought I'd attacked her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 735

You deserved it 3 099

By anonamous - 17/07/2009 16:59 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife gave me head lice on purpose so I would have to cut off the ponytail that I've been growing since '99. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 151

You deserved it 96 650

By CamoElla - 19/02/2012 05:49 - United States

Today, while babysitting, one of the boys fell on an exposed pipe and broke it. It spewed water five feet into the air, spread water across four rooms, and completely soaked another of the boys. Their parents had only left fifteen minutes before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 589

You deserved it 3 202

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Top comments

loopy_lulu 0

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Thursday 3 February 2011 23:26

did your friend know you were out with him?

Doortje 29

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Thursday 3 February 2011 23:36

What an ass. Hopefully it won't work out between your roommate and him, because it would suck to have to see him that often.

loopy_lulu 0

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Thursday 3 February 2011 23:26

did your friend know you were out with him?

xxxNataliexxx 0

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Thursday 3 February 2011 23:32

wouldn't she of known you were with him? lmfaoo wow

Doortje 29

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Thursday 3 February 2011 23:36

What an ass. Hopefully it won't work out between your roommate and him, because it would suck to have to see him that often.

ryanebk 7

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Friday 4 February 2011 10:31

shoulda been less boring!

ryanebk 7

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Friday 4 February 2011 10:31

shoulda been less boring!

JenDanielle917 13

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Monday 17 October 2011 5:43

Shoulda not commented twice!

kpolice 0

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Thursday 3 February 2011 23:36

Doesn't he know that you have got to keep your ladies in different area codes?

PrettyBoy_Jayy 0

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Friday 4 February 2011 5:10

yeeeaaahhh like you ever had that soo stfu dude. seriously!.

andruha1123 5

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Friday 4 February 2011 8:30

what's wrong with him?

carnage1106 0

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Thursday 3 February 2011 23:44

Apparently you didn't tickle his fancy.

IHeartJimi02 0

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Thursday 3 February 2011 23:45

Sorry op. It just shows that he wasn't that into you. It was very rude of him but at least you know the type of person he is. Better luck next time.

tona01 16

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Friday 4 February 2011 1:16

great profile pic, hendrix rules!!

IHeartJimi02 0

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Friday 4 February 2011 3:23

Thank you! He's my favorite musician.

tona01 16

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Friday 4 February 2011 6:23

mine too

perdix 29

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Thursday 3 February 2011 23:48

How did he get a date with her if he was "rudely text messag(ing)" her? Most girls like to be sweet-talked before they hook up, not insulted. I guess some girls really do like the bad boys.

rockyraccoon28 8

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Friday 4 February 2011 0:29

that's what I thought when I read too. OP, don't feel bad. he's a jerk. there's an example for you right there, he's rude to girls. you don't need him.

ballar429 0

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Friday 4 February 2011 8:08

I think they meant that he was being rude by texting during the date... not texting rude things to the roommate.... confused me for a minute too though

gusgus36 5

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Friday 4 February 2011 0:19

worst date ever!

Jesterful009 0

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Friday 4 February 2011 6:11

is that a fake profile picture??

guppy40000 0

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Friday 4 February 2011 0:31

was your roomate a guy by chance, that would make this situation slightly better. Sounds like your roomate is a cow if she was interested in this guy and let you go on a date with him. i say screw them both. If your roomate gets around alot you might wanna check with him or her before going on any dates just in case.