Intimacy: Today, I was watching an animal behavior movie. All of a sudden,...

By stpdaziandude - 08/05/2009 20:51 - United States

Today, I was watching an animal behavior movie. All of a sudden, it brings up two snails going at it. I got hard watching it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 925

You deserved it 45 032

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Gastropod scandal

By Anonymous - 20/05/2022 04:00

Today, one of my aquatic snails banged my other aquatic snail til they both died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 057

You deserved it 169

By aXel - 13/10/2008 08:29

Today, my dog was watching me and started to have a hard-on, for half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 745

You deserved it 8 330

Envy

By Anonymous - 26/08/2010 08:15 - United States

Today, while watching my guinea pigs have sex, I got jealous. Yeah. It's been that long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 291

You deserved it 13 126

By ohgodwhy - 06/04/2013 14:15 - Canada - Elliot Lake

Today, I was watching a movie with my parents when a sex scene came on. As if that wasn't awkward enough, they started making out on the couch behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 417

You deserved it 5 717

By Nat - 13/09/2014 06:29 - United States - Frisco

Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend. We were getting into the mood so I tried to eat the popcorn kind of sexually, causing me to choke on the popcorn and throw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 531

You deserved it 18 721

By slugitha - 16/03/2016 10:23 - United States

Today, I was awoken by a slug crawling down my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 444

You deserved it 1 860

Stickler

By Anonymous - 02/09/2014 15:49 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I finally got to watch some porn after not being able to for a while. All I could notice in the video was how badly the participants were playing snooker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 353

You deserved it 8 745

Freakout

By Pk45 - 11/11/2011 15:37 - United Kingdom

Today, my young son wanted to rent some movie with talking animals in it for us to watch together. I couldn't say no, but talking animal movies freak me out big time, I either start to cry or feel nauseous. Especially ones with dogs. What is wrong with me? FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 921

You deserved it 8 291

Dirty mind

By FUCK YOU - 08/08/2014 21:29 - United States

Today, I put on a porno, trying to unwind after a bad day. Ten minutes in, I was so pissed off with the girl constantly repeating "You like that? Yeah?" and the cameraman's obsession with the guy's ass crack that I started yelling at the screen. Now I'm more stressed than ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 596

You deserved it 15 257

By Aaron - 26/08/2010 05:33 - United States

Today, I was watching a video about spiders. When I felt a tickle on my foot, I kicked hard in panic. It was one of our newborn kittens walking. I almost killed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 643

You deserved it 56 041

Komatose 0

Friday 8 May 2009 23:28

Oh come on people. Snails are sexy as HELL! Especially since they're too slow to get away...

ilikerainbows 0

Friday 8 May 2009 23:28

i think i've seen that movie. i gotta admit, it was some pretty hot snail sex.

Comments

EasilyUnamused 2

Saturday 9 May 2009 10:32

#37 stole my exact thought. Beastality ftw

youaresofucked 0

Saturday 9 May 2009 11:57

I think the OP IS a snail ....... (shifty eyes)

cyxceven 0

Saturday 9 May 2009 12:46

Evolution in the animal kingdom, folks. *audience clapping*

isthisminh 0

Saturday 9 May 2009 13:20

lol , oh man , your ****** up

Wombats111 0

Saturday 9 May 2009 13:40

I'm fairly impressed that you would amit to that.

Barthez01 0

Saturday 9 May 2009 14:16

You have no idea how acutely depressing it is to realize we're from the same species.

jio_freed 0

Saturday 9 May 2009 15:24

haha. but it's probably the idea of sex, not the actual snails... i hope

ladywaldo 0

Saturday 9 May 2009 15:52

Wow! You could use some pussy, huh?

TheProdigyLol 0

Saturday 9 May 2009 16:47

LMFAOLMFAOLFMAO LMFAOMFALO THIS IS 100% THE BEST FML i'VE EVER READ. I LOVE YOU. OH MY GOD LOL ROFLROFLFORLFORLF

newbieattech 0

Saturday 9 May 2009 16:58

SNAILSEX!! YEAH!! GO, BABY, GO!!! WOOHOO!!!

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, my boyfriend texted me, saying, "I'm running a bath. Wanna come over and learn about water displacement?" I excitedly drove over, thinking he wanted to have some fun. No, he really did want to teach me about water displacement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 017

You deserved it 6 974

Today, after I'd ordered a cute dress online for an upcoming date, I tried it on, only to realise it was more of a glorified napkin than a dress. The tag online had said “One size fits all.” I now have a dress that fits my cat better than it fits me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 314

You deserved it 170

Today, I'm the only one in my family who doesn't need glasses and who isn't lactose intolerant. However, I'm the only one in my family rapidly balding at the age of 25. Even my grandparents on both sides have full heads of hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 421

You deserved it 83

Today, my mother keeps nagging me to find a wife, settle down, and have kids, even though I have zero interest in any of those things. She refuses to understand that I’m perfectly content being completely on my own. She even signed me up to Tinder without my knowledge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 766

You deserved it 106

Today, I woke up to the sound of my own voice yelling, “GET UP, YOU LAZY CUNT!” on repeat. It took me a moment to remember I'd drunkenly recorded my own alarm last night because I thought it would “motivate” me. It scared me so much I fell off the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 100

You deserved it 474

Today, the girl who I had a desperate crush on in high school 25 years ago, and who would never go out with me, told me that she was actually head over heels in love with me, but was so cripplingly shy that she couldn't say yes. She's divorced now. I'm married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 219

You deserved it 284