Today, I was walking to school. When I was about halfway there, someone put a gun to the back of my head and told me to give him all my money. As I slowly turned around, I saw it was my dad putting a banana to my head. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, as I was walking home from school with my guy friends, my dad pulled up by the sidewalk, offered me a handful of dollar bills and said, "Get in, baby." Only after we drove away and he started laughing did I realize I'll probably never hear the end of this at school. FML
Today, I was walking home from piano lessons when I saw my dad on a bike, so I shouted after him. He turned his head around and then ran into a tree. It wasn't my dad. FML
Today, my grandmother threatened to kill herself with a banana. She then got angry with me when I didn't attempt to get the banana away from her. My mom punished me because I didn't take the situation seriously enough. FML
Today, while I was pulling weeds, my dad thought it would be absolutely hilarious to yell "Hey, son!" then unload his gun at me when I turned around. After I'd screamed like a bitch and pissed myself, he broke down into hysterical laughter and said he'd loaded the gun with blanks. Fuck you, dad. FML
Today, as I walked into the bank, I tripped and bumped into a security guard. He thought I was assaulting him, so he pinned me to the floor and called for backup as he held me at gunpoint. FML
Today, I was sitting on a bench at the local park, eating a banana. A guy old enough to be my grandfather walked by, turned to look at me, then said "Young man, I wish I were that banana." He walked away, and I almost blacked out choking on it in shock. FML
Today, I was working on my computer when my dad walks in, pointing his finger at me like a gun. Before I could even ask, it turns out he was aiming a rubber band at me. The doctor says I'll be able to take off my eyepatch in a couple of days. FML
Today, while walking downstairs to go to work, I turned the corner and my boyfriend pulled a gun on me. Apparently, he forgot I was there. FML
Today, like every other day for many years, I have a phobia of bananas. This evening, the phobia came to a head when I had a nightmare in which I was stabbed to death by a gang of walking bananas. FML
Today, I stopped by the gun store to pick up a new concealed weapon for protection. As I was leaving the store, a man came up behind me, hit me with a crowbar, and stole my gun. FML
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Top comments
missxmelon 0
lol at least you weren't actually mugged!
AxCxDxDx 0
Would you have been more freaked out if it was someone you didn't know holding a banana to your head?
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Comments (154)
smallmac17 0
school on satrurday?
saranottelling 7
It probably didn't happen today. You are required to put "Today," in front of your FML when you submit it.
ohmigawdess 0
Ugh, this is such a bad FML. This website is run by idiots.
tj41567 0
how is this an fml. but ur dad is awsome
capthavoc123 0
Uh...Sorry you weren't robbed and killed?
UK_fml 0
Thisthis and this
bombtastic 10
sweet. let's have all of you have something to your head and have you laugh it off and see what happens. you guys are morons. if you had something being held to the back of your head, I'm sure you wouldn't laugh it off. goes to show none of you take any major situations seriously.
NewtonsApple 0
I can honestly say I hate your father XD
Spastastic 6
That's awesome. I'm pretty sure if my dad did that I would just burst out laughing as soon as I realized everything was okay...
dance_till_dawn 0
Yeah, your dad rules!
hawkie409 0
How this is an FML: 1- His dad might seriously be robbing him/other kids. 2- He might be allergic to bananas. 3- He couldve posibly peed himself, or have mild trauma of walking down streets alone again. Everytime he'd be paranoid, and that would be terrible. How this is a MLIA: 1- The dad is awesome for playing a joke. 2- With a banana 3- It would also be funny to laugh about later. So if this is an FML or MLIA, that depends on the OP.