Animals: Today, I was walking by a pond when I saw a small frog. I decided...

By adad - 01/02/2010 14:34 - France

Today, I was walking by a pond when I saw a small frog. I decided to catch it to get a close look. After I picked it up, I realized that it was not a frog. It was dog shit shaped like a frog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 794

You deserved it 37 953

Animals

Weird reason to leave, but OK

Sorry…

Judge and jury

Jonah begs to differ

By JOTA - 07/10/2020 04:02 - New Zealand

Today, my girlfriend told me she was worried about being eaten by a whale while out kayaking on our holiday tour. I told her that she was way larger than whale food, and that it wouldn’t be interested in her. Now she is accusing me of trying to tell her "nicely" that she's fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 118

You deserved it 335

By Fredgruff - 09/01/2010 13:48 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at a band practice. The band was talking to each other with language like "cadence", "resolution" and "consecutive fifths". When they spoke to me, they used terms like "tick", "bong", "ticky bong"; and "bongy tick". Musically, I feel like a baboon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 397

You deserved it 6 795

By holliefall - 02/06/2009 08:42 - United States

Today, I called Tech Support because the computer program wouldn't let me open files for my online classes. After an hour, and being walked through the downloading process multiple times. There was a pause and he said "You're a F*ing idiot." and hung up. It still won't work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 426

You deserved it 22 707

By Anonymous - 10/11/2018 22:00

Today, a few years after getting mugged inspired me to start hitting the gym and taking karate classes, I was mugged again, this time in front of my girlfriend who I actually met at the gym. I was knocked out with one punch. It was the same mugger with the same neck tattoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 608

You deserved it 328

By Anonymous - 29/11/2013 18:08 - United States - Parker

Today, I went to my first job interview in months. Just minutes in, a sudden huge, uncontrollable sneeze overcame me. A wad of snot flew out onto my shirt, which I didn't even notice until the visibly disgusted interviewer pointed it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 236

You deserved it 3 884

By Wick - 26/05/2009 19:47 - United States

Today, I got a speeding ticket while driving to my court date for a prior speeding ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 996

You deserved it 115 203

By sam - 26/10/2017 08:00 - United States - Sun Prairie

Today, I realized I sent over 2 dozen job applications with my dating profile word doc instead of my resume. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 496

You deserved it 3 532

By Fat and Embarrassed - 26/09/2016 02:09 - United States - Palmdale

Today, I asked an elderly customer at my work if she needed help with her groceries. She responded, "I normally would, but I'm afraid you'll eat all the groceries." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 715

You deserved it 1 333

By Creep - 28/03/2009 00:24 - Canada

Today, me and my friend decided to spy on my crush. He lives across the street, so we climbed on the roof of my house and watched him with binoculars. He was working out, and after 5 minutes he started writing something. He put a piece of paper against the window and it said, 'Stop watching me.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 299

You deserved it 149 165

By kmyltd - 14/09/2016 06:18 - Australia - Mount Eliza

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I remembered I had a Reese's Krispy Kreme doughnut in the car. I orgasmed while thinking about a doughnut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 802

You deserved it 3 550

By yup - 05/06/2011 07:23 - United States

Today, I thought it would be hot if I sent my boyfriend kinky message. He didn't reply so I sent a few more. 10 minutes later I got a reply saying, "Honey, this is his mom and you should be a little less desperate." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 127

You deserved it 57 052

My eyes! My eyes!

By Anonymous - 03/06/2013 05:47 - United States - Sanford

Today, I had to pee in my cat's litter box, just to avoid seeing my mom having sex in the living room on my way to the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 168

You deserved it 6 403

By Anonymous - 25/02/2013 17:57 - Canada - Fernie

Today, my fiancé is returning home, so I decided to wax myself, thinking things would get intimate. I warmed the wax strips and set them on the counter. Our cat jumped onto the counter and managed to roll onto one of the strips. Suffice to say, the wrong pussy got a painful waxing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 990

You deserved it 8 104

By no selfie for me - 16/04/2013 04:08 - United States - Pasadena

Today, I was at the park unsuccessfully trying to take a selfie. A stranger walked up to me and offered to take the picture for me. I agreed and gave him my phone. He took it and ran off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 893

You deserved it 59 233

By EmbarrassedWife - 10/01/2019 04:00

Today, I texted my husband saying, “No sex tonight, it’s a bloodbath” and realized it was in a group chat with his parents, not directly to him like I'd intended. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 295

You deserved it 1 920

By I hate my job - 23/12/2014 08:14 - Canada - Delta

Today, I went to my retail job to buy some clothing. As soon as I walked through the doors, my manager yelled at me for not being in appropriate work clothes. I tried to explain that I was off the clock but he was having none of it. I got written up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 181

You deserved it 3 081

By Anonymous - 03/12/2016 09:54 - United States

Today, I've had so many family members die in the past 4 years, I now think of which pictures would look good at people's funerals when I look through photo albums. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 886

You deserved it 640

By argh - 03/03/2012 00:14 - Australia

Today, my friend told me how she crept out last night to hook up with her boyfriend. At one point, she said she "snack" out, so I corrected her by saying it's "snuck". My boyfriend snorted, showed us in a dictionary that it's actually "sneaked" and called us "fucking idiots". FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 395

You deserved it 32 148

By Jon - 23/05/2011 18:46 - United Kingdom

Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm for the first time only to realise she squeals like a baby pig in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 291

You deserved it 9 374

By Anonymous - 23/09/2012 17:28 - Hungary - Budapest

Today, my mom heard on TV that teens need at least ten hours of sleep a day. Now she makes me go to bed at 7pm. I told her I can't finish my homework in time, and my grades will suffer. She wouldn't listen. Last week, she threatened to punish me if I don't get straight As this semester. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 701

You deserved it 1 973

By Anonymous - 26/08/2019 14:00

Today, I went through my purse to see where my keys were. I found my house keys, but not my car keys, so I freaked out. When I remembered that I was driving, I felt stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 606

You deserved it 1 668

By Anonymous - 25/12/2014 21:00 - United States

Today, my dad has discovered selfies and my mom has discovered taking pictures of food. Now I'm at a restaurant, suffering through it all and not being able to eat anything until my mom has taken pictures of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 076

You deserved it 2 604

By Anonymous - 07/08/2017 05:00

Today, I traveled to my hometown for a funeral. I'm staying with my family in the house I grew up in. My dad told me they'd "completely renovated" the house. There's still only one bathroom for the seven of us and I'm sleeping on the floor for the entire two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 051

You deserved it 397

By Hairy Cheek - 15/04/2016 04:27 - United States - Columbia

Today, I was at work and caught my pants on the corner of the door hinge. They tore completely open and my hairy cheek was exposed for the whole office to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 343

You deserved it 2 142

By fiendishkitty - 20/09/2011 17:53 - United States

Today, six years after hurricane Katrina took everything from me, I received a letter in the mail from FEMA telling me that I have to repay them the money I received to replace what was lost. I have 30 days to repay $4,900 or the case will be sent into federal debt collection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 811

You deserved it 4 092

By :( - 28/03/2014 20:25 - Sweden - Ume

Today, my grandma reduced me to a sobbing wreck in two short sentences, just to win a bet against my mum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 615

You deserved it 4 807

By really? - 13/08/2013 06:58 - United States

Today, while at a concert, my boyfriend got mad and jealous because I kept looking at the singer instead of him. He still won't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 512

You deserved it 6 682

Todd is fine, and you?

By blind_date - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went on a blind date with a guy who talked about himself in the third person. Seriously. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 846

You deserved it 6 403

By Anonymous - 16/11/2012 00:36 - United States - Panama City

Today, my mom came home drunk and yelled at me for 20 minutes for not feeding the cat. We don't have a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 447

You deserved it 1 816

By UN4 - 27/05/2015 16:25 - United States

Today, one of my students tried to bribe me $200 to change his grade. When I said no and told him he was lucky I didn't report him, he went to the dean and told him I offered to change his grade for money. I'm now suspended and under investigation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 331

You deserved it 3 390

By Anonymous - 08/05/2012 02:52 - United States

Today, I got a parking ticket while I was in the car. I didn't even notice it happen. Ninja cops do exist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 636

You deserved it 6 866

By Anonymous - 09/02/2012 21:42 - United States

Today, while sitting on the toilet, I noticed there was no toilet paper left, so I dug through my purse to use my one and only pad as a substitute. It clogged the toilet, and I started my period ten minutes later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 947

You deserved it 19 813

By Anonymous - 02/04/2013 18:14 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I was playing Draw Something with my girlfriend, when I decided to start a game with some other people. She immediately accused me of "cheating" on her, and still refuses to talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 098

You deserved it 4 960

By youcould'vejusttoldme - 11/05/2017 21:00 - United States - College Station

Today, my roommate started packing up for when we move out in August. Thirty boxes later, I realized she's leaving me with only a dishtowel and a skillet while she traipses through Europe for the summer. She even packed the silverware. And the curtains. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 285

You deserved it 449

By honorstudent - 13/05/2010 02:18 - United States

Today, I received an award from my school rewarding me for my honor roll and my cheerleading. When I brought the certificate home my mom congratulated me and hugged me. I worked really hard for this and all my dad had to say was, "Try this flavor of Doritos." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 153

You deserved it 8 243

By Anonymous - 07/12/2014 04:48 - United States - Watertown

Today, I felt bad about rarely complimenting my mom about her cooking, so during dinner, I raved about her incredible, creamy, macaroni and cheese. It came from a box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 068

You deserved it 8 202

By NeedaNosePlug - 26/01/2012 05:19 - United States

Today, I had to have a discussion with my 54-year-old mother about showering. She thinks it's perfectly OK to shower only once a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 241

You deserved it 3 198

By Badam - 30/03/2013 01:29 - France - Geaune

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She didn't say no, she didn't faint, and she didn't cry. She just stared at me blankly and said, "But... why...?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 150

You deserved it 4 078

Alexa, play "Cannonball" by The Breeders

By Anonymous - 18/05/2020 17:00

Today, I was getting frisky with my husband under the covers in bed. My son decided to run into our room and cannonball on top of my husband. This startled him, which caused him to bite me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 472

You deserved it 269

By gamer tag ID not recognised - 06/10/2018 03:00

Today, my husband is adamant he is not a cheater because "it only counts as cheating if you have sex with other women for free" so apparently 20-year-old male prostitutes don't count because they're not women and they cost money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 848

You deserved it 187

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Top comments

alexisthename 0

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Monday 1 February 2010 23:15

Reshape it to look like Jesus and leave for someone else to find.

DogmaT_fml 4

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Monday 1 February 2010 23:24

good thing you didnt try to kiss it.

maltam123 0

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Monday 1 February 2010 23:12

I could see myself doing something like tht... yummm :P

seabrook 7

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Monday 1 February 2010 23:11

how in the world rofl

azurablade 0

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Monday 1 February 2010 23:17

why are all the FMLs from this area of France??

flipsui305 0

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Tuesday 2 February 2010 1:37

the creators of fml are from France that is why

MimiKnox 0

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Tuesday 2 February 2010 0:51

That dog had a special talent of making frog-shaped shit. You ruined good art....shame on you!

coco0123 0

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Tuesday 2 February 2010 1:21

lmfaoooo x12567890

nicktheworld 0

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Tuesday 2 February 2010 2:11

haha I get it ;-)

protwtf 0

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Tuesday 2 February 2010 2:26

Please don't reproduce.

HeresReality 0

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Tuesday 2 February 2010 3:23

fake. dog shit doesn't jump around or look like a frog

Shystai 0

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Tuesday 2 February 2010 5:07

The dog did it on purpose. I bet it was watching him from a distance, laughing it off. FYL OP, frog shaped.. LMAO

Skullcrusher 5

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Tuesday 2 February 2010 5:43

It's fake.

Sooner_Or_Later 0

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Tuesday 2 February 2010 6:22

HAHAHAHAHAHAH that's funny

lolpwntdumass 0

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Tuesday 2 February 2010 6:29

OP, your really that stupid? *shakes head* What has become of the world.

megashroom 6

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Tuesday 2 February 2010 6:35

Need glasses much?

girlygirllol8 0

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Tuesday 2 February 2010 6:40

Nancy drew is that rly u??

daflyinhawaiian 0

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Wednesday 3 February 2010 3:33

haha. oh shit

MuRz_209 0

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Monday 1 February 2010 23:12

second.. 

qwertyt 0

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Monday 1 February 2010 23:13

You're so stupid. You're probably a nigger.

kkleiberg 0

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Monday 1 February 2010 23:14

don't be a dingle doughnut

omgmorganomg 0

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Monday 1 February 2010 23:45

hahahaha

Rimaa_fml 0

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Monday 1 February 2010 23:13

hahaha awwwh that's sucks but you just made my day lool.

Mone101 0

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Monday 1 February 2010 23:15

lmao! that had to suck

GiddyXD 0

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Sunday 4 April 2010 13:57

lmao! that had to suck "shit"

alexisthename 0

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Monday 1 February 2010 23:15

Reshape it to look like Jesus and leave for someone else to find.

Saintsation 0

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Monday 1 February 2010 23:19

#8 I heart u!

itsbecca 11

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Monday 1 February 2010 23:22

I don't see how you could actually manage to do this. Better take a trip to specsavers..

Freeze_fml 16

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Monday 1 February 2010 23:20

Now this is a real FML. Thank you for grabbing dog shit.

zelly05 0

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Tuesday 2 February 2010 5:57

lol xD that dog must be some kind of artist lol

DogmaT_fml 4

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Monday 1 February 2010 23:24

good thing you didnt try to kiss it.

ariverperson 11

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Tuesday 2 February 2010 18:46

LOL!

Nearly

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17

You deserved it 4

Today, I realized the cute girl with a nice ass, long hair and a great personality I've been talking to is actually a very gay dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17

You deserved it 38

Spicy

Today, I had a horrible date with this guy I’ve been seeing. He wanted me to give it up, but I wasn’t ready, so he dumped me on the spot. I went home crying to my mother and her response was, “Stop being such a prude! What are you? Ten? Grow the fuck up!” Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 537

You deserved it 102

Today, my wife and I had arranged a threesome with a guy, but I was late home so they “had the threesome without me.” It’s not cheating, because I obviously knew she was going to have sex with him during the threesome, but me not being there makes me mad and I can’t coherently explain why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 677

You deserved it 776

Jonah begs to differ

My eyes! My eyes!

Todd is fine, and you?

Alexa, play "Cannonball" by The Breeders

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