Animals: Today, I was walking by a pond when I saw a small frog. I decided...

By adad - France

Today, I was walking by a pond when I saw a small frog. I decided to catch it to get a close look. After I picked it up, I realized that it was not a frog. It was dog shit shaped like a frog. FML

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Animals

Mother of the year

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Vultures

By InsultToInjury

Today, I had a one night stand. After her laying there without moving for ages, she impatiently asked if I'd finished. Once she got bored and told me to just finish myself off, her song playlist began playing "Never Gonna Dance Again". Very romantic. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Washington Crossing

Today, I was standing in line at the checkout, and my children were arguing with each other. The guy in front of me sighed loudly and told me over his shoulder: "There're these things called condoms, you know." FML

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By person - United States - League City

Today, I accidentally fell asleep at work after working a 12-hour shift. Instead of waking me up, my coworkers spiked my coffee mug with whiskey and told my boss I was drunk. My boss wouldn't even listen to my side of the story and fired me. FML

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By Anonymous - Belgium

Today, I was walking home when a stranger came up to me and told me to give him a good reason why he shouldn't punch me in the face. I guess none were good enough. FML

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By Dan

John Tucker would've known what to do.

Today, in a rush, I accidentally wore my sister's underwear. I'm a guy. I had gym class today. FML

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By Anonymous

Impossible

Today, I ran into an old high school friend while out with my husband. When she inquired who I was married to, I pointed to my husband, who was looking at shirts. She laughed and said, "No really?", insinuating that I couldn't get anyone that good looking. FML

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By disgusteddaughter - Australia

Today, my mum's boyfriend came back from a job up-state. He is now walking around the house in boxers to "show off his tan". He has a beer gut and a hairy back. FML

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By Sleepy

Today, at 2:30 a.m. I got locked out of my room. I knocked upstairs to get my landlady to give me the spare key. Instead, I woke up the dogs next door who wanted to kill me, so I hid for 5 hours in the enclosed trampoline with some outdoor blankets. They were covered in animal piss. It rained. FML

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By Tom - United States

Today, I rushed home to tell my parents my girlfriend had accepted my proposal. They asked how I could be so selfish at a time like this. Apparently, Michael Jackson's death is more important than their son. FML

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By Bobby - United States - Las Vegas

Today, while housesitting my neighbor's dogs the phone rang. I answered it and a voice said, "Stop checking your Facebook and take care of my dogs. They look like they need to go out." FML

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Please do it

Today, it was my last day with my boyfriend before he went to college. At the store, he got a huge box of condoms. When I asked why he was getting so many, he said they were for the girls he meets at college. He then asked me to steal them for him. FML

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By ROLLY - United States

Today, my boyfriend stole a guy's cookie. As revenge, he stole my iPod. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Brooklyn

Today, a coworker told me she may be in love with me. I admitted similar feelings and we agreed, since we're both happily married, not to spend time together anymore. Two hours later we were both promoted to run the same project, where we'll be "working hand in glove for the next couple of years." FML

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By Anon - Australia - Brisbane

At the top of desire

Today, my boyfriend told me that when I orgasm, I sound like I'm choking. Only I'm not choking, I'm just getting the wind knocked out of me by his weight when he is on top. FML

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By heartsick - United States

Today, I went to the hospital with severe chest pain, thinking it was a heart attack. Turns out now I just can't have booze, pop, chocolate, fruit with skins, seeds, tomatoes, or mint. I'd rather have the heart attack. FML

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By Timmy - France

Today, I got caught stealing lollies. I am 25. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, I was pulled over for speeding and was shocked that the cop asked me out. Before I could respond, he noticed my wedding ring, said "Nevermind" and then gave me a ticket. FML

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By 14YearOld - United Kingdom

Today, I found out my parents have a list of everything I have ever Googled. FML

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By JH - United States

Today, I was making out with my new boyfriend when he pulled away and looked me deeply in the eyes, he smiled and said, "I don't care what anyone else says, I think you're beautiful." FML

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By boudinette - France - Saint-martin-d'heres

Today, I received the beautiful dress I'd ordered on the internet. It's a size smaller than my usual, just to encourage me to lose weight. I managed to fit into it and wear it all day, but I've now been struggling for a couple of hours to remove it without tearing it to bits. FML

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By Birthday Surprise - United States - Fayetteville

Today, my parents thought it would be a great surprise to accidentally shoot me in the leg for my birthday. FML

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By a very mad sister - United States - Pomona

Today, my older brother thought it would be hilarious to have over 200 people show up at my house to celebrate my wedding anniversary with my husband. Apparently, this was his "I'm sorry" present for missing my wedding last year. FML

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By Awkward - United States

Today, while training a new employee, I had to run after a naked guy chasing a hooker at the hotel I work at. I made him go back to his room, while she offered me a good time for 300 bucks. The trainee left and hasn't come back yet. FML

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By dead - Canada

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years left me because apparently I'm "too beautiful and he can no longer handle other guys always trying to flirt with me." FML

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By jobless

Today, I received a rejection e-mail from a potential employer I interviewed with. I asked for some feedback and they said I didn't seem interested. I had showed extensive interest, even brought up some of the company's recent events, and literally said, "I'm very interested in this position." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Portland

Today, I lit my beard on fire while trying to light a cigarette driving to work. I got fired from work when I got there because of my appearance. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had dinner with the girl I thought I would end up marrying. Everything was going well and after I had paid the bill, she said she was a lesbian. Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, she challenged me to see who could hook up with a straight girl first. I lost. FML

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By deven - United States

Today, I saw a fight so I went over to try and break it up. Someone thought I wanted to join in, so he gave me an unexpected whap in the happy sacks, and I also got a bloody nose for my troubles. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Mooroolbark

Today, the doorbell rang. I saw my incredibly overbearing mum's car outside, so I stayed quiet and tried to sneak upstairs. As I crawled through the hallway, commando style, I realised the door blinds were still out for cleaning. If scowls could kill, I'd be roasting in Hell right now. FML

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By marymark - United States - West Long Branch

Today, I woke up to a note from my parents saying we need to talk. Assuming it was about the weed I'd left on my dresser, I quickly confessed. Turns out my dog died. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/4/2021 02:01

Nags

Today, ever since the company I worked for closed because of COVID, it took me 6 months to find a new job, during which time my wife and in-laws nagged me to get one. Now I have, my wife has asked for a divorce and I absolutely hate my new job. FML

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By dumped - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me because the love advice that she gets on her cellphone every week says that I'm cheating on her. I've never cheated on her and I was planning to propose next week. FML

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By Kelly - United States

Today, I went to get my underarms waxed. I'm usually not self-conscious because I figure they see worse stuff all the time. When I raised my arm for her to wax my armpit she looked at me, laughed and said "Well I guess that's how I know it's winter in Wisconsin!" FML

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By justwantsomeillusionofjustice - United States - Klamath Falls

Today, I stumbled across my school bully on Facebook. She's a successful business owner and engaged to be married. I can't land a job and am hopelessly single. The b***h that served as the catalyst for my depression and suffered no repercussions is getting married on my birthday. FML

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By Lil Bro - United Kingdom - Smethwick

Today, after months of trying to make my girlfriend orgasm, she finally did. It was with my brother. I'll definitely knock next time. FML

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By Noname - Philippines

Today, I was running late for work so instead of walking the ten minutes to the office, I took a taxi. The driver took the opportunity to share the story of his first sexual experience with a man. In great detail. FML

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By Ben - United States

Today, I found out that my eight year old son is actually my nephew. FML

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By Awahso - United States - Buford

Today, I had to buy a new boxcutter for work after our old one broke. It came in a box, the type which policy requires a boxcutter to open. FML

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By Rhea - Australia

Today, I won a raffle organised by a friend. I discovered one of the "prizes" was actually a present that I had given to her, that she had "loved". When I asked her where she had gotten it, she said, "Oh, just some crap someone gave me once." She didn't even remember that I had given it to her. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/10/2020 14:01 - United States - Allentown

A mother's love…

Today, I crawled into my mom's room to tell her my stomach was in massive pain. She ended up throwing me out of the room while spraying me with Lysol. My appendix was about to burst and I needed surgery. FML

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Top comments

By alexisthename | 0

#816743 - Monday 1 February 2010 23:15

Reshape it to look like Jesus and leave for someone else to find.

By DogmaT_fml | 4

#816757 - Monday 1 February 2010 23:24

good thing you didnt try to kiss it.

COMMENTS

By maltam123 | 0

#816733 - Monday 1 February 2010 23:12

I could see myself doing something like tht... yummm :P

By seabrook | 7

#816734 - Monday 1 February 2010 23:11

how in the world rofl

azurablade | 0

#816746 - Monday 1 February 2010 23:17

why are all the FMLs from this area of France??

MimiKnox | 0

#816993 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 0:51

That dog had a special talent of making frog-shaped shit. You ruined good art....shame on you!

coco0123 | 0

#817103 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 1:21

lmfaoooo x12567890

nicktheworld | 0

#817277 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 2:11

haha I get it ;-)

protwtf | 0

#817306 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 2:26

Please don't reproduce.

HeresReality | 0

#817445 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 3:23

fake. dog shit doesn't jump around or look like a frog

Shystai | 0

#817749 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 5:07

The dog did it on purpose. I bet it was watching him from a distance, laughing it off. FYL OP, frog shaped.. LMAO

Skullcrusher | 5

#817862 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 5:43

It's fake.

Sooner_Or_Later | 0

#817959 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 6:22

HAHAHAHAHAHAH that's funny

lolpwntdumass | 0

#817980 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 6:29

OP, your really that stupid? *shakes head*

What has become of the world.

megashroom | 6

#817990 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 6:35

Need glasses much?

girlygirllol8 | 0

#818003 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 6:40

Nancy drew is that rly u??

daflyinhawaiian | 0

#820350 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 3:33

haha. oh shit

By MuRz_209 | 0

#816737 - Monday 1 February 2010 23:12

second.. 

By qwertyt | 0

#816738 - Monday 1 February 2010 23:13

You're so stupid. You're probably a nigger.

kkleiberg | 0

#816740 - Monday 1 February 2010 23:14

don't be a dingle doughnut

omgmorganomg | 0

#816820 - Monday 1 February 2010 23:45

hahahaha

By Rimaa_fml | 0

#816739 - Monday 1 February 2010 23:13

hahaha awwwh that's sucks but you just made my day lool.

By Mone101 | 0

#816741 - Monday 1 February 2010 23:15

lmao! that had to suck

GiddyXD | 0

#973949 - Sunday 4 April 2010 13:57

lmao! that had to suck "shit"

By alexisthename | 0

#816743 - Monday 1 February 2010 23:15

Reshape it to look like Jesus and leave for someone else to find.

Saintsation | 0

#816750 - Monday 1 February 2010 23:19

#8 I heart u!

By itsbecca | 11

#816752 - Monday 1 February 2010 23:22

I don't see how you could actually manage to do this. Better take a trip to specsavers..

By Freeze_fml | 16

#816756 - Monday 1 February 2010 23:20

Now this is a real FML. Thank you for grabbing dog shit.

zelly05 | 0

#817895 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 5:57

lol xD

that dog must be some kind of artist lol

By DogmaT_fml | 4

#816757 - Monday 1 February 2010 23:24

good thing you didnt try to kiss it.

ariverperson | 11

#818970 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 18:46

LOL!