Today, I was walking at a section of the zoo where you are in the cage, and the monkeys are climbing outside of the cage. I was having a great time until I looked up and one of the monkeys urinated all over my face. Not only did everyone see, but there was no way for me to shower for six hours. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, while explaining to a group of kids that monkeys are very intelligent creatures, one of them flung poo in my face. FML
Today, I was punched in the balls by a monkey. FML
Today, I went to use a public restroom. I walked into the first stall and found it occupied… by a raccoon. It hissed at me, and in my panic, I backed into a janitor's cart, knocking over the mop and bucket. I had to leave the bathroom drenched in dirty water while a crowd of people watched. FML
Today, while studying in India, I was peacefully journaling, reflecting and enjoying the beautiful landscape. And then a monkey threw its poo at me. FML
Today, I went to the zoo to see all of my favorite animals. When I got there, I realized they must've all been on strike or something, and refused to come out of their enclosures. FML
Today, I went to a petting zoo with my niece and nephew. While we were checking out the llamas, one of them spat directly into my face. Disgusted and embarrassed, we turned away to pet a deer. The deer immediately urinated, then shook its tail, which splattered it into my face. FML
Today, I was let go from my balloon-selling job at the zoo. They put a new monkey cage in my designated spot. I was literally fired so a monkey could take my place. FML
Today, I took my daughter to the zoo. I threw a piece of my sandwich towards a very cute chimpanzee. As a thank you, he threw a piece of crap at me, which exploded all over my shirt. FML
Today, I rushed home, barged into the bathroom, and released the biggest, most foul mudmonkeys ever, complete with noises. I came out and my brother and his hot friends, including the one I have a crush on, were all laughing. My brother told me, “Don’t forget to Lysol spray.' FML
Today, my family, including my 2 year old niece, went to the zoo. We were at the lion exhibit. I was holding my niece so she could get a better view of the lions. As I was holding her, the lions started to roar. She got so scared that she peed. Her diaper wasn't very absorbent, but my shirt was. FML
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Top comments
simplyn2deep 2
I'll take that experience over my experience: gorilla crap thrown from 10 ft away
Buzzetta 0
What zoo does not have a bathroom? Man up and go to the bathroom and wash your face with soap and water.
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Comments (76)
browneyes56 0
Ah! i live in florida too and i think i know the monkey zoo your talkin about. ahah and i love #51
yowzerz 5
There ARE bathrooms at the zoo. True you can't clean your clothes or anything, but you could have at least washed your face and hair and bought a shirt from the gift shop. I don't think I would have stayed for six more hours after that.
Saluton 18
FYL. They shouldn't use these sections then. Can't you sue them, by the way?
Chocolate_Chunk 2
Sue them? Everytime something slightly bad happens, there's an american telling people to sue. You're bigger ******* than the french.
bluefairy_fml 24
#67, I find it strange too that Americans tend to sue for basically everything (at least in movies). But if their legal system allows people to get loads of money by suing, then why not to sue?
MTBowen11191993 0
Yeah, that sucks...
idklalaalala 0
uh why?
ArielTheMermaid 17
it's called a sink op
theWanderer011 11
@NonchalantSavant #50. monkey pee - thank god no monkey doo
shanniemac 2
Bwahaha! Wow....
Bemilu 4
Why dont the people who make these exhibits think about things like this?
Saffron Nightshade 12
What zoo doesn't protect humans from this? Apes and monkeys are well-known for throwing poop and other icky habits!