Today, I was using the toilet and decided to check out some FMLs....

By Anonymous - 6/10/2011 16:17 - Canada

Today, I was using the toilet and decided to check out some FMLs. One made me laugh out loud as my room-mate was passing by the bathroom. He now tells everyone my penis is so small it makes even me laugh every time I see it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44494

You deserved it

11217

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Intimacy

Understandable

Business savvy

Minefield

By Anonymous - 7/12/2014 04:48 - United States - Watertown

Today, I felt bad about rarely complimenting my mom about her cooking, so during dinner, I raved about her incredible, creamy, macaroni and cheese. It came from a box. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30045

You deserved it

8178

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By ShitHappens - 24/10/2011 05:04 - United States

Today, while on the phone with my boyfriend, I really needed to poop. Badly. He was in the middle of telling a story, so I figured I could get away with muting the phone while on the toilet. Halfway through, he suddenly went silent. I forgot to mute the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13516

You deserved it

44569

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By Kutakito - 15/4/2013 20:18 - Sweden - Saltsj?baden

Today, my 25 year old brother dumped all my underwear into the fireplace for interrupting him while he was playing WoW. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46293

You deserved it

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By naas1201 - 10/5/2020 23:00

It's not working

Today, and since the beginning of our couples therapy, my wife and I don't do it anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1411

You deserved it

245

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By peanutprobs - 31/10/2014 21:12 - Germany - Bochum

Today, my friend took our prank war too far when he secretly added peanuts to my food. I have a peanut allergy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38739

You deserved it

3322

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By Isabell - 6/2/2010 05:31 - Australia

Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law walked in on me masturbating, in my own house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23567

You deserved it

5815

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By Anonymous - 20/2/2010 13:59 - United States

Today, my boyfriend proposed. Three hours later, he called me to tell me he was kidding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43120

You deserved it

2559

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By GoldenSteve - 5/11/2015 15:31 - United States - Humble

Today, my gym teacher ranted about how the government should put all the death row inmates in a coliseum and film them fighting. I guess he lied when he said he only drinks at the weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22352

You deserved it

2511

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By Anonymous - 30/11/2018 16:00 - United States - Floral Park

Today, I found my brother sobbing uncontrollably. When I asked why, he told me Melanie was dead. Thinking he was talking about his girlfriend, I offered to take him to a grief counselor. It was there that he told us that Melanie is the name of his horse in Red Dead Redemption II. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2911

You deserved it

341

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By meme71 - 21/2/2011 10:22

Today, I had an hour-long massage, meditated for while and was finally feeling good. Then I had to call an ambulance for my idiot father who had managed to get alcohol poisoning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31347

You deserved it

3572

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By Anonymous - 2/7/2016 19:29 - United States - Greeley

Today, I got threatened with a gun at the drive-thru, all because my coworker forgot to include extra fries in the guy's order. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14033

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1586

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By Anonymous - 14/9/2012 20:47 - New Zealand - Dunedin

Today, I learned that you can be so sleep deprived that you sleep through your alarm, a construction crew outside your house, and your bladder completely voiding itself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26013

You deserved it

2767

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By Shan.nel - 20/11/2017 19:30 - United States - Greer

Today, I met with my trainer, despite having an upset stomach. Have you ever tried to hold in diarrhea while doing squats? It doesn't end well. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3346

You deserved it

1254

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By Anonymous - 7/9/2010 19:16 - United States

Today, 50,000 copies of the new edition of the town's phone book came out. I manage a pizza place and bought a full menu ad. Apparently the ad designer got confused, as they placed my cell phone number in huge bold letters at the bottom of the ad instead of the store's phone number. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37392

You deserved it

3655

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By Anonymous - 2/8/2009 06:10 - United States

Today, I hurt my arm in a scooter accident, when my dad came to pick me up instead of taking me to the hospital like a normal dad, he took me directly home where he spent a hour shaving and taking a shower so he would "look nice" when he went to the hospital while I clutched my arm in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49675

You deserved it

4119

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By joe1234 - 17/7/2009 02:28 - United States

Today, my friend thought it would be funny to put a pretzel on my forehead while I was sleeping on the beach. I now have a pretzel-shaped tan line in the middle of my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48739

You deserved it

9697

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By Tired Hungry Geek - 27/10/2015 04:40 - United States

Today, I was exhausted after a long day at work and didn't feel like cooking so I went to a drive thru. I placed my order, went to the window and paid. I then drove off without my food and didn't realize it for a couple of blocks. I was too embarrassed to go back and get it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19607

You deserved it

10212

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By mkonda - 10/9/2016 17:11 - India

Today, my boyfriend of 6 years broke up with me via a Whatsapp group. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11863

You deserved it

786

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By awkward wedding - 18/10/2018 22:00

Today, a girl confessed that she's loved me for years and wants to marry me and have my children. It was my half-sister and she said it in front of everyone at a family wedding. I don't know who to be most afraid of at this point: her fiancé or my stepdad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3863

You deserved it

167

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By fmmlll - 18/10/2010 08:56 - United States

Today, I'm going on an 8 hour drive with my insane family. This usually means screaming arguments, graphic conversations about my dad's pubes, some karaoke, plenty of farting, some stale Pringles, and an obese golden retriever on my lap the entire time. Arizona, here we come. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32349

You deserved it

4063

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By flyingpuppy - 17/6/2012 06:33 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, my husband has decided to grow a mullet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32401

You deserved it

3835

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By Anonymous - 6/11/2010 04:40 - United States

Today, at work, a woman fainted, and an extremely attractive cop came in to help. I ended up running into him an hour later. Seeing as though I'm not very shy or a nervous person, I struck up a conversation with him, thinking it must be fate. I ended up fumbling my words so much he asked if I was drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29060

You deserved it

7334

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By beetregeneration - 16/11/2016 23:47 - United States - Stockton

Today, I was walking to a bathroom on campus before class when my professor walked in behind me. There were two urinals in the bathroom, we walked right up next to each other and unzipped our pants in unison. It became so awkward for me, I actually said out loud, "Nope, too awkward" and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9370

You deserved it

1623

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By Anonymous - 20/4/2013 23:08 - United States - Denver

Today, I overheard the guy I like talking to one of his friends about me. His friend asked if he and I were dating, to which he replied, "No way, dude. I have standards." FML

I agree, your life sucks

54645

You deserved it

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By stanDman - 21/1/2009 20:06 - Canada

Today, I sprayed hair spray under my arms instead of anti-perspirant. I didn't realize it until I went to put my shirt on and couldn't raise my arms. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21978

You deserved it

10897

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By milly - 20/12/2011 10:43 - Norway

Today, my mother commented "loser" on my Facebook profile picture. She got 41 likes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40083

You deserved it

6581

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By Anonymous - 6/5/2018 06:00

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to jump out from behind the bedroom door to surprise my boyfriend on his birthday. I slipped and broke two ribs when I hit the ground. Instead of a sexy birthday evening, he got to take me to hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4344

You deserved it

1354

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By anonymous - 15/6/2016 06:18 - United States - Crossville

Today, while working the drive-thru at work, an older woman asked for my phone number to give to her single son. After I politely declined, she called me a slut and threw her food at me through the window before promptly speeding off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14115

You deserved it

1006

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By Anna - 2/7/2009 13:31 - United States

Today, I called back a number I recently missed a call from. To my surprise, it was the number of my boyfriend's fiancé. I've been with him 4 years, he's been with her for 6. Turns out, not only is he a cheating jerk, but technically I'M the other woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61967

You deserved it

4933

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By rubberduck_of_doom - 9/3/2018 19:00

Today, after months of begging, I finally convinced my friends to go skiing with me. On our first run I suggested a race. Everybody loved the idea. Good news: I came in first. Bad news: I tore a ligament in my knee. It will be operated on tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3596

You deserved it

985

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By Anonymous - 7/12/2012 21:28 - United States

Today, I was out clubbing. My girlfriend went to get us drinks, so I danced alone while I waited. Some girl with hideous meth mouth, who was clearly tripping balls, started harassing and groping me and got all three of us kicked out when my girlfriend returned and beat the hell out of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27381

You deserved it

3109

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By Anonymous - 23/9/2019 20:00 - Australia

Dumbo's jumbo dungo

Today, I learned not to get a job as an elephant keeper at the zoo when the water at home is out for a week for renovations. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1286

You deserved it

154

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By LonelyAngel22 - 24/11/2016 08:10

Today, out of curiosity, I took an online test to see if I have ADHD. Halfway through, I got so distracted and bored that I gave up. Guess I know the answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8346

You deserved it

1520

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By Ow - 18/4/2014 11:09 - United States - Golden Valley

Today, due to my short temper, I punched myself in the nose because I wouldn't stop sneezing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24436

You deserved it

59582

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By Anonymous - 17/4/2013 23:01 - United States - Bristol

Today, my girlfriend told me that she's a lesbian. And that she could only stay with me because I had a "girly face and voice". She also admitted to having a crush on my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61095

You deserved it

5146

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By ridella - 8/4/2011 10:35

Today, I was in the emergency room. The doctor told me that my injuries and back problems are the intensity of those after a car accident. I slipped on a grape. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40686

You deserved it

5443

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By Bec99 - 19/4/2020 17:00

Spotted

Today, the pimples on my face are finally clearing up. They seem to have migrated to my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1516

You deserved it

125

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By Anonymous - 14/5/2013 17:03 - United States - Norman

Today, my doorknob broke. While trying to impress my dad and show that I can fix things for girls, I somehow managed to lock myself in my room, with the doorknob on the other side of the door. When my dad finally heard my screams, he let me out. He had to take the whole door off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38091

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 19/11/2010 19:38 - United States

Today, after three weeks of my boss telling me how much he appreciates my hard work and has submitted my name up for a promotion, he called me into his office to announce I'm being laid off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29052

You deserved it

2322

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By nerp - 29/3/2016 19:44 - Canada - Toronto

Today, a stranger had a go at me for smoking while pregnant. I'm a guy. FML

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You deserved it

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Top comments

By seppi24 | 1

#3397803 - Thursday 6 October 2011 22:49

say His ex Sent you a Picture of His Penis and thats Why you laughed

By Blacksxe | 1

#3397789 - Thursday 6 October 2011 22:48

Just say you're laughing at the fact your roommate is jealous of your size.

COMMENTS

By jillianmathers12 | 13

#3397764 - Thursday 6 October 2011 22:45

Lol you deserved it! Just tell him that you got a text that made you laugh!

bnvc | 0

#3397768 - Thursday 6 October 2011 22:46

bnvc | 0

#3397793 - Thursday 6 October 2011 22:48

Golly.

alliewillie | 22

#3397795 - Thursday 6 October 2011 22:48

This^

Lanceeden | 12

#3397868 - Thursday 6 October 2011 22:56

Or that you saw a picture of his.

echogekko | 7

#3397909 - Thursday 6 October 2011 23:02

I asked my girlfriend for a naughty picture and all she sent to my phone was her middle finger, that made me laugh.

stacianichole | 2

#3397915 - Thursday 6 October 2011 23:03

Right.

Lanceeden | 12

#3397918 - Thursday 6 October 2011 23:03

#16 cool story bro

enonymous | 8

#3397922 - Thursday 6 October 2011 23:03

Every small penis needs love... Especially mine

aruam365 | 24

#3397932 - Thursday 6 October 2011 23:05

say to him "No, it's so big every time I see it I laugh with joy. And so does your mom!"

iBanana | 17

#3397981 - Thursday 6 October 2011 23:11

I would have showed him my penis with his partners named signed on it.. Unless it was a guy.

gojira666 | 7

#3398066 - Thursday 6 October 2011 23:30

The "he" part kinda makes me think it was a guy.....

crazy_whitechick | 6

#3398166 - Thursday 6 October 2011 23:57

32- I'm pretty sure he was talking bout his roommates partner...

angrymexican | 8

#3398221 - Friday 7 October 2011 0:08

Who texts on the can?

jillianmathers12 | 13

#3398299 - Friday 7 October 2011 0:32

Idk its better than reading FML'S on the can!

beckybecks20 | 8

#3398319 - Friday 7 October 2011 0:44

Wow, OP. XD

DatWhiteGuy | 0

#3398807 - Friday 7 October 2011 2:45

Fuck yeah.

flakitaa22 | 0

#3398818 - Friday 7 October 2011 2:46

He funny thing is, I read this while on the toilet. (x

skatepunk96 | 0

#3398830 - Friday 7 October 2011 2:49

I read fml's in the bathroom too most of the time.

krakadilian | 0

#3398834 - Friday 7 October 2011 2:49

Fuck you.

DerekBlaskie | 6

#3399005 - Friday 7 October 2011 3:26

Wow I now feel sry for the room mate. Ha!

SirMoose | 0

#3399464 - Friday 7 October 2011 5:44

Why does he deserve it?

Altosax | 4

#3399494 - Friday 7 October 2011 5:57

In my opinion, it was a pretty week joke, so maybe it's not all that bad for OP.

MJJ5809 | 9

#3400132 - Friday 7 October 2011 9:25

ROFL

MJJ5809 | 9

#3400144 - Friday 7 October 2011 9:27

Haha yeah thay was!

Miss_Blaine | 18

#3400551 - Friday 7 October 2011 12:40

Please stop being mean! My bfs penis is small! Who cares! I still love him :)

ChrisTheCalm | 9

#3400646 - Friday 7 October 2011 13:25

I'm laughing cuz that comment means his roomate had to see his penis which is very very gay. Fail.

SirMoose | 0

#3403645 - Saturday 8 October 2011 6:47

Why is this thumbed down?

DerekBlaskie | 6

#3451287 - Tuesday 18 October 2011 17:48

I don't think you guys understood my comment above.. Let me rephrase.

I now feel sry for the room mate because he basically just informed everyone he was starring at your penis.. This fml never states that the room mate explained the whole story to each person he told..