Transportation: Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend. We were driving to... - FML

By kaytiebobaytie - United States

Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend. We were driving to his hockey game and he was joking around about throwing my favorite hoodie out of his window. While swinging it around, my brand new iPhone flew out of the pocket and the window, getting run over by a car. FML

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Sorry…

Poker Face

Happy Thanksgiving!

By Melaknee - United States

Today, I saw an attractive man outside the club I was trying to get into to. We talked, and ended up having sex in my apartment. The next day when I was dropping him off, I discovered he was homeless and was outside the club begging for money. My house is suddenly out of bread and cheese. FML

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By brokenrelicslost - United States

Today, I realized that I have completely fallen for this incredible guy, and that I am really looking forward to where our relationship will take us. He just informed me that he will be doing jail time following his court date Tuesday. FML

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By Kassiopia - United States

Today, my Dad decided to take his medicine before eating. He passed out with his face in a plate of chocolate cake. He wasn't responsive so I called the paramedics. When he got to the hospital, the doctor asked him if he knew why he was there. He replied, "Because my stupid daughter over reacted." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Anchorage

Today, I told my boyfriend of ten months that I'm not ready for marriage. A few hours later he proposed at my grandma's 85th birthday party. She cried when I said no. FML

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By 2k16 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I came home to find that my dog had figured out how to open the fridge again. He'd helped himself to raw eggs and crab. FML

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By stolen - United States

Today, I was robbed. They took my father's ashes. FML

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By mavrick127 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I finally had the chance to have sex with my crush. Too bad I couldn't get an erection. FML

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By kinky pinky - 2/9/2020 05:02 - United States

Lowkey

Today, my husband threw a fit because I dyed my hair bright magenta. Funny, I actually dyed it three days ago. He literally just noticed. Shows how much attention he pays me. FML

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By whyarewerelated - United Kingdom

Today, I was working alone in the office with my brother. He's run out of work to do, so has been singing Disney songs loudly and badly, throwing stationery at me, and just now snuck up on me from behind and wrapped duct tape round my face. It's just us in the office next week. FML

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By Joshua Sheldon - Australia - Adelaide

Today, while working alone, I decided to just try some random impressions, and so I ended up doing a French accent when a customer walked in. To avoid embarrassment, I had to continue faking the accent as he struck up a long conversation with me. FML

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By (not) fucked - United States - Kingsville

Today, my girlfriend decided that we won't be having any more sex until I beat her ridiculously high score on Flappy Bird. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my parents decided that since summer is almost here, it's a great opportunity to start having nude barbecues. I found this out after walking out into the backyard, hoping to sun myself a little, only to see the living nightmare that is my parents' naked bodies. FML

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By nick - United Kingdom - Cambridge

Today, I refused to serve a woman alcohol, as she looked underage. She complained to my manager about "age racism". FML

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By bob the builder - United States - Ridgeland

Today, I'm at work on a construction site for a high rise building, on the 12th floor today. I've developed a severe case of the runs, causing me to need to rush to the nearest toilet periodically. Luckily for me it's conveniently located on the ground floor. FML

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By fuck the man-dominated construction business - Finland - Helsinki

Today, I won an argument against a sexist co-worker. When I left later on, I jumped into my car to drive home, but managed to reverse it into a parked excavator. Guess who's going to hear virginal jokes about women drivers from now on. FML

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By hoolagirl4422 - Hong Kong - Kennedy Town

Today, I bumped into a really cute guy I know. I stuttered and floundered, before saying, "Hi, it's me, Megan Thomas." My surname isn't Thomas, but his is. FML

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By roseland - United States - Hilton

Today, my boyfriend nicknamed my vagina after a local waterpark. It wasn't even that annoying until his friends started asking me how much I charged to let people "ride n' slide". FML

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By Burned - United States

Today, I went to the beach with my friends to show off my engagement ring. I fell asleep in the sun and woke up extremely sunburnt to a text from my boyfriend confessing that he's been cheating on me. I gave him the ring back. Now I have its tan line on my finger. FML

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By Hmmmm - United States - Cleveland

Today, I was made aware that my teenage son used "Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter" as a reference point in a class debate as if it was a biopic. Oh dear. FML

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By thatisfuckedup - United Kingdom

Today, I ordered some burgers at a fast food joint. When I said, "No lettuce," the cashier looked dumbfounded and asked, "What's that?" I literally had to say, "The green stuff" before she got it. I'm losing hope. FML

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By ghoul

Today, I found a dead squirrel under my son's bed. Apparently, he has been keeping it there as a "pet" for the past week. FML

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By lovely - Netherlands

Today, while having sex, my girlfriend suddenly broke down and started crying. Apparently, when I'm horny, my face reminds her of her dead dog. FML

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By Baikal - Singapore

Today, my cousin thought it would be funny to make copies of my house keys and give it to random people on the street. I live alone and work a 12 hour shift daily. FML

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By rileynautumn - United States

Today, after a full shift at work, I got home to my boyfriend playing CoD, a full sink, crap all over the table, a full cat box, dirty bathroom, no laundry done and the kids at my parents' house. He yelled at me because the place was a mess. FML

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By MrFerret

Today, it's my birthday, and my present is that my mom is coming over to see me so that she can borrow three hundred dollars. FML

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By murphyslaw948

Murphy's law

Today, I fall for a guy after 3 years of being celibate, after he shows all the signs of being into me. Turns out, he likes my best friend who is dating another guy I liked and was just using me to compensate for her unavailability. Guess I am really a walking, talking example of Murphy's law. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I needed to call my mom to get some info so I dialled the number on my work phone. Not 2 seconds after, my cellphone rang. I got super pissed off because I hate when people call me on my cell at work. It was me. I'd dialled my own number. FML

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By phillij2 - United States

That hurts, BTW

Today, I got surgery on one of my hands. I opted for a local anesthetic instead of being put all the way under. I soon discovered my hand hadn't gone completely numb when the doctor started slicing into the finger that needed operating on. FML

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By chloe - Australia

Today, I was rushing to get on the train to work as I heard the "door closing" beeps. I was about to step onto the train when a man pushed me out of the way so that he could get on. My handbag fell out of my hand into the carriage. I stayed on the platform. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my boss told me I wasn't getting the promotion I'd been angling for. I was so pissed off, I ranted to a coworker about it over lunch. Turns out my boss was just testing how I dealt with rejection before making his final decision. He overheard my rant and me calling him a Nazi bitch. FML

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By öKANEö - United States - San Marcos

Today, during class, a student began arguing with my Algebra II teacher about whether or not water is wet. The student became so frustrated he threw a stapler across the room. Guess who got hit in the head and is currently bleeding pints in the nurse's office. FML

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By quickfingers100 - United Kingdom

Today, my Dad married his fiancée, who insists I call her "mom". I'm three years older than her, and went to the same high school. She's taking me shopping next week to buy me something "nice". FML

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By potatoebee - United States - Clover

Today, my four-year-old son decided to bite my butt during prayer at church. The entire sanctuary heard me instinctively swear at him. FML

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By coolkid111 - United States

Today, I was going to my prom. My mom knows I want to drink so to prevent me, she made sure I took my prescription medicine before I left. I guess her way of stopping me from drinking is killing myself If I do. FML

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By Chard of Glass - Canada - Marystown

Today, I woke up with a nasty cough. My mother gave me cough syrup for it. After about 30 minutes, I was dizzy, nauseous, and high as a fucking kite. Turns out the cough syrup reacts badly with my prescription medications, making me even sicker than I already was. FML

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By chevysprint - Canada

Today, I locked my keys in my car. I was late for work so I went to smash the side window with a big rock. The rock bounced off the window and into my face. FML

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By Anonymous - Israel - Tel Aviv

Today, my now ex-boyfriend actually tried to justify his cheating by saying it doesn't count as cheating if the girl's bisexual. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Observation

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Right as I was really getting into it, he pauses, frowns, and says, "I think I see the pee hole." FML

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By Lennyr - United States - Union City

Today, I gave birth to my first born child. Somehow, my mom and mother in law made their way to the delivery room, and walked in mid-push. While they were escorted out, I overheard my mother in law asking the nurse how her son, my husband, was holding up. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Romulus

Today, my psycho ex-girlfriend, who's already made two threats against my life, informed me that she now has a concealed carry permit. FML

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Top comments

By noPENGSinALASKA | 0

#796384 - Sunday 24 January 2010 23:18

don't you mean ex-boyfriend?

By Rakshasa23 | 0

#796447 - Monday 25 January 2010 0:11

YDI for actually keeping something valuable, let alone anything at all, in a hoodie pocket. The only thing those pockets are good for is keeping your hands warm.

COMMENTS

By fudgnugget | 0

#796371 - Sunday 24 January 2010 23:12

that really sux

Reply

PeopleRSoDumb | 0

#796410 - Sunday 24 January 2010 23:37

Why would you have your window open in the middle of winter, in Mi? Fake or retarded.

Reply

nadsm | 0

#796424 - Sunday 24 January 2010 23:45

uhm hello he was "joking around".. he probably opened the window just for the sake of holding her hoodie outside, not to feel the fresh, freezing air.

Reply

HiddenAce91 | 6

#796562 - Monday 25 January 2010 1:14

@12 Actually it's quite warm in some parts of Michigan today. I know I live there myself.

@OP YDI for keeping your iPhone in your sweatshirt pocket. All sweatshirt pockets are loose and anything can be stolen or fall out without notice.

Reply

pegasus77 | 0

#796577 - Monday 25 January 2010 1:20

You mean 15

Reply

HiddenAce91 | 6

#796909 - Monday 25 January 2010 4:05

No there was another post there about Michigan being freezing cold during the winter and I swear it was a #12. but I must have been wrong.

Reply

ilovechocochipz | 0

#920744 - Sunday 7 March 2010 6:26

u shoulda grabbed it from him

By ashiezorz | 2

#796376 - Sunday 24 January 2010 23:13

LULZ.
Sorry. FYL.

By ruff1298 | 7

#796378 - Sunday 24 January 2010 23:13

It's horrible to joke about anything, and your boyfriend did a dumb decision. To make up for this, he MUST pay. With a new iPhone. Possibly some more attention and begging, too. Good luck.

Reply

Tandrael | 0

#796409 - Sunday 24 January 2010 23:36

agreed

By noPENGSinALASKA | 0

#796384 - Sunday 24 January 2010 23:18

don't you mean ex-boyfriend?

Reply

Mustardnight | 3

#797111 - Monday 25 January 2010 6:15

Well im shocked all it akes you to break up with someone is a broken iPhone.

Reply

IRock123456789 | 0

#797686 - Monday 25 January 2010 13:33

fag

By chaos753159 | 4

#796385 - Sunday 24 January 2010 23:21

YDI for having an iphone

Reply

poudycat | 0

#796526 - Monday 25 January 2010 0:58

YDI for being jealous of her iPhone.

Reply

chaos753159 | 4

#798498 - Monday 25 January 2010 23:38

i am jealous i wish i had one 

Reply

omgitsnikkie | 0

#799021 - Tuesday 26 January 2010 3:18

so does she lol

Reply

woosah | 16

#1580321 - Thursday 21 October 2010 8:08

lol... so you admit it eh?

Reply

jimmyandstuff | 0

#2087160 - Wednesday 16 February 2011 2:46

ha

By GiRIsMakingCupca | 0

#796390 - Sunday 24 January 2010 23:24

wow I would have been pissed

By anela_fml | 0

#796392 - Sunday 24 January 2010 23:26

some ones caughin up money and more

By betseyville | 6

#796401 - Sunday 24 January 2010 23:28

YDI for having an iPhone.

Reply

T1A2Z3 | 34

#7629747 - Wednesday 2 May 2018 18:44

Agreed... Overpriced technology

By mrbutterz | 0

#796404 - Sunday 24 January 2010 23:31

so when is he buying you a new one?

Reply

smitty809 | 0

#797825 - Monday 25 January 2010 15:07

totally agree

By jessxoxo28 | 5

#796413 - Sunday 24 January 2010 23:40

that means he gets u a brand new one