Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend. We were driving to... - FML

By kaytiebobaytie - 24/1/2010 18:30 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend. We were driving to his hockey game and he was joking around about throwing my favorite hoodie out of his window. While swinging it around, my brand new iPhone flew out of the pocket and the window, getting run over by a car. FML

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British Broadcasting Corporation

This is us

Gordon Ramsey called, you're an idiot sandwich

By Anonymous - 22/9/2014 17:41 - United States - Mckinney

Today, I got yelled at by a bleeding-heart hippy in the restroom for using paper towels. Apparently I'm a "tree-hating, paper-wasting bitch". I had a nosebleed. FML

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By lisacasabonita - 12/11/2010 16:31 - United States

Today, while at dinner, I told my boyfriend that I wished he liked sushi. He replied, 'I wish you liked anal.' FML

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By Anonymous - 13/8/2014 14:18 - United Kingdom - Paignton

Today, a potential customer was looking at a treadmill at the fitness warehouse I work at. Once he was done testing it out, I asked him if he'd like me to order it for him. His reply? "Nah. I only had a go on it 'cause it looked like fun. Hey, but you could order one for yourself, huh, chubs?" FML

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By PulledOver - 1/6/2009 05:10 - United States

Today, I pulled up to the stoplight near my house. It was dark with no traffic and the car behind me kept edging closer and closer to me. I finally got fed up with waiting and the car and ran it. In fact, it was a cop and he was trying to read my license plate because the back light was out. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/2/2017 21:00 - Canada - Jansen

Today, I was talking to a girl online and she stopped talking to me abruptly after seeing my picture. FML

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By yeaokay - 29/10/2010 05:22 - United States

Today, I had a serious conversation with my dad about my brother and I. It started with, "I love you", and ended with, "You and your brother were mistakes." FML

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By WTF? - 3/10/2013 16:42 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I got kicked out of English class shortly after our teacher told us we have to write an essay on how the storyline of Harry Potter is one big allegory for "the futility of socialism." Apparently, reacting with disbelief makes me a "disruptive influence." FML

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By ImilkedYourMom - 3/5/2016 13:31 - United States - Bronx

Today, after a 14-mile bike tour in Chicago, I got rug burn on my inner thighs. Having the hostel room all by myself for the last couple of days, I got naked and let the air conditioner cool me off. I then had to explain to my roommate that walked in on me that I seriously was not jerking off. FML

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By brunnells22 - 23/6/2020 23:00

Bob the Builder

Today, I was feeling pretty proud of myself for building an Ikea shelf/dresser combo completely by myself. When going to put the last drawer together, I dropped one of the boards. The corner landed perfectly in the middle of my phone screen, shattering it. It's going to cost $230 to fix it. FML

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By MrOh - 9/8/2011 17:29 - Canada

Today, my wife didn't say a word to me because her horoscope told her not to. FML

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By Emily27 - 20/1/2012 11:56 - United Kingdom

Today, like every other day, my boss referred to my breasts as pillows he needs to nap on. FML

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By greenchan - 25/2/2011 05:12 - United States

Today, I had to take an emergency contraceptive. I was talking to my boyfriend about it, and I told him that my stomach really hurt. His response? "Aw. That's just the baby dying." FML

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By holla1787 - 4/12/2009 03:11 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Her birthday is tomorrow so she sent her new boyfriend to pick up her birthday present. FML

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By Rebecca - 16/4/2012 18:49 - United States - Bloomfield

Today, my mom admitted that the only reason she took me out for lunch was because she felt guilty over going on a massive shopping spree for my sister while I was forced to stay home alone. I thanked her for the Wendy's meal anyway. FML

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By anon13 - 12/4/2009 04:27 - United States

Today, at a family Seder, (a Jewish service for Passover), my mom served matzah balls during the festive meal. Considering how much I love matzah balls and there aren't many options for me to eat because I'm a vegetarian, I shouted, "I like really big balls!" in front of my entire family. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/3/2013 08:02 - United States - El Cajon

Today, I woke up to find that my parents had replaced my regular alarm clock with a walking one that requires you to get up and find it. The alarm was set to 5:00AM, which would have been fine if it wasn't the weekend. FML

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By blob - 21/2/2013 00:32 - United States - Framingham

Today, my mom refused to sign me up for a CPR class, reasoning that if I was ever put in a situation where a person was choking, I could save them using my "common sense" and "intellect". I need the class to graduate. FML

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By Cece - 11/7/2019 14:00

Today, while bowling on a first date, the guy I ended things with 3 days before was bowling too. In the lane next to ours. FML

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By jacked - 17/4/2009 02:38 - United States

Today, my car got a flat tire. I jacked up my car, removed the flat and went to get my spare out of the trunk. Where my spare is supposed to be I found a note. It said "You're a bitch - John". John is my ex boyfriend. He borrowed my car the day we broke up, apparently he stole my spare tire too. FML

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By Why Is It Always Me - 21/2/2017 12:00 - Canada - Calgary

Today, during an interview, I was given a list of items and asked which items I would take to a deserted island. When I chose a Bible, the interviewer asked why. I replied, "So I can burn it." What I meant to say was, "So I can use it to start a fire if the trees on the island bear fruit." FML

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By Stevejobs - 26/11/2018 17:30

Today, after realizing I had 130 unused vacation hours, I requested two weeks off. My vacation time was denied, but my boss still gave me the time off. So I don't have work for 2 weeks, all unpaid. FML

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By ENDmySUFFERING - 21/7/2016 15:25 - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, I walked into my son's room to be attacked by a swarm of flies. I'm afraid to go back in there. FML

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By Shouldn'taWornaThong - 10/2/2018 07:00 - United States - Tempe

Shouldn't have worn a thong...

Today, while shopping at my local grocery store, a young boy came up behind me and pulled my pants down while snickering. I was so shocked and horrified that I dropped the f-bomb. His mother yelled at me for "ruining his innocence". FML

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By Anonymous - 21/3/2016 21:26 - United States - Depew

Today, I parked my car in the company lot and walked down the street to a mandatory company training. While I was at the training, everyone back at the office decided to leave early and locked the company lot. My car is now stuck there for the night and I'm walking home. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/11/2011 14:43 - United States

Today, I overheard my dad telling his work buddy that he's disappointed in his kid. I assumed he meant my brother, for flunking out of school. He meant me, for quitting sports to focus on my studies. FML

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By Swivel - 7/6/2012 12:17 - Singapore

Today, after a spate of bad ones, I was in another job interview trying my hardest to give a good impression. After answering a few questions, I realized to my horror that while I was talking I was swiveling my chair from left to right like a nervous child. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/9/2018 18:30

Today, I spent $50 buying flea bombs so not only my dogs, but my son could relax a little in my home instead of fighting off those tiny little circus bastards. Today, I got in my car and the fleas attacked me mercilessly until I got to work. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/3/2014 18:45 - United Kingdom - Redditch

Today, it was my first ever live piano performance. It went all great until the end, when I stood up, slipped, and smashed face-first into the keys. I've lost half a tooth and all my dignity. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/1/2011 05:09 - United States

Today, at the job I've had for eight years, I finally got the raise I was supposed to get a year ago. One hour later I found out the store was closing and we were all out of a job in two weeks. FML

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By - 26/1/2020 20:00

Early show

Today, I was at work, working on a new play. In the final dress rehearsal, I heard some of the crew laughing so I looked down at the very revealing costume to see that my left testicle was hanging out. FML

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By snoooore - 31/8/2019 12:00 - United Kingdom - Gloucester

Today, I discovered I have narcolepsy. During a driving test. FML

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By sadSarah - 1/5/2014 09:59 - United States - New York

Today, as I was waiting in line to give my mom her birthday present, my dad gave her the exact same gift I'd also bought for her. FML

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By Anon. - 28/11/2009 12:22 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to look at my positive eBay feedback to feel loved. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/4/2017 14:00

Today, the main cause of my recent boost in anxiety is in fact the amount of debt that going to a therapist in the first place has put me in. I guess he did help me find the main cause of my emotional issues. FML

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By bummed - 4/11/2010 03:16 - United States

Today, I found out a 6-month pregnant woman is claiming my boyfriend to be the father. Even though this would have been previous to our relationship, he already has two kids from getting girls pregnant in high school. I guess he didn't learn his lesson the first two times. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/7/2013 04:48 - United States - West Palm Beach

Today, my husband was chased out of a bar after he was seen slipping something into a woman's drink. I was the woman, the 'something' was aspirin, and that's the last time we ever try to role-play. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/10/2015 09:11 - United Kingdom

Today, the canine behaviour course I am studying released a new assignment in which I need to film myself teaching a dog a new trick. The only dog I have access to is my sister's neurotic, anxious Chihuahua who bites at any sudden noise. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/8/2014 16:56 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my boss chewed me out for correcting several spelling and grammar mistakes in one of his reports. The words "Think you're so damn smart, don't ya?" were uttered. I'm his secretary, and proofreading his shit is part of my job. FML

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By Cpm - 1/12/2009 01:55 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend decided we are ready for the next step in our relationship. Apparently that next step is her taking a dump with the door open. FML

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By Daddy Tyrone - 17/9/2018 03:30

Today, my wife bought a bright pink dildo and left in the lounge whilst she went upstairs to get changed. We didn't expect the in-laws to arrive with my niece and nephews, who were hitting each other with the - as described by my 5-year-old nephew - "big pink sword". FML

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Top comments

By noPENGSinALASKA | 0

#796384 - Sunday 24 January 2010 23:18

don't you mean ex-boyfriend?

By Rakshasa23 | 0

#796447 - Monday 25 January 2010 0:11

YDI for actually keeping something valuable, let alone anything at all, in a hoodie pocket. The only thing those pockets are good for is keeping your hands warm.

Comments

By fudgnugget | 0

#796371 - Sunday 24 January 2010 23:12

that really sux

Reply

PeopleRSoDumb | 0

#796410 - Sunday 24 January 2010 23:37

Why would you have your window open in the middle of winter, in Mi? Fake or retarded.

Reply

nadsm | 0

#796424 - Sunday 24 January 2010 23:45

uhm hello he was "joking around".. he probably opened the window just for the sake of holding her hoodie outside, not to feel the fresh, freezing air.

Reply

HiddenAce91 | 6

#796562 - Monday 25 January 2010 1:14

@12 Actually it's quite warm in some parts of Michigan today. I know I live there myself.

@OP YDI for keeping your iPhone in your sweatshirt pocket. All sweatshirt pockets are loose and anything can be stolen or fall out without notice.

Reply

pegasus77 | 0

#796577 - Monday 25 January 2010 1:20

You mean 15

Reply

HiddenAce91 | 6

#796909 - Monday 25 January 2010 4:05

No there was another post there about Michigan being freezing cold during the winter and I swear it was a #12. but I must have been wrong.

Reply

ilovechocochipz | 0

#920744 - Sunday 7 March 2010 6:26

u shoulda grabbed it from him

By ashiezorz | 2

#796376 - Sunday 24 January 2010 23:13

LULZ.
Sorry. FYL.

By ruff1298 | 7

#796378 - Sunday 24 January 2010 23:13

It's horrible to joke about anything, and your boyfriend did a dumb decision. To make up for this, he MUST pay. With a new iPhone. Possibly some more attention and begging, too. Good luck.

Reply

Tandrael | 0

#796409 - Sunday 24 January 2010 23:36

agreed

By noPENGSinALASKA | 0

#796384 - Sunday 24 January 2010 23:18

don't you mean ex-boyfriend?

Reply

Mustardnight | 3

#797111 - Monday 25 January 2010 6:15

Well im shocked all it akes you to break up with someone is a broken iPhone.

Reply

IRock123456789 | 0

#797686 - Monday 25 January 2010 13:33

fag

By chaos753159 | 4

#796385 - Sunday 24 January 2010 23:21

YDI for having an iphone

Reply

poudycat | 0

#796526 - Monday 25 January 2010 0:58

YDI for being jealous of her iPhone.

Reply

chaos753159 | 4

#798498 - Monday 25 January 2010 23:38

i am jealous i wish i had one 

Reply

omgitsnikkie | 0

#799021 - Tuesday 26 January 2010 3:18

so does she lol

Reply

woosah | 16

#1580321 - Thursday 21 October 2010 8:08

lol... so you admit it eh?

Reply

jimmyandstuff | 0

#2087160 - Wednesday 16 February 2011 2:46

ha

By GiRIsMakingCupca | 0

#796390 - Sunday 24 January 2010 23:24

wow I would have been pissed

By anela_fml | 0

#796392 - Sunday 24 January 2010 23:26

some ones caughin up money and more

By betseyville | 6

#796401 - Sunday 24 January 2010 23:28

YDI for having an iPhone.

Reply

T1A2Z3 | 34

#7629747 - Wednesday 2 May 2018 18:44

Agreed... Overpriced technology

By mrbutterz | 0

#796404 - Sunday 24 January 2010 23:31

so when is he buying you a new one?

Reply

smitty809 | 0

#797825 - Monday 25 January 2010 15:07

totally agree

By jessxoxo28 | 5

#796413 - Sunday 24 January 2010 23:40

that means he gets u a brand new one