By Nykole McAllister - United States - Baltimore Today, I was talking to a nice guy on a dating app and we exchanged numbers. Later, I got a call. It was his wife asking me to stop talking to her husband. FML I agree, your life sucks 2995 You deserved it 250 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By skollasch - United States - Highland Today, I was told by my doctor I should start eating meat again after two years of vegetarianism, in an effort to be healthier. After horrid gas after my first turkey sandwich, I was told that my body no longer has the enzymes to digest meat. My efforts to be healthy crippled my stomach. FML I agree, your life sucks 32769 You deserved it 16587 147 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By bruised - United States - Jacksonville Beach Today, I had to fire an employee due to his staggering incompetence. The moment I said the F-word, he started fake-coughing, then loudly humming, then went to his desk and pretended not to hear anything I was saying. It took 3 of us to drag him out of the building kicking and screaming. FML I agree, your life sucks 26884 You deserved it 1934 87 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Detroitman125 Today, my name was left off of the program at our band concert. I would have been fine with this if it wasn't the third time in a row that this has happened. Yes, I did show them each time. FML I agree, your life sucks 2707 You deserved it 122 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my ex-girlfriend came over to console me after a breakup. After beating me repeatedly in Mariokart, she decided to leave. FML I agree, your life sucks 23075 You deserved it 8464 56 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I got a spray tan for homecoming. While I was dancing, I got really sweaty and the spray tan rubbed off on the guy's white tux. FML I agree, your life sucks 10813 You deserved it 50992 154 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Sunnyvale Today, I came home from work to my 4-year old daughter cussing left and right. I asked her about it; she said that her brother had taught her some words. When I confronted him about the situation, he kicked my shin and screamed, "Stop treating me like a fucking child!" He's 5. FML I agree, your life sucks 45097 You deserved it 18783 216 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my ass decided that it was the perfect day to exhibit the diarrhea side-effect of medicine I'm taking. I definitely made a lasting impression on my interviewer. FML I agree, your life sucks 43094 You deserved it 2963 45 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By dummy - United States Today, while babysitting a five year old, I found a cartoon called Metalocalypse for him to watch while I made dinner. I didn't realize it was an "adult" cartoon until afterwards. He watched a whole episode about a clown with a cocaine problem. FML I agree, your life sucks 15514 You deserved it 57446 465 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By coco - Canada Today, I was on a very crowded bus, standing near the back door. People had to get off at the stop, and being near the door, I had to step off the bus, allowing the people to exit. I was about to enter back into the bus, the door closed and the bus driver took off, leaving me stranded. FML I agree, your life sucks 43847 You deserved it 5920 74 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Australia Today, after moving house, changing my number, my email, and beginning legal action to get away from a girl who was stalking me, I decided to go to the movies to relax. As soon as I got in my seat, that same girl walked into the nearly empty theatre. She sat next to me. FML I agree, your life sucks 41628 You deserved it 3148 158 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Alyssa - Canada - Toronto Today, I paid $50 on a haircut. Halfway through, I realized the hair dresser was drunk. FML I agree, your life sucks 29379 You deserved it 5096 99 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By TabbyCat87 Cursed lake Today, our boat broke down in the middle of a lake at sunset. We called our friend for help, and his truck and trailer got stuck in mud at the boat ramp. We called the sheriff's office to tow his vehicle out of the mud. The tow strap broke. FML I agree, your life sucks 1482 You deserved it 125 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By whoneedsdumbcars - United States Today, at a restaurant, I noticed a really hot girl leaving with her friend. A few minutes later they came back, laughing uncontrollably, and announced that some moron forgot to put on their parking brake and the car was rolling into the full parking lot. It was my car. They watched me chase it. FML I agree, your life sucks 17337 You deserved it 39620 58 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Stephie2009 - United States Today, my mother got remarried. I am now officially older than my step-father. FML I agree, your life sucks 51575 You deserved it 3128 86 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Neath Today, after struggling to get something out of my eye, I kept my eye open long so it would start to water. My mother in law noticed and said, "Aww, do you need a therapist again?" She knows full well I struggle with chronic depression. FML I agree, your life sucks 19549 You deserved it 1568 44 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Ferniferousfern Today, I sat down to use the bathroom after a long day of work. My toilet, however, had other plans, as a spontaneous, ear shattering crack flooded the entire bathroom, soaking the outer carpet and shorting out my bathroom scale. FML I agree, your life sucks 1870 You deserved it 126 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By homelessagain - United States - Lorain Sue! SUE! Today, I found out, through Facebook, that my landlord hadn't been paying the mortgage on the house I'm renting from him. It's going into foreclosure. FML I agree, your life sucks 6677 You deserved it 413 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I was sick and laid up in bed, and my boyfriend decided to bring me some soup. Just as he reached the bed, he tripped over his own feet and spilled the soup all over me. FML I agree, your life sucks 29442 You deserved it 3425 159 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By catfriend - United States - Salida Today, my husband's cat died. He has resorted to calling me by her name to comfort himself. FML I agree, your life sucks 45912 You deserved it 4819 95 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By bopbop - United States Today, my brother came out to our family as being gay. My mother starting crying because "She wanted grandchildren." I told her that I was planning on having children. She started crying harder. FML I agree, your life sucks 73713 You deserved it 4326 171 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By JustSomeGuy - United States - Bulverde Like a virgin Today, while taking my boyfriend's virginity, he started moaning, "Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!" He then started crying and praying. FML I agree, your life sucks 62930 You deserved it 9590 162 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By El Stupido - Australia Today, I was stuck in stand-still traffic for 5 minutes, before realizing I had stopped behind a parked car. FML I agree, your life sucks 14160 You deserved it 58330 233 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By piece of crap car - United States - Portland Today, I was supposed to start my first day of work at my dream job. However, my car had other plans and refused to start. When I called my boss to tell him I was going to be late, he told me not to come in at all and fired me on the spot. FML I agree, your life sucks 8720 You deserved it 1023 26 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By DontBeRude - United States - San Francisco Today, my mother felt the need to remind me not to fall in love with a fictional character. After laughing and reassuring her that I knew the difference between fiction and reality, she replied, "You know, honey, sometimes I'm not so sure." FML I agree, your life sucks 23381 You deserved it 3828 73 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By JustShutUp Today, my neighbour was singing in the shower so loud that I could understand every word. He was singing "Purple Rain", which wouldn't have been so bad if he only knew a bit more of the lyrics. He has been singing those same two words for half an hour now. FML I agree, your life sucks 13421 You deserved it 920 30 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By FML1994 - United States Today, my family was discussing the new rules of the house we are moving in. They told my sister she couldn't have any boys in her room. They didn't tell me I couldn't have any girls in my room. Even my parents think I can't get a girlfriend. FML I agree, your life sucks 44181 You deserved it 4958 175 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By yay! - United States Today, I found my son's iPod touch and was looking at a light-saber app. He walked into the living room to see me fighting the cat and making sound effects to myself. FML I agree, your life sucks 8750 You deserved it 32194 108 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Meh - United States Today, I was surprising my husband because our sex life is lacking. We have planned sex tuesday night, every week, with the lights off. When he came home for lunch, I was nude and waiting for him. He took one look and said, "I forgot you looked like that. Meh, I'm going back to work." FML I agree, your life sucks 76818 You deserved it 8493 221 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By blueglover - United States - Perris Today, I made a new friend. He seemed pretty cool, until we came to the topic of religion and the ancient alien theory. I'm seemingly now friends with a guy who thinks alien Jesus raped an Earth woman, and we're the resulting cross-breed. FML I agree, your life sucks 23855 You deserved it 3675 179 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I learned I have a severe sinus infection, my body really can't handle antibiotics, and I can projectile vomit out my nose. Not sure if I am more impressed that I still somehow aimed the puke into the sink, or that swallowing afterwards hurt more than emptying my stomach via my nose. FML I agree, your life sucks 29346 You deserved it 2241 75 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Swatted - United States - Sparks Today, a model I've been working on for an art competition was declined. They thought I was being insensitive and "rudely glorifying 9/11". My model was about the ending scene of King Kong. I spent twenty hours on that model. FML I agree, your life sucks 31159 You deserved it 2920 53 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By jkin47 - United States Today, I moved into my new college apartment for the next year. A 45 year old guy with a mustache in short shorts and no shirt answers the door. He will be one of my roommates. FML I agree, your life sucks 36559 You deserved it 4021 161 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By oh god why Precision flinging Today, while I was changing my tampon, I somehow managed to fling period blood into my eye. I wish I was making this up. FML I agree, your life sucks 1631 You deserved it 214 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By mustache girl - Canada - Magog Today, I waxed my upper lip hair. My boyfriend later told me that he missed my mustache rubbing onto his. FML I agree, your life sucks 51020 You deserved it 6035 78 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By hesaidwhat - United States Today, I checked my Facebook notifications to see that someone likes my new single status. My ex. FML I agree, your life sucks 32002 You deserved it 5883 56 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ParkerRommel - United States Today, I was apparently tired enough to spray silly string under my armpits rather than deodorant. FML I agree, your life sucks 25871 You deserved it 6967 98 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By awkward wedding Today, a girl confessed that she's loved me for years and wants to marry me and have my children. It was my half-sister and she said it in front of everyone at a family wedding. I don't know who to be most afraid of at this point: her fiancé or my stepdad. FML I agree, your life sucks 3881 You deserved it 167 35 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Minneapolis Today, I overheard my husband telling his friend that he wished a zombie apocalypse would happen in real life, so he could take me out back and shoot me without having to worry about going to prison. FML I agree, your life sucks 30416 You deserved it 2606 105 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By imsorry - United States - Oakland SORRY! Today, I found out how whipped I am when, at the climax of sex, I moaned, "I'm sorry!" FML I agree, your life sucks 33070 You deserved it 7754 61 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By GN - United States - New York Today, I got stopped by the fuzz. The officer told me he "could care less" about my excuses. He was probably about to let me go without a ticket, but my inner Grammar Nazi kicked in and I explained why he meant to say "couldn't care less." I got the ticket. FML I agree, your life sucks 9304 You deserved it 46802 189 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By whiskey'swino | 15 #7694065 - Saturday 15 September 2018 23:50 Today, I found my husband is exchanging his number on a dating site. FML - the wife Sadly, all too common. At least it was only as far as exchanging numbers. Send a private message 24 2 Reply
By allie2590 | 30 #7694105 - Sunday 16 September 2018 3:56 Don't ever keep a cheater. If they'll do it with you, they'll do it to you. Send a private message 12 0 Reply
By whiskey'swino | 15 #7694065 - Saturday 15 September 2018 23:50 Today, I found my husband is exchanging his number on a dating site. FML - the wife Sadly, all too common. At least it was only as far as exchanging numbers. Send a private message 24 2 Reply
By melisssa87 | 30 #7694082 - Sunday 16 September 2018 0:38 The wife shouldn’t have bothered calling you, well maybe just to say you can keep him Send a private message 11 1 Reply
Reply allie2590 | 30 #7694105 - Sunday 16 September 2018 3:56 Don't ever keep a cheater. If they'll do it with you, they'll do it to you. Send a private message 12 0 Reply
By BurnInDemonFire | 30 #7694092 - Sunday 16 September 2018 2:16 No more Mr. Nice Guy. Send a private message 2 0 Reply
By Cody Vertigo Bonthoux | 15 #7694119 - Sunday 16 September 2018 5:59 tell her she needs to reign him in also delete the app Send a private message 1 1 Reply
Today, my dad asked my mom to flash him. He didn't forget I was in the room, he just couldn't be bothered to wait. My mom obliged. FML I agree, your life sucks 473 You deserved it 67 3 Comments
Today, like every other day for the past two weeks, my husband was not in the mood for sex. He told me this while masturbating. FML I agree, your life sucks 657 You deserved it 81 8 Comments
Sadly, all too common. At least it was only as far as exchanging numbers.