Work: Today, I discovered my employer is advertising for a contractor...

By YankeeDoodle - 04/03/2010 05:30 - Australia

Today, I discovered my employer is advertising for a contractor position within my team performing basically the same role as myself. Except the pay is seven times more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 545

You deserved it 2 053

Work

Leave us alone

I can't quit you

Keep up!

You'll get some eventually

By Anonymous - 08/05/2021 10:59 - China

Today, my mom woke me up from a wet dream, because I was moaning too loudly. I'm a 32 year-old virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 993

You deserved it 335

By emselin - 18/09/2012 20:07 - Denmark - Niv

Today, someone brought cake to class. Trying to get some attention from the guy I have a crush on, I asked if he wanted my piece of cake. He accepted it, and then offered it to another girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 616

You deserved it 4 999

By vetstudentdream - 15/04/2017 22:00 - Australia - Bellbowrie

Today, I found out what it feels like to have a cow take a large, flatulent shit with my arm still elbow-deep inside their rectum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 728

You deserved it 817

By insertfoothere - 18/07/2009 11:26 - United States

Today, after my son's new friend spent the night, I commented on how his hair had such a straight line in it from one ear to the other. I joked about how he must have fallen asleep with headphones on, or had bad hat hair. He informed me it was a scar from brain surgery he had when he was younger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 243

You deserved it 59 770

The Three Bears Conundrum

By Madison43097 - 24/09/2009 20:57 - United States

Today, I was cleaning out from underneath my bed and found a used condom. I've never had sex in my own room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 653

You deserved it 2 519

By Toothless - 07/10/2009 05:43 - United States

Today, I was eating ice cream and struggling to chew a particularly hard chunk of chocolate. After finally breaking it into pieces, I spat it out because it tasted terrible. Then I discovered that I was missing my temporary crown. Now I have no upper molar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 051

You deserved it 6 376

Careless Whisper

By ihatejasonderulo - 02/09/2014 15:32 - United Kingdom - Hounslow

Today, I asked my girlfriend to talk dirty to me. Her response was to impersonate a saxophone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 576

You deserved it 9 927

By Anonymous - 28/11/2010 20:03 - United States

Today, my friend peed her pants while we were sledding. I could feel it trickling down into my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 439

You deserved it 2 907

By Phycheledic - 12/05/2016 10:22 - United States

Today, I was volunteering at the daycare in my area. When this one kid was leaving, he asked his mom, "Why is she so ugly?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 455

You deserved it 1 575

By thoughtidseenitall - 02/02/2013 01:01 - United States - Englewood

Today, while trucking, I got stuck in traffic on a congested highway. After 15 minutes of mind-numbing boredom, I glanced down at the car beside me, only to witness the driver changing her tampon and flicking the old one onto the highway. I can't unsee this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 267

You deserved it 4 001

By disheshateme - 18/11/2009 07:03 - United States

Today, it was my turn to do the suite's dishes. I was in the process of drying my roommate's coffee mug when the handle suddenly snapped off and the sharp edge left on the mug scraped down my arm. I now have a 3-inch long gash in my arm. I was attacked by a cheap coffee mug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 617

You deserved it 3 963

By Anonymous - 24/12/2010 03:37 - United States

Today, I put a sock on my dorm room door to get everyone to think I was getting laid. In truth, I'm a virgin and just wanted to take a peaceful nap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 167

You deserved it 8 540

By weeble_wobbles09 - 26/12/2009 02:06 - United States

Today, my Nana showed me her new sign that says, "Some of my greatest blessings call me Nana." We stood there looking at a wall FULL of pictures of her grandkids, which is where she wanted to hang it. After scanning the wall a couple times, I realized. There was not one picture of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 375

You deserved it 2 807

By Anonymous - 27/11/2015 15:28 - United States - Jamestown

Today, I was in a play and had a battle scene. I got a little too into it and wound up twisting my ankle. The audience was treated to me screaming like a little girl before face-planting the stage a moment later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 360

You deserved it 3 513

By Anonymous - 12/12/2013 21:53 - New Zealand - Napier

Today, my girlfriend sent her new boyfriend over to my place to break up with me for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 315

You deserved it 3 492

By Anonynommer - 13/09/2013 23:13 - United States - Holyoke

Today, at my first day on the job, a customer threatened my life because our vending machine had run out of Doritos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 282

You deserved it 3 348

By Anonymous - 13/07/2012 06:47 - United States - Spring

Today, my fiancé's grandmother kept trying to introduce him to this "simply absolutely amazing girl," who she thought "would be just the perfect date" for him. At our engagement party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 585

You deserved it 1 997

Sucker

By Anonymous - 08/09/2021 14:01

Today, I tried out my new noise-canceling headphones while vacuuming my house. They worked so well that I didn't hear the vacuum stop when the plug fell out of the outlet. I accidentally had the vacuum off the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 470

You deserved it 930

By torkx3 - 21/07/2009 20:22 - United States

Today, a resident went missing at our nursing home. When I found him, a man in a blue shirt and red pants, he started yelling at me in confusion. I just thought it was his alzheimers. When I brought him to my administrator, I was told the missing resident was wearing a red shirt and blue pants. Wrong guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 725

You deserved it 40 107

By cadillacfrank - 24/07/2011 21:01 - United States

Today, I was dared to eat durian. With my reputation hanging in the balance, I bought one. Only after I opened it did I realize the extent of the dare. It smelled and tasted like dried cat shit that Satan himself had regurgitated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 792

You deserved it 36 489

By representative - 20/04/2017 00:00

Today, I was let go without warning at work. Why? Because my boss saw some comments I'd posted. Nothing I'd said was offensive or controversial, but he said he didn't care, because he didn't agree with it and didn't want me to "smear" the company name. I represent the company? I just serve coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 623

You deserved it 884

By Anonymous - 28/01/2016 00:24 - United States - San Francisco

Today, after weeks of watching Michael Jackson videos non-stop, my boyfriend learned how to moonwalk. Now he does it literally everywhere. I can't even cross the street without him moonwalking behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 394

You deserved it 2 960

The movie of my life

By Anonymous - 19/11/2020 05:02

Today, I learnt my boyfriend has just been using me for character development for the last 5 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 799

You deserved it 106

Millennial Life

By goodbyeadulthood - 09/09/2019 06:00

Today, my parents told me that from now on I have to share a room with my 9-year-old sister. She already called top bunk. I'm 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 483

You deserved it 558

By dylanhollis - 17/01/2014 12:49 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I signed up for a dating site and used a photo of my mother and me at a wedding. Everyone stops responding when they find out they're talking to me and not her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 716

You deserved it 9 132

By crazychick - 19/08/2009 16:40 - Canada

Today, I was told I have bipolar disorder. I'm 31. It took so long to diagnose because my mom always figured I was "just a super bitch half the time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 248

You deserved it 5 134

My 21st birthday

By Anonymous - 10/01/2020 14:00

Today, my parents took me to a bar to celebrate my 21st birthday. They brought my little brother, but when the bouncer wouldn't allow him in, they made me wait outside with him while they went in for drinks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 177

You deserved it 518

By hobbit - 22/05/2013 17:40 - United States - Winthrop

Today, I decided to treat myself to a pedicure ahead of my cousin's wedding. The woman doing my nails asked if I wanted my toe hairs trimmed. I was so taken aback and embarrassed that I said yes. They charged me extra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 481

You deserved it 13 957

It's not working

By naas1201 - 10/05/2020 23:00

Today, and since the beginning of our couples therapy, my wife and I don't do it anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 463

You deserved it 251

By wearingshorts - 28/08/2010 04:54 - United States

Today, I decided to wear string panties. While in line at the mall, they became untied. I was wearing a skirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 331

You deserved it 39 076

By Anonymous - 28/11/2011 15:31

Today, I finally met the cute guy I've been seeing around town. Bad news is, I was drunk off my ass, and when he told me his name, I burst out laughing because it's the same as my puppy's. He did not take it well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 313

You deserved it 37 241

By Anonymous - 09/11/2011 01:20 - United States

Today, my boyfriend drove me home. I mentioned how I had recently started my period and he freaked out, saying I would "leak" through my tampon onto his seat. He made me sit on towels all the way home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 508

You deserved it 6 512

By Anonymous - 31/01/2016 12:11 - United Kingdom - Pontypool

Today, my grandmother yet again asked where my grandfather is. She refuses to believe us when we tell her that he passed away 6 years ago. She always insists that he's out cheating on her and accuses us of lying to cover his arse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 325

You deserved it 1 539

By lrgenesis - 04/02/2012 08:13 - United States

Today, my mom friended all my friends on Facebook then thought it'd be a good idea to try and act like a teen so she'd be considered 'cool'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 112

You deserved it 2 812

By Anonymous - 03/01/2011 11:18 - United States

Today, I was at my friend's house. We were looking at her dad's guns, and I was explaining gun safety and how you should never put your finger on the trigger. I then shot a hole in the floor of her house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 348

You deserved it 44 781

We could be heroes

By Anonymous - 10/09/2020 14:01

Today, as an Ambulance Technician, I dealt with a man who had too much LSD. He urinated on my boot and spat on me multiple times, thinking he had dragons in his mouth. I put a mask on him and he took it off so "the dragons could escape." My wage is lower than if I were working in a supermarket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 642

You deserved it 105

By batgirl - 20/11/2008 12:55 - France

Today, I get to see my boyfriend again after a month. So I decided to shave my pubic hair in the shape of a heart. After my little striptease, he gasped in admiration "Aaaw, Batman sign!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 118

You deserved it 16 088

By Anonymous - 18/08/2015 21:08 - United States - Woodridge

Today, a woman at the retirement home I work at told me she was new and asked me a few questions. I asked her when she moved in. She was a new coworker, not a new resident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 689

You deserved it 12 886

By Tweenmom - 13/04/2017 16:00

Today, my tween daughter found an exciting new book series to replace her two-year obsession with Harry Potter. Hello, Team Jacob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 679

You deserved it 532

By rained - 02/02/2009 05:44 - Hong Kong

Today, I drove an hour in a rainstorm to go see my boyfriend. Thirty minutes and a blow job later, he tells me he's going to meet some friends for dinner in half an hour then kicks me out of his house. It's still raining. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 348

You deserved it 7 661

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Top comments

Intoxicunt 5

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Thursday 4 March 2010 12:12

Apply for it. :D

lettertjes 0

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Thursday 4 March 2010 12:55

This is not an FML, this is an opportunity! Apply for that position! And if you don't get it, negotiate about a better salary!

tereshay 0

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Thursday 4 March 2010 12:10

that sucks!

Terwilliger 0

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Thursday 4 March 2010 12:13

quit and apply for it.

White667 0

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Thursday 4 March 2010 15:45

Just apply for it? Jeeze, why is this bad. You have a shot at earning seven times as much as you do now, just minus the job security.

Horney4her69 0

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Thursday 4 March 2010 16:25

or ask for a raise

Philosophic 0

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Thursday 4 March 2010 20:44

Basically meaning not exactly...? So does this job have more, or fewer obligations? IMO, stop whining OP, at least you have a job.

khung835 6

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Thursday 4 March 2010 21:34

yeah i don't even have a job.

Intoxicunt 5

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Thursday 4 March 2010 12:12

Apply for it. :D

tyheron 0

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Thursday 4 March 2010 12:41

Yeah just apply for it. This is not a FML, this is a big opportunity for you. If it's basically the same job you should easily get it, unless you suck at your job.

red1979 0

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Thursday 4 March 2010 13:02

Contractor jobs usually pay more because they don't include benefits and they are only temporary jobs. Be thankful you have a full time job in this economy.

cgyguy 0

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Thursday 4 March 2010 14:49

amen to 14.

Eddie_Paints 0

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Thursday 4 March 2010 12:16

Your boss is a douche........

scorpio95 0

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Thursday 4 March 2010 12:17

Sucks for you.

blaaaaakely 0

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Thursday 4 March 2010 12:41

roflpwned!

astro_plastic 0

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Thursday 4 March 2010 12:46

roflcopter.

yourlifesfucked 0

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Thursday 4 March 2010 13:23

really stupid.

lettertjes 0

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Thursday 4 March 2010 12:55

This is not an FML, this is an opportunity! Apply for that position! And if you don't get it, negotiate about a better salary!

strawberry6826 0

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Thursday 4 March 2010 21:50

agreed. but also u sed basically the same thing so what's the difference. what if that's what's makes tht position worth 7 times more your pay.

tristan1001 0

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Thursday 4 March 2010 12:56

yea apply for it

Rick_S 3

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Thursday 4 March 2010 12:57

Keep in mind that it costs far more to employ someone than to contract them. When you employ someone, you have to pay benefits, taxes, insurance, and a ton of other stuff. I don't think that makes up the full seven times your salary, but I hope it helps.

mcfaily 0

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Thursday 4 March 2010 17:28

well you also need to pay them for 40 hours a week too. If you had a contractor, you would only need to pay them when you had work for them.

underpaid011 0

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Thursday 4 March 2010 13:14

quit crying and APPLY! everyone else on your team already did. for all you know, so did I. and just so you know, when I get the spot since I will make seven times more than you, it must mean I am your boss. this means you get all the work, while I get to bail out early on Friday and take all the credit.

youthink_fml 0

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Thursday 4 March 2010 13:45

BASICALLY the same role? Sounds like you don't even know what the role is. And yeah, if you think you can do the job, why didn't you just apply instead of coming here to bitch and cry?