Today, I was sitting in a bar telling some young dude to accept responsibility for his life choices. I'm over 50 and was spending my last five dollars on beer. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I went to the bar I go to every week. My favorite bartender told me I owed $50 for a tab because the waiter screwed up and undercharged me. The tab was from when my friends bought me drinks to cheer me up because my girlfriend moved away. I ended up paying for my own drinks, plus theirs. FML
Today, I was sitting at the bar of a popular local restaurant. I sat there for a few hours and drank my sorrows away with the bartender. I thought she was pretty, and decided to give her a large tip. The tip sent me over my credit card limit, and the bartender is not single. FML
Today, a cute thirty-ish chick walked into the bar I work in. I asked her for her license to make her feel young. She didn't have her license on her and started yelling about how stupid it was to even ask, when she obviously was old enough to drink. She then got up and left. FML
Today, I had to admit that I'm an alcoholic when I spent my last dollar bills on Southern Comfort instead of tampons. FML
Today, a pretty co-worker invited me out for drinks after my shift. I have no money left until payday. Embarrassed, I had to decline and go home alone. FML
Today, as I was leaving home for my mall kiosk job, my dad asked me where I was off to. When I said I was going to work, he tossed an empty beer bottle to the floor, belched, and said "Bah! Get a REAL job!" He's unemployed and living in my apartment. FML
Today, my dad took me to a bar for my first legal drink. He quickly got "drunk" and started slurring that I was an accident, saying the only reason I'm alive is because he'd been too poor to pay for an abortion. As I started crying, he burst out laughing and said soberly, "Just kidding, son." FML
Today, I went to the bar I've always gone to after work for the past 12 years. On arrival, I got banned for life, punched in the nose and thrown out. The barmaid comes out and says, "Sorry, wrong guy." FML
Today, despite my objections, a 50-year-old guy at a bar tried to convince me that my "biological clock is ticking" and that it was time to have kids, "before it's too late". He then offered his help in this noble endeavor. FML
Today, I was sitting in my cubicle at work, nursing a hangover, and thinking how stupid I was for getting so shit-faced last night. I then realized that I was voicing my thoughts out loud, and the whole office had gone quiet, listening to me castigate myself. FML
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Top comments
MidnaLink 35
Yeah, I don't think you should be doling out life advice…
lexiieeex3 32
There's a button for that.
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Comments (63)
hehe1996 15
At least you're trying to help somebody make the right choices OP.
CoupeDeAce 6
Could've bought a six pack with that five dollars.
thisguy22 33
At least you've accepted your choices though... There's the difference.
myoukei 31
I mean so long as you aren't bitching later because you're broke you're technically following your own advice right?
vitalidol 7
What the hell, there's more $$ to be made, right ?
KaidensCrow 18
depends on if he took care of everything else and spent what was left over on beer... but he could have bought a 6 pack or a cobra for cheaper
sulvan182 15
But at least you were trying to help him not make the same mistake right (:?
djm2010 8
What's it like up there on your pedastal, OP?
foxmatrix15 8
This is a mind your business unless it affects urs kinda world
UhHuhHoney 20
Are you the same dude from an earlier FML post that offered a cig to his younger brother? Lol
RealSuperSand 21
Sounds like a typical day in Florida.