Today, I was sitting in a bar telling some young dude to accept responsibility for his life choices. I'm over 50 and was spending my last five dollars on beer. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I went to the bar I go to every week. My favorite bartender told me I owed $50 for a tab because the waiter screwed up and undercharged me. The tab was from when my friends bought me drinks to cheer me up because my girlfriend moved away. I ended up paying for my own drinks, plus theirs. FML
Today, I was sitting at the bar of a popular local restaurant. I sat there for a few hours and drank my sorrows away with the bartender. I thought she was pretty, and decided to give her a large tip. The tip sent me over my credit card limit, and the bartender is not single. FML
Today, a cute thirty-ish chick walked into the bar I work in. I asked her for her license to make her feel young. She didn't have her license on her and started yelling about how stupid it was to even ask, when she obviously was old enough to drink. She then got up and left. FML
Today, I had to admit that I'm an alcoholic when I spent my last dollar bills on Southern Comfort instead of tampons. FML
Today, a pretty co-worker invited me out for drinks after my shift. I have no money left until payday. Embarrassed, I had to decline and go home alone. FML
Today, as I was leaving home for my mall kiosk job, my dad asked me where I was off to. When I said I was going to work, he tossed an empty beer bottle to the floor, belched, and said "Bah! Get a REAL job!" He's unemployed and living in my apartment. FML
Today, my dad took me to a bar for my first legal drink. He quickly got "drunk" and started slurring that I was an accident, saying the only reason I'm alive is because he'd been too poor to pay for an abortion. As I started crying, he burst out laughing and said soberly, "Just kidding, son." FML
Today, I went to the bar I've always gone to after work for the past 12 years. On arrival, I got banned for life, punched in the nose and thrown out. The barmaid comes out and says, "Sorry, wrong guy." FML
Today, despite my objections, a 50-year-old guy at a bar tried to convince me that my "biological clock is ticking" and that it was time to have kids, "before it's too late". He then offered his help in this noble endeavor. FML
Today, I was sitting in my cubicle at work, nursing a hangover, and thinking how stupid I was for getting so shit-faced last night. I then realized that I was voicing my thoughts out loud, and the whole office had gone quiet, listening to me castigate myself. FML
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Top comments
MidnaLink 35
Yeah, I don't think you should be doling out life advice…
lexiieeex3 32
There's a button for that.
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Comments (63)
trucker2 33
Nice role model, or Not
rainbowsRlove 15
maybe you should've mentioned it to him I'm sure your point would have been made
zenrael 21
The
laden_swallow09 35
rabbit
UhHuhHoney 20
Smells
EvilTurtle 35
like
CoffeeChickBlows 13
shit
JustinJK 21
and
One_Way 43
eats
CoffeeChickBlows 13
shit
daniel271 13
The end
Jryan952015 7
What bar are you at I'll come join you for a beer
rageprincess 5
Trust me, we already know...
AletheDefender 15
Maybe you should try to take some of your own advice, and I'm not trying to be sarcastic at all
backdoorman010 9
do as I say not as I do
xnemesis1981 15
Be the change you want to see.
Adamjohn82 19
Priorities. Someone has them straight.
thejimler 9
If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to be a terrible warning instead.