Today, I was planning on breaking up with my girlfriend of five years in two days time. She just mailed me a care package that said, "I'd die without you." FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me by taping a breakup note to my doorstep and ding-dong-ditching me. FML
Today, my boyfriend of two years sent me a text message saying, "Don't worry I'm gonna break up with her soon. Love you." FML
Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. She was ecstatic. Apparently, she'd been trying to figure out how to break up with me for the past four months. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me through a text message. In retaliation, I started typing a long list of everything I hate about her. Just as I pressed the send button, she text me again saying "Just joking. You know I'd never leave you. Love you babe :)" FML
Today, I woke up to a text from my boyfriend that said, "Dude, I think she knows I'm going to break up with her." FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me through my birthday card. FML
Today, I wrote my girlfriend a song. She wrote me a 13-page letter on why we should break up. FML
Today, I sent my girlfriend a nice "Good morning" text after I woke up. Then I found a paper note stuck to my bedroom door, in which she broke up with me. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 3 weeks gave me an ultimatum: marry her, or she kills herself. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me a two week notice for our relationship. FML
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Top comments
Intoxicunt 6
Murderer! :)
Raegron 4
...or give it one last try, see how it works out? :) (we don't know anything else than what you've written, so this may be a very bad idea, I don't know :D).
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Comments (127)
jw90 18
Wow...my ex told me that once..waddya know she's still alive..of course we'd only been together three months how long have u been together? 5 years. YDI for being an ass and wanting to break her heart.
plexico 4
How do you plan a break up in two days' time? Do you have your break-up scheduled on your Microsoft Outlook calendar? Is it a half-hour meeting, or an All-Day event? Have you posted the agenda for the attendees? 1. Old Business 2. New Business 3. Weeping
metonymy 0
XD I just pictured a guy pointing to charts and graphs in a Powerpoint presentation, saying, "Now, if you'll bear with me a moment, the decline in our relationship began about here..."
XOfiestypixie 0
You forgot #4, Plex. 4. Excessive eating of ice cream and chocolate while watching chick flicks
Intellectualist 0
I also love you Plexico!!
plexico 4
I love you, too, lauralatch! I appreciate your kind words and I am glad that I can bring a smile to your face. I mean it in the nicest, kindest possible way, but you look a teensy-weensy bit like a hedgehog. But, everyone loves hedgehogs -- they're SOOOOOOO cute!
Mykeh 0
Planning a break up is tough. Planning her funeral will be tougher.
56578 0
Well, that put you in bad spot. Hope you get everything worked out.
etantao 0
Call her bluff!
mekeskidi_fml 0
Let her know you cheat on her, she will break up with you.
palleas_fml 0
I see a lot of cynicism in here. I'm maybe naive, but I think it's just a way to tell you she loves you very much. FYL though, for it's always harder to break up with someone who cares about you. **** her life too, cause it's even harder when the person you love breaks up with you. The question to which only you can answer, OP, is: does she only mean she really loves you, or is she really a suicidal kind of person? One way or the other, if you don't love her, you have no "right" to stay with her, so you do have to break up. Just do it taking the right precautions
visage 0
I'd tell her to make arrangements.
_cheeseballs 0
Shouldn't have delayed it for so long, or planned ahead for something like that, jackass.
xelectrickiss 0
i have the same problem. i kept wanting to at least take a break and he was all "idk what i'd do without you" and i'd reply that he'd live, but he didn't agree. lol i did it anyways and hes dealing with it well enough.