Today, I was pickpocketed. I didn't realize until I stopped to get breakfast. I went back home to see that my dog had taken my wallet and had ripped and torn it up. I was pickpocketed by my own dog. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I gave a short presentation at a neighborhood watch event to raise awareness about pickpocketing and to give tips on how to avoid becoming a victim of it. After I got back home, I realized my wallet was missing from my pocket. FML
Today, I was taking my dog for a walk and got robbed at knifepoint. The robber made away with my phone, cash, and debit cards… and the French Bulldog I’m still making monthly payments for. FML
Today, I got mugged while walking my dog. He seemed to be OK with it. FML
Today, I took my dog to the park. While chatting with another dog owner, my dog managed to steal their sandwich and ran off with it. I had to chase my sandwich-thieving dog through the entire park. FML
Today, I tripped over my dog while carrying groceries. As I laid on the floor surrounded by smashed eggs, spilled milk, and a bruised knee, my dog stole the bread from the bag and and ran off. FML
Today, I went to retrieve my stolen wallet from a train station. After I collected it, I returned to the place where I'd parked my bike, only to find that my bike had been stolen. FML
Today, the police called because someone had turned in my wallet that was stolen. I happily drove home only to find that my house had been robbed and ransacked. FML
Today, I went to eat out. When I sat down, I realized I forgot my straw. I took my purse with me, not wanting it to get stolen. Someone stole my food instead. FML
Today, I woke up to find out my house was robbed. He didn't steal anything of value, but he stole my beer, dog, and cat. FML
Today, I went to pick up my dog from the vet after she had surgery. I somehow managed to lock my keys, my purse, and my dog in the car. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
leopardwilliam 22
Maybe you should rethink the bacon wallet
c_wyld 21
Man that's ruff. He couldn't at least throw you a bone, I mean c'mon its Monday...
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (55)
hard_candy 25
I suppose it's better than actually getting pickpocketted and having your entire identity stolen.
stingray112 24
How the **** did u not realize it was your dog pickpocketing you
DorLeon 14
correct me if i am wrong but i think bite is always worse then bark :/
VitalDistance 14
I feel like every movie about animals being super secret operatives are actually true thanks to this.
vikky538 29
I thought dogs are loyal and not a thief. Its good that your dog pick pocketed your wallet. Just imagine what would be the situation if it's others wallet.
Attacksloth 33
I heard pets could really chew a hole in your wallet. Didn't think that expression was literal.
tranced_ 45
Hey the dog needs breakfast too.
joelp232 17
sounds like your dog wants attention
crazyharry631 5
I would put the dog down lol
buttcramp 21
damn, 22.. that's a little much.
annika16 5
Yes stu pot put the dog down just cuz it wanted attention and thought that doing something bad would get him/her it
engineerosaurus 26
I sincerely hope you don't own a dog. Why you'd think that's funny is beyond me.
drunk_crow 12
Because that's HILARIOUS.
Drosophila82 18
Perhaps he's trying to send you a msg...