Today, I was performing a show about pirates for a youth program. A child started crying because I wasn't a real pirate. A little girl took my defense, saying, "He's a real pirate, his teeth are all yellow!" FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I went to a Halloween party dressed as a pirate. Someone complimented me on how convincing the fake teeth were that I had on for my costume. I wasn't wearing fake teeth. FML
Today, while I was giving a school presentation about life as an injured, deformed soldier, someone asked if the reason I wear an eyepatch is because I'm a pirate. I wouldn't have minded, had I not been presenting to high-school students. FML
Today, the kid I was tutoring told me that, "Pirates were a myth. Like the Greeks and Romans." He's 16. FML
Today, I babysat for two little girls, who wanted to play 'mermaids'. I smiled, and said that I would love to play with them. The older girl laughed, saying "You can't be a mermaid. Mermaids are pretty." FML
Today, a little girl looked at me and yelled "Mommy look, there's a real leprechaun!" FML
Today, I was pretending to be a veteran for the US Navy at a local outlet, because I was desperate for cheap stuff. All was going well, until an actual vet pointed out that the ship I had on my naval hat was a fictitious one. Shit. FML
Today, I was at work at Krispy Kreme for national "talk like a pirate" day. If you dressed like a pirate you'd get a free dozen donuts. A man came in with just an eyepatch on. Thinking he was trying to get a free dozen, I told him he needed to try harder. Turned out the eyepatch was real. FML
Today, at work, a little girl was misbehaving. Her dad told her that she would look like me when she grows up. The little girl look horrified while Daddy laughed and kept reassuring her he was "just kidding." FML
Today, I was babysitting a 5-year-old girl and we were coloring. She made me a card that was very sweet, so I smiled. She looked at me and went "Don't smile, your smile is really scary." FML
Today, my son and I were on an airplane playing "I Spy" to pass the time. The game went back and forth a few times when my son said, "I spy something yellow." After pointing out numerous yellow objects on the plane I gave up. He said, "Daddy! It's your teeth!" FML
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Top comments
Doortje 30
Arr, time to brush your teeth, mate.
chrstygrl06 10
She's right, you must be!
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Comments (70)
clashatdemonhead 3
time to get an eye patch, parrot and a peg leg.
EvilSpirt 5
OP brushes his teeth! He used the brand SCURVY YELLOWING invented by Jack Sparrow.
Addie_O 0
Awww either that or you can't afford a dentist.
saranwrap69 0
go get yer teef whitened?
cupcakecutiee95 1
ydi brush your teeth!
musicfreak9821 6
kids these day!
dansco 25
Brush your teeth and maybe stop smoking/eating crap...
clashatdemonhead 3
he smokes crap? eww.
Musiqevol 0
dont take it too bad....kids say the darnest things.
RockstarRN 10
Crest White Strips...that's all I gotta say!
pu13 5
not that bad but still fyl