Today, I was on Facebook looking at pictures of my boyfriend,... - FML

By pissed - 4/5/2009 04:25 - United States

Today, I was on Facebook looking at pictures of my boyfriend, who was in his friend's wedding this past weekend. He said that none of the girlfriends could come because it would cost too much for the couple. I spent the weekend alone, and all his friend's girlfriends are in the pictures. FML

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Social distancing gone wrong

Race against the clock

Mr Sensitivity

By unknown - 7/4/2013 04:26 - United States - Cape Coral

Today, a couple stopped me on the beach to take a picture of them kissing in front of the sunset. I agreed feeling generous, until they continued making out after the picture was taken, leaving me standing there awkwardly with their camera. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/1/2010 15:49 - United States

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. We decided to have sex in her basement. All awesome, until her mom walked down and wanted to watch a movie with us. I had to watch it naked under a blanket. FML

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By Waitingtomoveout - 12/1/2017 17:09

Today, I had to remove my brother's pubic hairs from the bathtub before bathing my son. FML

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By tryena - 28/2/2009 10:59 - United States

Today, I babysat a five year old girl. She ran up to me, threw her arms around my waist and said, "YUMMY! I'm going to eat you!" with her face in my crotch. I said sarcastically under my breath, "Finally, some action!" I turned around to find her dad staring at me, having heard. He's my cousin. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/3/2011 11:28 - Reserved

Today, my husband told me I was lucky to have someone who would love me no matter what my vagina smelled like. FML

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By kevcng - 10/9/2012 21:20 - United States

Today, I was sitting in on a boring presentation at work. I yawned and shifted in my chair, accidentally sitting on my testicles. I shrieked in pain and spent the next five minutes choking back tears, while my boss told me to shut my mouth and stop fucking around. FML

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By Not impressed. - 19/11/2013 05:51 - Canada - Toronto

Today, working in a department store, I spent at least 30 minutes helping a verbally abusive elderly woman in a wheelchair find an appropriate jacket for winter. She finally asked me to retrieve one she wanted in her size. When I returned she was in deep sleep, snoring and all. FML

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By HeadTrauma - 20/1/2009 04:23 - United States

Today, I had a dream that I was 25, unemployed, living with my parents, and still completely in love with someone who no longer feels the same way about me. Oh wait... it wasn't a dream. FML

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By Volunteer - 13/9/2013 22:24 - United States - Elwood

Today, I got fired from my volunteer job. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/5/2019 04:00

Today, my wife kicked me out of my own bed to go and sleep on the sofa because the dog was whining, and would only stop if she was allowed to sleep on my side of the bed. My wife would rather sleep with the dog than me. FML

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By Thai rice mistake - 12/2/2013 08:04 - United States - Oakland

Today, I was super hungry and went to a Thai restaurant. The waitress left two small bowls of fried rice on the counter, and I thought they were for me. I ate one and a lady came over screaming. Apparently the small cups of rice was part of a religious ceremony. FML

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By stinkerweeder - 5/2/2011 20:30 - United States

Today, it was both my and my stepmother's birthday. In preparation, my dad bought a huge banner with my stepmother's name on it, and a lovely birthday cake. When I told him it was also my birthday, he just grunted and taped a post-it note to the banner with my name on it. Same with the cake. FML

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By wantsleep - 28/12/2016 08:25

Today, my boss continues to think it's appropriate to send me whining texts about work at midnight. Or 4 a.m. I think his complaints about not selling as much candy as he expected can wait till work hours. FML

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By sadkid - 25/9/2011 23:23 - United States

Today, my mom called me a bastard, told me I should run away, and said I don't deserve to live in her house. All because I didn't use a plate when I ate a Poptart. FML

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By Tigerninjagoalie - 20/6/2016 23:13 - United States - Tonawanda

Today, I finally found someone who liked me and wanted to kiss me. It was a 5-year-old at the daycare I work at. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/2/2014 18:39 - Canada - Red Deer

Today, I asked my sister what she thought of my boyfriend. She said, "He's nice. Deserves better than you, really." FML

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By mycariswrecked - 20/1/2020 20:00 - United States - Tinley Park

Early meeting

Today, I was going to meet up with my boyfriend's mother to watch his swim meet with her. On my way to the high school, I got in a car accident. The person driving the other car was his mother. FML

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By noway - 22/3/2015 04:03 - United States - San Francisco

Today, a girl asked me to check out her left breast, which she said she'd found a strange lump on. I'm an orthodontist. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/3/2013 16:14 - United States - New York

Today, I had a job interview. I didn't have any clothes suitable for the interview, so I went to the store early and bought some there. After the interview, I went to return the clothes, because they were so expensive. The hiring manager saw me. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/7/2014 19:40 - United States - Clive

Today, at my local amusement park, I decided it'd be fun to meet someone on the roller coaster by sitting alone and hoping that someone nice would sit next to me. I rode the roller coaster 7 times. I sat alone each time. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/2/2013 07:18 - United States - Modesto

Today, I worked up my courage and took an elevator for the first time in my life. Unfortunately, it was also my first time getting trapped for several hours in an elevator. FML

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By IHateMyJob - 14/9/2010 02:00 - United States

Today, while scrubbing my car with the foam brush at a car wash, the hose for the brush came whipping around and smacked me hard in the side of the head, knocking off my glasses. I got disoriented from the blow and stepped on my glasses, completely smashing them. FML

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By pat3212 - 11/8/2016 22:56 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I had to get two teenagers to stop playing bumper cars with the electric scooters at the grocery store I work at. I'm seventeen, and they don't pay me enough for this. FML

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By Seriouslynow - 22/5/2016 17:55 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up at 6:30 this morning, but I didn't have to be at work till 11. I walked the dog, made breakfast and read for a little bit. I then woke up again at 11:30. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/7/2015 21:50 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I learned companies can legally lie to fire an employee, and unless anything they say is on record, they are legally correct, no matter how unethical the company is. FML

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By spasticock - 19/8/2012 18:09 - Portugal - Barreiro

Today, I climbed the tree in my backyard so I could cut off some stray branches. I ended up getting stuck, and instead of immediately getting help, my wife started laughing and recording me. The video is now circulating on Facebook, and my new nickname is "Hawkeye." FML

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By Anonymous - 30/7/2016 03:14

Today, my girlfriend dumped me after I told her I was learning how to start having lucid dreams. She was convinced the only reason I could possibly want to have them was so I could cheat on her in my own dreams. FML

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By Depressed - 14/7/2020 20:01

All for nothing

Today, due to some highly corrupted data that I had nothing to do with and no control over, around 5 years of pixel art I'd made, and spent most of my free time working on, has been permanently deleted, and there is no way to recover it. FML

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By burnedboy - 18/1/2010 19:39 - United States

Today, I saw Avatar in iMax 3D. Towards the end of the movie I jump, yelled, and spilled my drink all over the people in front of me because I thought a burning piece of ash landed on my leg. FML

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By dabull - 27/4/2013 05:02 - United States

Today, nobody wants to hang out with me due to a nasty rumor that my ex has spread. No one will tell me what was said, because I apparently "know full well" what I did. FML

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By moe - 19/10/2010 19:15 - United States

Today, the man who has been my stepfather for six years, has forgotten how old I am. However, he remembers exactly how much my real father owes him for child support. FML

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By nohalloweenforus - 31/10/2016 15:22

Today, it's Halloween and my boss changed his mind at the last minute, telling us we're no longer allowed to carve pumpkins in our lunch hour because, "It would be too distracting". What are we supposed to do with 12 pumpkins now? FML

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By has-evil-friends - 26/11/2009 20:30 - United Kingdom

Today, I had six friends round for pizza. When I went to answer the door to the delivery, my friends turned off the lights and pretended they weren't there when I shouted for help carrying all the food. Not only does the cute delivery guy think I'm greedy, but also that I have imaginary friends. FML

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By Lily - 21/2/2009 11:22 - United States

Today, I came to school late because I had to drop off my daughter at school. When I got on campus, the security told me I was late but I said, "Oh no, I work here." and he said, "Oh like I haven't heard that one before." And he took me to detention. My boss, the Principal, had to bail me out. FML

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By Thanks Santa - 17/12/2016 05:24

Today, 3 weeks after leaving my job, buying a larger car and moving to Ohio so my boyfriend could be near his family, he secretly drove my car and all my belongings back across several states just to break up with me. This was completely out of the blue while I was home visiting family for Christmas. FML

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By unfriendlyskies - 2/4/2012 23:40 - United States - Central Falls

Today, I called an airline's customer service line. Apparently the way that they deal with uncommon problems is by having someone put you on hold for twenty minutes, answer and yell something unintelligible at you, put you back on hold, and repeat. This went on for over an hour. FML

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By "idefka" - 8/4/2017 02:00

Today, I found myself lying to my diary. FML

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By jkon - 4/8/2009 05:11 - United States

Today, I texted my girlfriend and told her I was mowing my lawn. She responded "it's about time, it keeps getting caught in my teeth!" I was referring to the lawn outside of my house. FML

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By geeklove - 16/1/2012 03:30 - United States

Today, I got a Facebook message from the school genius/nerd, who I have never talked to. He politely informed me that after much thought and deliberation, he has narrowed it down to who his ideal mate is. Me. FML

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By O - 24/2/2015 10:19 - Sweden

Today, my boss called me, furious about how I "never answer my phone", especially when important clients are trying to reach me, and how unprofessional I am. I make very sure to never miss any calls, my boss just keeps giving out the wrong number to people. FML

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Top comments

By Contra | 0

#167379 - Monday 4 May 2009 13:06

Well, that's a bit of a dick.

By Cooper0526 | 0

#167403 - Monday 4 May 2009 13:18

wow, number 5, she should do that if she's like 12.

COMMENTS

By Contra | 0

#167379 - Monday 4 May 2009 13:06

Well, that's a bit of a dick.

Reply

ronton | 4

#1044836 - Saturday 26 June 2010 14:50

u should get friends so ur not alone...

Reply

MnBran6 | 0

#1428844 - Monday 20 September 2010 3:04

1 - is op's boyfriend a dick, or is she annoyingly clingy?

By KwitIt | 0

#167392 - Monday 4 May 2009 13:13

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

jessiewessie | 0

#1040851 - Thursday 24 June 2010 6:42

guy time?? are you fucken dumb?? he obviously wasn't having any "guy time" if all the other gfs were there and in all the pics

this must happen to you alot and that's why you're trying to justify it

Reply

XxgreymoonxX | 8

#4744597 - Saturday 28 July 2012 16:53

Woah don't have to be a bitch out of nowhere

By NoBounceNoPlay | 0

#167398 - Monday 4 May 2009 13:15

Who goes to a wedding alone…? I mean, I guess shit happens, but… still kinda weird.

By Emmett_Luver_101 | 0

#167399 - Monday 4 May 2009 13:16

how meeeeean :( im sorry. when he comes home you should tell him you have a vacation to go on and ugly guys arent allowed
hey its mean but it might teach him his lessson

Reply

LunaaBluee | 27

#6279244 - Saturday 2 May 2015 3:31

Or umm I don't know dump him instead ? Sounds cheaper to me.

By onigiriqueen | 0

#167401 - Monday 4 May 2009 13:18

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

teentee401 | 36

#6046527 - Sunday 24 August 2014 15:42

Yeah...that's kinda what makes it an FML.

By Cooper0526 | 0

#167403 - Monday 4 May 2009 13:18

wow, number 5, she should do that if she's like 12.

By jessjessjess_fml | 0

#167408 - Monday 4 May 2009 13:24

dump him!

By ForestFire0 | 1

#167409 - Monday 4 May 2009 13:24

#3, #2 can be a dick if he wants to. also, it's weird to date someone who doesn't like you

By i_imagine | 0

#167412 - Monday 4 May 2009 13:24

What an ass.

By judgeymcjudge | 0

#167421 - Monday 4 May 2009 13:29

Er, call me simplistic, but why don't you just *ask him about it*? It could have been for many reasons. Before you feel too insulted and start hating on him a little, find out why. If it's a shitty reason, THEN hate on him :P
It's still totally an FML though.