Today, before going to bed my phone lit up and I got all excited... - FML

By nolove - 4/5/2009 02:12 - Canada

Today, before going to bed my phone lit up and I got all excited because I thought it was a text message. My phone was finished charging. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28594

You deserved it

46162

Tweet

Share

You can't win sometimes

The best cat

Not a cheating!

By Anonymous - 9/5/2015 18:50 - United States - Humble

Today, on my first driving lesson, I crashed my instructor's car. I didn't even make it out of the parking lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26139

You deserved it

11027

Tweet

Share

By Noname - 24/2/2009 05:05 - United States

Today, one of my closest friends and I got into a fight. She ends the conversation with "My grandma just had a stroke. Bye." I didn't believe her so I replied "Thats great. Bye." Turns out her Grandma is in the hospital in critical condition. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10592

You deserved it

57314

Tweet

Share

By toazt - 10/10/2010 08:45 - United States

Today, after my marching band's performance, the girls had to change out of our uniforms in a very dark school bathroom. Someone turned on the lights and I realized that more than a dozen roaches had crawled into my skinny jeans. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37362

You deserved it

3479

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 16/6/2009 17:39 - United States

Today, I let my on-again, off-again boyfriend spend the night. For months we had been fighting about his new flame. After he convinced me that they are no longer an item, we had the most mind-blowing sex then we fell asleep. I awoke to him moaning her name. Followed by pelvic thrusts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25932

You deserved it

54102

Tweet

Share

By moron - 28/5/2011 00:04 - United States

Today, I drove my boyfriend to hospital because he felt extremely ill. His buddies had gotten their hands on a taser, and he had the brilliant idea of being shot as part of a Youtube stunt video. Now I have an empty gas tank and have to clean up a puddle of vomit in my living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31244

You deserved it

3711

Tweet

Share

By hes - 15/10/2013 10:10 - United States

Today, I called my dad to let him know some details for my wedding had changed. It would have been really nice if he had paused the porno I could clearly hear in the background. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52191

You deserved it

4360

Tweet

Share

By shescomfortablynumb - 5/6/2009 07:49 - United States

Today, I had a 3rd date with a great guy. Over dinner, he told me that he wanted to see more of me. When I agreed, he pulled out his schedule book and started to tell me he was dating 5 other women besides me. He then told me what week in the "rotation" would be mine. He wasn't kidding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

65438

You deserved it

4747

Tweet

Share

By Thomas - 11/11/2013 17:20 - United States - Portsmouth

Today, my wife and I were watching Killing Kennedy. Jokingly, I said, "Spoiler alert: he dies." She threw a book at me and won't talk to me. I think she's serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50277

You deserved it

7572

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 6/3/2016 18:49 - United States - Atwater

Today, my slacker co-worker accused me of stealing because I got more hours than him. I was called into the manager's office and interrogated. They believed him, and sent me home for the day. I guess it pays off being the boss's kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18953

You deserved it

1201

Tweet

Share

By teepee - 13/11/2009 15:53 - United Kingdom

Today, I fell asleep in a lecture. I laughed at something amusing in Dreamworld, but the laugh came out as a prolonged creepy groan in Lectureworld. I woke up to see everyone within a 5 meter radius staring at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24025

You deserved it

13926

Tweet

Share

By thoughtitwasspecial - 18/5/2011 05:15 - United States

Today, I found a link to a porn website on my boyfriend's computer. A bit jealous, I asked why it was there. He told me that he thought thinking of me might get boring. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29393

You deserved it

20633

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 5/12/2010 05:13 - United States

Today, I was eating dinner with a friend when a really hot guy came up and introduced himself. He told us he was vegetarian, and I wanted to impress him so I told him I was too. I was eating a steak. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7169

You deserved it

66905

Tweet

Share

By workerbee - 27/1/2009 14:25 - United States

Today, I was on a conference call in my office with the door closed. I let out some loud farts and felt liberated. Forgot my phone was NOT on mute. There were only 3 people on the conference call - including me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7131

You deserved it

22321

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 23/12/2016 08:23

Today, I had guests over for a Christmas party. One of them wore new blue jeans and managed to get large dye stains on three different walls. They won't come off. Guess who has to paint his living room again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6860

You deserved it

478

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 12/10/2014 20:46 - United States - Gainesville

Today, I received an email from an angry parent, demanding that I give his daughter an A on a project which I had given her a 0 on. The project was to pick an article related to science and to write an essay on it. Hers was a hoax article relating to Ebola patients rising from the dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39434

You deserved it

5680

Tweet

Share

By Lovernotafighter - 24/2/2012 11:36 - United Kingdom

Today, my granddad had to start sleeping in my bedroom. He has flashback dreams to when he was a boxer, and he's already lamped my granny three times in his sleep. I get a camp-bed, and the chance to listen to him snore like a wild boar. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22251

You deserved it

2165

Tweet

Share

By so scared - 8/2/2014 17:13 - Canada - Barrie

Today, my mother thought it would be funny to sneak into my room at night and scream like a demon after I had explained to her how scared I was of the exorcist movie I had just seen. She claims it wasn't her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46510

You deserved it

6174

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 6/11/2009 14:31 - Denmark

Today, at a party a fly flew into my mouth. I spit it out, and in an effort to wash out my mouth I grabbed the can of coke that was on the table next to me. Apparently people had been spitting in there and using it as an ashtray. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35580

You deserved it

9759

Tweet

Share

By Ted, E. Vic - 1/5/2016 05:39 - United States

Today, my roommate admitted he spent his half of the rent money on a tattoo. It's all good though, we're just gonna get evicted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15059

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1705

Tweet

Share

By shoelace18 - 6/9/2009 04:19 - Canada

Today, my 5 year old swallowed her loose tooth, which she was going put under her pillow for the toothfairy. My wife then told her 'what goes in must come out'. And now everytime she does number 2, she makes me dig for her lost tooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48766

You deserved it

5921

Tweet

Share

By issue - 7/9/2018 01:30

Today, I tried to get a job at Walmart. My mom was the hiring manager. She turned me down due to lack of work experience. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2939

You deserved it

385

Tweet

Share

By Ohgodmother - 28/2/2014 09:06 - Australia - Hobart

Today, in public, one of my mom's friends asked me how on earth did I get so tall, my mom happily scampered to my side and shrieked: 'TWO YEARS OF BREAST MILK'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44281

You deserved it

3972

Tweet

Share

By fatface - 13/4/2009 04:05 - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me when my face was going to go back to normal after being swollen from having my wisdom teeth taken out last week. My face is back to normal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58009

You deserved it

3748

Tweet

Share

By canadiansun - 26/2/2010 18:37 - United States

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my dad. He met him after my boyfriend ran his truck into a tree, and my dad had to pick us up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24094

You deserved it

4009

Tweet

Share

By hunchback of notre bite - 9/8/2013 22:23 - Korea, Republic of

Today, I was in the shower with my boyfriend, and things started to get heated. That's where it all went to hell; I slipped and fell, bringing down with me the curtain and grooming products, and putting my back out. There goes my sex life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51283

You deserved it

7370

Tweet

Share

By argument invalid? - 27/2/2019 16:00

Today, I got written up and may be placed under suspension due to my recent 5 consecutive day unscheduled absence. When I told them I was on a Bereavement Leave, they still will not accept my excuse because its still considered as "unscheduled". FML

I agree, your life sucks

2095

You deserved it

170

Tweet

Share

By - 29/12/2020 03:00

Error!

Today, I called my cell phone tech support to help with my Samsung device. They sent me contact info for Apple support. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1388

You deserved it

218

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - 7/10/2011 15:09 - Australia

Today, my Dad's banjo arrived, as part of his mid-life crisis. It would be fine if he could play it but unfortunately he's tone deaf. He hasn't stopped playing it for the last 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27644

You deserved it

2675

Tweet

Share

By FreeOfCharge - 21/9/2009 06:06 - Canada

Today, I got a client who ordered ice cream. She seemed really nice and I thought maybe she was into me. When I asked if she wanted peanuts for an additional 50 cents, she said no. Trying to be nice, I added them anyway free of charge. I later had to call the ambulance. She was allergic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12028

You deserved it

110335

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 6/11/2015 23:22 - Sweden - Uppsala

Today, while walking to my flat, I spotted something white hanging over the handle bar of my parked bike. It was a very used diaper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22889

You deserved it

1409

Tweet

Share

By Eloy Ymer - 22/8/2010 23:51 - Netherlands

Today, I found out I sleepwalk. How you might ask? By awakening the moment just before I fell from the stairs. I was better off sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27995

You deserved it

2550

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 29/8/2019 14:00 - Canada

Today, my brother spent the whole day making a harpoon out of an old Tiki torch to bring on vacation with us to Sauble Beach, and he plans on using this contraption. On the beach. With all of us there to watch. He's 17 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1176

You deserved it

176

Tweet

Share

By dazzla08 - 21/10/2019 02:00 - United States

Fundies say the darndest things

Today, my husband told me doesn't really love me. He only married me because we had a daughter, and his grandmother told him he had to so she wouldn't be "an abomination to God." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1645

You deserved it

149

Tweet

Share

By DEE - 26/7/2018 15:00

Out of the mouth of babes...

Today, while I was getting ready for the day, my 5-year-old daughter looked at me and said, "Mom, maybe you should do some gymnastics today. Your legs look bigger." FML

I agree, your life sucks

2675

You deserved it

409

Tweet

Share

By doodlecrzyMeg - 4/2/2016 18:56 - United States - Mattoon

Today, I had to hide in the closet all morning because my 22-year-old boyfriend didn't want to admit to his parents that he had his girlfriend stay the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24531

You deserved it

4218

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 3/9/2019 16:00

First Dates

Today, I went on two dates from a dating app. The first one said halfway through that we couldn't date because it would break his contract. The second one catfished me. This is why I have multiple dates in one day. They never end well. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1367

You deserved it

204

Tweet

Share

By Itchy - 28/2/2017 18:00

Today, I found out I'm allergic to soil, pollen, dust, mold, the colors green, yellow, orange, black and grey, most metals, wood, carpet, drywall, most hygiene and beauty products, and plastic. Basically, I was told to avoid the entire planet and everything man-made. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6268

You deserved it

653

Tweet

Share

By Rissa Warrington - 9/3/2012 08:30 - Canada

Today, I was walking to the bus in my favorite jeans, and I felt a uncontrollable itch in my leg. I scratched and it went away, but then I felt something moving on my leg. I hadn't worn my jeans in so long that a spider had decided to make it a nest. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33696

You deserved it

4657

Tweet

Share

By Coccinelle - 5/2/2016 16:36 - France

Today, while at work at a small Microsoft partner company, I had to write an email explaining why Internet Explorer is superior to Google Chrome. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27247

You deserved it

2706

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 12/6/2018 09:00 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, for the 2nd time in a month, I've been rear-ended at a stop light. One insurance company refuses to pay because of prior damage from the 1st accident, and the other won't pay because of new damage not caused by their client. I just want my car back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3591

You deserved it

180

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Seegtease | 0

#167152 - Monday 4 May 2009 10:17

How can anybody even say their life is fucked because they didn't get a text message?

Personally, I didn't get a text message all day! MY LIFE MUST BE FUCKED!

However, on second thought, the fact that this upset you is enough for me to agree that your life is fucked.

By mehungie2 | 3

#167133 - Monday 4 May 2009 10:11

That happens to me too, sadface :(

Comments

By m1cc1 | 0

#167118 - Monday 4 May 2009 10:06

Hahaha awe.

Reply

Shell02 | 0

#983376 - Thursday 22 April 2010 4:13

wow your life really sucks.

Reply

Roflmaaark | 0

#985943 - Tuesday 27 April 2010 12:01

I agree with #1.

Reply

Skye_Child | 0

#2035425 - Wednesday 2 February 2011 5:55

Ikr....He must! Be lonely :(

By Ohnoitslindsay | 0

#167119 - Monday 4 May 2009 10:07

Seriously? This is what makes it past moderation these days?

By cardboard | 0

#167127 - Monday 4 May 2009 10:09

That happens to me occasionally, but I never thought it was worthy of sharing with the world...

By meagh | 0

#167130 - Monday 4 May 2009 10:10

rly? you must live a charmed life if this constitutes a fml.

By mehungie2 | 3

#167133 - Monday 4 May 2009 10:11

That happens to me too, sadface :(

By shortandloud | 0

#167139 - Monday 4 May 2009 10:13

More of an "aw shucks" moment than an FML.

But yea that does suck when that happens.

By LadySylvan | 0

#167145 - Monday 4 May 2009 10:15

That has been happening to me almost every night lately. I feel you. :)

By monicamischief | 0

#167147 - Monday 4 May 2009 10:15

i am really worried about you if you get excited over a text message.

do you really lack a social life so badly that a text message is enough to get you excited; and when it turns out not to be a text message, you think your life is fucked? really? : S

By PureGold | 0

#167150 - Monday 4 May 2009 10:16

My phone randomly lights up all the time and I think it's a text message, but it's not. This is truly not FML-worthy.

Reply

ZleveL | 0

#993897 - Saturday 15 May 2010 7:38

agreed

By jdot01 | 0

#167151 - Monday 4 May 2009 10:17

Boooooo