Today, I was on a date with a great guy, and we were really hitting it off. While we were walking in the park, a woman who smelled like the devil's toenails and looked as if she hadn't bathed in a year passed us. I whispered to my date, "Look at that disgusting woman." It was his mother. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went on a first date with a guy I really like. He brought up that there was a person staring at us from a nearby table. That person was my mom. FML
Today, I went on a movie date with a guy. He brought his mom. FML
Today, on a first date, he told me I look like his ex's mom. FML
Today, my fiancé and I met his mother for lunch to discuss wedding plans. When we got there, I went to the bathroom to wash my hands. I heard a woman talking on her cell phone in the stall about her son's "disgusting, slutty girlfriend." The toilet flushed and my future mother-in-law walked out. FML
Today, my boyfriend was taking me to dinner to meet his parents. As we pulled into the restaurant valet, I saw a woman in a slutty dress and hooker heels get out of the car ahead of us. I jokingly asked if we had accidentally pulled into a strip club, pointing at the woman. It was his mother. FML
Today, I went on blind date with a guy because both our moms thought we'd like each other. Things were going really well until I got up to go to the bathroom and he says, "My mom was right, you do have perfect breedin' hips!" FML
Today, I'd taken this girl I'd recently met through Facebook dating to my family cabin. Apparently, her hygiene wasn't that great, because she didn't shower all weekend. The entire 4-hour ride back to her house was miserable, as every time she opened up her legs it smelled like a dead rat. I'm still mortified. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. My date turned out to be very hot, and I had high hopes. That is, until she ran her hand through her hair as she approached, sending some kind of horrifying, miasmic mist of dandruff and dead skin floating through the air behind her. FML
Today, I went on a date with someone I considered a real catch, my potential soulmate even. He ended up telling me about his fetish for "female smells", sang loudly in Italian in a crowded restaurant, and ate most of the food on my plate. Man, fuck dating. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. We were walking in a park when I noticed a funny smell. I looked down and realized I'd stepped in dog crap. I tried to nonchalantly rub it off on the grass, but instead hit a patch of wet grass and slipped onto my butt, right into a pile of goose poop. FML
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Top comments
AwsumShyGuy 12
Yeah, you shouldn't have said that in the first place anyways. Even if it wasn't his mother. Remember that hobo story?
SpoonsAndPickles 5
I'm wondering why they didn't greet each other
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Comments (135)
HealingTrout 1
Don't judge a book by its cover
brill33 7
Douche.
boredrl 1
The devil's toenails? Is that similar to Satan's ass gas (from an FML from about a year ago)?
infectedsense 15
Five bucks says that wasn't his mother, he just wanted an excuse to never see you again!
Sizzle91 0
Lesson learned I hope! But by the grace of God there go I. We all have been guilty of this. I try not to judge the book but it's cover no more. There is a story that everybody has we just don't know about. "the devil's toenail" this is funny I have to admit...
CastielJ 6
Don't judge.
iilovecokee 6
Way to make your personality shine.
smilesandsmiles 0
omg
pandapoof42 3
okay well, for all you who said YDI, don't act like you wouldn't have done the same thing. we all have our moments when we do the wrong thing.
iamsami24 5
Sorry, you were kind of foolish. Ah, well, at least you've learned your lesson, eh?