Today, I was leaving the train station when a man came up to... - FML

By HunniBeeHuni - 17/11/2009 05:25 - United States

Today, I was leaving the train station when a man came up to me and asked me if I have an unlimited metrocard to swipe him in. I did have an unlimited card so I told him sure. While taking out my metrocard from my wallet, he grabbed my wallet and ran away as fast as he could. FML

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Family values

Big baby man

Business savvy

By abi_vet_student - 13/2/2009 12:42 - United Kingdom

Today, it was my first day working at a milking parlor. As I crouched behind a cow to put on an udder cluster, I looked up and gasped just in time for the cow to crap on my face. FML

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By TodX - 27/12/2008 08:23 - France

Today, I used my Christmas holiday time to open up a load of old letters. There were a lot of bills, of course, but there was also a note telling me that I'm due for a tax inspection. Merry F*ing Christmas! FML

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By 50love - 13/12/2011 05:38 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. After he did, he walked over to his friends. I saw him tell them that he broke up with me. After he finished all of them cheered. FML

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By EvictingItSoon - 8/3/2020 23:07

The miracle of barf

Today, what I thought was food poisoning is actually a baby. FML

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By dickwebs - 22/11/2010 03:42 - Germany

Today, I was taking off my underwear to change into fresh clothes. Pulling them down, I realize there's a big fat spider in them. Not only did I have a spider chilling with my genitals the whole day, but I'm deathly afraid of them. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/2/2017 19:00 - United States - Shreveport

Today, while at work for a dog groomer, I picked up a new puppy that came in for a groom. I held it up at face level with me, baby talking it, when it promptly began peeing. Luckily, it didn't get on my clothes. Unluckily, it got onto my face and into my mouth. FML

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By olive_costume - 5/12/2009 01:16 - Australia

Today, I went into my room and found a plastic snake on the floor. I yelled out to my sister, "Good one, Ellen!" I picked up the snake to take it to show her. The snake started moving in my hands and bit me. I had to go to the hospital. FML

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By LadyDean - 29/11/2011 08:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came home, chugged a beer, and passed out in our bed without saying hello or goodnight to me. I've been on vacation for a week and was hoping to cuddle. But no, if I try to touch him, he hits me and growls. FML

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By poopboy - 16/1/2017 10:49

Today, I sat next to this really hot guy in my writing class. We struck up a conversation, and it was going well, until he began describing, in excruciating detail, his IBS and fiber problems, and how he always has to poop. Good to know. FML

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By emergency - 25/1/2010 13:32 - Canada

Today, I discovered that my mom and her disgusting mess of a boyfriend refer to his penis as "the monkey." And she says that I hate him because I'M immature. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/5/2013 07:24 - United States

Today, I got a call from work stating that my employment was being terminated. This was after being suspended while they investigated my sexual harassment claim. Their reason for firing me: misuse of company time. Yes, I suppose reporting being sexually harassed is a huge waste of time. FML

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By the critic - 18/6/2012 10:22 - Canada - Saint Catharines

Today, I realized I have been single for far too long when I was turning off porno after porno because I couldn't stand the horrible acting. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/2/2011 05:22 - United States

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house and sat around while he played video games. He turned to me and could see I was annoyed. Then he told his friends on XBox Live that he needed a 10 minute break to have sex with me. FML

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By bent & broken - 24/8/2018 16:30 - United States - Hot Springs Village

Today, I was lost on a dirt road when it started raining and I got stuck in the mud, so I walked 5 miles to a farm. They brought their tractor and pulled me out, but then my key broke off in the ignition. It's my birthday and I can't get home for the party my wife planned. FML

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By knews - 18/3/2010 04:46 - United States

Today, my mom sent me beautiful candlesticks along with some half burned candles. I thanked her. She told me the candlesticks were a wedding gift to my grandmother 85 years ago. Then she said the candles were used at my grandma's wedding. I had already lit them. FML

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By streeted - 18/9/2010 14:27 - United States

Today, after selling some furniture and jewelry to make the rent this month, I woke up to find a foreclosure notice. The landlord hasn't paid the mortgage in 6 months, so I'm evicted anyway. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/6/2013 09:07 - United States

Today, someone came into the store I work at, laughed at my name on my name-tag, and left without even buying anything. FML

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By death bed - 13/2/2013 17:20 - United States - Schaumburg

Today, I finished my shift at the nursing home. There was too much snow on the roads, so most of us had to stay overnight. Not only did I not get to go home, I also got stuck sleeping in the same bed that a resident had died in the night before. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/7/2012 20:34 - United States - Johnston

Today, after a busy afternoon taking care of the kids, I was feeling really down about only being a mom these days, and I was hoping my husband would make me feel better when he got off work. In the middle of cuddling, he called me "mom." FML

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By ifyouseekmylife - 25/10/2009 15:44 - United States

Today, my son told me he lost the envelope with all the money he earned selling Cub Scout popcorn. The popcorn was delivered already, and the money needs to be turned in to the pack leader tonight. I just spent $220 on popcorn my neighbors are eating. FML

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By douchegamer - 3/3/2013 03:38 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, after an argument with my pianist girlfriend about how bad my favourite song would sound on the piano, she stormed out of the room crying, leaving behind a CD. It was the piano version of the song she'd made for me. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/10/2015 17:00 - United States - Fort Myers

Today, I was at K-Mart and saw an exact copy of my engagement ring for twenty bucks. The same one that had supposedly been in my fiancé's family for generations, and worth thousands. FML

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By This girl - 19/12/2011 18:01 - United States

Today, I was walking down the street, when I slipped and fell on a patch of ice. It wasn't all that embarrassing, until I walked two more feet and slipped again. The second time, a man pulled over and loudly asked if I was drunk. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/6/2009 07:53 - Canada

Today, I was at my job at an old folks home, and I was cleaning off a table when one old lady looks up at me and says "I've been a dirty dirty girl" in a seductive tone, I thought she meant about the table so I said "yes you have" then she winked at me, I walked away fast. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/8/2011 23:51 - Canada

Today, I was working at the hospital front desk when an elderly man started hurling racial slurs at another visitor. A fight broke out, so I stepped in and forcibly separated the two. The old man tripped and crashed to the floor. Now I'm under investigation for "contributing to workplace violence." FML

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By Liz - 11/8/2011 02:21 - United States

Today, my boss became very angry over her own mistake on a spreadsheet. She lashed out by throwing a can of SpaghettiOs at my head. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/4/2020 23:00

Forever alone, episode 7864

Today, I lied at a store when the checkout person told me the cologne I was buying was for men. I told him it was for my boyfriend. I haven't had a boyfriend in 2 years, I just wanted it to smell like one. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/8/2009 22:46 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, I had my first orgasm. He thought something was wrong, so he stopped. FML

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By meg265 - 24/10/2009 16:11 - United States

Today, I discovered that when you're the maid of honor giving a toast at your best friend's wedding, it's important to make sure the zipper on your dress is secured. Otherwise, your bare breasts and Hello Kitty panties could end up exposed to a wedding party of 600 people. FML

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By - 2/1/2020 18:00

Hard to believe

Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home he was masturbating. FML

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By busmonster - 12/9/2015 00:32 - United States - Alexandria

Today, I told my nephew to be careful when crossing the street in front of a bus because it might eat him. We then watched as a bus slowed down and stopped in front of a group of people. When the bus moved away, all the people were gone. My nephew is terrified, and won't stop crying. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/12/2011 21:37 - United Kingdom

Today, while putting a drip in the back of an elderly patient's hand, he commented that he didn't realise doctors had pierced nipples, but not to worry because he's only in the hospital "for the b*tches". FML

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By Volume_control - 10/11/2009 14:41 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having it off in his den, I screamed at the height of my climax, and from the family room came the roaring laughter of my boyfriend's brothers. FML

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By IHateProtesters - 25/11/2014 16:13 - United States - Hartford

Today, a group of protesters set up just outside my residence hall at one in the morning. After an hour of chanting, the police finally told them to stop, and I was finally able to get some sleep. The protesters responded by pulling the fire alarm in every residence hall on campus. FML

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By emopoe - 6/9/2011 15:11 - United States

Today, my boyfriend let me know that when we met, he wouldn't have even talked to me if I was as fat as I am now. But lucky for me, he stays with me because, "there's love or something." FML

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By ~JESSICA~ - 11/9/2010 06:19 - United States

Today, I woke up late to an urgent voicemail from my dad telling me he left me a present in my car. Excited, I went to investigate. I then saw that his "surprise" was fresh fish he had caught. I hate fish, and now my car stinks. FML

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By BadNurse - 11/2/2017 20:00 - United States - Evansville

Today, I learned that the manager I switched jobs to escape 7 months ago will be my new boss. FML

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By Peter Steele love - 18/10/2015 00:49 - United Kingdom - Clevedon

Today, I was sexting my boss. I realised that I wasn't texting my boyfriend after I'd sent 2 nudes, and received many sexually provocative responses. FML

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By Discouraged despite my effort - 15/12/2016 18:27

Today, I told my future MIL that we couldn't see her on Christmas because I have to work that day passing out gifts to elderly patients, but that I would call off work to travel to see her any day after. That isn't good enough, so she asked my fiance to spend Christmas without me. FML

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By daragnan - 10/1/2010 21:47 - United States

Today, I found out that last summer while my girlfriend worked on a Disney Cruise ship, she cheated on me with Tarzan. FML

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Top comments

By Jimboom | 11

#675787 - Tuesday 17 November 2009 12:38

Kick off those heels and run the bastard down! Then take one of those heels and put it where the sun don't shine.

Sad this as it's arseholes like that abusing peoples good nature that makes people distrust the rest of the world.

By darkheart88 | 0

#676040 - Tuesday 17 November 2009 16:57

Well, you know what they say: no good deed goes unpunished. Especially when it also happens to be against the law!

Comments

By st87 | 0

#675779 - Tuesday 17 November 2009 12:34

ditto. then bashed him. bad.

By Jimboom | 11

#675787 - Tuesday 17 November 2009 12:38

Kick off those heels and run the bastard down! Then take one of those heels and put it where the sun don't shine.

Sad this as it's arseholes like that abusing peoples good nature that makes people distrust the rest of the world.

Reply

StaticDown | 0

#675815 - Tuesday 17 November 2009 12:58

Exactly... Also could have yelled and ran and people would notice that something was happening and helped... I saw a mugger running once with a woman behind and I ran into him! He dropped the stuff and kept running...

By i_is_a_tr00l | 0

#675829 - Tuesday 17 November 2009 13:04

Good thing you didn't break your heels running after him. That would have been a tragity. Those sure are nice shoes.

By premiermois | 5

#675866 - Tuesday 17 November 2009 13:42

Lesson learned. You must have some pretty slow reflexes. A little bit of FYL, but a lot more of YDI.

Reply

allie2590 | 30

#676788 - Wednesday 18 November 2009 1:20

You're an idiot. No one deserves getting mugged.

Reply

shadexilmaendu | 4

#4119335 - Saturday 3 March 2012 23:01

Apparently over 15000 people think somebody does deserve it.

By steevy831 | 0

#675901 - Tuesday 17 November 2009 14:36

I would have shot him, but i have a ccw permit and do not live in the liberal armpit of the nation.

Reply

PRNRN | 0

#676444 - Tuesday 17 November 2009 21:50

AMEN!

By fragmite | 1

#675925 - Tuesday 17 November 2009 15:02

you shorted someone else money by swiping someone through that was supposed to pay,poor mugged thief.

Reply

star_ver | 0

#676155 - Tuesday 17 November 2009 18:18

LRN2Read... SELLING someone a MetroCard swipe is illegal, not swiping someone onto the subway. What a moron.

Reply

lulupookiepoo | 0

#3500958 - Friday 28 October 2011 0:44

Ur the retard ^

By go_rangers | 0

#675950 - Tuesday 17 November 2009 15:38

Add this to the list of reasons why giving someone a Metrocard swipe is illegal. Not enough signs about that in the subway for you?

Reply

star_ver | 0

#676160 - Tuesday 17 November 2009 18:22

Fuck you FML, I clicked to reply to #9. But anyway...

Seriously dude, LRN2Read... SELLING someone a MetroCard swipe is illegal, not swiping someone onto the subway. What a moron.

Reply

Entendu | 0

#677040 - Wednesday 18 November 2009 4:16

If this was the NYC system, you can't swipe someone in with an unlimited rides card, only with a dollar-value card.

Reply

fegd | 0

#677299 - Wednesday 18 November 2009 7:57

Of course you can, just not at the same time as you. There's about a 15 minute wait before you can use it again.

By lifesize_barbie | 0

#675956 - Tuesday 17 November 2009 15:46

smh... this is one of the many reasons you cant trust anyone or anything anymore. sad but ohh sooo truee

By frostie | 0

#675961 - Tuesday 17 November 2009 15:52

This douche bag needs a beating because he stole by taking advantage of someones kindness. But still who knows, he might have really needed money and had 4 mouths to feed and there was no one else to help him.

Reply

bexox | 0

#676004 - Tuesday 17 November 2009 16:30

Except a job... and the government.

Reply

allie2590 | 30

#676791 - Wednesday 18 November 2009 1:22

No excuse!

By darkheart88 | 0

#676040 - Tuesday 17 November 2009 16:57

Well, you know what they say: no good deed goes unpunished. Especially when it also happens to be against the law!