Transportation: Today, I was leaving the train station when a man came up to... - FML

17/11/2009 05:25 - United States

Today, I was leaving the train station when a man came up to me and asked me if I have an unlimited metrocard to swipe him in. I did have an unlimited card so I told him sure. While taking out my metrocard from my wallet, he grabbed my wallet and ran away as fast as he could. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 306

You deserved it 27 898

Compromises

Good kid

Simping

Alexa, play "Hey! Student" by The Fall

By Anonymous - 26/04/2020 02:00

Today, one of my UNIVERSITY students submitted an incomplete assignment file to the online learning platform. I emailed him, "You will need to send me the correct file via email, as the system does not accept resubmissions." I literally got as a reply, "So, what do I need to do?" Online teaching is hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 701

You deserved it 169

Ideal location

By Garageless - 14/10/2020 05:02

Today, I live near the bottom of a hill, where there's a curve and I'm seriously considering moving, because someone drove through my garage into the ravine. Insurance says they don't cover "Acts of God." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 136

You deserved it 56

25/12/2012 01:31 - United States - Danbury

Today, I had to slowly explain to my mother that Americans are not the only people who celebrate Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 175

You deserved it 2 880

Golden child

By Anonymous - 28/12/2020 19:02 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my mum went and told everyone she only went to the doctor after being ill because my brother told her to. It was me who'd been telling her for weeks to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 698

You deserved it 76

18/06/2009 05:31 - United States

Today, I was riding my bike down a road I know is quite hazardous. Having almost been hit in the same spot the day before, I rode across the intersection very satisfied without having been injured. Until I crashed into the guy front of me and flipped over my handlebars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 843

You deserved it 43 876

28/12/2011 08:14 - United States

Today, my 9 month old son realized he is just as tired as I am. His solution is to cry loudly. My solution was to cry along with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 386

You deserved it 5 156

26/06/2017 04:00

Today, someone shat liquid poo in the hallway at work. Right. Outside. The bathroom. Another foot and they could have used a toilet instead of the carpeted floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 220

You deserved it 332

08/01/2009 02:28 - United States

Today, my car was broken into. They broke the passenger side window and took my radio system. But they didn't take the remote for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 597

You deserved it 2 317

04/07/2016 17:19 - United States - Mcdonough

Today, our e-mail server went down. When I called IT to find out what the status was, they told me they e-mailed everyone with an update. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 223

You deserved it 1 125

20/05/2012 02:04 - Canada - North Bay

Today, it was my birthday, and I woke up to my dad telling me that we're going to Disneyland. Apparently, by "we" he meant him and my mom. They did, however, make a point to say "happy birthday" before they left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 996

You deserved it 2 050

05/02/2016 16:07 - United States - Temple

Today, my dogs somehow pulled the water spigot off the wall in my backyard. I now have my own private lake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 970

You deserved it 1 695

21/12/2009 19:26 - Saudi Arabia

Today, I was hanging out with my ex's new girlfriend. I found out he was dating us both at the same time and was comparing between us. That is why he broke up with me two years ago and is still with her ever since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 504

You deserved it 3 831

Strange kind of porn

By Jeanine - 13/05/2021 20:01

Spicy

Today, I had to admit to myself that recently my biggest kink was watching Sam Seder debate libertarians. My oh my, watching him dunk on them on YouTube gets me hot and bothered. This feels wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 338

You deserved it 698

30/06/2010 23:36 - United States

Today, I was late to work because the metro broke down. Yesterday I was late to work because the train in front of me broke down. The week before that I was late to work because the swat team shut the entire metro station down. Even the interns think I'm making this up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 621

You deserved it 3 484

Cooperation

By Anonymous - 24/01/2021 02:02 - Germany - Emden

Today, I share a bathroom with two other people and we divide tasks equally. They take care of making it dirty; I take care of making it clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 712

You deserved it 97

05/06/2010 06:59 - Australia

Today, my two friends and I went to the movies. One of my friends brought my crush. They started making out, leaning over the armrest, until they were practically in my lap. Saliva got on my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 328

You deserved it 4 159

10/05/2011 05:12

Today, I learned what a nail gun shooting my leg feels like. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 166

You deserved it 11 947

08/11/2015 10:03 - United Kingdom - Studley

Today, after several months desperately searching for a job and feeling pretty insecure and unimportant, I drove 15 miles to a job interview. On parking my car at the destination, I found that during my drive a spider had been making a cobweb between the car and my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 000

You deserved it 1 820

05/07/2009 15:58 - United Kingdom

Today, I met a great girl at a party. We talked alone, and she made me promise I'd dance with her later. When I saw her later, she was unconscious, and in an ambulance. She'd collapsed, and the entire party assumed I'd spiked her drink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 399

You deserved it 3 032

Do not disturb

By Anonymous - 19/06/2021 14:00

Today, I’m camping in the middle of nowhere and my mom wrote me not one, but two emails asking where my car keys are, because she needs to move my car. She apparently did not think to check in the key cabinet first. You know, the one where we keep… keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 737

You deserved it 82

08/08/2012 20:39 - United States - Evanston

Today, I posted a Facebook status on how I hated the new Batman movie. I'm now single, and have received multiple threats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 338

You deserved it 44 598

23/07/2009 11:45 - United States

Today, I was helping my sister by getting some old boxes down from her attic. Too bad I didn't realize the piece of plywood I was standing on doesn't extend all over the attic floor. Of course, I did realize it when I went through the ceiling onto the concrete floor of her garage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 447

You deserved it 5 629

08/11/2010 17:11 - United States

Today, I let my friend use my computer to download some music. Now, my computer has 6 viruses and 4 songs, all of which I hate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 500

You deserved it 26 287

08/01/2014 00:39 - United States - Salem

Today, a guy I like asked me to a dance. Trying to act modest and at the same time compliment him, I told him, "You could do so much better, though." After thinking for a moment, he replied, "You're right, I could. Never mind," and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 390

You deserved it 60 849

Catching up

By XRayXLopez1 - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Dallas

Today, I met a friend I hadn't seen in forever. After talking for a while, he says, "I knew there was a reason I stopped talking to you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 996

You deserved it 1 610

15/08/2012 06:18 - United States

Today, I was driving out to a concert I've been excited about for months. I was using my GPS to guide me to the venue. It decided to guide me to an abandoned warehouse in the middle of town. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 453

You deserved it 3 592

Solo

By AmIworthit? - 13/08/2021 10:01 - United States - Ashburn

Today, I had to admit to an attractive coworker that it wasn't a hickey on my neck, but a mosquito bite instead. I then realized how alone I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 663

You deserved it 91

13/11/2012 23:17 - United States - Killington

Today, I found a wounded turkey in our backyard. I brought it inside, put it in a cage, and tended to its wounds. I then left. When I got back home, I smelled the wonderful aroma of my mother's cooking. She had prepared a turkey, the one I'd rescued. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 736

You deserved it 5 616

16/11/2014 00:04 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I asked my dad for advice. I recently got drunk and had a one-night stand. I feel terrible, because I'm engaged to a wonderful lady. My dad just said, "You did the right thing, son, keep it up. She's gonna steal half ya shit in the divorce anyway". FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 729

You deserved it 34 312

Busted

By Stacy - 21/03/2009 00:43 - United States

Spicy

Today, I went into my older brother's room to get a condom. This happened the other day too when my boyfriend forgot one. So I went in and there was a note that said, "Stop using my condoms. And your boyfriend sounds like a girl when he climaxes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 744

You deserved it 121 478

28/07/2009 04:15 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me that we would be living out one of his fantasies. When I showed up, ready to go, he began playing the theme song to Star Trek and asked me to call him Mr. Spock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 142

You deserved it 7 884

21/07/2015 06:15 - United States - Portland

Today, I wanted to text my girlfriend but lately we'd been at a loss for things to talk about. I thought, "Come on, she's your girlfriend, what's the worst that could happen." One hour and twenty two minutes later, I was single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 363

You deserved it 3 359

12/05/2010 09:49 - United Kingdom

Today, I decided to go on a diet to lose some weight before summer. This was followed by the arrival of a giant parcel full of candy from my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 214

You deserved it 5 970

14/03/2009 15:16 - United States

Today, I yelled at my spouse in front of 20 guests for not coming to blow out his birthday cake candles. Turns out he was in the other room, quietly changing his disabled friend's diaper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 407

You deserved it 212 743

28/04/2012 23:36 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend figured out that he can bounce small things off of my boobs, and has been doing it every time I look away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 435

You deserved it 4 551

10/12/2014 12:59 - United Kingdom - Stevenage

Today, I found a very light blonde long hair on my marital bed's pillow. I confronted my husband about it and after hours of arguments and me throwing his stuff out of the house, I found another. Attached to my head. My husband isn't having an affair, I'm just going grey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 223

You deserved it 44 725

02/08/2019 02:00

Spicy

Today, my husband and I were having sex. It was stormy outside, and when lightning flashed through the window, he screamed like a little girl and scrambled off the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 831

You deserved it 260

12/02/2017 08:00 - United States - Princeton

Today, my husband caught me scratching my armpit with his beard brush. Just last week I swore that I never touch it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 429

You deserved it 12 127

09/02/2010 18:20 - France

Today, I was about to take a crap when the smoke alarm went off. I ran out of the bathroom and tried to run downstairs. I tripped and shit on myself. The alarm had gone off cause my kid put my wallet in the toaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 556

You deserved it 5 156

22/06/2013 21:16 - United States - Findlay

Today, while volunteering at a local museum, I politely told an elderly gentleman to have a nice day. He responded by yelling "NO" and storming off. Everyone looked at me like I was some sort of monster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 740

You deserved it 3 226

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Tuesday 17 November 2009 12:38

Kick off those heels and run the bastard down! Then take one of those heels and put it where the sun don't shine. Sad this as it's arseholes like that abusing peoples good nature that makes people distrust the rest of the world.

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Tuesday 17 November 2009 16:57

Well, you know what they say: no good deed goes unpunished. Especially when it also happens to be against the law!

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st87 0

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Tuesday 17 November 2009 12:34

ditto. then bashed him. bad.

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Tuesday 17 November 2009 12:38

Kick off those heels and run the bastard down! Then take one of those heels and put it where the sun don't shine. Sad this as it's arseholes like that abusing peoples good nature that makes people distrust the rest of the world.

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Tuesday 17 November 2009 12:58

Exactly... Also could have yelled and ran and people would notice that something was happening and helped... I saw a mugger running once with a woman behind and I ran into him! He dropped the stuff and kept running...

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Tuesday 17 November 2009 13:04

Good thing you didn't break your heels running after him. That would have been a tragity. Those sure are nice shoes.

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Tuesday 17 November 2009 13:42

Lesson learned. You must have some pretty slow reflexes. A little bit of FYL, but a lot more of YDI.

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Wednesday 18 November 2009 1:20

You're an idiot. No one deserves getting mugged.

shadexilmaendu 4

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Saturday 3 March 2012 23:01

Apparently over 15000 people think somebody does deserve it.

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Tuesday 17 November 2009 14:36

I would have shot him, but i have a ccw permit and do not live in the liberal armpit of the nation.

PRNRN 0

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Tuesday 17 November 2009 21:50

AMEN!

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Tuesday 17 November 2009 15:02

you shorted someone else money by swiping someone through that was supposed to pay,poor mugged thief.

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Tuesday 17 November 2009 18:18

LRN2Read... SELLING someone a MetroCard swipe is illegal, not swiping someone onto the subway. What a moron.

lulupookiepoo 0

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Friday 28 October 2011 0:44

Ur the retard ^

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Tuesday 17 November 2009 15:38

Add this to the list of reasons why giving someone a Metrocard swipe is illegal. Not enough signs about that in the subway for you?

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Tuesday 17 November 2009 18:22

Fuck you FML, I clicked to reply to #9. But anyway... Seriously dude, LRN2Read... SELLING someone a MetroCard swipe is illegal, not swiping someone onto the subway. What a moron.

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Wednesday 18 November 2009 4:16

If this was the NYC system, you can't swipe someone in with an unlimited rides card, only with a dollar-value card.

fegd 0

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Wednesday 18 November 2009 7:57

Of course you can, just not at the same time as you. There's about a 15 minute wait before you can use it again.

lifesize_barbie 0

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Tuesday 17 November 2009 15:46

smh... this is one of the many reasons you cant trust anyone or anything anymore. sad but ohh sooo truee

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Tuesday 17 November 2009 15:52

This douche bag needs a beating because he stole by taking advantage of someones kindness. But still who knows, he might have really needed money and had 4 mouths to feed and there was no one else to help him.

bexox 0

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Tuesday 17 November 2009 16:30

Except a job... and the government.

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Wednesday 18 November 2009 1:22

No excuse!

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Tuesday 17 November 2009 16:57

Well, you know what they say: no good deed goes unpunished. Especially when it also happens to be against the law!

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 122

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 151

You deserved it 33

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 335

You deserved it 103