Today, I was late to dinner with my anal-retentive parents because my boyfriend was too busy making cock puppets in the shower to get ready to go. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my boyfriend stood me up. At dinner with his parents. FML
Today, I came early from my job, just to find my boyfriend in bed, with my dad. FML
Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents. As he was loading his truck, I went inside to take a surreptitious shit. I ended up clogging the toilet, and so the first thing my mom said to my boyfriend was, "You'll have to find another bathroom; she just clogged it all up." FML
Today, me, my boyfriend and his family stayed at an AirBnB while on a trip. While I was doing my makeup, my boyfriend told me he was going to take a shower. A few minutes later, I went in the bathroom to shave my legs thinking my boyfriend was in there, but his dad was in the shower, scrubbing his ass. FML
Today, while having dinner, my boyfriend decided to tell everyone about our sex life. It wouldn't have been too bad except my father was sitting right next to me. My boyfriend's excuse was that he wanted to make my dad laugh. He didn't laugh. FML
Today, I took my boyfriend to dinner to meet my parents. He agreed to be on his best behavior, but when my mom told us about some shady stuff going on at her job, he replied that it sounded "fishier than Justin Bieber's cunt." We were quickly kicked out. FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house waiting for him to get out of the shower. Bored, I sent my friend a picture of myself pretending to make out with his bear rug. After the photo shoot, I looked in the doorway to find his dad staring at me. FML
Today, I showed up at my boyfriend's house with nothing under my coat but some sexy lingerie. He told me he was working on an assignment, and made me wait three hours before he'd have sex with me. FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house. We were starting to get intimate, and I thought it would be kinky to tie his hands to his bed so he'd be more turned on. Suddenly his mom called us for dinner, but I couldn't untie him fast enough. I had to sit there, embarrassed, while his mom undid the rope. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had our parents over to our new apartment for the first time. We spent hours cleaning, cooking, and making sure everything was "parent-appropriate." Apparently we didn't notice the BDSM catalog in the pile on our coffee table... but his mom sure did. FML
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Top comments
PensiveCub 0
ummmm what the **** are coxj puppets? and in the shower? I'm lost.
PsychoMerk 0
haha, anal and **** in the same sentence... might as well write a steamy story ;)
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Comments (133)
buttshapedfruit 0
lmfao WTF r **** puppets? dare I ask! hahaha
nightELFassasin6 0
snarf snarf
WordsOfHope 0
-pulls up urban dictionary-
lbyh4 0
that's gross
woosher 0
anal-retentive is a freudian term to refer to a person that is stubborn, compulsive and greedy; in case you don't know ;)
xDyZFuNkTiOnULx 0
lmao **** puppets
R3dN3ck1995 0
lolol omfg **** pupptes he's a shit puppet
SugarRushxx 0
**** puppets! you can make a snake...a worm....
Melkezidech 0
Um......What kind of person would attach strings and wood to their................wood.
philman114 0
**** puppets? WTF
ScaryyMary 14
**** puppet... must be a sort of marionette, with his **** as the wood attached to the strings? It's not a real boy, but it can dance and spit like one :D