Miscellaneous: Today, as I stepped into the shower, I slipped and fell over... - FML

By xo007 - United States

Today, as I stepped into the shower, I slipped and fell over the edge of the tub, pulling the shower curtain down with me. I called my roommate to help me up as I put on a towel over me. But before she could help me up, she grabbed her phone to take a picture. The picture became a mass text. FML

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Commando

Dangling modifier

Get on with it!

By SkinsCastSelection - France

Today, my boyfriend cancelled our vacation plans because I'll be on my period, arguing that, "It wouldn't be a real holiday." FML

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By mn051299 - Switzerland - Richterswil

Today, I sat in my hotel room bathroom in dead silence for 30 minutes while I waited for the cleaning staff to stop watching TV and drinking beer from the minibar, so that I could finish using the toilet. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I got my septum piercing stuck in a bag of cinnamon pine cones at Target. My boyfriend was wearing a red shirt with khaki pants, so all the other shoppers thought I had to call a Target employee over to "cut" me out of the bag. FML

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By Weasel123 - United States - Anadarko

Today, my roommate decided to go vegan after watching a PETA video. She began this new-found lifestyle by throwing out all of the non-vegan items in the house, including some prime rib we had recently purchased, all of our ice cream, and my chocolate stash. FML

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By svunimportant - United States - Morehead

Today, my daughter cried for ages after finding out that Nick Amaro was written out of Law and Order: SVU. She barely reacted when I told her that her mom and I are getting a divorce. FML

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By oww - United States - Tekonsha

Today, I came to work with a huge hangover after a night out. I work as a marching band director, and guess who I had to conduct a sectional with? That's right, percussion. My head still hasn't stopped throbbing. FML

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By I'mSoHungry - New Zealand - Auckland

I am very hungry

Today, a bird flew into the workshop where I work, gave itself a tour of the place, then promptly pooped on my lunch and left. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to spice things up by sneaking into the shower with me. Instead, he walked in on me pooping. I only had the shower running because I was afraid he would hear me taking a dump. FML

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By filipkm - Slovenia - Ljubljana

Today, I learned that you should always check the inside of your guitar to avoid a snake bite. Nope, strings don't help. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I watched Gigli. FML

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By fckdorms - United States - Columbia

Today, like every other day, my roommate's alarm began to go off at 7:30am. What time does she have to wake up? 10:00am. Why does she have her alarm go off for two and a half hours? Because last semester she needed it to go off then and she is too lazy to change it. FML

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By despacito

Today, my brother stole my hard drive and wiped it. My hard drive had a 10-page school project on it. The project is due tomorrow. FML

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By BigLove - United States - Stoneham

Today, Facebook put something out that shows a video of your entire life on the website. A part of it showed your most popular status update. Mine was from when I got dumped at Christmas. FML

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By SantaClaus - United States - San Francisco

Today, my 8-year-old came home from school crying. Apparently her teacher told the whole class to write about how they felt when they learned that Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy weren't real. FML

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By skinsfan7592 - United States

Today, my dad and I had an argument. Then we went outside to shovel the snow out of the driveway. I heard him yelling and figured he was just yelling at me some more, so I turned my iPod up so I couldn't hear him anymore. Turns out he had fallen, cracked a rib, and needed help up. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto

Front line workers

Today, my partner and I got called out to a domestic disturbance. Things turned ugly while we were en-route. Long story short, I now know how many grown men it takes to lift a nearly 400lb shit-covered woman onto a stretcher. I almost reconsidered my choice of career. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my boss reprimanded me for a huge screw-up that he was responsible for. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Bristol

Today, my girlfriend told me that she's a lesbian. And that she could only stay with me because I had a "girly face and voice". She also admitted to having a crush on my sister. FML

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By lolk - United States - Little Rock

Today, my boyfriend and I were on my bed when things started getting hot and it began to shake. My little sister called the entire family to the hall to listen to "the frogs in the wall". FML

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By Mr. Shawzy - Canada

Today, after taking a shower, I decided to weigh myself. Curious, I peered down. I couldn't see the scale. I am fat. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my parents' divorce was finalized, and my mother decided to publicly celebrate with a bikini wax. She calls it her "Declaration of Independence". FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I spent 900 dollars on a ticket for my boyfriend to visit me and he missed the flight. FML

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By ouch - United States

Today, I finally finished vacuuming my downstairs. Instead of finding the wall outlet and unplugging the vacuum, I triumphantly tugged the cord from across the room to release the plug from the wall. It flew at me at top speed and hit me in the face. FML

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By need new job - Germany

Today, I was hired as a student assistant. I was excited, until I learned on my very first day that "Supporting the academic staff in their research" actually meant walking the professor's dog. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my boss yelled at me in front of several customers for gesturing too much while I talk, because it's "unprofessional". I was using sign language. FML

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By Spawn_of_Satan - Hong Kong

Today, whilst my parents and I were out, my older brother thought it would be funny to play porn on my computer. At full volume. With my window wide open. Now my next-door neighbors tell their kids I'm a spawn of Satan, and the weird guy from across the street winks at me. FML

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By meganridner - United States

Today, I went mud wrestling for the first time at a mud bog. After a day of fun and getting cleaned up, I realized that my mom's ring was no longer on my finger. FML

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By goddamnit - United States

Today, I got a letter saying I was no longer a student at my college and my current work is void since I had ignored and refused to pay my tuition bill. Over the past month I've been deleting these pesky emails saying 'FINAL WARNING regarding payment' thinking it was more spam. They weren't. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Williamsburg

Today, I was at the beach with a group of friends, including the guy I like. As soon as we got to the beach, I ran toward the water and he chased after me. It was a beautiful moment until I looked back at him, tripped, fell on my face and slid down the beach. FML

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By Gary

Today, after countless failed rejections and derision from women, I've realized that the only time I experience any sort of happiness is when I'm eating. They say there's someone out there for all of us, but maybe that's not true. FML

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By and somehow you have a master's degree

Good excuse.

Today, my faculty mentor for my senior capstone project wasn't at my presentation for the entire department faculty. I assumed his wife or kids were sick, but that piece of shit told me himself that he was at home watching the new season of Stranger Things. FML

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By DarkMaskDiva - United States

Today, I found out the medications my doctor gave me for depression are making me fat. My main reason for depression is an eating disorder. Now, I'm fat instead of just thinking I am. FML

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By aru9 - United States

Today, I met an old friend from high school and his hot girlfriend. I jokingly said she must be blind to go out with him. His response: "Yeah, she is." FML

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By nakcba

Today, I was in my car and stopped at a red light. A homeless woman then started to throw rocks at my car for no apparent reason. I drive a convertible. FML

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By Anonymous

My husband's passion

Today, my husband loves his cat more than our new baby daughter. This morning he spent 2 hours playing with the cat, yet when I handed him his flesh and blood daughter, he found an excuse to hand her back after 5 minutes, then 5 minutes after that, he was playing with the cat again. FML

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By what the fuck, mate - Australia

Today, I started working my crappy, minimum-wage retail job at a local electronics store. An hour into my shift, my boss sent me to scrub out a discount bin, after some drunk cunt in his teens staggered into the place yelling, and puked his guts into it. What a life. FML

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By Blue_belle

Observational Comedy 101

Today, I was wearing a cute black dungaree dress with a purple top underneath. I thought I looked pretty good, until my son told me I looked like an evil Minion. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally convinced my son to use the potty. Later, he saw a show on TV about a toilet monster. Now he's too scared to even step foot into the bathroom. Here's to another few months of diaper changes. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/12/2020 19:01 - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Blue Christmas

Today, I legally separated from my wife, after many months of her refusing to do any form of self-care. She doesn't wash, exercise, eat full meals other than fast food and she doesn't make any effort to be involved in me or who I am as a person. Christmas is going to be awkward. FML

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By UH-OH - United States

Today, I sat next to an attractive punk/rock guy on a plane. I decided to try to impress by playing music I thought he would like. I clicked The Who and opened a large window with the album cover, so he could see. The track then shuffled, and he was face to with a giant image of Miley Cyrus. FML

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Top comments

By Jordie210 | 0

#654695 - Wednesday 4 November 2009 22:51

what a bitch!

By whatevaaaa | 0

#654714 - Wednesday 4 November 2009 22:58

You need to start planning some serious revenge...NOW

COMMENTS

By Jordie210 | 0

#654695 - Wednesday 4 November 2009 22:51

what a bitch!

Reply

bugmenotmofo | 34

#654986 - Thursday 5 November 2009 0:40

Why is no one using the reply feature?

Reply

Reyo | 2

#655154 - Thursday 5 November 2009 2:02

You know when they say "Revenge is a dish best served cold"?

Well, anyway, that's complete bullshit. Aluminum bat...meet my roommate's face.

Reply

rick_james_b17ch | 0

#655759 - Thursday 5 November 2009 8:16

Aluminium is cold, haven't you ever tasted it before?

Reply

maruchan | 0

#656252 - Thursday 5 November 2009 17:08

Like this reply?

OP: FYL

Reply

bonnieandclyde44 | 0

#831447 - Saturday 6 February 2010 23:42

bitch!!

By ifoundthishat | 0

#654697 - Wednesday 4 November 2009 22:51

Wow, your roommate's a jerk. But that's funny.

By allmidnighteyes | 10

#654700 - Wednesday 4 November 2009 22:53

what a cunt

By Erindub | 0

#654709 - Wednesday 4 November 2009 22:56

I have my own apt for this very reason

By whatevaaaa | 0

#654714 - Wednesday 4 November 2009 22:58

You need to start planning some serious revenge...NOW

By SAM1AM | 0

#654728 - Wednesday 4 November 2009 23:03

Are you part turtle? why couldn't you just get up on your own?
YDI for not being self reliant.

Reply

jessamyn_it_is | 0

#656102 - Thursday 5 November 2009 14:12

lmao

Reply

jeannine_lee | 0

#656331 - Thursday 5 November 2009 18:32

ROFL! Exactly!

Reply

airforce987 | 20

#825047 - Thursday 4 February 2010 19:47

you made me lol, thanks!

Reply

Turtle_Mode | 0

#1047236 - Monday 28 June 2010 18:57

lol

Reply

ally316 | 0

#2983570 - Wednesday 27 July 2011 4:58

lmao turtle woman xD

By kristidgranger | 3

#654750 - Wednesday 4 November 2009 23:11

I have done that before

By sickntired2009 | 5

#654755 - Wednesday 4 November 2009 23:12

If you don't post the pic, it didn't happen...

Reply

pinkdancer | 0

#654876 - Wednesday 4 November 2009 23:51

I actually got that pic message. Haha... So it did happen! Now what punk!?!?

Reply

tp0090 | 2

#3455485 - Wednesday 19 October 2011 14:16

Post it, that's what

By Skull_300 | 0

#654764 - Wednesday 4 November 2009 23:14

What the Fuck? Were you still drunk or hung over?

By Sygonus | 0

#654782 - Wednesday 4 November 2009 23:19

I've fallen... AND I CAN'T GET UP!!!

Reply

Duckasaurus | 0

#655160 - Thursday 5 November 2009 2:03

Win.