Miscellaneous: Today, as I stepped into the shower, I slipped and fell over...

By xo007 - 04/11/2009 17:40 - United States

Today, as I stepped into the shower, I slipped and fell over the edge of the tub, pulling the shower curtain down with me. I called my roommate to help me up as I put on a towel over me. But before she could help me up, she grabbed her phone to take a picture. The picture became a mass text. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 701

You deserved it 3 722

Miscellaneous

Empathy lives

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Leave me out of it

By Anonymous - 21/02/2014 09:59 - Russian Federation - Lipetsk

Today, I was back home from work drinking coffee when I heard someone open the door with a key. It was my boyfriend, who obviously didn't expect to see me home. We don't live together, and I never gave him a key. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 845

You deserved it 4 097

By Anonymous - 12/01/2014 00:03 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my girlfriend told me that she is pregnant. I asked how it could be possible, since she's on birth control. She said she didn't know her antibiotics would interfere with it. She's a pharmacist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 936

You deserved it 8 849

Grossed out

By Anonymous - 10/11/2018 14:00

Today, I was helping this girl to the nurse’s office because she was so sick that she could barely walk. About halfway there, she stopped and vomited on me. My jaw was dropped in shock when she threw up on me again. A little went into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 678

You deserved it 310

By Anonymous - 05/08/2009 05:05 - United States

Today, my brother found 100 bucks in his coat pocket. He was so happy he bought 2 new games for his x-box. He was borrowing my coat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 520

You deserved it 8 486

By ronniewciv - 30/12/2010 07:48

Today, I was delivering pizza in the rain. A woman answered the door, saw me soaking wet and said, "Wow this rain is terrible, it must be horrible to be out delivering in it." She then tipped me 21 cents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 502

You deserved it 3 751

By NoPainNoGain - 05/06/2009 05:03 - United States

Today, while running on the treadmill at the gym, the girl next to me slipped and went flying back against the wall. Indecisive whether to get off and help her or to just keep going, I lost my focus and footing and flew back next to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 376

You deserved it 26 424

By Anonymous - 05/12/2012 11:27 - Israel

Today, I bought my son a nice car for his 18th birthday. When I gave it to him, he just got mad and told me that if I really wanted to spend that much money on him, I should've used it to help him pay for college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 017

You deserved it 55 473

By Anonymous - 16/05/2012 20:34 - Netherlands - Kerkrade

Today, I called my boyfriend during his lunch break. He started to place his order at a fast food joint, and trying to be funny, I started moaning sexily after each part of his order. I eventually realised I was on speaker when I heard snickering in the background. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 720

You deserved it 32 159

By ScoozieBooze - 20/12/2012 18:17 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I caught my dog chewing on a tampon applicator. I tried to grab it from him, but he wanted to play "keep away" and ran outside. Like a dumbass, I chased after him in my underwear, earning myself the attention of my neighbors on each side of my driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 467

You deserved it 32 324

Safe bet

By nerdy09 - 19/08/2021 03:59

Today, a guy sent me, “I miss you.” I invited him to come over for a movie, but he then said, “I’m down for that, but I expect you to hook up with me.” I guess that’s all I’m good for? FML

I agree, your life sucks 938

You deserved it 188

By ToothHurtyAM - 18/10/2018 05:00

Today, the principal of my school asked me if I had practice. Knowing he's gullible, I said yes. I came home to find him and my mom having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 139

You deserved it 832

By Anonymous - 29/09/2009 04:43 - United States

Today, I found out the reason my clothes have been smelling a little funny isn't because I sweat heavily, it's because of the dead rat in the back of my dryer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 858

You deserved it 5 349

By Anonymous - 23/08/2009 11:00 - Norway

Today, I was outside with a guy I really like. He asked me to lay down on the ground and watch the stars with him. I did. Suddenly, he got up, walked over to another girl and kissed her. They left me there on the soaking wet ground, watching the stars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 321

You deserved it 3 886

By Summer Loving Happened So Fast - 02/12/2014 17:59 - United States - Cookeville

Today, after two years, my girlfriend finally got over her intimacy and commitment problems, with a guy she met over the summer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 074

You deserved it 3 266

By Jade - 16/02/2011 05:55

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night because I was thirsty. In my groggy state, I grabbed the first bottle of liquid I could find, opened it, and took a sip. It was nail polish remover. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 317

You deserved it 42 523

By Anonymous - 01/04/2014 02:08 - United States - Santa Barbara

Today, my husband and I had some bath time to ourselves. After having sex, he decided to put bath salts in my vagina to spice things up for the next round. It's been twenty minutes out of the bath and it still feels like there are pop rocks in my vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 503

You deserved it 36 880

By Anonymous - 26/06/2010 13:24 - Tanzania United Republic of

Today, I was driving along when I saw a hot girl walking. I decided to impress her by doing a 180 degree turn. Successfully pulling off my trick, I decided to back up so I could go the right way. Not looking behind, I backed up and smashed into a wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 784

You deserved it 65 860

Jot that down

By Anonymous - 30/04/2020 02:00

Today, I wrote my phone number on a Post-it note and gave it to a cute girl at work. She immediately threw it away. In front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 299

You deserved it 922

By Anonymous - 06/04/2009 17:15 - United States

Today, I was going on a dinner date with a girl I had just met. After I picked her up I asked her if she would like to get lobster. She looked at me and asked if those were the red ones. Confused I nodded. She replied, "Sorry, I don't eat red meat." I laughed. She was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 059

You deserved it 5 972

By wtf - 09/06/2011 15:04 - United Kingdom

Today, I shat out a staple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 545

You deserved it 17 947

It's not unusual

By Anonymous - 10/11/2020 20:02

Today, I complimented my crush. No, I didn't call her beautiful or sexy, though those definitely apply. No, instead, I called her scrumptious. I can't even begin to explain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 705

You deserved it 261

By Anonymous - 16/05/2009 21:06 - United States

Today, I called the guy I've liked for a long time and told him how I felt. He didn't say anything except for "hello." After I spilled my feelings, I hear "Haha, just kidding I'm not here right now! Call me back later!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 626

You deserved it 8 705

Food for thought

By Heather Scurfield - 17/09/2021 01:00 - United Kingdom - Witney

Today, it's my birthday. Since I knew I would be spending it alone, I treated myself to a full cooked Scottish Breakfast. Just as I was plating up, I got carried away and my black pudding slipped out of my tongs and directly into my cat's litter tray. FML

I agree, your life sucks 760

You deserved it 181

Growing old gracefully

By OldBitch - 16/08/2020 02:01

Today, I realized my breasts look like sweat socks and my ass is sagging so much, it slaps the back of my legs. My neck has grown three chins, and I have put on 40 lbs. Yes, the golden years are here at last, and they can certainly kiss my ass. Happy 50th to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 218

You deserved it 419

By Anonymous - 05/09/2011 10:59 - United Kingdom

Today, I overheard my parents planning on how to get me to move out of the house. It's my house. They only came to visit and forgot to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 798

You deserved it 3 182

By Anonymous - 01/07/2015 19:09 - United States - Tampa

Today, my flight was at the other side of the airport. I ran to the gate, to find that the flight had moved to the other side of the airport. So I ran again to miss my plane by a minute. However I did get a new flight... at the other end of the airport. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 987

You deserved it 1 941

By buggyluv - 30/06/2016 15:50 - United States - Edwardsville

Today, at my new job, a coworker offered to help me mop the floors since she wasn't busy. I ended up getting written up by my boss for supposedly being too lazy and making other people finish my work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 292

You deserved it 934

By stoopidpoop - 05/02/2010 00:29 - United States

Today, I told my girlfriend's father that I wanted to talk about his daughter. I then went on to tell him I was thinking about 'popping the cherry', instead of 'popping the question'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 929

You deserved it 13 723

By smellymcgee - 25/06/2016 17:21 - United States - Farmington

Today, I came home to the vilest stench I've ever smelled. I had to open a floor vent and scoop up the turd that was inside. Funnily enough, today was the day my scumbag roommate moved out, but I'm sure he had absolutely nothing to do with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 381

You deserved it 777

By go fish - 08/07/2019 06:00

Today, my boyfriend gently pointed out that when we hug, it's our stomachs that touch first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 425

You deserved it 380

By Jayman223 - 10/02/2017 09:00 - United States - Reno

Today I adopted a dog. He ran away the same day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 675

You deserved it 1 129

By lame - 31/12/2009 05:02 - Canada

Today, I ate a chocolate bar before getting my morning coffee. While waiting for it, a good looking guy starts talking to me, then suddenly loses interest. Afterwards, I see the chocolate on my face in my car mirror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 367

You deserved it 21 940

By SkinsCastSelection - 17/01/2011 20:13 - Belgium

Today, in high school, we had a presentation about sex, condoms, etc. After a while, the lady explained that we should get to know our sexual organs better. "For example, my daughter looks at her vagina in front of a mirror to check it out." I’m her daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 369

You deserved it 6 823

By morg2000 - 17/02/2009 23:23 - Mexico

Today, I went out to dinner with my family. I was given a kids menu when the hostess sat us down. I'm 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 522

You deserved it 3 156

By ihatevideos - 16/03/2009 23:08 - United States

Today, I was sifting through my parents old home movies. I put in one and was horrified to see my parents having sex. I immediately ejected the tape and looked at the label. It said "Bermuda, 1989". They've told me I was conceived in Bermuda around that time. I've seen my own conception. FML

I agree, your life sucks 194 230

You deserved it 37 360

By Gassy - 21/09/2015 14:45 - Australia - Rydalmere

Today, I heard a noise outside in the middle of the night, so I went out for a look. I'm also pregnant and can't stop farting. I get 2 steps outside and accidentally let a huge one rip, then, from the shadows I hear "Oh my god!" and then running in the opposite direction. I farted away a prowler. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 268

You deserved it 3 253

By scared - 04/08/2014 00:47 - Canada

Today, my elderly mother explained that, "I don't need my glasses to drive, I just need them to see." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 024

You deserved it 3 055

By Anonymous - 25/06/2019 05:00

Today, I was running with two other women when a guy started tailing us in his car and catcalling. I quickly got fed up and gave him the finger. Turns out, he's the husband of one of the women I was running with. For the next half hour, I had to listen to her go on about how adorable he was. She totally saw what I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 739

You deserved it 338

By icyrebel25 - 12/11/2013 23:57 - United States - Mckinney

Today, my mom showed my girlfriend a picture of me crying when I pooped in the bathtub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 882

You deserved it 5 220

By hey-ooo - 28/10/2009 01:15 - United States

Today, I was sitting in the cafeteria with my friends when I suddenly passed out due to my hypoglycemia. When I woke up, I discovered that I was still in the same spot and my friends had abandoned me to go to class. Also, my stuff was stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 729

You deserved it 2 831

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Top comments

Jordie210 0

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Wednesday 4 November 2009 22:51

what a bitch!

whatevaaaa 0

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Wednesday 4 November 2009 22:58

You need to start planning some serious revenge...NOW

Jordie210 0

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Wednesday 4 November 2009 22:51

what a bitch!

bugmenotmofo 34

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Thursday 5 November 2009 0:40

Why is no one using the reply feature?

Reyo 2

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Thursday 5 November 2009 2:02

You know when they say "Revenge is a dish best served cold"? Well, anyway, that's complete bullshit. Aluminum bat...meet my roommate's face.

rick_james_b17ch 0

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Thursday 5 November 2009 8:16

Aluminium is cold, haven't you ever tasted it before?

maruchan 0

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Thursday 5 November 2009 17:08

Like this reply? OP: FYL

bonnieandclyde44 0

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Saturday 6 February 2010 23:42

bitch!!

ifoundthishat 0

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Wednesday 4 November 2009 22:51

Wow, your roommate's a jerk. But that's funny.

allmidnighteyes 10

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Wednesday 4 November 2009 22:53

what a cunt

Erindub 0

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Wednesday 4 November 2009 22:56

I have my own apt for this very reason

whatevaaaa 0

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Wednesday 4 November 2009 22:58

You need to start planning some serious revenge...NOW

SAM1AM 0

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Wednesday 4 November 2009 23:03

Are you part turtle? why couldn't you just get up on your own? YDI for not being self reliant.

jessamyn_it_is 0

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Thursday 5 November 2009 14:12

lmao

jeannine_lee 0

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Thursday 5 November 2009 18:32

ROFL! Exactly!

airforce987 20

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Thursday 4 February 2010 19:47

you made me lol, thanks!

Turtle_Mode 0

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Monday 28 June 2010 18:57

lol

ally316 0

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Wednesday 27 July 2011 4:58

lmao turtle woman xD

kristidgranger 3

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Wednesday 4 November 2009 23:11

I have done that before

sickntired2009 5

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Wednesday 4 November 2009 23:12

If you don't post the pic, it didn't happen...

pinkdancer 0

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Wednesday 4 November 2009 23:51

I actually got that pic message. Haha... So it did happen! Now what punk!?!?

tp0090 2

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Wednesday 19 October 2011 14:16

Post it, that's what

Skull_300 0

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Wednesday 4 November 2009 23:14

What the Fuck? Were you still drunk or hung over?

Sygonus 0

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Wednesday 4 November 2009 23:19

I've fallen... AND I CAN'T GET UP!!!

Duckasaurus 0

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Thursday 5 November 2009 2:03

Win.

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 815

You deserved it 109

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 205

You deserved it 291

Grossed out

Safe bet

Jot that down

It's not unusual

Food for thought

Growing old gracefully

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