Today, my mom had one too many and announced to all of my friends... - FML

By Anonymous - 17/6/2009 04:25 - United States

Today, my mom had one too many and announced to all of my friends that, if she had the opportunity, she would bang Gwen Stefani. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55781

You deserved it

4668

Tweet

Share

Proactive

Too embarrassed to get them from a store?

Don't give up

By Chat - 4/3/2018 19:00

Today, my only day off this week, my cat decided that she wanted feeding at 5am and wouldn’t stop meowing till I filled up her bowl. She then refused to eat it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3834

You deserved it

702

Tweet

Share

By "QueenCortana Tiffany Turner" - 7/2/2020 14:00

Temper tantrum

Today, the cops were called to my apartment because my daughter had a temper tantrum while I was at work. She was naked when they were there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2011

You deserved it

238

Tweet

Share

By weirded out - 11/8/2014 02:22 - United States - Brentwood

Today, I saw a customer at the restaurant I work at lovingly petting his cheeseburger and whispering sweet promises to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38990

You deserved it

3698

Tweet

Share

By fuckthisandfuckthatandfuckyoutoo - 28/7/2013 16:23 - United States

Today, I was preparing a customer's meal in my restaurant's kitchen, when I choked on my own saliva and went into a coughing fit. The head chef, who's always hated my guts, accused me of trying to hock a loogie into the meal and fired me on the spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47519

You deserved it

3553

Tweet

Share

By The gay child - 9/5/2018 19:00

Today, a discussion with my father about what to have for lunch turned into a linguistics lesson, then a bible story, followed by religious anti-gay propaganda, and finally a brief discussion on why my brother would make a terrible military dictator. I still haven't gotten anything for lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3797

You deserved it

407

Tweet

Share

By hate - 6/7/2017 11:58

Today, I spent 2 hours scrubbing puke off the dishes in the kitchen. Why? Because my moronic flatmate was dared by his equally moronic friend to drink a bottle of castor oil and then eat an entire jar of marmite. As a result, he projectile vomited all over all the dishes and left me to clean up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4125

You deserved it

428

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 20/6/2009 00:28 - United States

Today, I found a note on my door that said "You're the sexiest person I've ever stalked". Later, I found another note that said "Sorry, that was meant for your roommate. You aren't my type." Not even a creepy stalker thinks I'm attractive. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51842

You deserved it

3867

Tweet

Share

By thestudent - 18/2/2011 09:30 - Philippines

Today, my math teacher brought his laptop to tally up all our scores for our report card. He then displayed the results on a big screen in front of the whole class. The ones who failed were marked yellow. I was the only one marked yellow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29581

You deserved it

20930

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 17/7/2014 02:49 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was waiting in a line, texting on my phone. I hear what sounded like a sneeze and said, "Bless you" to the man in front of me. He gave me a dirty look as I began to smell something awful. It wasn't a sneeze. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44177

You deserved it

4773

Tweet

Share

By biomajor - 7/2/2009 07:07 - United States

Today, I was talking to a guy at the bar and I told him I was a biology major. He promptly said, "NEXT" and moved on to the girl next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36169

You deserved it

3553

Tweet

Share

By Lisa - 19/8/2018 23:30

Forever Alone

Today, at my younger sister's wedding, my hospitalised grandmother called to ask if I have a boyfriend yet, both my parents wondered if I'll ever get married, and when the 13-year-old next to me caught the bouquet, his father yelled from the back to give it to me instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2786

You deserved it

199

Tweet

Share

By grossedout - 1/11/2014 00:39

Today, I was walking back to my dorm with my boyfriend. He was being really sweet as he held my hand. We were about to kiss goodnight and as he pushed some hair out of my face he said, "Can we hurry it up? I'm about to rip one." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32940

You deserved it

3697

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 5/4/2014 04:04 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, while in line at my local bakery, an old man passed wind in front of me. The smell was like nothing I've ever experienced before. I managed to withstand it, but the child behind me could not, and spewed orange vomit all over my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48643

You deserved it

3415

Tweet

Share

By amelie - 9/12/2018 05:00

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me. While getting on one knee, he farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2626

You deserved it

673

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 12/1/2016 18:04 - United States - Newtown Square

Today, my girlfriend launched her own business. I was recently laid off from my job, so I offered to be her very first employee. I now have the glamorous job of bleaching people's assholes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21820

You deserved it

6896

Tweet

Share

By muffinmen1022 - 20/2/2009 05:27 - United States

Today, I went to Macy's to go shopping, I was wearing a shirt and tie and dressed nicely. Customers came up to me with questions, but I just ignored them. Minutes later, thinking I was an employee, the manager came and yelled at me, and threatened to fire me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46288

You deserved it

11789

Tweet

Share

By christine brown - 26/8/2011 12:03 - United States

Today, I got suspended for bringing a "hazardous weapon" to school. They were earrings. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35595

You deserved it

3676

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/5/2011 04:38 - Australia

Today, I went to the doctor for a sore throat. The doctor wasn't wearing any shoes. He said that he doesn't believe in pharmaceuticals and that it's 'all about vitamins', and he gave me a flyer for a vitamin mail order company. Then he showed me photos of his holidays. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34649

You deserved it

4326

Tweet

Share

By mylifereallyISeffed - 22/7/2009 10:43 - Australia

Today, I came home to find my dad crying. Turns out my parents are getting divorced because my mom had an affair. With a teacher at my school. A female teacher. And the school isn't going to fire her because she's a good teacher. Every day at school I'm going to have to see her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

79216

You deserved it

4023

Tweet

Share

By Fatnlonely - 20/8/2019 12:00

Today, at a pool party, I had forgotten to bring a swim suit, so I went in in my bra and shorts. After everyone screaming and telling me to put my shirt back on, I asked, "Why? It's the same as a bikini." My best friend told me it was because no one wanted to see me topless. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1582

You deserved it

393

Tweet

Share

By now afraid... - 3/4/2016 17:28 - United States - Bloomington

Today, I found a bowl of green beans just sitting in my microwave. The only person in my life who ever eats green beans is my psycho ex-girlfriend. She moved out three months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24399

You deserved it

2174

Tweet

Share

By smellsfunnyinfrance - 21/8/2016 16:43 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to ask my sister if she'd shit her pants because the smell of poop was following us around Paris. I don't know what's worse, the fact that I had to ask an eighteen-year-old, or that she said yes and didn't do anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18639

You deserved it

1173

Tweet

Share

By dabull - 27/4/2013 05:02 - United States

Today, nobody wants to hang out with me due to a nasty rumor that my ex has spread. No one will tell me what was said, because I apparently "know full well" what I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54770

You deserved it

3939

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 30/5/2013 03:55 - United States - Redlands

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate on the bathroom floor. Somehow my nose managed to start bleeding, so he bent me over the tub and kept going because he didn't want to "ruin the moment". FML

I agree, your life sucks

59572

You deserved it

9774

Tweet

Share

By Nojob - 6/6/2018 09:00 - United States - Bronx

Today, on my way to my job interview, the man who was supposed to be interviewing me slammed into my car because he wasn’t paying attention. He fired me for raising his insurance premiums. I got fired before getting the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3999

You deserved it

181

Tweet

Share

By hopeless - 3/10/2014 21:13 - Canada

Today, a customer was looking for some decking materials. I took her around the store and pointed out some nice plywood, noting that it's also fire-retardant, which might interest her. She got pissed off and bitched me out for supposedly calling her a retard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35731

You deserved it

2921

Tweet

Share

By goingtobeevicted - 25/4/2013 06:28 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my new landlord and lettings agent made an illegal entry into my house. Unfortunately, at the time my boyfriend was buck naked, smoking a joint on the sofa, surrounded by the cats we aren't supposed to have. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32664

You deserved it

47797

Tweet

Share

By lunarclips - 27/6/2016 14:08 - Canada - Brandon

Today, is the day I graduate. Today is the day I have explosive diarrhea and I haven't moved far from the toilet since I woke up this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11985

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1214

Tweet

Share

By windsoffate - 9/6/2016 16:46 - United States - Portland

Today, as I was getting ready for work, I heard a noise almost like someone was puking all over the bathroom floor. When I went to check, my 14-year-old son was puking all over the bathroom floor. The toilet, however, was pristine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12540

You deserved it

933

Tweet

Share

By catsonuincorns - 15/4/2018 06:00 - United States - Clovis

Today, I was in a car accident with my dad. A wheel slammed into my door, dislocating my arm and breaking it in three places. Later on, the people who hit us came over and gave my little sister a gift basket. She wasn't even in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4396

You deserved it

223

Tweet

Share

By Quackers - 11/4/2012 15:39 - United States - Denver

Today, while running in the park, I noticed some ducks in a pond. I stopped to look at them and began quacking at them, to see if they would react. This would have been OK had I not been wearing ear-buds, blasting music, making me unable to realize just how loud I was quacking. With people all around. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9478

You deserved it

37149

Tweet

Share

By Spawn_of_Satan - 27/3/2009 15:18 - Hong Kong

Today, whilst my parents and I were out, my older brother thought it would be funny to play porn on my computer. At full volume. With my window wide open. Now my next-door neighbors tell their kids I'm a spawn of Satan, and the weird guy from across the street winks at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57980

You deserved it

7345

Tweet

Share

By Donutsarelife - 19/11/2014 15:09 - United States

Today, I spent 20 minutes arguing with the class dipshit, trying to convince her that wifi hot-spots are not in fact saunas powered by wifi. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32972

You deserved it

3936

Tweet

Share

By TheOtherWoman - 18/1/2013 17:21 - United Kingdom - Weston-super-mare

Today, I saw in my browser history a profile from one of those "Facebook of sex" websites. Turns out that my boyfriend has been posting naked pictures of himself on there using my laptop and flirting with teenage girls. His excuse? "I have friends on there." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33018

You deserved it

3284

Tweet

Share

By kdehshaden - 30/4/2012 08:25 - United States

Today, after a lot of begging, I finally convinced my husband to shave all of his pubes off. Now I can't even look at it without laughing, and he's mad at me for making him do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8579

You deserved it

56211

Tweet

Share

By "Tick" - 12/4/2019 16:00

Today, after not dating for 2 years, I went out on 2 dates. I got stood up both times. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2046

You deserved it

125

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 22/10/2010 01:03 - France

Today, I teach English in Taiwan. I got two new students, brothers named Harry and Potter. People, they're children, not pets. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35564

You deserved it

5026

Tweet

Share

By hwood - 9/9/2009 16:53 - United States

Today, my Grandmother was sent to the ER. My family blamed it on her being allergic to my cats, making me feel guilty. She just called me to tell me the test results informed her that she is actually allergic to the carrot cake they got her. I gave my cats away 15 minutes ago to a little girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46357

You deserved it

8163

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/6/2019 00:01

Today, I gave my name for a lunch order, I even spelled it out for the cashier. When my food was ready, they screamed "Labia," in the restaurant full of people. My name is Nadia. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1718

You deserved it

135

Tweet

Share

By Sir Smokalot - 24/9/2009 08:05 - France

Today, my boyfriend and I were visiting his parents. When we got there, I hugged his mother, and she glared at me. Later that day, I heard her telling her son that he should leave me because I smell like cigarettes, and she hates smokers. I don't smoke, my boyfriend does. He did all the way there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43051

You deserved it

2864

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Peroxide | 3

#314307 - Wednesday 17 June 2009 12:32

That shit is BANANAS!

By akiro525 | 3

#314317 - Wednesday 17 June 2009 12:38

who wouldn't?

COMMENTS

By cucuto89 | 0

#314290 - Wednesday 17 June 2009 12:25

Cool Story BRo

Reply

AUT_student | 0

#315386 - Wednesday 17 June 2009 23:12

shouldn't this go to that my life is great website?? You friends must love you....a MILF wanting to do Gwen Stefani....FTW FTW FTW FTW!!!!
How can this in ANY way be a bad thing??

Reply

rallets | 22

#316202 - Thursday 18 June 2009 6:03

thats a FAIL

youre doing it wrong

Reply

kmknotek | 0

#1391081 - Sunday 12 September 2010 4:56

i would fuck gwen stefani tooo....

By FPsLife | 5

#314299 - Wednesday 17 June 2009 12:28

*Searches frantically for who cares button*

At least she wasn't coming on to you.

... or was that what you wanted?

By lottofee | 0

#314303 - Wednesday 17 June 2009 12:30

so what?

Reply

genius_man16 | 0

#314516 - Wednesday 17 June 2009 15:32

^^

My care cup is so empty it's a fucking black hole

Reply

heyyou1203 | 0

#318008 - Thursday 18 June 2009 20:27

exactly. How does this f your life? So maybe your mom embarrassed u in front of ppl? Big deal.

By Pirate_argh | 6

#314304 - Wednesday 17 June 2009 12:31

Agree with #2.
Sorry, but my care-o-meter just hit ZERO

By Peroxide | 3

#314307 - Wednesday 17 June 2009 12:32

That shit is BANANAS!

Reply

dinosaursmoo | 0

#314985 - Wednesday 17 June 2009 19:36

Bahahah XD You just made my day.

By Frolly_fml | 0

#314310 - Wednesday 17 June 2009 12:35

Cool mom.

By starflake | 3

#314315 - Wednesday 17 June 2009 12:38

Awh, your Mom is awesome!

By akiro525 | 3

#314317 - Wednesday 17 June 2009 12:38

who wouldn't?

Reply

crystalbluewolf | 3

#3080153 - Wednesday 10 August 2011 19:34

yeah at least she picked someone of good taste.

Reply

xX_LilSammie_Xx | 4

#3773453 - Friday 23 December 2011 0:30

My thoughts exactly -Who wouldn't.

By AntiChrist7 | 0

#314320 - Wednesday 17 June 2009 12:40

if she bangs GS, tape it and put it online.

By Aray | 0

#314321 - Wednesday 17 June 2009 12:41

oh my god that's fucked hahaha!