Today, I was having a conversation with my girlfriend about having kids. We were outside a hotel in front of those rotating glass doors. One of my friends ran at me as a joke, screaming like a caveman. I freaked out in a high pitched squeal, and tried to run inside the hotel. I ran in the wrong way. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was visiting my friend's new house and he was showing me around. I saw a small door in the wall and decided to open it. When I opened it, his daughter was hiding in there and screamed to scare me. Now I know my scream is more high pitched than his daughter's. I'm a 37 year old male. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML
Today, I was visiting my girlfriend at her house. We heard the door bell ring. She told me to jump out the window thinking it was her dad. I jumped, landed wrong, and got hurt. It turns out we were ding-dong-ditched. FML
Today, I was out running. All of a sudden I saw a dog come towards me, I thought it was going to attack me and I screamed like a girl in front of everyone. It was a puppy wanting to play. FML
Today, I went for a run. When I got home, no one was there so I took off my clothes and laid on the cool wood floor. I decided to call my girlfriend and we started talking in baby voices. That's when my mom walked into the house witnessing everything. FML
Today, while walking home with my girlfriend we decided to take a shortcut in the woods. After hearing a huge noise, she pushed me and ran. FML
Today, I ran into my apartment and let one rip, since I'd been holding it the whole elevator ride up. My parents had let themselves in while I was out, and laughed at me for a good 20 minutes. FML
Today, I was at a baby shower with my wife. I went to go outside for some fresh air, but walked straight into their glass sliding door. Everyone stared at me. I smiled with embarrassment and walked back over to my wife, only to trip over my own feet and faceplant the floor. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of footsteps outside my room. I investigated but found nothing. As I went back to my room, I heard a sort of giggling from inside. I was so scared, I grabbed my car keys, got the fuck out of there, and drove to my girlfriend's house in my pajamas. FML
Today, I embraced my inner child and went to a trampoline park with friends. I was having a blast until I attempted a somersault and ended up bouncing right into a group of screaming toddlers. I was escorted out by a concerned parent. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Muhfin 0
Did we really need to know about talking to your gf about having kids??? FYL for being a dork
glasswater 0
This is a) not an FML and b) horribly written and pretty much unintelligible. But from what I can deduce, you can't figure out revolving doors, which is sad. Don't think about having children again until you can figure out how to enter and exit a building.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (90)
Loveya448 0
YDI for thinking about having kids without being married first.
tomc666 0
Sorry but rape is illegal. YDI
Freeze_fml 17
Well said.
boatkicker 5
I was just about to write a similar comment when I saw yours. thank you dear.
Spac3Ghost 0
yeah it was in front of a hotel, like i said... and it wasnt even motion detected... its on all the time i think...from what i saw =) but thanks for that haha =)
cru1972 2
You can't run the wrong way through revolving doors. You should NEVER have children, it will be more of a drain on our welfare system.
sparxva 12
if your girlfriend saw all that then you don't need to worry about having kids with her for a few years; she will know you're not ready yet. Problem solved, really.
snafu57 1
did you leave any blood? be a man. mark your territory
Spac3Ghost 0
im not sure! i dont think so =( but the door definately left a mark on my face =)
Cheerbaby016 0
Hhahahahahaha thats wickedd funnyy :):):):)
perkik 0
In response to number 14, some revolving doors do go in only one direction and usually are also hands free doors that are triggered by the motion you enter, often found in hotels... so you are of equal intellengence to the boy that runs and screams like a girl... in fact, you might be worse, he did have the balls to admit this on a site that is going to slam him
ClumsyJason 3
Lmfao, FYL. From China eh? Did you take your gf to yum cha?
BlinkOnceForYes 0
So were you guys discussing on what would the consequences of sex in a hotel room would be? Or... picking a place to start the process of having kids? Or... what...
tonyihopness 0
fyl for being a nerd