Today, I was hanging out with the guy I like. All of a sudden, he pulls out a small vial of his blood to give to me, proving his undying love. Curious, I asked where he had gotten the blood. His answer? A razor blade. In his nose. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was making out with this guy when my nose started bleeding, and it got on his face. FML
Today, I was fooling around with my boyfriend in his room. He grabbed me behind the head to pull me in for a hard, romantic kiss. He accidentally smashed my nose into his cheekbone, and my nose started gushing blood and continued to bleed for over 2 hours. It's broken, and he just laughed. FML
Today, while volunteering to feed the homeless, one of them asked me to follow him to his car where he had a knife and bottle so he could "bottle up my blood". FML
Today, I saw a cute guy walking out of a restaurant. When he saw me, he smiled and to be a bit flirty I bit my lip. Too bad it started to bleed like hell. FML
Today, I wound up in hospital because my boyfriend covered my face in fake gore while I was sleeping, to see if I was really as scared of blood as I claimed. Sure enough, when I saw my reflection in the bathroom mirror, I fainted, smashing my head against the counter on the way down. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate in an alley. He pushed me up against a wall and started kissing me, but he pushed me so hard I cut open my head and needed 10 stitches. FML
Today, the guy I've been crushing on for years and I finally went on a date. While on the date, he threw up in my purse and stuck tampons up his nose. FML
Today, my boyfriend had his arm around me. He pulled me closer, so I looked up, thinking maybe he wanted a kiss. Turns out he was picking his nose over my head. FML
Today, while at work, I managed to scrape open the inside of my nose with my fingernail, drawing blood in the process. I had to quickly up an explanation for my scream that didn't go: "Well, I was scouting for boogers..." FML
Today, my boyfriend was telling me about accidentally punching his best friend in the face. As he was acting it out he ended up punching me and giving me a bloody nose. FML
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Top comments
biggary19 3
looks like u found a keeper lol
lilspike2231 5
Then give him period blood.....jk lmao
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Comments (229)
pokopiko 9
is your boyfriend perhaps a tiger?
radicaloser 6
Perhaps, maybe. Aha.
JokeMeister 0
research has it's benefits
GeneralMotors 23
are you a couple still?
skinollie 0
is his name forest by chance? I think I went to school with him
dansco 25
Shush Angelina! Billy Bob is just mental! By the fact you didn't write that they were a mental case, you are too for accepting it!!!
Ynunez 3
That's creepy in so many levels o_O
TheNewGuy03 29
you should just encourage him to provide a vial of splooge. that way, it's more convenient for him, and it provides extra uses for you if you prefer! there's no better way to prove your undying love for him than a baby! [disclaimer: i don't actually encourage any of this.] |the dude|
Dustin_Pedobear 9
OP, would you say that the guy you like is gothic or "emo"?
Dustin_Pedobear 9
Because in certain circles, such as "emo" and gothic cliques, giving someone a vial of your blood is an expression of immense love and passion, usually meaning that they would give the very blood that keeps them alive to you. And yes, in the underground "vampire" nightclubs, you would be expected to give him a vial of your blood and either keep or drink his.
radicaloser 6
Well, yes. I would consider him "emo" if I had to consider him something.. He wears all black, dyes his hair black, straightens it into his face, and so on. Immense love and passion, you say? I'm still trying to figure out if I should take it as a good thing or not.
kaengelangeleyes 9
I dont think you should. I really hope you left him before he did something more than that. Im afraid for you hahahah. Despite where this comes from, thats really, really not healthy or normal. Extreme stuff like that never leads to anything good. He sounds manic depressive if thats the way he shows his undying love to you.
radicaloser 6
No, aha. His name is Kyle.