Today, I was giving a tour on campus when one of my friends approached us and said, "Don't go here, the weed's too expensive." and walked away. Thinking he was coming back to say he's joking, he instead says, "Just kidding, it's really cheap." and walked off. I may or may not still have a job. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I arrived at the pizza place I work at to find that I'd been fired. Apparently, the class stoner came in last night and not only demanded a free pizza, but also claimed that I always gave him one. I've never talked to this kid in my life, but my boss still doesn't believe me. FML
Today, I was walking around my college campus when someone asked me if I'd gotten separated from my tour group. He didn't believe me when I said I was a student here. This happens all the time. FML
Today, my friend came over with brownies as a treat before work. She works in a bakery so I thought it was lovely. After starting work, I became stoned. She thought it was a great prank. I was fired. FML
Today, a customer handed me a 100 dollar bill. He then told me that it was my tip for doing a good job. He snatched it away just as I touched it, laughed, and said, "Just kidding." He then took his money and left the store. FML
Today, after my close friend had his baby, he told me that he was no longer going to be selling weed at his house. I was happy for him, because it's unsafe. Until I found out he was still selling at my house with the help of my roommates, without telling me. FML
Today, I got fired for failing a drug test for weed. My boss is the one who sells me weed. FML
Today, my asshat roommate tricked me into eating a weed brownie. I thought it was his terrible attempt at baking regular brownies until it kicked in at college. I was so high, I started giggling like a schoolgirl when my instructor said "Dickens". Now everyone thinks I'm a retard. FML
Today, I was getting lunch at a fast food restaurant. My boss was in front of me, and in order to get on his good side I offered to pay. Instead, I got fired because I guess my boss assumed I was making fun of his salary, which I knew nothing about. FML
Today, my coworker paid me back the $15 I let him borrow and we shook hands. Later, I was called into my boss's office, where he threatened to fire me for doing a drug deal in front of customers. The police are getting involved. FML
Today, I left early from a trashy dance and bought a soda at a Shell station. The clerk asked me if I had been smoking weed. When I replied, "No", he said, "You mean you always look like that?" FML
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Top comments
SpunkT 0
Yeah why would you be responsible for having an idiot friend? Also you could have just said something to the effect of "Don't mind him, he's an idiot" and pretend he's not your friend. And then later tell him not to bother you when you're working cause it's really rude.
24788 7
I do stupid things like this all the time to my friends. You need to lighten up and relax about it.
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Comments (91)
vivianclaire 0
the university of oregon has the best weed.
awalkb 0
you're friend is my favorite person ever hahahahha
mishmash_fml 0
just wondering... are you at UCSC?
tiltwrestler 0
Haha omg. Where did you get the idea that i'm self righteous? I'm just a mixture of lucky, hard-working, common-sensed, and I want to be able to take care of my family when I'm older and married. What does that have to do with self-righteousness or jealousy? In person im one of the most modest people you'd ever meet... i just needed to say that to explain why i wasnt going to college, that's all. as you can see, I didn't attack anybody- like the person who attacked me did! If that person hadnt of made a snarky diss at me, I wouldn't have had to DEFEND myself from his personal, ignorant attack. ========== PS that's where me being "not self-righteous or boastful" comes in. When I date a girl I'm not going to announce to her I have a lot of money. And I'll try my best to avoid even letting her see my car or house, until I know she's really interested in me for ME. once she is, THEN she can see that stuff! but im not one to brag
nimaisha 0
haha... you go to CU, don't you :)
bamblam_fml 0
shove it in your friends face, wether or not you lost your job, the people who you were giving the tour too might have changed their minds
hahaha12 0
#50 shut up.. for the op: haha your freinds sounds hella tite. also what collage is this that sells cheap weed? jk
lovepinnk 0
This is bad, but I've had worse. I am a tour guide as well, and my friend came up to me last week and said "Dude, are you getting drunk tonight, like last night!?" in front of my tour. It was a Tuesday and I did NOT drink Monday night! Everyone heard and I had to apologize to my tour, then I had a serious talk with him.
heyyou1203 0
HA HA HA HA! your friend is fantastic. I work at my college's Admissions office, and my school's super small, and it's really awkward when I interview a high schooler and then see them when I'm drunk later that night at a party. Oops.
420hiadventurer 0
Ahahahahaha that FML is hilarious. It is so tempting to mess with those tour groups. And tiltwrestler, from #17 i figured you probably never went to college. You are very fortunate that you had a successful father and continue the family business. If you are lucky enough to have the oportunity for a six figure salary without college, obviously you aren't going to go. I agree that certain fields of study in college don't lead to jobs. But it is also a place to explore your interests and find out what you want to do. If you are motivated and know what you want to do, it is a great investment. I don't know how you could have "career specific training" in high school, because so many people would not know what career they want to pursue. And also, you say in #56: " im one of the most modest people you'd ever meet." You don't sound too modest to me. And I would know, i'm the most modest person in the world.