Love: Today, I was feeling down so I thought I'd order a burger to...

By burgerpants - United States - Stamford

Today, I was feeling down so I thought I'd order a burger to cheer myself up. The website I ordered from featured Instagram pics of their customers. My ex and the guy she cheated on me with were front and center. FML

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Love

Late term

Alexa, play "Boredom" by Buzzcocks

Fake News

By ElemTeacher

Today, a student's parent yelled at me because they had to pay for school equipment their son had stolen from my desk. Apparently, it's my fault because the item was just too tempting for him not to steal. FML

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By insultedguy - Netherlands

Today, I went to the store and ran into an old friend that I hadn't seen in years. We chatted a little, and just as I was leaving he grabbed his mobile phone. Later, I added him on Facebook. Turns out the last thing he posted was a picture of my back saying: "Look who got even fatter." FML

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By Gribby - United States - Branson

Today, I was accused of shooting drugs at work. I was only feeding a baby bird that was tucked into my arm using a medicine syringe. I've been smuggling it to work because it has to eat every 2 hours or it will starve. Now everyone there thinks I'm a hardcore dope fiend. FML

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By Saphira - United States

Today, my dad's girlfriend threw me a birthday party and all the gifts, decorations, and the cake were according to my age, which they thought was 12. I turned 13 today. FML

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By Lorbibo - 14/1/2021 17:00

Yeet the guy

Today, I was trying to set up a date with my boyfriend of two years, but he said he didn’t want to, and then to interrupted me to talk to his friends on Discord. FML

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By JennyAndrews - United Arab Emirates

Today, I was texting this cute guy that I like. After a couple of minutes I get a missed call from him, I call back and his girlfriend answers and says "Hi this is his girlfriend, please stop calling him". FML

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By clubber - Switzerland

Today, I was in a nightclub with my girlfriend when a beautiful woman looked at me in the most provocative way. I didn't want to upset my girlfriend, so I escaped to the bar. When I came back, I saw the same girl making out with my girlfriend. Maybe I wasn't the one she was looking at. FML

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By Dumbblonde - United States

Today, I was babysitting this little girl. She told me she wanted to go to the park so we did. When we were walking back, I was caring her on my back. When were almost at the door, she told me she had to go pee. I told her to hold it. As we were walking in the door I felt a warm spot on my back. FML

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By enjoy

Today, I lost my cell phone. But found it again! And then dropped it in the toilet. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my good buddy of about two years set me up on a blind date. I got to the meeting point and realized that my date was a guy. My "buddy" honestly thought I was gay. FML

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By Username

Today, I found out my boyfriend is only with me because he's in love with my sister, who turned him down repeatedly, and I'm the closest he can now get. FML

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Maybe he is gay!

Today, my boyfriend got back from a long wrestling tournament. As a nice surprise, I decided to give him a little show over FaceTime. As soon as I stripped down into my bra and underwear, he paused the screen and started surfing the internet for new shoes. FML

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By thisreallysucks2 - United States

Today, I texted my boyfriend to see if he wanted to finally have sex today. His response was "Can't, Platinum just came out." I didn't know what that meant so I searched "Platinum 3-22-2009" on Google. I found out he's talking about a new Pokémon game. FML

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By Anonymous - Norway

Today, I'm travelling to England for an important meeting. I'm Norwegian, and my name is Bård. I have to introduce myself as bored the whole day, because that's how my name is pronounced. FML

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37544

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By Unlucky - United States

Today, as I got up from the couch, my computer, which was next to me, fell on to my pinky toe. It fell just so that the edge of it cut my toe open. I cursed, and hobbled toward the bathroom to get a bandage. As I'm going into the bathroom, I stub said toe on the door jamb. FML

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38556

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got pulled over for speeding and got a $200 ticket. After I pulled away, I decided to warn the next car about the cop up ahead by flashing my headlights. The next car was another cop. He didn't appreciate my "help". FML

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By Mike

Today, I received the Christmas gift I bought for my sister in the mail. I also received a nearly $200 bill for shipping fees, taxes, etc. for a $50 blanket from Canada. FML

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3843

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By lolomg - New Zealand

Today, my dad met my fiancé's dad for the first time. My fiancé's dad is a cop. He had arrested my dad for indecent exposure in the past. FML

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40384

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By thanks - United States - San Francisco

Today, it's my 21st birthday. I got a call from my deadbeat dad, who I thought had finally mellowed and had something nice to say. Nope; he just told me I'm 21 years a disappointment, then hung up. FML

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By aurora320 - United Kingdom - Bournemouth

Today, when confronting my boyfriend about slapping a girl's ass in the club, he claimed: "There was a mosquito on it." FML

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By Becoming a commuter. - United States - Buffalo

Today, I moved into college and met my new roommate. Not fifteen minutes later, she had told me about the fungus on her feet, and what happens when she forgets to take her anti-psychotic medication, all while picking at her nose and eating the spoils. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my boyfriend decided to fart in our bathtub to see if it would echo. It wasn’t a fart. FML

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By Anyonehiring - United States - Tempe

Today, I had the great pleasure of meeting my replacement, who was sitting at my desk in my office. My boss must've forgotten to mention to me that I've been fired. FML

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By M.A. - United States - Prescott

Today, my girlfriend dumped me. This poses a problem, because her mother is my boss, and we work in an office on the first story of their apartment. Tomorrow I have to decide whether to quit my awesome and only job, or go to work for my now ex's mother in their house. FML

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By GrLifeusx - United States

Today, I was going to a Harry Potter convention since I love the books so much. On my drive there I got lost, and it only got worse when my car broke down. Since I forgot my cell phone I decided to try and hitch a ride. I stood on the side of a road for two hours dressed like Ron Weasley. FML

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By bleu_noir - United States

Today, someone at work put their used, bloodied tampon applicator back in its wrapper, and into the free tampon bin for some sucker to grab. That sucker was me. FML

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By roselysunset - United States - Cypress

Today, I came home to find my mom drunk. She asked me for a hug and then started crying, "Where's my daughter?" I'm her daughter. And her only child, as far as I know. FML

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23670

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By Blerp

Today, I got chewed out by my boss for not doing my job. Turns out what's described in my job description, contract, and job title isn't my job. My real job is outlined in the footnote of my contract. FML

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Not mine!

Today, my girlfriend wished me a happy birthday. Too bad my birthday isn't for 5 months. She mixed up my birthday with the guy she's been cheating on me with. FML

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By cuppycakeslove - United States

Today, I had to sit through chemistry class watching the kid in front of me slowly peel off the scabs on his arms, examine them, and then eat them. For an hour. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that I have to reschedule my upcoming honeymoon because my office will be understaffed that week, due to the boss going on vacation right after my wedding. Oh, yeah, and he's in my bridal party. FML

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28893

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By rosesareyellow - United States

Today, I dropped my phone in water, and my friends told me to put it in rice to draw out the water. They put my phone in riceroni. My phone now smells like chicken and has rice seasoning stuck all over it. Needless to say it still doesn't work. FML

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By Anon - United States

Today, I was standing in line at a coffee shop and I noticed that there was a bug on the guys face in front of me. Trying to be nice I lightly smacked it off. His reaction was to punch me in the face. Repeatedly. FML

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By Crumpet - Canada

Today, I realized that when my boyfriend said, "I'll love you forever" what he really meant was, "I'll love you until I meet your significantly more attractive sister." FML

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By PokeWife - United States - Omaha

Today, my husband started a conversation with, "In Pokémon" and ended the same conversation with "and that's why we should divorce." FML

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49192

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized that my anger problems have gotten out of hand, when I shouted "Fuck you!" at my toaster. My mood swings and loneliness have also reached a new high, evidently, as my next actions were to apologize to the appliance and then continue talking to it. FML

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50194

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By Roomie pay rent plz - United States - Hicksville

Today, my roommate's shopping addiction reached a whole new level. He bought a box of tampons just because they were 40% off. Yes, he. FML

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19331

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By grossesfesses - France - Compi?gne

Today, in the doctor's waiting room, a little boy asked me for a cookie. I told him that I didn't have any. He replied, "But my mom says that ladies with big butts always have cookies in their handbags." FML

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52764

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By Anonymous - Hungary - Budapest

Today, I took my girlfriend to eat out at a restaurant. We chatted for an hour, and it all seemed to be going well, until she told me that she wanted to break up. Waiting for the bill and driving her home was the most painful time of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45549

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By Torvaltz - United States - Clinton

Today, during an important meeting, I forgot the name for West Virginia and described it as, "Virginia a bit to the left". FML

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Top comments

By Donut_Wizard | 23

#7632198 - Wednesday 9 May 2018 2:09

Maybe you should go get ice cream instead. Because ice cream listens, ice cream understands.

By ChromoTec | 24

#7632206 - Wednesday 9 May 2018 2:59

I love your Undertale-related username that fits with the theme. Way to go!

COMMENTS

By Donut_Wizard | 23

#7632198 - Wednesday 9 May 2018 2:09

Maybe you should go get ice cream instead. Because ice cream listens, ice cream understands.

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7632201 - Wednesday 9 May 2018 2:28

I guess you weren't a cheeseburger in paradise then.

By XxDanno316xX | 27

#7632205 - Wednesday 9 May 2018 2:38

Keep your chin up mate! You're better off without a cheater. Karma will catch up to them :)

By ChromoTec | 24

#7632206 - Wednesday 9 May 2018 2:59

I love your Undertale-related username that fits with the theme. Way to go!

By RichardPencil | 29

#7632210 - Wednesday 9 May 2018 3:15

You’re using meat to cheer you up? Looks like that works for your ex-girlfriend, too, if you know what I mean;)

By stumpygremlin | 12

#7632213 - Wednesday 9 May 2018 4:02

Well... this is in Stamford apparently. “Jerry Springer” films there. Might be an opportunity for an appearance.

By thehaystackerine | 20

#7632243 - Wednesday 9 May 2018 7:10

who the fuck orders a burger off a website?

julfunky | 29

#7632250 - Wednesday 9 May 2018 7:51

... People who online order?

Venom1999 | 19

#7632542 - Wednesday 9 May 2018 20:30

If you've ever been to Shake Shack, ordering online is for the best.

By thehaystackerine | 20

#7632244 - Wednesday 9 May 2018 7:11

who the fuck orders a burger off a website?

By Victoria Danielle Docherty Hogg | 8

#7632260 - Wednesday 9 May 2018 8:28

least you know they feed stray dogs

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7632270 - Wednesday 9 May 2018 8:45

Think of it this way, that photo reminds you how you got ride of that trash and how you're a better person.