By Jman212 - United States - New Braunfels Today, my work-mandated anger management therapist gave me some sage advice: "Get a new job." FML I agree, your life sucks 3135 You deserved it 373 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada Today, I went to a petting zoo to take pictures. I look down to see a goat chewing the sleeve of my new sweater, so as I reached down to get it loose, it started eating my hair. People took pictures of me wrestling the goat before they helped me. FML I agree, your life sucks 31966 You deserved it 3748 61 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my girlfriend was over at my house for the first time. I told her I had to go take a shower, and from the other room my grandmother yells "you're not going to jack off this time are you?" FML I agree, your life sucks 38864 You deserved it 8927 201 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By comfort_ - United States - Dalton Today, I managed to take an entire shower without realizing my socks were on. I washed my feet. FML I agree, your life sucks 25470 You deserved it 10103 75 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Radbaby Today, I asked a guy to change into a gown for an X-ray exam. I asked him to leave his underwear on, everything else off. Apparently he was going commando, as he left skid marks on my table when the exam was over. FML I agree, your life sucks 2975 You deserved it 148 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Juggernaut Drive Today, my little sister got into my anime DVDs, probably thinking they were cartoons. She watched High School DXD, which isn't the best anime for a 6-year-old. Now she wants to be the Breast Dragon Emperor for Halloween and Dad is threatening to set fire to my entire collection. FML I agree, your life sucks 2553 You deserved it 1349 16 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, I figured out my boyfriend gets out of jail in less than six months. First off, I have a boyfriend in jail. Second, I also realized I'd much prefer he stay in than get out. FML I agree, your life sucks 900 You deserved it 1759 19 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 30/4/2020 02:00 Jot that down Today, I wrote my phone number on a Post-it note and gave it to a cute girl at work. She immediately threw it away. In front of me. FML I agree, your life sucks 1282 You deserved it 910 16 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Foxy - United States Today, I lost my virginity to my long time boyfriend and found out I'm severely allergic to latex. I also found out that my family doctor had been transferred to the ER. He went to play golf with my dad later. FML I agree, your life sucks 23541 You deserved it 3523 92 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By litup - United States Today, my drunk boyfriend thought it would be a good idea to light a firework in the back seat of my car while we were driving down the interstate. FML I agree, your life sucks 45609 You deserved it 6575 109 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By i love stupid people Today, I went on a 50 km bike ride with a friend. We stopped for a break halfway through, and locked our bikes up. When we returned, some guy had locked his bike to mine. We had to wait an hour for him to return. FML I agree, your life sucks 1902 You deserved it 106 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By jsmills92 - United States - Cranston Today, I once again walked in on my husband eating our cat's food. FML I agree, your life sucks 38332 You deserved it 4422 113 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By expassword - United States Today, I asked my wife for her computer password because my computer crashed. After minutes of begging she finally told me. Turns out that her password happens to be her ex's name. FML I agree, your life sucks 34007 You deserved it 3706 93 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Why's it so cold in here? - United States Today, after getting home from being in the field for a week, my wife who's a nurse, convinced me I had a spider bite on my penis. After rushing to the ER and standing nude in a cold exam room while the ER staff checked me out, I learned it's just an ingrown hair. FML I agree, your life sucks 29646 You deserved it 2945 59 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By LivingBroke Sorry mate, you're on your own Today, I signed the lease for a flat that a mate and I decided to move into. About five minutes after leaving the renting agency, I received a text from my mate saying he couldn't move in with me after all. I am now the happy tenant of a large inner city flat that I can't afford. FML I agree, your life sucks 4075 You deserved it 453 15 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Sandy Today, I got into an argument with my mom over her sexist, emotionally-abusive boyfriend. I told her that either he goes or I go. She called me a disrespectful bastard for not respecting my "new father." I'm now sitting outside a McDonald's with my suitcase, leeching their WiFi. FML I agree, your life sucks 38604 You deserved it 2892 171 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By onthemarket - United States Today, after being with my boyfriend for seven years, he finally proposed. To another woman. FML I agree, your life sucks 48479 You deserved it 4145 166 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By citylife - United States Today, I realized how tiny my apartment is, when I was able to vacuum from bedroom to bathroom through the living room without switching the power outlet from the one in the kitchen. I pay a fortune to live in this shoebox. FML I agree, your life sucks 46612 You deserved it 10026 119 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By optimist - United States Today, after wondering why I didn't receive a grade for a summer course I took in 2007, I realized that I gave the professor the wrong student ID number. Someone else received credit. I've been waiting on this grade for 8 months in order to graduate. FML I agree, your life sucks 15641 You deserved it 30948 60 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Omegared - United States Today, I gave myself a bloody nose while trying to show my brother how to use a yo-yo. FML I agree, your life sucks 16287 You deserved it 25438 66 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By cat_lady - 5/4/2020 17:00 Follow the yellow brown road Today, I watched as my poor old cat dragged his ass across our living room carpet, leaving an equally long shit stain on our pristine carpet. My pleas for him to stop only made his diarrhea worse as he ran off. FML I agree, your life sucks 1403 You deserved it 280 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Mr. X - United States - Southborough Today, my sister convinced my girlfriend that I cheated on her. All because I took the first slice of her birthday cake. FML I agree, your life sucks 21482 You deserved it 5432 72 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By AlexaSt2611 - Paraguay Today, I was enjoying a nice shower in the morning. While I was massaging the shampoo out of my hair, I saw the gardener walking past my bathroom window, yelling "Good morning" and waving in my direction. My left boob politely waved back at him. FML I agree, your life sucks 16477 You deserved it 28268 134 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Ugly - United States Today, I was looking at some comments on a silly YouTube video of me dancing with some friends. Someone posted a comment saying "Girl on the right is hot!!!." Next to that, it had about 31 thumbs down. I'm the girl on the right. FML I agree, your life sucks 50413 You deserved it 10011 128 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By BadIdea - France Sucker Today, I decided to shave my balls. When I was finished, I vacuumed up the mess on the carpet, and then the fragments of hair still on my balls. Very bad idea. FML I agree, your life sucks 10245 You deserved it 59411 252 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By imawesomeokay - Mexico - Zapopan Today, I went to watch a movie. In the middle of it, I accidentally fell asleep. Minutes later, I awoke on a stranger's shoulder. He was caressing my hair. FML I agree, your life sucks 45131 You deserved it 10914 80 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Venezuela - Barquisimeto Today, I had to take my fiancé to the hospital so they could remove a tampon applicator that he claimed he somehow "fell onto". It was lodged up his nostril. I'm marrying this man in a week. FML I agree, your life sucks 31037 You deserved it 5108 72 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By spitballer1 - United States Today, I made a bowl of spaghetti for my girlfriend and me. I tried the move from Lady and the Tramp where the boy and girl both slurp the same piece of spagetti and end up kissing. When I tried it, the spagetti went too down far my throat, and I ended up throwing it up on her. FML I agree, your life sucks 49116 You deserved it 28988 0 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By fuckthepopo - United States Today, I found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me. In tears, I called my best friend and told him everything. He responded with one- or two-word answers throughout, but I felt better all the same. That is, until I heard him begin to take a loud piss half-way through my sentence. FML I agree, your life sucks 29742 You deserved it 6440 228 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By stinky skunk - Canada Today, my dog ran away. It was dark, so I couldn't see very well, but I ran after him anyway. Thinking I had caught up to him, I grabbed him. It wasn't my dog. It was a skunk. FML I agree, your life sucks 33598 You deserved it 6167 104 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I was relaxing at home while my boyfriend played with his hamster. After a while of silence, my boyfriend came over and put his fingers next to my face. Trying to be cute, I stuck his fingers in my mouth and sucked on them. Turns out he was trying to show me how bad hamster pee smells. FML I agree, your life sucks 19563 You deserved it 53486 209 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Springboro Today, while lifeguarding, a kid thought it'd be hilarious to take a crap in the pool. The other kids freaked out and rushed to get out. Several of them slipped on the way out and hurt themselves fairly badly. Two parents are now threatening to sue us, and my boss blames me. FML I agree, your life sucks 46386 You deserved it 3827 104 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Chip - Australia Today, I went to a cosmetic dentist and got a chip in my tooth filled in that I’d had since I was 7. I went out later and my friend jokingly hit my head against the table a few times to make fun of me showing off my teeth. He slipped. I fell. I now have 2 chipped teeth and a broken nose. FML I agree, your life sucks 59300 You deserved it 10384 87 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By anonymous Today, I broke my glasses. How did I break my glasses? A cow kicked me in the face at work. FML I agree, your life sucks 2775 You deserved it 232 21 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By LilyL - United States Today, I spent hours cleaning the kitchen that my slob roommates always neglect. I scrubbed the floor, emptied the fridge, washed all the dishes, etc. When I was done, I was thirsty so I got myself a soda. I opened the can, and it exploded and sprayed everything I had just washed. FML I agree, your life sucks 37010 You deserved it 5705 158 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By afraidtoburn - Canada Today, I discovered that during fire drills, my school lines everyone up next to some extremely flammable and explosive propane tanks. If we ever have a real fire, we will all die. FML I agree, your life sucks 34285 You deserved it 2559 168 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Headache - United States Today, the "Child Care and Development" class at my high school assigned all 50 students to carry a fake baby around school all day for a week. I can't even read a page of my notes without hearing a robotic crying noise. Today is the first day. FML I agree, your life sucks 32815 You deserved it 4773 75 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Athens Today, I wore a bikini to the lake with my parents. I didn't know that my back was covered in bruises, and ended up having to awkwardly explain to my parents that I am not in an abusive relationship; the bruises came from the sex I had last night. FML I agree, your life sucks 57297 You deserved it 16182 92 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Croydon Today, my face got intimate with several plywood boards, and I suffered lacerations and bruising. I told my friends I got the wounds from taking a few guys down in a bar fight. Now they're dragging me out into a rough part of town to give them "muscle" while they try to score some crack. FML I agree, your life sucks 8291 You deserved it 44073 187 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Australia Today, at dinner with my boyfriend and my family, my mother had too much to drink and asked my boyfriend how I was in bed with the purpose of embarrassing me. His reply? "Not as good as her sister." His defense? "It was only one time." FML I agree, your life sucks 31691 You deserved it 2882 50 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my wife threatened to end our relationship if I didn't skip work and stay at home. She's into astrology, and apparently when one of those money-grubbing frauds writes "betrayal will come from someone close to you", it's reason enough to suspect that I'll cheat on her. FML I agree, your life sucks 31216 You deserved it 3462 143 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Tripartita | 44 #7550597 - Monday 9 October 2017 22:54 Meanwhile all I can get my therapist to say is, “reply hazy try again” and “concentrate and ask again.” That bald bastard… Send a private message 14 2 Reply
By Lobby_Bee | 17 #7550531 - Monday 9 October 2017 20:13 And how did that made you feel? Angry? Send a private message 12 2 Reply
By Lobby_Bee | 17 #7550531 - Monday 9 October 2017 20:13 And how did that made you feel? Angry? Send a private message 12 2 Reply
By exileonmainst | 16 #7550567 - Monday 9 October 2017 21:38 You shouldn't punch walls. Especially not over something so trivial as Jim hiding your phone in the ceiling. Send a private message 6 1 Reply
By Tripartita | 44 #7550597 - Monday 9 October 2017 22:54 Meanwhile all I can get my therapist to say is, “reply hazy try again” and “concentrate and ask again.” That bald bastard… Send a private message 14 2 Reply
By EnvyMe33 | 26 #7550602 - Monday 9 October 2017 23:13 The therapist was paid to say that by the company you work for because they no longer want you there. Send a private message 3 1 Reply
By odamaliekh | 26 #7550643 - Tuesday 10 October 2017 1:08 I feel like we need some context for this.. Send a private message 1 1 Reply
By Danny Ishii | 4 #7552920 - Sunday 15 October 2017 19:41 That may be sage advice. Why do you stay in a job that angers you? Send a private message 0 0 Reply
Today, I had the house to myself for the morning. I decided to enjoy being alone, so pulled my trusty bullet vibrator from the drawer. I was very much... I agree, your life sucks 645 You deserved it 144 7 Comments
Today, I came early from my job, just to find my boyfriend in bed, with my dad. FML I agree, your life sucks 1105 You deserved it 57 6 Comments