Today, I discovered that my boyfriend only stayed with me because...

By LasagnaRawks - 9/11/2009 10:24 - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend only stayed with me because he didn't want to "be alone," and now that he has a new girlfriend, apparently he won't be. We were together for three and a half years. FML

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Love

White line fever

No one likes a smart-ass

The opposite of a good idea

By Angelica - 26/5/2011 03:19 - Canada

Today, I finally got the wedding dress I've been waiting months to see. It turns out that my mom ordered the dress 2 sizes smaller than my size, this way it will be "an incentive to lose weight". FML

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By greg76 - 7/12/2008 03:49 - France

Today, I was on a transatlantic flight, ear plugs in my ears. The steward walked past with a plastic bag. I threw my litter into it and didn't immediately understand why he said, "Very funny, sir." It wasn't a bin bag, he was collecting for Unicef. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/10/2013 17:30 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up with a raging hangover. I soon checked my phone, only to find that I'd drunkenly sent nude pictures to several friends' numbers, as well as to my own. I'd then replied to my own message, saying that I'm not gay and telling myself to fuck off. FML

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By dregmanhart - 12/1/2017 12:33

Today, I went out for a 20-minute lunch break. When I returned to the office, I noticed that my personal computer was missing. Someone had walked into the suite on the second floor and stole my computer right off its docking station, while a few of my coworkers were still in the office. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/2/2016 05:01 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I farted at a crowded concert, and people started commenting on said fart. I specifically went out of my way to eat certain foods all day so that it wouldn't happen. FML

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By Zoogangcapk - 1/1/2020 05:00

Double Impact

Today, I found out that my girlfriend is pregnant. The problem is that I don't know how to tell my wife... Who is also pregnant. FML

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By penny-dropping - 16/4/2012 04:24 - United States

Today, while packing my luggage from vacation I thought I saw a penny drop into my bag. After looking everywhere I couldn't find it. Now that I am home I found out that I had mistaken a cockroach for a penny. I now have a family of cockroaches living in my luggage. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/7/2018 15:00

Today, the man I've been dating for four months said he could see I had feelings for him, and he was mad because it made things complicated. FML

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By sigh... - 25/6/2010 06:44 - United States

Today, after several hours of trying to get my triplet daughters to go to bed, they finally fell asleep. Exhausted, I went to the bathroom so I could go to bed. Not thinking about it, I dropped the toilet seat down rather loudly and flushed the toilet. All three girls woke up crying. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/3/2012 01:41 - United States - Fairfax

Today, as I was walking home from work, I became the victim of a drive-by peanutting. Yes, apparently I'm only worth a bag of nuts. FML

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By sleepytime - 5/10/2009 16:36 - United States

Today, I was really, REALLY tired at work. I went to the restroom to take a little break, and must have dozed off, because I was awoken by my boss, knocking on the door of the stall. Apparently, I had been snoring. FML

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By Fattymuch - 14/9/2011 14:27 - India

Today, I was online looking up ways to lose weight, get thinner and be healthier, all the while eating a slab of brownie that was half the size of my head. FML

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By Dean Heffern - 22/2/2011 14:28

Today, I was paired up with a partner in my film class. He has an idea for a film: "Shoot an onion from all angles, light it on fire, and roll it down a hill". He was dead serious. I'm stuck with this guy for the whole year. FML

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By SMV - 11/11/2008 06:53 - France

Today, my company was having a huge party. I got to work dressed in my best outfit. At the the lunch break my boss told me, "You really missed out on something yesterday, it was great fun!" FML

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By drchinky888 - 18/9/2016 17:10 - Spain - Barcelona

Today, I was having dinner at my aunt's house who just migrated to Germany from India and doesn't know any German. I asked for the recipe of a dish and she said that she has been buying these cans with cute kitty picture and just adds spices to it. Catfood is delicious I must admit. FML

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By ugly - 14/11/2010 07:39 - United States

Today, I was in McDonalds with some friends. When I got up to the register to order, the guy there appeared startled by me, and said, 'Whoa, you're really pretty.' No one has ever said anything like that to me before. When I told my friends, they laughed and said, 'Wow. He must have been drunk.' FML

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By Anonymous - 1/8/2019 22:00

Today, we were having a little bonfire. At some point, while I was inside, my stupid roommate filled a beer can with lighter fluid and threw it in the fire, resulting in it spewing 5-foot flames, catching the pile of wood and the chair next to it on fire. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/11/2009 11:12 - Germany

Today, some friends and I went to Cosmic Bowling where they have a blacklight. Everyone's teeth were glowing. Mine weren't. FML

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By "QueenCortana Tiffany Turner" - 7/2/2020 14:00

Temper tantrum

Today, the cops were called to my apartment because my daughter had a temper tantrum while I was at work. She was naked when they were there. FML

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By wil - 25/4/2015 17:55 - United States - Nashville

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because "God" told her to. I guess "God" didn't have any problems with me buying dinner first. FML

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By speed-dialing dr kevorkian - 27/2/2016 07:25 - United States - Two Rivers

Today, my mom came home heavily drunk. As I was taking care of her, she told me all about how I was a mistake. That didn't hurt nearly as much as when she told me she wishes I'd died during her pregnancy. FML

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By goner - 1/5/2012 04:05 - United States

Today, my wife and I decided it would be funny to pull a prank on her family who we were going to see for dinner. I hid in the foyer while she went in and announced to her parents that she was leaving me. I watched as her mother hugged her daughter and cried "Finally..." FML

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By Anonymous - 20/5/2009 15:11 - United States

Today, I went to my girlfriend's Catholic all girls high school to ask her to prom by decorating her car. As soon as I walked on campus the school went into lock down because of a "suspicious male intruder." When I saw my girlfriend, she denied knowing me. I was arrested. FML

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By insomnitude - 5/3/2011 06:55 - United States

Today, I got mugged by a midget. FML

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By steven - 24/6/2009 15:33 - Canada

Today, my friend said he'd give me 20 bucks if I would ask out the ugliest girl in school. I did it. She rejected me. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/8/2014 17:55 - United States - Newport

Today, I happily announced that I'm getting married. My dad immediately shot back, "And I'm getting E.D., who gives a damn?" Just when I thought he was joking, he muttered that "the bitch" will take everything in our divorce. Moment ruined. FML

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By MySistersDogisStupid - 13/1/2017 22:00

Today, I took mine and my sister's dog for a walk in the park near my house. The dog managed to find a large piece of rotting, frozen meat buried in the snow and tried to eat it. I had to pry it from his mouth and can't get the smell out of my gloves and coat. FML

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By wils - 24/7/2010 09:49 - United States

Today, after work, I peeled a parking ticket off my windshield. It was so hot that the ink from the ticket made a stamp on my windshield. Now I have a permanent reminder staring me in the face wherever I drive. FML

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By BlueBirdWings - 6/3/2012 07:20 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch. He held a Kool Fruit in his teeth, and motioned for me to kiss him, so he could put it in my mouth. Just as he was about to do this, I inhaled. He then had to watch me dry retching, trying to get it back up. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/4/2020 14:00

Littered

Today, I'm on crutches and wearing an orthopedic boot because a 22.5 pound box of cat litter fell out of my back hatch onto my foot. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/11/2011 09:03 - United States

Today, my best friend threw my football over a wall, so we hopped over to go and get it. Next thing we know, we're both surrounded by men pointing guns in our faces. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/8/2013 05:03 - United States - Woodland Hills

Today, after learning that my wife has been cheating on me, I decided to distract myself by playing The Sims. Not long after I began, my Sim's wife basically started cheating on him. FML

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By Bye Bye Toast - 25/5/2019 18:00

Today, I came home from a funeral to find that my mother had cleaned my house. She thought it would be a good idea to put my toaster in the dishwasher to clean it. My toaster is fried, and she thinks everything's fine. FML

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By serendipity1027 - 30/10/2010 13:40 - France

Today, while my boyfriend and I were fighting in the car, I paused to take a bite of my burrito. Just at that moment, he slammed on the brakes, causing me to deepthroat my burrito. I threw up all over myself. He won the argument. FML

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By oh well - 10/3/2015 13:27 - United States

Today, the only birthday present I got was a gift card to a steak house. Not a bad gift, but I'm a vegan. FML

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By None - 8/2/2009 17:18 - United States

Today, I auditioned for the musical at my school. Before I sang my song, I gave my music to the director. She said "Oh, I love this song!". After I sang it, she told me, "Its okay, I still like the song." FML

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By Anonymous - 23/8/2017 23:15

Today, I had money set out to pay bills, for a gift, and to put in a card as my cousin's wedding gift. I was rushing and not paying attention and ended up putting all of the money in the wedding card. $400 from one person. I guess I'll have no cable or cell phone this month. FML

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By Hellau - 29/12/2009 10:56 - France

Today, I was baby-sitting four rather noisy and rowdy kids. After a two hour struggle, I finally manage to get them into bed. I then ask them what they want before going to sleep, and the eldest replies: "Can you tell us a story where you die at the end?" FML

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By Anonymous - 24/12/2009 20:10 - United States

Today, I had one more gift to buy: a copy of Fight Club. I asked a person working at Best Buy if they had any in stock. The man wouldn't sell me the last copy because I had broken the first two rules. FML

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By birthday girl - 26/7/2014 04:55 - United States - Toledo

Today, it's my birthday. The only thing I received was a bill for a piss test I took earlier this year. FML

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Top comments

By tazzzy | 0

#662428 - Monday 9 November 2009 16:17

You really do not want to be with someone like that anyway. It's not an FML at all. Lucky you! You are rid of someone so insecure he is incapable of being without a girlfriend.

By vendeep | 9

#662420 - Monday 9 November 2009 16:11

can i say ouch!

Comments

By vendeep | 9

#662420 - Monday 9 November 2009 16:11

can i say ouch!

The_Pleb | 0

#662633 - Monday 9 November 2009 18:42

Fuck his new girlfriends life =/

O and

SECONED!

Xero3g | 5

#662676 - Monday 9 November 2009 19:24

Yes. Yes you can.

nazooer | 11

#662909 - Monday 9 November 2009 22:02

I love how "The_Pleb" Doesn't know how to spell second. Or read what number he is.

Unregistered | 0

#662991 - Monday 9 November 2009 22:49

YDI for thinking you were more then a sex object KNOW YOUR PLACE WOMAN

The_Pleb | 0

#663209 - Tuesday 10 November 2009 0:52

@unregistered you got skillz

and @ retard above unregistered "go to bed"

Thankyou

By cornsnake | 0

#662421 - Monday 9 November 2009 16:12

that sucks.

By tazzzy | 0

#662428 - Monday 9 November 2009 16:17

You really do not want to be with someone like that anyway. It's not an FML at all. Lucky you! You are rid of someone so insecure he is incapable of being without a girlfriend.

By niwde | 0

#662435 - Monday 9 November 2009 16:19

ah awfull,
should have dumped him long long time ago ;)

By pancakes_n_syrup | 0

#662439 - Monday 9 November 2009 16:21

I'm so sorry for you :( Some guys are just dicks like that and act very selfish. If he's willing to do that to you, you're better off without him

By n0ted | 0

#662447 - Monday 9 November 2009 16:27

i feel you. My boyfriend just broke up with me today also. Apparently i was just a filler for those nights when he was bored and alone. worse, he was the first ever guy that i really really loved.

Sun_Kissed18 | 25

#663163 - Tuesday 10 November 2009 0:21

I'm sorry :( you can do better! There are non-asshole guys out there, I swear, they are just hiding.

mujerdivina1590 | 0

#664309 - Tuesday 10 November 2009 18:07

@ Noted: Same thing happened to me. :( I don't know why guys can be such insecure douchebags.

By TriniRockStar | 0

#662455 - Monday 9 November 2009 16:33

he's a selfish duche bag

fireflames113 | 6

#2301665 - Wednesday 6 April 2011 4:59

win

By guitardedman | 0

#662497 - Monday 9 November 2009 16:57

this happens all the time.... people would rather be miserable than lonely, thats just how it is sometimes.

By peroxideprincess | 0

#662507 - Monday 9 November 2009 17:02

what a jackass.

By tweedle_dee23 | 0

#662514 - Monday 9 November 2009 17:10

this sounds like something my girlfriend would say. we broke up yesterday...after she broke up with me a while ago. i am not able to believe that she would think this is the real reason why we aren't dating.