Today, I discovered that my boyfriend only stayed with me because...

By LasagnaRawks - 9/11/2009 10:24 - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend only stayed with me because he didn't want to "be alone," and now that he has a new girlfriend, apparently he won't be. We were together for three and a half years. FML

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Love

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Billy no-mates

By Anonymous - 25/6/2010 00:14 - United States

Today, I was eating chips with my father. After I finished eating a chip I felt something between my teeth, It was pubic hair. I soon realized my dad was scratching his testicles while eating chips. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/7/2016 06:40 - United States - Seattle

Today, I dropped my knitting project while I was sitting down, but I managed to catch it between my legs. So my knitting needles also caught me. FML

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By harrypottermuch - 26/11/2009 11:50 - Canada

Today, I found out there's a Harry Potter club at my school. My boyfriend is in it. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/9/2010 11:36 - United States

Today, I broke my toe. After telling my friend about it, he promptly stomped on it to "see what my reaction would be." FML

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By Aisu - 8/5/2009 18:14 - United States

Today, my mother called me a bad son for not telling her "Happy Mother's Day". When I told her Mother's Day wasn't until the 10th, she said that I would have forgotten anyway. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/12/2011 06:25 - United Kingdom

Today, is Christmas day. Normally, I'd spend it with family. However, my boss decided everyone has to work today, despite the fact that there's enough people who want to work to run the place. Apparently it's "fairer" if we all have to do it - except him. FML

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By Mr.Hoof-In-Mouth - 13/8/2017 13:00

Today, I was talking to a customer needing IT help. I make small talk about how my birthday is on the same day the Boy Scouts were formed, and I tell the customer I am sure something interesting happened on his birthday. He gets quiet, then gives his birthday. September11th. Cue the long silence. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/11/2012 00:41 - United States - Grand Junction

Today, I had to take my little brother to the pool. He acted like a brat the whole time, and when I told him we were leaving, he ran away, slipped, and hit his face on the tile floor. He told my dad and step-mom I punched him. They believed him, and I'm grounded for two months. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/1/2012 05:05 - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend is a Mormon, when his mother greeted me saying how happy she was her son had found himself a Mormon girlfriend. I know nothing about Mormonism, except from what I've seen on South Park, and I'm an atheist. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/9/2009 04:22 - United States

Today, my daughter turned one month old. I decided to give her a congratulatory kiss on the cheek. She decided to projectile vomit warm breastmilk into my partially open mouth. FML

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By JustAnotherFML23 - 4/9/2013 01:32 - United States - Seattle

Today, my loneliness reached a new level when I befriended the fly in my apartment, Mr. Stickyfoot. FML

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By Arachnaphobic - 22/11/2009 08:35 - United States

Today, when putting something away on a high shelf, something small and black fell down my cleavage. I thought nothing of it and finished the task at hand. When I pulled out the neck of my shirt later to find it and looked down, glaring up at me from my boobs was a large, disgruntled spider. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/7/2009 04:08 - United States

Today, I went to the water park, and got in a line on a staircase to get on a waterslide. A couple minutes in, I feel a large amount of warm liquid drip on my head. Seconds later, a crying girl was being lead down the stairs being told that 'everyone wets themselves sometimes'. FML

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By badhabit - 31/5/2019 22:00

Today, I went out with my ex-girlfriend, with whom I have a good friendship with and am in fact still in love. I picked her up at her house and we had a perfect night together that ended with sex in my car. As I dropped her off, she turned to me and said, "I hope you know we're just friends." FML

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By Anonymous - 25/2/2013 16:14 - United States

Today, my mom tried to convince my dad that I was a lesbian. Why? Because she was bored. FML

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By amore89 - 28/7/2019 12:00

Today, I was with my dad at the supermarket and this guy was checking me out. My dad yells at him with a grin, "I know! I make beautiful babies!" FML

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By random - 15/6/2011 14:23 - Canada

Today, I was approached by a police officer who instructed me to move because I was "threatening the elderly". I was sitting on a park bench in front of an old folks home. FML

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By Sleepless - 4/8/2016 18:44

Today, after countless nights of no sleep and only some spontaneous naps, I was finally seeing a sleeping doctor to analyze the problem. I missed the appointment because I ended up sleeping through my alarm after not being able to sleep at all last night. FML

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By sadgirl - 23/1/2009 16:52 - United States

Today, I was doing a striptease for this guy over my webcam. I was shaking my ass while taking off my panties, but when they fell to my feet, I tripped over them and fell on my ass. FML

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By Blah - 2/8/2018 05:00

Today, I learned that my (ex) boyfriend has a breastfeeding fetish. How did I learn this? I found him sneaking pictures of my breastfeeding sister. FML

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By JackG - 3/3/2010 01:20 - United States

Today, while at McDonald's, I saw an 8 year old girl licking a life-size Ronald McDonald sitting on a bench. Being concerned, I told her mother who then yelled at me for 10 minutes for being a "paedophile" and "being turned on by an 8 year old girl." FML

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By nuerrotticc - 6/1/2011 08:58

Today, I had a panic attack at 2am because someone decided to throw a snowball at my window. FML

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By Nemo - 11/6/2017 12:00

Today, I got an e-mail from a company saying that I would not be a good fit for them. Strangely, it's quite similar to an e-mail they sent me last month. And the month before. They aren't generated e-mails, each one is different. They just e-mail me every month to remind me that I suck. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/5/2020 14:00

Sharing is caring

Today, nine months after changing my entire life when my father had a stroke and I became his carer full time, I called my sister to talk about some his irrational behavior. All I got in response was, "I just watched a sad movie, I can't deal with this right now." FML

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By FBfail - 28/2/2010 13:10 - United Kingdom

Today, I saw my boyfriend of two years had joined a group on facebook called 'Guys who are proud of their girlfriends'. I smiled and was about to like it when I noticed a comment below from a girl saying "Awww thanks babe :) xxxx". FML

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By Anonymous - 30/4/2009 23:08 - United States

Today, a girl called me asking for one of her friends. She wouldn't believe me when I told her she had the wrong number, and I spent a few minutes convincing her she did. After a while she said "what the fuck" and hung up. That was the longest conversation I had with a girl in months. FML

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By fmlisthebomb - 1/3/2009 06:58 - United States

Today, my mother got a call from our old high school saying that they had fifteen freshmen boys in his office with a nude photo of me on their phones. I had sent that photo only to my boyfriend. Apparently he loves to share me. FML

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By anonymous - 11/11/2018 13:30

Today, I broke my glasses. How did I break my glasses? A cow kicked me in the face at work. FML

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By wookieewhosshe - 18/5/2019 12:30

Today, it's the first day in 3 weeks that I'm in my flat after 7 a.m. due to a very busy work schedule. I was looking forward to a Saturday lie-in. Also today, my flatmate's alarm clock went off loudly from 7:30 to 10:30. He's in another country and his door is locked. Bye bye lie-in. FML

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By MYLIFESUX - 12/4/2009 06:50 - United States

Today, I was sitting using my laptop, I was also eating a bag of starbursts. They bag slid off the bed, I went to catch them and in the process my knee hit my laptop which flew off the bed onto the wooden floor, and shattered. I broke my $2,500 laptop to save 11 starbursts from falling. FML

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By larry_richard - 4/4/2018 18:00 - United States

April Fool

Today, I was told an assignment that was supposed to be due in a week and a half is due today. I crammed all night and ended up getting 3 hours of sleep. Turns out it was an April Fool's prank. FML

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By Livingthedream - 12/8/2018 06:00

Today, I got home from a long day of work and saw a pile of dog puke on the kitchen floor. I went to get paper towels and found a pile of dog shit. With my foot. Both of my kids were home all day and left the piles for me to clean because "that's gross". FML

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By Nextman - 14/6/2019 06:24

Today, my coworker, who is constantly singing "Baby Shark," wanted to take selfie for her Instagram account. She moved all the junk from her desk to mine, so her desk would look great in the picture. FML

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By flexibleflatulance - 5/9/2009 03:07 - United States

Today, before class I was trying to prove I can twist myself like the people on the front of my anatomy textbook, I got onto a table and twisted my ankles behind my head. Everyone seemed impressed until I farted so loudly that it echoed in the hallway. I couldn't get my legs unstuck. FML

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By Lady of Sorrows - 31/1/2009 20:26 - United States

Today, I just went to the bathroom and someone thought I was a guy. FML

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By notpayedenoughforthisshit - 21/7/2014 21:15 - United States - Boone

Today, for the third time this week, I had to clean up after someone who pissed themselves in the beer aisle at the grocery store where I work. FML

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By iswearicandrive - 17/12/2010 05:14 - United States

Today, I hit my boss's car. It's only my second day on the job. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/3/2012 20:35 - France

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on in a water park changing stall. A woman and a security guard barged in and angrily told us that there were children around. We were escorted out of the park wearing nothing but our swimsuits. FML

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By zero_minded12 - 21/5/2009 03:08 - United States

Today, I was at the mall blasting music. I was wearing a nice shirt, and had my iPod in my breast pocket. I noticed a cute girl smiling at me, so I smiled back and as she started to walk over, I turned down my music while smiling. It looked like I was rubbing my nipple. FML

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By lug_nut - 6/1/2010 05:24 - United States

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house so that he could break up with me. I went out to my car to leave only to discover that all of the wheels had been stolen. Even the spare. I had to spend the rest of the day with my ex-boyfriend finding a way to get my car home. FML

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Top comments

By tazzzy | 0

#662428 - Monday 9 November 2009 16:17

You really do not want to be with someone like that anyway. It's not an FML at all. Lucky you! You are rid of someone so insecure he is incapable of being without a girlfriend.

By vendeep | 9

#662420 - Monday 9 November 2009 16:11

can i say ouch!

COMMENTS

By vendeep | 9

#662420 - Monday 9 November 2009 16:11

can i say ouch!

The_Pleb | 0

#662633 - Monday 9 November 2009 18:42

Fuck his new girlfriends life =/

O and

SECONED!

Xero3g | 5

#662676 - Monday 9 November 2009 19:24

Yes. Yes you can.

nazooer | 11

#662909 - Monday 9 November 2009 22:02

I love how "The_Pleb" Doesn't know how to spell second. Or read what number he is.

Unregistered | 0

#662991 - Monday 9 November 2009 22:49

YDI for thinking you were more then a sex object KNOW YOUR PLACE WOMAN

The_Pleb | 0

#663209 - Tuesday 10 November 2009 0:52

@unregistered you got skillz

and @ retard above unregistered "go to bed"

Thankyou

By cornsnake | 0

#662421 - Monday 9 November 2009 16:12

that sucks.

By tazzzy | 0

#662428 - Monday 9 November 2009 16:17

You really do not want to be with someone like that anyway. It's not an FML at all. Lucky you! You are rid of someone so insecure he is incapable of being without a girlfriend.

By niwde | 0

#662435 - Monday 9 November 2009 16:19

ah awfull,
should have dumped him long long time ago ;)

By pancakes_n_syrup | 0

#662439 - Monday 9 November 2009 16:21

I'm so sorry for you :( Some guys are just dicks like that and act very selfish. If he's willing to do that to you, you're better off without him

By n0ted | 0

#662447 - Monday 9 November 2009 16:27

i feel you. My boyfriend just broke up with me today also. Apparently i was just a filler for those nights when he was bored and alone. worse, he was the first ever guy that i really really loved.

Sun_Kissed18 | 25

#663163 - Tuesday 10 November 2009 0:21

I'm sorry :( you can do better! There are non-asshole guys out there, I swear, they are just hiding.

mujerdivina1590 | 0

#664309 - Tuesday 10 November 2009 18:07

@ Noted: Same thing happened to me. :( I don't know why guys can be such insecure douchebags.

By TriniRockStar | 0

#662455 - Monday 9 November 2009 16:33

he's a selfish duche bag

fireflames113 | 6

#2301665 - Wednesday 6 April 2011 4:59

win

By guitardedman | 0

#662497 - Monday 9 November 2009 16:57

this happens all the time.... people would rather be miserable than lonely, thats just how it is sometimes.

By peroxideprincess | 0

#662507 - Monday 9 November 2009 17:02

what a jackass.

By tweedle_dee23 | 0

#662514 - Monday 9 November 2009 17:10

this sounds like something my girlfriend would say. we broke up yesterday...after she broke up with me a while ago. i am not able to believe that she would think this is the real reason why we aren't dating.