Today, I was eating a packet of chips while watching TV. I saw a crumb on the table in front of me, so without thinking I picked it up and ate it. It wasn't a crumb. It was a tick. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I picked my dog up and nibbled her ear. On the tip of her ear was a large tick, which burst, sending blood into my mouth. FML
Today, I was eating a bowl of cereal and noticed something float to the top. On closer inspection, it turned out to be a mouse turd. I had already eaten half the bowl. FML
Today, I was eating a bag of chips when one of the pieces broke off into a sharp point and when I chewed it, it stabbed into my gums. When I got up to wash the blood out of my mouth, I hit my big toe on my desk corner. FML
Today, I was hungry and decided to nibble on some Cheez-Its I had in my room. After I'd enjoyed some of them, I looked into the box to see how many I had left, where I noticed a lot of little black moving dots. Apparently I wasn't the only one enjoying the crackers. FML
Today, I dropped some food on the floor and picked it back up, took a bite, and quickly realised it had toenail cuttings in it. I never cut my toenails in my dining room. FML
Today, I found a roach in my takeaway. I found it after I felt something hard in my mouth and spat pieces of it back out onto my plate. FML
Today, instead of reaching for some unhealthy food, I tried to eat some dates instead. It was all fine until I bit one in half and saw a rather large, squirming maggot inside. FML
Today, I made myself a snack. I took a seemingly clean plate from the sink which had been used earlier for scrambled eggs. Only after I'd made the snack did I remember I let my dog lick the plate clean. FML
Today, I was sitting at the computer when this really annoying fly kept landing on the keyboard. After a while, I took the bottom of a pen and squished it. Twenty minutes later I absentmindedly started chewing at the bottom of the pen. FML
Today, I was about to get in the shower, when I felt an odd itch in my navel. I saw what I thought was bellybutton lint, so I pulled on it, and quickly realized what I had between my fingers was a still-squirming, headless tick. FML
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Top comments
Intoxicunt 6
Were you eating black chips? I think FML has taught me to never pick up "food" I dropped and eat it. Also, nice username.
chcagr 1
Once upon a time I was eating pizza while watching television. Out of the corner of my eye I see one lonely piece of sausage left in the box. I pick it up and eat it, of course I don't bother to look at it. It was a stink bug. It turns out that they don't just stink, they taste BAD as well. You can't just spit out the taste of a stink bug. Oh well, live and learn.
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Comments (90)
melisabeth86 0
I think it's funny that Simone replied that, "they have done that too"!!! ewww!! lol
69_jackson_69 0
A "packet" of chips? YDI partly just for that.
mwahaha1 0
uhhhh do you by any chance have a bunch of trees in your house or wut? i find it hard to believe that a tick just randomly crawls into your house amd chills on ur table and ppl, ticks arent always black, they can be normal dog tick (brown) and paraltsis (greyish) and lots more but on the fml, its kinda stupid
ShinigamiKurosak 0
maybe you should be less fat and sweep up your crumbs, not eat them off the table
AD1959 2
a whole new meaning to dont eat anything on the table.
clawfossil2 4
How do u know it was a tick If u already put it in it mouth and swallowed it?
CRAZYx2 7
Why the hell would you pick up some random crumb and eat it???
Cass_x 22
isn't a tick black? how.. just.. how could you possibly think it was a crumb :/
KiroBloodDrunk 14
It's good protein.
teacupofsunshine 29
Eww! I bet you were tick off .. I know :(