Today, I was eating a packet of chips while watching TV. I saw a crumb on the table in front of me, so without thinking I picked it up and ate it. It wasn't a crumb. It was a tick. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I picked my dog up and nibbled her ear. On the tip of her ear was a large tick, which burst, sending blood into my mouth. FML
Today, I was eating a bowl of cereal and noticed something float to the top. On closer inspection, it turned out to be a mouse turd. I had already eaten half the bowl. FML
Today, I was eating a bag of chips when one of the pieces broke off into a sharp point and when I chewed it, it stabbed into my gums. When I got up to wash the blood out of my mouth, I hit my big toe on my desk corner. FML
Today, I was hungry and decided to nibble on some Cheez-Its I had in my room. After I'd enjoyed some of them, I looked into the box to see how many I had left, where I noticed a lot of little black moving dots. Apparently I wasn't the only one enjoying the crackers. FML
Today, I dropped some food on the floor and picked it back up, took a bite, and quickly realised it had toenail cuttings in it. I never cut my toenails in my dining room. FML
Today, I found a roach in my takeaway. I found it after I felt something hard in my mouth and spat pieces of it back out onto my plate. FML
Today, instead of reaching for some unhealthy food, I tried to eat some dates instead. It was all fine until I bit one in half and saw a rather large, squirming maggot inside. FML
Today, I made myself a snack. I took a seemingly clean plate from the sink which had been used earlier for scrambled eggs. Only after I'd made the snack did I remember I let my dog lick the plate clean. FML
Today, I was sitting at the computer when this really annoying fly kept landing on the keyboard. After a while, I took the bottom of a pen and squished it. Twenty minutes later I absentmindedly started chewing at the bottom of the pen. FML
Today, I was about to get in the shower, when I felt an odd itch in my navel. I saw what I thought was bellybutton lint, so I pulled on it, and quickly realized what I had between my fingers was a still-squirming, headless tick. FML
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Top comments
Intoxicunt 6
Were you eating black chips? I think FML has taught me to never pick up "food" I dropped and eat it. Also, nice username.
chcagr 1
Once upon a time I was eating pizza while watching television. Out of the corner of my eye I see one lonely piece of sausage left in the box. I pick it up and eat it, of course I don't bother to look at it. It was a stink bug. It turns out that they don't just stink, they taste BAD as well. You can't just spit out the taste of a stink bug. Oh well, live and learn.
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Comments (90)
xoconnie 8
LMFAO i did that once at gymnastics when i was littleee. eating chips and one fell next to me and i ate it but it was like some white powder rock from the white stuff u put on ur hands before you go on the bars. hahaah funny stuffff
jeffrey0000 0
eating chips and watching tv? how much fatter can you get? LOL. YDI.
Witchcraft_fml 5
What color were your chips? :/
cheapsheep_fml 0
clean your place. gawd. fcking pigs.
hrtstealer 0
did it burrow itself in your mouth?
Crunchy08 0
ticks can grow to be freaking huge, I used to have to pick them off my dogs.
xoxcinderellaxox 0
ydi! im always picky of what i put in my mouth.
PhillyFox 0
Those saying the OP is fat: How in the hell do you know he's fat? Thin people can't eat chips, too? But still, that's really disgusting that you just gobble things up like that without knowing what they are. I'd working on changing that, if I were you. YDI.
TheKitsune 0
My cousin ate a tick once. Of course he wasn't even two yet.
kaitycat101 1
That's what happened on greys anatomy last night!! Alex had a tick because him and izzy are living in a camper in the woods! Izzy told him he had mud or something on his neck... But it was a tick! LOL!