Today, I was dragged to the food store with my mom. While we were shopping, the fire alarm went off. My mom pushed the cart at me, nearly knocking me over, and sprinted for the door. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my mother set off the alarms at Walmart by shoplifting. She shouted at me to run, which I didn't. I had to get a ride home from the security guard, since my mother left without me because I didn't get to her car fast enough. FML
Today, I tripped while rushing to my classes. In a desperate attempt to regain my balance, I grabbed the nearest thing to me. A fire alarm. FML
Today, I accidentally left the store with a bag full of groceries without paying. I realized this halfway to my car when an employee chased me down, thinking I was a thief. Turns out, I had spaced out and walked out during a fire alarm drill. FML
Today, my mom yelled at me for trying to return a shopping cart to the cart corral. She then forced me to leave it in the parking lot. FML
Today, I was getting food at a buffet. Suddenly, my mom appeared and started screaming at a guy for pushing me. I wasn't pushed by anyone, I just tripped over nothing. The poor guy looked so confused and embarrassed, and my mom wouldn't let me defend him. FML
Today, while helping my mom to cook, I was reminded that when the fire alarm goes off in our house, dinner is ready. FML
Today, I was in the dressing room of my favorite store. While looking in the mirror at a shirt I really like, the fire alarm went off. In a panic, I ran out of the store like everyone else. The sensor went off on my shirt and I was banned from the store for attempted theft. FML
Today, I was grocery shopping when I left my cart to grab an item. I returned, and started pushing the cart again. Halfway through the store, a furious lady confronted me, demanding her cart back. I had to walk back in shame to find my own actual cart, which was now nowhere to be found. FML
Today, as I entered a stairwell, the fire alarm went off, triggering the automatic fire doors to close. The one I was walking through ran over my foot, ripping my toenail, and then smacked me in the face. FML
Today, I got trapped in a glass elevator at the mall. My father walked right by the elevator, laughed and went into a store. A fireman got me out. FML
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Top comments
zaku2capt 1
Damn sounds like she has fast reflexes.
johnnyknoxville 8
Awesome parenting.
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Comments (74)
sematariux 7
Did she run around in her underwear trying to put the invisible non existent fire out?
iloooovemylife 7
Hahaha n she didn't cared whether you got burnt or not ?
mrlopez 13
Never take an airplane with her. When it's time to put on the emergency oxygen masks, no prizes for guessing who'll have it on first :)
goatfeathers 1
Aren't you supposed to put your own mask on first?
SecretlyEvil9792 22
Mommy doesn't seem to love you.
perdix 31
She probably she thought had a second chance once her opportunity to abort you passed. The good news is that now Mothers' Day will just be a pleasant Sunday off for you.
GamerMaster2041 12
wow
hillary6 15
Sounds like a great parent ro me!
123jade456 0
whats with parents these days
mbrooks5110 0
sounds like you are old enough to take care of yourself. what did you want her to do...
hokesmash 0
lmao nice mom