Miscellaneous: Today, I tripped while rushing to my classes. In a desperate... - FML

By Drill Drilled - 15/04/2015 22:12 - United States - Lake Elsinore

Today, I tripped while rushing to my classes. In a desperate attempt to regain my balance, I grabbed the nearest thing to me. A fire alarm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 357

You deserved it 3 960

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Vandals!

Christine

By NotHauteCouture - 10/12/2009 20:52 - United States

Today, we had our annual office Christmas party. The theme of the party was "Ugliest Sweater". The winner was a sweater that I have an exact replica of in my closet. It's my favorite 'special occasion', 'family portrait' and 'holiday' sweater. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 888

You deserved it 13 334

By anthony512 - 24/05/2013 16:08 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, after a sleepless night, I fell asleep at my work desk. When I awoke, I found my co-workers had duct taped me to my chair. I was yelling at them to untape me, when our boss came in, scolded me for fucking about on the job, and left without saying a word to my colleagues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 919

You deserved it 12 725

I'm looking through you

By lesler - 20/07/2021 06:01 - Canada

Today, my bartender noticed my new haircut before my live-in boyfriend did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 839

You deserved it 174

AAARGH

By lanu - 13/03/2012 16:13 - United States

Today, I woke up sweating and gasping for air after having a terrible nightmare. The nightmare involved my deceased mother-in-law bitching me out for being a bad influence on her daughter and threatening to cut my nuts off. Even in death, she won't leave me be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 117

You deserved it 2 574

By Anonymous - 30/12/2017 15:00

Today, after 4 years of college to get a BA in Marketing and 2 years to get an MBA, I landed a great job as a receptionist. My boss likes to fist bump when I buzz him through the security door correctly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 136

You deserved it 745

By BornToBeABurden - 09/01/2014 16:01 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I asked my mum when she gets the urge to smoke. The answer I was looking for was "after I eat" or maybe even "when I'm tired". What I got was "every second since you were born". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 579

You deserved it 5 668

By nononame - 10/03/2009 04:20 - United States

Today, I emailed the guy I like to ask him on a coffee date. He responded, declining by telling me he never drinks coffee. We met at Starbucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 084

You deserved it 4 168

By Anonymous - 02/11/2009 17:48 - United States

Today, I went to get a haircut. The hairdresser at the counter was kind of cute, so I had to say something non-standard. When she greeted me with her hello, I replied "Guess what I need from you today?" She looked at me, considered, and replied "An eyebrow wax?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 439

You deserved it 39 739

By Anonymous - 03/09/2010 00:52 - Australia

Today, I found out that one of my best mates had his backpack, clothes, and everything else in it stolen at an airport overseas. I was feeling sorry for him all day. It took me 9 hours to remember that I actually loaned him my backpack for his trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 852

You deserved it 7 286

By Travolta - 14/08/2011 04:50 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a party. I tried dancing in public for the first time ever. Judging by the whispers, stares and giggles, I'm never doing it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 620

You deserved it 5 164

By Anonymous - 13/11/2010 06:24 - United States

Today, I tripped on a step that said "Watch your step." Two hours later, I hit my head on a sign that said "Mind your head." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 481

You deserved it 14 663

By Anonymous - 18/06/2015 12:36 - United States - Tallahassee

Today, my ex-boyfriend dumped sand into the crankcase of my truck and then filled it to the top with water after I dumped him for being immature and not respecting my things. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 469

You deserved it 3 467

By ~~~~ - 27/05/2016 18:45 - Belgium - Hemiksem

Today, my boyfriend added me to his friends' private Whatsapp group, after weeks of asking him to include me in more of his life. It turns out almost all they do is post pictures of their shits and rate them. There is nearly a year's worth of pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 346

You deserved it 6 020

Horndog

By Anonymous - 25/04/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, despite giving my sister a place to stay while she's in town for a funeral, she demanded I give a bedroom to her son to have to himself, because, "How am I supposed to have 'sexy time' with my husband with him in the room?" Everyone's sharing rooms, and no one's getting sexy time as someone literally died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 432

You deserved it 87

By LOTRfail - 27/07/2012 02:13 - United States - Malden

Spicy

Today, my husband and I were watching Lord of the Rings. My husband told me he sees the eye of Sauron every time he goes down on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 217

You deserved it 4 039

By Anonymous - 12/10/2015 15:43 - United States - Corona

Today, I nearly got written up at work for missing an important memo. The memo was sent to everyone via the company Facebook group and not by our e-mail system. My manager could hardly believe people exist who have no Facebook account and have no intention of making one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 895

You deserved it 2 392

Nice to see you

By meeee - 13/02/2021 23:01

Today, I saw my 89-year-old grandmother naked. She just moved in with us and apparently, she has an "open door policy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 830

You deserved it 80

Questionable parenting

By Anonymous - 14/11/2021 05:00

Today, I found out my son is getting bullied. His stepdad doesn’t care, in fact he’s all for bullying because he thinks it will force my son to stop being smart, or "a dork" as he calls him, and fit in with the normal kids for a change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 100

You deserved it 148

By SadFoxLady - 10/06/2013 18:01 - United States - Des Moines

Today, after years of researching and saving money, I got a pet fox. I was able to enjoy the majesty of the animal for three hours before it burrowed under the fence and ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 751

You deserved it 55 553

By Med - 13/11/2012 12:02 - Netherlands - Groningen

Today, after clubbing with my girlfriend, we went to her place. She then threw up on the floor, and went to clean herself up. When she came back, she'd forgotten that she'd just thrown up. She blamed me for puking, and kicked me out. It was 4:00 am and a 3-hour walk home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 670

You deserved it 2 958

By JohnBlack - 12/06/2012 03:56 - United States

Today, I was told off for not holding the door open for a woman behind me at work. Yesterday I was informed that chivalry is offensive to women, as it implies that they are not equal to men. I can't win. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 374

You deserved it 3 941

By ferret702 - 05/02/2016 12:04 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, in the current company I'm employed by, I have a better chance at gambling my way to the top, as opposed to working my way up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 092

You deserved it 1 793

By Anonymous - 15/01/2015 11:35 - Australia

Today, at the train station a woman's baggage had gotten stuck in the ticket barriers, so I used my ticket to unlock the barriers for her but told her to wait so I could get through too. She didn't wait. And I got painfully stuck in the barriers whilst I watched my train go by. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 945

You deserved it 3 797

By whyme - 07/02/2012 06:38 - United States

Today, I walked into the house only to be greeted by the strongest smell of dung. I asked my mom about it, and it turns out she's been airing these strange herbs throughout the house, most of which are in my bedroom. She won't let me open the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 681

You deserved it 2 107

By Jakeok - 14/11/2014 00:04 - United States - Fraser

Today, I once again used my phone to get out of a conversation with someone, instead of actually talking to someone on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 363

You deserved it 7 602

By Anonymous - 02/03/2012 08:30 - Belgium

Today, I was babysitting a 7 year-old brat. He refused to eat his vegetables, so I forbade him from playing until they were finished. He stomped off upstairs, so I let him cool off for a couple of minutes. When I went upstairs, he had taken scissors to all of his mother's clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 518

You deserved it 4 408

By Anonymous - 30/05/2012 14:06 - Ireland - Cork

Today, I was on a rowing machine at the gym, listening to a podcast. Something funny was said, I laughed, lost my balance and fell off, with my feet still stuck in the footrests. Someone had to come and help me off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 819

You deserved it 5 057

By _/ | \_ - 06/10/2013 17:40 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, my new deodorant caused an allergic reaction, covering my armpits in a painful rash. I've had to awkwardly waddle around all day with my arms splayed outwards to get any relief. One customer at work sarcastically mentioned that it's nice that they're hiring penguins these days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 366

You deserved it 3 777

By Anonymous - 22/09/2015 05:09 - United States - Boston

Today, I tried to be nice and let a homeless man have a place to crash for the night. He repaid me by pissing all over my new couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 593

You deserved it 23 294

By derped-out sperm - 01/04/2014 21:41 - Ireland

Today, I had to rush my 14-year-old son to the hospital after he fell out of a tree while trying to take an obnoxious "extreme selfie". FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 029

You deserved it 5 908

By Worst City in the World - 22/03/2018 15:00

Today, I traveled through a winter storm to NYC. After a miserable interview, I got in my car and drove only 200 feet before being pulled over and ticketed for momentarily picking up my GPS. Today's total: 5 points, $150, no new job, and 6 hours of driving in a Nor'easter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 466

You deserved it 482

Fashion Week, Bitch

By Anonymous - 02/03/2020 21:02

Today, I found out that my blazer was not in fact lost. How did I find this out? The girl who'd "lost it" was wearing it. She now denies it was ever mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 599

You deserved it 129

By darkangel7410 - 22/06/2016 08:37 - United States - Lafayette

Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After looking into it, one of the 1-star ratings claimed "mechanical problems". The description of the reason, "He drives a Ford." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 435

You deserved it 2 575

By Anonymous - 25/08/2019 06:06

Today, my mother sat me down and told me, "I'm not going to lie, I hate living with you. Please get a job and move out." I'm 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 049

You deserved it 219

By TheStroker - 01/06/2019 06:03

Today, I was cleaning off a carrot by rubbing it up and down under the tap over the sink. My 13-year-old son comes in and says, "Mom, you could get a job doing that." I told him that a carrot cleaner wouldn't make much money. He says, "I wasn't talking about carrots." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 645

You deserved it 333

No kinkshaming here

By Anonymous - 30/09/2012 04:37 - United States - Northridge

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me he masturbates to the thought of me swimming in pancake syrup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 988

You deserved it 5 745

Fake news

By Anonymous - 15/08/2021 15:01 - United States - San Bruno

Today, I had to submit references so my anatomy/physiology teacher might acknowledge that tetanus is not the same as muscle cramps, and correct the lesson that's been in place for six years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 776

You deserved it 48

By rainonmyparade - 17/03/2010 05:09 - United States

Today, I called my dad to tell him my boyfriend had proposed to me, and that we're planning on being married this summer. He was surprised at the short engagement, so I said, "Well, we're almost 30." Dad replied, "Wow, I left your mom when I was 35!" So not the conversation for that information, Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 642

You deserved it 3 569

By anon - 01/02/2016 16:37 - United States

Today, I visited my 90-year-old great-grandmother and her boyfriend. This wouldn't be a problem, if this boyfriend wasn't different than the one she had yesterday. She told me not to tell him about "the other one". FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 728

You deserved it 1 689

By sadinmass - 13/11/2010 13:24 - United States

Today, it was my 21st birthday. I had a simple party with my boyfriend, with just a cake and a bottle of red wine. My boyfriend managed to get so drunk that he danced naked for 10 minutes, then told me I'm hideously obese but that he loves me anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 426

You deserved it 5 742

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Thursday 16 April 2015 7:13

At least no one will notice you being late

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Thursday 16 April 2015 7:13

well...that must have been alarming!

Comments

chucksfriday 21

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Thursday 16 April 2015 7:12

First comment!

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Thursday 16 April 2015 7:13

Nobody cares, be prepared to get down voted.

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Thursday 16 April 2015 7:16

Fascinating.

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Thursday 16 April 2015 7:13

Ha first I agree

deathstar3548 14

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Thursday 16 April 2015 13:05

Agree? To what? You being an idiot?

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Thursday 16 April 2015 14:15

Does anyone remember when the fml staff would moderate the first comment if they said first? The staff would write something totally ridiculous and people were like wtf how did this person write all that? I didn't have an account at that time, more of a lurker. but it was hilarious.

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Thursday 16 April 2015 7:13

At least no one will notice you being late

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Thursday 16 April 2015 7:17

However they may notice you in the principal's office

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Thursday 16 April 2015 7:23

Yeah, now people will know how much of a firebrand OP is.

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Thursday 16 April 2015 9:36

Unless their school is new or has been updated with security cameras. There's a chance the op could end up in trouble for being late AND pulling the alarm...sorry op!

pinkster2014 25

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Friday 17 April 2015 1:45

In my school, there are covers over the alarms so that kind of thing wouldn't happen...

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Thursday 16 April 2015 7:13

well...that must have been alarming!

HappyItalian 38

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Thursday 16 April 2015 7:15

"Why'd you pull the alarm, kid?" "Well, you see, I'm too hot." "Hot damn."

Miss_Whipped 43

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Thursday 16 April 2015 14:00

"Called a police and a fireman."

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Thursday 16 April 2015 7:15

I bet the principal was heated

henrylikestreats 22

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Thursday 16 April 2015 7:17

At least it wasn't some guy's knob.

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Thursday 16 April 2015 7:18

Thank you for showing us that it could always be worse... (:

SystemofaBlink41 27

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Friday 17 April 2015 5:01

Not for the guy, though.

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Thursday 16 April 2015 7:17

"Coming in hot!"

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Thursday 16 April 2015 7:17

Looks like you've met your *match*, OP... gravity. Ah, but thinking about it brings me *down*. :(

gabythatcher 21

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Thursday 16 April 2015 10:15

that joke was already terrible, why did you have to *point* it out to us?

redstone7693 29

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Thursday 16 April 2015 15:35

Your puns are tearable

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Friday 17 April 2015 5:26

It took me forever to figure out how "match" was a pun

redstone7693 29

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Friday 17 April 2015 13:56

wow.. I got down voted by some stupid faggots who don't understand puns

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Thursday 16 April 2015 7:17

What are you OP? You're a numpty!

Nearly

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 3

Today, my girlfriend called off our plans to get married, all because I didn't “make enough time” while I was busy renovating the house for her parents to come over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 148

You deserved it 10

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 170

You deserved it 442

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 569

You deserved it 715