A cute one for a change

Today, my dad was making a sandwich in the kitchen. Hungry, I snuck in and grabbed it, running back to my room and devouring it. Later at dinner, he dumped a whole scoop of rice in my lap. We all ended up laughing as we cleaned it. FML

Today, my dad told me I was folding my laundry all wrong. I said with a smirk, "A little clothes-minded, are we?" He slapped me. Hard. FML

Today, during the early hours, I got hungry and went to grab something to eat. I entered the kitchen, only to see my stark-naked dad sitting at the table, eating cereal and reading the paper. He just nodded at me and said, "Son." I think I need a new pair of eyes. FML

Today, my dad stopped me mid-sentence and said he wanted to punch me in the face and set me on fire for using the word "selfie". FML

FINE!

Today, my dad and mom and I were going out to eat dinner. My dad wanted a romantic dinner just with my mom so he told me to make an excuse not to go. I did, which ended up as a huge fight, grounded and phone taken away. My dad just stood there in the background putting thumbs up. FML

Today, I asked my dad for help on some homework I didn't fully understand. He walked away and came back with a huge bowl of grapes and said, "Here's your brain food." Then he left. FML

Today, my dad threw a waffle at my face for his own amusement. FML

Today, my dad yelled at me for being irresponsible while he watched me fold his laundry. FML

Today, I came home with a friend to find my mom scratching my dad's butt with a fork. FML

Today, my dad gave me a twenty minute lecture about responsibility and how lazy he considers me to be. He then yelled at me for not making his bed and getting his clothes off the floor. FML