Today, I was cleaning mouse remains from the kitchen floor, left by my cat. I found a small round thing nearby. With no idea what it was, I picked it up and gave it a little squeeze to see if it was solid. It wasn't, and burst with great force onto my face. I'm pretty sure it was an eye. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I woke up to my cat slowly dragging her paw across my face. I opened my eyes to see a bloody mouse dangling an inch from my face. It was still twitching. FML
Today, I was eating a donut and watching TV with my cat. I saw a dark glob on my shirt and ate it, thinking it was dropped icing. It was my cat's earwax. Disgusted, I ran to the bathroom and tried to rinse with hydrogen peroxide. I sprayed it in my eye. FML
Today, I reached to pick out a booger stuck in my nose that had been irritating me, and ended up poking myself in the eye. FML
Today, my cat was looking a little peaky. After craning my neck to check for lumps under his chin, he felt this was the perfect time to throw up a half-digested mouse onto my face. FML
Today, I tried to blink out a small speck of dirt that was caught in my eye. Instead, I learned what it feels like to suffocate a small, angry spider with your eyelid. FML
Today, I was picking my nose so aggressively that I flicked a booger right into my eye. FML
Today, my cat ran outside. As I ran around the side of my house to get her, I felt a gigantic spiderweb land on my face. I also felt a light thud on my eye and it started to tear up. I ran inside and looked in a mirror, the spider was in my eye. FML
Today, I was sitting on my couch when I felt something weird underneath me. I got up, thinking I'd sat on my phone or something. Wrong. I'd sat on a live mouse. FML
Today, I was walking through my house when I noticed bits of plaster falling from the ceiling. Against all logic, I looked up, receiving a fragment directly in the eyeball. FML
Today, my cat sneezed directly into my open eyeball. FML
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Top comments
sushi_samurai 3
Warning: lame joke below. That mouse has his eye on you...
nancem 7
Evidently fear is not a factor for you!
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Comments (149)
tomtato 10
what a great eye dear!
fthislyfe 22
Oh my God I think I just puked a little...
FeroniaMoonscyth 2
One time my DOG brought in a dead baby bird. The *dog*! (A retriever breed). And my fiance's miniature schnauzers were mutilating a bird once too.
hydeiken 0
Mmm....eyeball juice
fangz_fml 6
Hahahahaha, why did you picked it up?? That was grows anyway!!
Grouse 5
Nom nom nom nom...
toricakes 7
It could be worse I guess
paranormalacts 2
hey my dog kills mice too. one day i woke and the mouse was sputtering blood out of itsmouse
Fulldemonstorm 10
eww
JinxosGirl87 0
Your cat is apart of the Mafia!