Miscellaneous: Today, I was walking through my house when I noticed bits of...

By swirkishly - 24/11/2011 16:06 - United States

Today, I was walking through my house when I noticed bits of plaster falling from the ceiling. Against all logic, I looked up, receiving a fragment directly in the eyeball. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 909

You deserved it 9 990

Miscellaneous

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Online classes can be tricky

The patriarchy rules

By TRalalla - 07/08/2010 17:10 - Canada

Today, I decided to call the number a cute guy had scribbled onto a napkin and given to me. I was greeted by, "Hello, this is Dr. Allen's office." Surprised, because I didn't remember his name being anything close to Allen, I asked who Dr. Allen was. She's a psychologist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 951

You deserved it 5 688

By firefromherlips - 28/11/2013 00:25 - United States - Gallatin

Today, I found out the position I thought I had earned by working hard was only to separate me from my coworkers because I "talked too much". Instead of addressing the issue like adults, I've essentially been put in time-out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 911

You deserved it 8 001

By lauramarie - 23/07/2011 14:18 - Canada

Today, as I was hung over from a concert and refusing to get out of bed, my dad decided to hook up his top notch speaker system and play Christmas music that shook the house. It's July. Let the family weekend begin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 485

You deserved it 15 554

Awkward

By ellinor - 17/09/2010 20:33 - Sweden

Today, I was walking outside when I saw my best friend about 100 meters away. I began running towards her, arms flailing, screaming out a tribal battle cry. It wasn't until I was nearly on top of her that I realised it was someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 495

You deserved it 37 088

By Anonymous - 22/12/2010 01:15 - United States

Today, I took my two kids to a Christmas festival with a train theme. I spent $24 on conductor hats for them. When I gave them the hats, they threw them on the ground and put the red paper bags they came in on their heads. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 722

You deserved it 7 104

By has-evil-friends - 26/11/2009 20:30 - United Kingdom

Today, I had six friends round for pizza. When I went to answer the door to the delivery, my friends turned off the lights and pretended they weren't there when I shouted for help carrying all the food. Not only does the cute delivery guy think I'm greedy, but also that I have imaginary friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 634

You deserved it 3 608

By chuchundra - 08/03/2014 20:06 - United States

Today, I got back from a two-week vacation. During my vacation, I had a friend from work watch my puppy. My puppy now likes him more than me, and won't stop whining sadly since he left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 635

You deserved it 7 929

By sleepwalker - 14/09/2010 18:32 - United States

Today, I fell asleep in my math class. Turns out I sleep walk. I woke up at the front of the room with chalk in my hand, scribbles on the board behind me, and the whole class laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 549

You deserved it 8 358

By beriles - 15/01/2010 05:25 - United States

Today, I was sitting next to the guy I am trying to get close to while we were at the bar. Music was playing, so I thought that while his attention was diverted I would sneak out a yawn. Just as I did so, the music went silent and I let out a tremendous burp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 094

You deserved it 8 412

By Anonymous - 18/04/2014 22:07 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I met my girlfriend's dad at a tennis game. I could tell he despised me from the start, but it only got worse when I played him. He smashed the ball at me and I went to hit it, but I missed and fell over, tearing my arm up on the gravel. He had a smirk on his face for the rest of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 355

You deserved it 4 215

By crazydog - 10/06/2011 20:39 - United Kingdom

Today, my dog surprised everyone by somehow managing to climb on the roof. I followed him up and spent the next hour trying to catch him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 597

You deserved it 4 172

Assumptions

By Martin s - 08/05/2021 01:59 - United States - Manahawkin

Today, I saw the crazy meth guy, who randomly rolls up on you on his bike and tells you how he met Jesus, leading a little boy behind a church. After I made sure nothing weird was happening, I reported it to the police and posted a status to warn parents on Facebook, I found it was actually his kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 460

You deserved it 862

By Anonymous - 16/02/2012 02:03 - United States

Today, Target asked me if I would do the closing announcement. I've only been working there a little while, so excited I agreed. I told people, "The store is now closing, thank you for shopping at Walmart." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 761

You deserved it 34 127

By Anonymous - 19/03/2015 05:01 - United States - Wentzville

Today, I was pulled over by a police officer because he thought I was skipping school. I'm 24 and we graduated high school together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 646

You deserved it 2 864

By Sprtsgeek13 - 13/09/2012 12:37 - United States - Camden

Today, I had my girlfriend over to meet my parents. After dinner, we were in the living room talking. My dad thought it would be funny to grab our cat, stick it down his shirt, then pretend to give birth to it, with sound effects. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 368

You deserved it 2 514

By Anonymous - 25/01/2016 01:24 - Dominican Republic - Santo Domingo

Today, I was leaving the house to go on a date. My dad stopped me at the door and said confidently, "Tear that pussy up, son." I'm gay and my dad knows that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 859

You deserved it 5 005

By splitzville - 16/03/2010 20:12 - United States

Today, I noticed a cute girl in the checkout lane at the store. Feeling a little flirtatious, I decided to blow a bubble with my gum to get her attention. I accidentally shot the gum out of my mouth onto the guy next to me, spitting all over myself in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 939

You deserved it 40 758

By airport - 10/05/2009 18:49 - United States

Today, I flew to see my long distance boyfriend who I haven't seen in 6 months. Upon seeing me, he ran up to me, picked me up and swung me around like they do in the movies. In doing so, my foot hit a 4 year old child who was running past and knocked him out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 717

You deserved it 9 192

By ledentist - 12/09/2012 02:24 - United States - Center Barnstead

Today, my dentist dropped my bite plate for x-rays on the ground, picked it up, looked at it intently, took a couple of hairs off, and shoved it back into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 407

You deserved it 2 281

By Wanted - 19/08/2019 20:00 - United Kingdom - Salford

Today, I got a letter summoning me to court for leaving the scene of a car accident I had in London. I live in Manchester and don't own a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 829

You deserved it 87

By Anonymous - 04/02/2018 19:00

Today, my wife of 6 years came out as a lesbian. I moved out of state and away from family to start a new life with her. Turns out she's attracted to my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 811

You deserved it 355

By nickorion12 - 28/06/2016 14:21 - United States - Shawnee

Today, it's my birthday. My children decided to make me "breakfast in bed", only to end up setting the kitchen on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 550

You deserved it 1 275

Scratchy

By Lice FML - 25/06/2021 06:01 - United States

Today, my kids and I discovered the party hats from the party we just went to were infested with lice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 944

You deserved it 64

Masterchef

By Uh-SLEEP - 11/12/2020 03:01 - United States - Litchfield Park

Today, our stove broke. Now, we have to cook using a toaster oven. FML

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 59

I've been… held up

By Anonymous - 01/08/2020 14:00

Today, I was finally able to see my gran for the first time since lockdown. She told me off for not visiting sooner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 281

You deserved it 121

By WhyM3Th0ugh - 10/09/2015 23:21 - United States - Sunnyside

Today, one of my idiot classmates decided it was a good idea to throw his water bottle across the room to his friend. Unfortunately, I was sitting in front of his friend. I now have a very noticeable bruise and bump near my temple along with a headache. Everybody laughed at me. Even the teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 934

You deserved it 1 658

By Sam - 03/02/2012 04:00 - Canada

Today, I got punched by a man for making fun of his stutter. I didn't. I stutter too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 445

You deserved it 2 647

By forgotten - 19/10/2014 18:19 - United States - Folsom

Today, the kids on my cross country team were planning a big surprise party for one of the girls, whose birthday is in a few weeks. It's my birthday today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 162

You deserved it 2 648

Catfished!

By Anonymous - 09/06/2019 05:56

Today, I found out my husband has been "cheating" on me with some girl from Russia that he has to pay for regularly. This explains why he never has any money, he's actually dumb enough to be scammed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 109

You deserved it 196

By tool - 09/04/2009 06:03 - United States

Today, I was bored at my job at Home Depot. I got a bar code tattoo 3 weeks ago and thought it would be funny to scan it. I'm a $5.98 160z claw hammer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 864

You deserved it 143 006

By Michelle - 27/12/2009 07:13 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he likes having sex during my period because it makes him feel like he stabbed a small animal to death. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 396

You deserved it 4 756

Idiocracy

By Faith - 09/02/2021 11:01

Today, I got my vacation days denied because I'm "too valuable", while the moron I work with gets his days off because he's "easy to do without." Well, I guess I won't be spending much time with my girlfriend who flew across the country to see me. Glad I'm such a valuable employee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 240

You deserved it 99

By Anonymous - 16/01/2011 05:20 - United States

Today, I'm 19 years old and, having never been on a date, I agreed to let my friend set me up. He was adorable, young, with blond hair and blue eyes...and 4 years old. My friend tricked me into babysitting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 335

You deserved it 4 605

By fme - 24/09/2009 05:24 - United States

Today, I took the family to the Rainforest Café. There was no parking and I detest paying $12 for valet parking. I parked at Wal-Greens across the street in the only spot without a "patrons only, violators will be towed" sign. It was covered by the tree branches. It cost me $225 for the cab and fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 665

You deserved it 44 178

By top dog! - 11/10/2011 20:05 - Australia

Today, I was threatened with suspension from school because of my nose piercing. I had to explain that it's actually a pimple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 411

You deserved it 2 925

By thebravelittletoaster - 20/03/2011 20:32 - United Kingdom

Today, the estranged crumbs in my toaster caught light while I was making breakfast. The toast, toaster, and my wooden bench are now little more than collateral damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 307

You deserved it 9 826

The asshats always win

By Iabnysmwytm - 27/03/2021 16:30 - United States - Bluffton

Today, I finally had enough of my coworker mocking and misgendering my transgender daughter, so I screamed at him. I got written up and suspended without pay for 2 weeks. He got praise from our boss for handling the situation with class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 376

You deserved it 1 056

Misunderstood

By not a phobe - 16/07/2020 08:02

Today, my son told our whole family and all our friends that I kicked him out for being gay. I kicked him out because on more than one occasion he got drunk and sneaked random men in the house while he was supposed to be watching his younger siblings while I worked nights. They believed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 364

You deserved it 167

Baby you can drive my car

By Anonymous - 29/12/2020 05:01

Today, as usual, I work nights and sleep during the day. I found out that my brother uses my car and never puts gas on it when he called me for the first time to actually ask me if he could borrow my car, and also to lend him $20 to put gas in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 801

You deserved it 90

By Stevie - 17/12/2016 03:15 - United States - Southfield

Today, I kindly explained to a client that she had calculated her CD interest wrong. She kindly responded that, as a nurse, she would never give me medical treatment if I was involved in a car accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 488

You deserved it 611

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Keyman1212 14

Send a private message

Thursday 24 November 2011 19:04

And then your 800lb aunt fell on you from the second story bathroom, where she was receiving a sponge bath from midgets.

j_cat187 19

Send a private message

Thursday 24 November 2011 19:03

Ceilings are bastards

AndreSeal 0

Send a private message

Thursday 24 November 2011 19:00

Dumbass...

ceilingfans 1

Send a private message

Thursday 24 November 2011 19:26

Herp derp

megan_lovee 0

Send a private message

Thursday 24 November 2011 19:27

well tht really sucks.!

iKendall 3

Send a private message

Thursday 24 November 2011 19:38

Idiot ..

i_amthe_walrus 0

Send a private message

Thursday 24 November 2011 21:01

This is the lamest comment chain in history, and I am now apart of it... ...I didn't think this through...

CanWeMicrowaveIt 11

Send a private message

Thursday 24 November 2011 21:27

Yeah walrus you idiot! Hahaha..... Wait...

Falalala243 0

Send a private message

Thursday 24 November 2011 22:12

41- Your kneeboarding wrong.

CryMoreFMLs 14

Send a private message

Thursday 24 November 2011 22:26

49 - You're*... not that hard.

blackheart24 10

Send a private message

Thursday 24 November 2011 23:55

In your eye?

mitri_fml 3

Send a private message

Friday 25 November 2011 12:46

That's what she said

RedMegane 4

Send a private message

Thursday 24 November 2011 19:00

So you stood right beneath it, really!?!

xlorawrz 9

Send a private message

Thursday 24 November 2011 19:03

Really.

DrDilllonReese 12

Send a private message

Thursday 24 November 2011 19:06

Yep. I doubt he woke up expecting fragments of drywall to be falling from the heavens

starsfan_9 7

Send a private message

Thursday 24 November 2011 19:06

That one would be difficult to explain

crazycole20 0

Send a private message

Thursday 24 November 2011 19:07

exactly what I was thinking! or recently she tried to destroy a body with acid in her bathtub and the acid was slowly eating through her wall.

mikaylaaaaa 7

Send a private message

Thursday 24 November 2011 19:58

it's not his fault?

thericcanator 4

Send a private message

Thursday 24 November 2011 19:02

Atleast it didn't go in the turkkeey

me_gusta_eso 1

Send a private message

Thursday 24 November 2011 22:43

Please, go crawl in a hole... And stay there.

brown4lifejot 1

Send a private message

Friday 25 November 2011 10:42

Okay if you were trying to refer to that turkey FML... it still doesnt make sense.

brown4lifejot 1

Send a private message

Friday 25 November 2011 10:46

I would pick a large hole, you might need to stay in there for a while.

j_cat187 19

Send a private message

Thursday 24 November 2011 19:03

Ceilings are bastards

macy143 0

Send a private message

Thursday 24 November 2011 19:26

Yea. They are always doing something to piss people off!!

raaawwwrrZ 8

Send a private message

Thursday 24 November 2011 21:04

Fucking assholes always showing up where they aren't wanted

mirag 0

Send a private message

Friday 25 November 2011 0:29

At least the ceiling didn't completely cave in and at least you didn't have a bathtub or something big fall on you... Look on the bright side

ohcrapitscurtis 8

Send a private message

Friday 25 November 2011 9:28

Lolz

Keyman1212 14

Send a private message

Thursday 24 November 2011 19:04

And then your 800lb aunt fell on you from the second story bathroom, where she was receiving a sponge bath from midgets.

Fruit_Dealer 9

Send a private message

Thursday 24 November 2011 19:16

If you keep stalking me & my family I will call the.. Oh. You weren't talking to me. I see.

boohbah1789 0

Send a private message

Thursday 24 November 2011 21:21

Wtf ? That's hilarious x)

obamathellama 0

Send a private message

Friday 25 November 2011 6:38

Midgets, doing things normal people never would since 1969!

starsfan_9 7

Send a private message

Thursday 24 November 2011 19:04

Wrong place, wrong time...

CanWeMicrowaveIt 11

Send a private message

Thursday 24 November 2011 21:29

Wrong house... That would be awkward..

Fudgee_xOx 10

Send a private message

Thursday 24 November 2011 19:08

Damn, should've worn safety goggles!

rcloca 10

Send a private message

Thursday 24 November 2011 19:09

That's why you don't open your eyes under a falling plaster ceiling. tsk.

saIty 17

Send a private message

Thursday 24 November 2011 19:11

Curse that thing we call gravity!

upyourzlolz 11

Send a private message

Thursday 24 November 2011 19:14

Run chicken run! The sky is falling!

brown4lifejot 1

Send a private message

Friday 25 November 2011 10:49

Chicken little is adorable!!! But quite dumb

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Today, at the age of 25, I learned that it is not normal to have absolutely zero sexual desire. All this time, I thought you had to have sex first before developing a sex drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79

You deserved it 15

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 091

You deserved it 144

Add a comment - Reply to : #

Top comments

Comments