Today, I was chatting with a new guy at work. He cracked a joke about me and I jokingly gave him a light push on the shoulder. Half a second after I touched him, he threw himself back and hit the floor yelling in "pain". Now I'm suspended because of this psycho. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, at work, my manager accidentally bumped into me, brushing my behind with the back of his hand. He was a bit embarrassed, so I jokingly said, “You could at least buy me dinner first!” He went to HR and told them I made him uncomfortable. I was just trying to lighten the mood. FML
Today, I was walking my girlfriend to class when my friend came by and playfully punched me in the arm. Trying not to look like a wimp, I turned around to hit him in the arm. Instead, I ended up punching a girl in the face. Now my girlfriend won't talk to me and I'm suspended. FML
Today, as I was getting into work, I saw a co-worker of mine walking in front of me. We're really good friends and we joke around a lot, so I jokingly whistled at him and slapped his butt. Turns out it wasn't my friend, it was the new guy. Hello, sexual harassment charges. FML
Today, I was leaning over cleaning a table at work, when my pretty coworker came up behind me and slapped me on the butt. I was so startled that I slipped and smashed my face into the table. Now she can't look at me without laughing. FML
Today, my boss suspended me for laughing too hard at my desk and causing a big scene in front of our customers. I was laughing because he'd forwarded me a hilarious email. He was practically smirking as he handed me my official warning. FML
Today, a friend thought it would be funny to shove me over; I face-planted. I was going to say "Fuck you" and "I will kill you." It came out as "I will fuck you." He's still laughing. FML
Today, to get my coworker fired, I spiked his coffee with whiskey. Joke's on me, he's apparently enough of a drunk that it didn't affect him. Then I dropped the bottle as I was leaving for the day, cut up my ankle, and I'm now suspended. FML
Today, I was at my job life-guarding, when a woman pushed the spine-board over, hitting me on the back of my head. She laughed, but I now have a concussion and a stiff neck, and my co-workers can't stop laughing at the "irony." FML
Today, I gave a big presentation at work, hoping to impress my boss and angle for a promotion. I was already nervous, but a co-worker at the back kept making goofy faces, causing me to repeatedly break into laughter. My boss accused me of being high, and suspended me on the spot. FML
Today, I started my new job. It seems my colleagues are moronic pranksters, because when I leaned back in my chair, the backrest came apart and I fell to the ground, to much laughter. My boss immediately shouted at me to, "Stop fucking about." I thought this only happened in movies. FML
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Top comments
coming back in the future 30
He must be a football player.
pokemyeyes 23
Just dont touch anyone, jokingly or otherwise, theres no need. Having said that, he is indeed a psycho, FYL.
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Comments (69)
writergirl1029 17
Yeah, someone did this to me in seventh grade. Bear in mind, I was a twelve year old girl, maybe 5 feet tall and 100 pounds. He had to have been about twice my weight and about 5'8". I nearly got suspended. It's a hard lesson to learn, hopefully he drops it, OP.
randommanwill 11
OP is Elaine from Seinfeld.
em_the_g 12
Maybe he had a flu shot...
AlliTheKat 27
Sounds like Joseph Blandisi from the NJ Devils. Two minutes for embellishment!
snarkytruth 37
Ever been punched in the arm after a shot? Elbowed with a broken rib? Smacked on the back with a major sun burn? Hit on a previous bruise? Most people don't make an announcement of their injuries and it doesn't take much to cause real pain. Some people have nerve damage and many people don't realize how strong they are. Some people can't stand to be touched or are picky about who they are comfortable with touching them. Take the hint and hands off in the future. (Troublemakers like to sue employees the company and get workers comp.)
wecantfixthat 5
You don't know your own strength