Today, I was cashiering at Target when an old woman came into my checkout line. Her items? Variety pack of pleasuring condoms, a bottle of KY sensual lube, and two colorful thongs. As I'm scanning these, she leans in and whispers, "I love toys." FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I had to return a shirt to Target. My mom offered to do it for me on her way to work, so I gave her the shirt and receipt. Later, I remembered that on the same receipt I had purchased condoms, lube, and whipped cream. FML
Today, while I was working at a children's toy store, a woman walked in, looked around a bit, then asked if we sold dildos. FML
Today, I was at the supermarket checkout. I handed over my items, which included some tampons, tissues, and toilet roll. The security guard standing beside the cashier remarked loudly, "I'll be damned; she's flowing from every hole!" FML
Today, a customer walked up to me with a dog toy and said, "I knew one-stop shopping was a thing, but I didn't know you guys carried dildos." FML
Today, I was at the store buying some feminine products. At the cash register, the clerk said to me "Dude, you know those are for girls right?" I am a 30 year old woman. FML
Today, I went out to buy a bottle of wine and some condoms. As the cashier scanned the condoms, she snickered and muttered, "Yeah right." She was right; I really was just desperate to look like I have a sex life. I got so upset that I left my items and walked out with tears in my eyes. FML
Today, I went to the drug store to pick up a few things. After looking for condoms for 15 minutes, I asked the cashier where I could find them. She said they keep them behind the counter due to theft. She refused to sell them to me, because they're for customers who might actually need them. FML
Today, I went grocery shopping with my toddler. At the checkout, I realized that I forgot my wallet at home. As I frantically searched my purse, my toddler shouted, "Mommy, do we need this?" and held up a box of condoms she'd grabbed from a nearby shelf. Everyone stared. FML
Today, the self-checkout machine at the grocery store kept yelling, “PLEASE PLACE ITEM IN BAGGING AREA” while I frantically tried to scan everything. An employee came over and said a bit too loudly, “Ma’am, you have to scan the condoms before bagging them.” Of course there were people around to giggle. FML
Today, at work, an old man was having trouble using his credit card at the checkout. I told him to "just stick it in", and he replied with "I love it when you talk dirty to me." The whole line at the checkout laughed. FML
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Top comments
tyranny 0
Old people do have a sex life too, and are usually a bit more open about it than we would like to know.
Glam_fml 0
Yeah, that was kind of inappropriate for her to tell you about it, but good for her for having an exciting sex life at her age. I hope I can be that lucky..
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Comments (172)
SarlaccBits 0
Once again - old people need love too.
DarthJeff 0
Breathe deep. You can be an adult.
reuter2514 0
I work at Target to. Two days ago an old man came through my line buying high heels, 3/4 length stockings and those clip on underwear things that hold the stockings up. I was hoping they were for his wife but im not so certain haha
shadowsx1101 0
Did you happen to get her number??? Because if you did, I hope you have a very intresting night of old ******.
jet_fml 0
I really don't see how your life is ******. I am beginning to hate this website.
redbluegreen 41
Me too.
Guyoverhere 0
Nasty
16274692 0
am i the only one who found that absolutely hilarious
ughhhhh77 0
oh my god, i work there too. the other day a girl bought batteries, butter, and condoms UH sick!!!!
Shmoopie4 0
This is why the Sexual Revolution wasn't necessarily a good thing.