Today, I was carrying a stack of paperwork at work, when my pen rolled off and onto the floor. As soon as I bent down to pick it up, a nearby co-worker, who's always hated me, accused me of putting on a show and sexually harassing him. He actually followed up by reporting me to HR. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, half of my office urged me to file a complaint against a coworker for aggressive behaviour, so I did. Less than 24 hours later, HR gave him a real dressing down and the whole office turned against me for ratting on him to management. FML
Today, I got fired from work. Why? I finally took a stand for myself and confronted my coworker of writing things up in my name for herself, and it getting deducted from my check. So she went to the manager and accused me of sexual harassment. FML
Today, I was fired from my job for sexual harassment. I was shopping after work, and I had to get my female manager to give me a package of extra-large condoms from the lockbox. I could not convince her that I was not flirting, and she took it to HR. FML
Today, I got written up at work over false accusations that I didn't do some safety tasks. The same tasks that were done before I had even arrived. FML
Today, I found out that my coworker shared a laugh with the boss about setting the office desk on fire (which he actually did), while ten minutes later I was threatened with being fired because I made paper snowflakes and hung a few of them next to the computer. FML
Today, I went to deliver some reports to my boss in his office. He was facing away from me and ranting about his "useless employees", so I slipped in and waited for him to put the phone down. Turns out he was talking to himself. When he noticed me, he bitched me out and threatened to fire me. FML
Today, my co-worker threw a rubber mallet at my face, and I broke my finger in the process of saving my face. She then told me to "take it up with HR, bitch". She's the HR manager. FML
Today, I had to give a sexual harassment seminar to my department. Someone put in a complaint that my example made them feel uncomfortable. FML
Today, I went in to work and was handed a write-up for having lied about being sick in order to leave early yesterday. Apparently, a co-worker saw me leave the parking lot, then immediately pull into the shopping center next door. I was going to Walgreens for cold medicine. FML
Today, I gave a big presentation at work, hoping to impress my boss and angle for a promotion. I was already nervous, but a co-worker at the back kept making goofy faces, causing me to repeatedly break into laughter. My boss accused me of being high, and suspended me on the spot. FML
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Top comments
B5B0N35 18
What a dick
Welshite 40
The bend and SNAP! It's a totally legitimate method. I've used it myself.
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Comments (74)
shadowfighter10 9
It'd be better if you work at a construction company and he whistled at you
Dashelle 25
I bet you could file sexual harassment against him, depending on what he said to you.
SWC_Penguin 17
How is it false? The dude admitted that he stared at her ass. His HR complaint is a harassment-confession!
awkward_gothlady 32
Or, we could all try to position ourselves so that our asses aren't pointed at anything but the wall and walk around that way, no matter how silly it looks.
SWC_Penguin 17
No, #20, that is not even remotely what I said.
cottoncandymango 17
Does he have any witnesses to prove that his claim was valid? Regardless, he's an idiot fishing for attention.
Rapunzel1974 23
Realistically, it's our job to control our cleavage. If your top has a V-neck low enough for you to see cleavage when you look down, it's too low-cut for work.
Welshite 40
A leash and whip is the best form of control, I've found. If the cleavage is being particularly insolent I might even get the taser out.
Obey_StudBoii 23
I can't stand women like you.
kat_a_tak 18
I bet the coworker is secretly super attracted to OP but for some reason can't act on it, and so hates and blames OP for his attraction.
myoukei 31
@70 kind of like the dentist who fired his assistant because she was attractive? It isn't the fault of a girl that a guy is interested (or vise versa).
bruins46 6
#16, nice picture there. Now what was it you were saying about how it's our job to hide our bodies?
SuperDanielNL 23
Damn, well OP try to put on a better show next time if he is just drooling and mesmerized by it he won't go to HR. No, seriously OP your co-worker sounds like an asshat. I hope he gets fired for something trivial.
etishuman22 32
Honestly, I've got no witty comment for this one. OP, the best advice I have is be the adult in this situation. He's obviously immature, dramatic, and full of himself.
EvilLittleMan 23
Your co-worker is a certified pickle smoker.
Markus12 8
Try reversing the story... Then everyone would be going "you go Girl!"
bobthemarley 6
He could be a dick, or maybe ur the fat disgustingly horny chick at work and hes sick of u coming onto him??? Theres 2 sides to every story, and normally the person asking for sympathy on fml is the bullshit one, just saying...
bobthemarley 6
What? Fml staff dont like ppl that say it like it is? This fml stinks of twisting the truth, the far more likely situation is that shes been hitting on this guy for ages, he finds her disgusting and keeps rejecting her, she bent over provocatively and he finally had enough and reported her, psyc 101 dude, wake up