Today, I was called a ruthless bitch for not waking up early to search for my car keys, so my boyfriend could go get his pipe and get high before work. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was running late for work. I was trying to find my car keys, then realized I'd left them in my boyfriend's car. My phone charger was locked in my car, and my phone was dead. I couldn’t get hold of my boss and explain what had happened. I’m fired, aren’t I? FML
Today, my boyfriend let me know he wanted me to leave by repeatedly jabbing me with my car keys. FML
Today, I learned that when my girlfriend told me that she's a different person without coffee and smokes in the morning, she wasn't kidding; after I'd asked her how she'd slept, she bitched me out for "mocking her" and hurled a hairdryer at my head. FML
Today, I got a phone call from my boyfriend, who screamed at me for being a f-ing liar and never taking time for him. He'd called my work and knew I wasn't there as I said I'd be. He was right - I was lying. I'd been driving for the past 10 hours to his family's beach house to surprise him. FML
Today, I yelled at my dog for waking me up growling and barking out the window. He was doing it at the person stealing my car. FML
Today, I was bitched out at 2 a.m. by my parents, for trying to "sneak out." I was sneaking out of my bedroom to take a crap. FML
Today, my now ex-boyfriend called the cops on me and told them I wasn’t letting him in the house. His keys were in the door, he was just too drunk to unlock it. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me I could sleep in. Twenty minutes later, she was banging on the door, yelling, "Get up, fat lazy fuck! It's seven o'clock, we have chores! You expect me to do everything for your worthless ass!" FML
Today, I woke up early for work and spent 30 minutes frantically looking for my keys. I had to take a 30-minute Uber ride to work, then drove an hour in the company truck, only to be stood up. FML
Today, I learned a co-worker called and awoke my boss at 3 a.m. to complain that I'd been "rude" to him. All I'd done was make a disapproving face because he'd been drinking and he was slobbering drunk, and wanted to charge his purchase to his employee account, a definite no-no when not on the clock. FML
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Top comments
zilfy 17
How can you even stand someone like this?
Hiimhaileypotter 53
Real respectful boyfriend you got there.
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Comments (144)
imbedderdenu 23
Got yourself a "winner" there sweetheart.
bellarrr 5
Dump him
isaak_sanchez 18
Get up early to look for my car keys? Nah Time for a new boyfriend? Check
apcsox 18
And why do you stay with someone like that OP??
singafairytale 11
Husband material, right there.
brendejafulable 41
hugs before drugs.
Masift 21
This is why I'd never date someone that's into drugs...
MissMei_fml 16
Get out of there now, before it gets worse. Both the drug use and the way he treats you. Once is an instance, twice is a habit, don't let it happen again. Hope you shut him down for talking to you that way, OP
noizer 16
Wow, I hope you broke up with him after that because he sounds a like jerk
aspecialspecial 21
Why would you date a moronic prick like that in the first place? Only idiots use drugs, and only idiots need to be high.