Today, I was called a ruthless bitch for not waking up early to search for my car keys, so my boyfriend could go get his pipe and get high before work. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was running late for work. I was trying to find my car keys, then realized I'd left them in my boyfriend's car. My phone charger was locked in my car, and my phone was dead. I couldn’t get hold of my boss and explain what had happened. I’m fired, aren’t I? FML
Today, my boyfriend let me know he wanted me to leave by repeatedly jabbing me with my car keys. FML
Today, I learned that when my girlfriend told me that she's a different person without coffee and smokes in the morning, she wasn't kidding; after I'd asked her how she'd slept, she bitched me out for "mocking her" and hurled a hairdryer at my head. FML
Today, I got a phone call from my boyfriend, who screamed at me for being a f-ing liar and never taking time for him. He'd called my work and knew I wasn't there as I said I'd be. He was right - I was lying. I'd been driving for the past 10 hours to his family's beach house to surprise him. FML
Today, I yelled at my dog for waking me up growling and barking out the window. He was doing it at the person stealing my car. FML
Today, I was bitched out at 2 a.m. by my parents, for trying to "sneak out." I was sneaking out of my bedroom to take a crap. FML
Today, my now ex-boyfriend called the cops on me and told them I wasn’t letting him in the house. His keys were in the door, he was just too drunk to unlock it. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me I could sleep in. Twenty minutes later, she was banging on the door, yelling, "Get up, fat lazy fuck! It's seven o'clock, we have chores! You expect me to do everything for your worthless ass!" FML
Today, I woke up early for work and spent 30 minutes frantically looking for my keys. I had to take a 30-minute Uber ride to work, then drove an hour in the company truck, only to be stood up. FML
Today, I learned a co-worker called and awoke my boss at 3 a.m. to complain that I'd been "rude" to him. All I'd done was make a disapproving face because he'd been drinking and he was slobbering drunk, and wanted to charge his purchase to his employee account, a definite no-no when not on the clock. FML
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Top comments
zilfy 17
How can you even stand someone like this?
Hiimhaileypotter 53
Real respectful boyfriend you got there.
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Comments (144)
ladyg228 15
And your with him?
verybadgod 12
That's a Dealbreaker, ladies (copyright Liz Lemon)
ELoni_fml 25
He sounds swell..
GrumpyGrinch 23
YDI! He should be an ex long ago!
gabriel57 4
why do assholes like these have girlfriends and i don't?
arp2169 8
Are you being forced to date this piece of crap? No, it is apparent you have terrible taste in men so shut up about your problems. You did this to yourself. You want me to call the wambulance, you crybaby.
ammacias13 9
that jerk. break his pipe!!!!
mariri9206 32
Call him your ex.
tinyalmeida 11
Sounds like your boyfriend has a drug problem.....real wonder there!
LovelyLyssa911 5
I have no problem with weed, I smoke it. But I would never put it before my boyfriend. That's pretty breakup worthy, especially if similar things have happened before. Sorry OP, that really sucks.