Health: Today, I made a joke that my boyfriend was going to end up sending...

By unsuspectingmom - United States - Dearborn

Today, I made a joke that my boyfriend was going to end up sending me into premature labor. Later, I went into labor for real. My boyfriend thought I was faking and refused to take me to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34733

You deserved it

8345

Favorite

unsuspectingmom tells us more :

Baby was 3 weeks before term, but is doing fine. Sophia Grace, 7 lbs 2 oz

Health

Higher standards

Gratitude walks

Oh, he's a "Nice Guy"

By Bruce - United States

Today, my son learned that when you slide a mug across the kitchen table, it doesn't stop where you expect it to like in the old cartoons. I then learned what it feels like to have a full mug of hot chocolate spilled onto my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27415

You deserved it

3389

Favorite

By Anonymous - 8/10/2020 14:01 - United States - Allentown

A mother's love…

Today, I crawled into my mom's room to tell her my stomach was in massive pain. She ended up throwing me out of the room while spraying me with Lysol. My appendix was about to burst and I needed surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1582

You deserved it

Favorite

By anythingjean - Canada

Today, I saw a cute guy on the bus. I smiled at him and he smiled back. After a couple of stops, he got off the bus. He bumped into me, turned around, apologized, and winked. I stood there feeling good about myself. Then I realized he stole my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64520

You deserved it

9710

Favorite

By chapstick - United States - San Dimas

Today, my lips were dry and chapped, so I asked if I could use some of my friend's chapstick. She didn't mind, so I quickly put some on. Only later did I notice that my lips were sparkly. Turns out it was glitter balm. Now everyone calls me "princess." FML

I agree, your life sucks

43828

You deserved it

13643

Favorite

By anonymous - United States - Iowa City

Today, my girlfriend and I were trying something new. I ended up with a shard of glass in my back and a concussion. Don't have sex on a glass table. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22191

You deserved it

32224

Favorite

By ggbhghggg - United States

Today, I missed my bus. I had to ride my bike 2 miles. Once I left, some jerk nearly hit me. I flipped him off and shouted obsceneties. It was my dad, offering me a ride. He left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9649

You deserved it

42465

Favorite

By left alone - United States - Schenectady

Today, the client that hired us for cleaning cancelled her contract because I was seen "holding a broom backwards." I'm left-handed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14349

You deserved it

931

Favorite

By lashless - United States

Today, while getting ready for a friend's wedding, I was curling my eyelashes. My cat decided to jump onto the towel rod. As I went to catch her, I ripped all the eyelashes out of one eye. I called my boyfriend crying. When he saw me, he laughed and said, "You look really surprised in that eye." FML

I agree, your life sucks

35045

You deserved it

7582

Favorite

By lovehurts - United States - New Baltimore

Today, I met up with my 'on again, off again' girlfriend of 4 years that I'm still madly in love with. We've been broken up for a few months and she's been dating someone else. We talked about possibly trying things again. When I got home, I found out she's engaged. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20608

You deserved it

4531

Favorite

By Anonymous - 27/2/2021 18:30 - United States - Gloucester

Crossword anxiety

Today, I've been so anxious that I downloaded a crossword app to try to focus. You get stars whenever you complete a puzzle, either 1, 2, or 3. I'm now up to 400 stars and placed first in a competition I didn't even know I was participating in. I'm still anxious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

841

You deserved it

138

Favorite

By Eyesore - United States

Today, I was walking back to my home in the city in the dark. I'm paranoid, so when I saw movement behind me I clutched my mace. The faster I walked, the closer the person seemed to be. I spun around and sprayed my attacker with mace. It was my shadow and the wind blew the mace back into eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30138

You deserved it

86463

Favorite

By Evelyn - United States

Today, I was at the park with my friends. We were all having fun on the swings, when out of nowhere I heard a thud, followed by a child crying. Turns out I accidentally kicked him in the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27431

You deserved it

7864

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Calgary

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend repeatedly whispering in my ear, "You want to give me a blowjob". Yes, he actually thought it would work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34877

You deserved it

4634

Favorite

By kal - United Kingdom

Today, on Facebook, I joined a group called "I want our relationship to last." My boyfriend commented "I don't." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34611

You deserved it

6761

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I took a taxi to my hotel. I specifically said that my destination was the Hilton resort. He took me to a bed and breakfast across town. When I finally got to my hotel, I cursed him out and didn't give him a tip. I then realized I'd left my phone in the taxi after he left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27460

You deserved it

26171

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Redlands

Today, it was my birthday. It was also the only day my family wanted to hold the graveside funeral for my grandmother who passed last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25009

You deserved it

2659

Favorite

By pacelily - United States - San Marcos

Today, I met my new upstairs neighbors and their 4 kids all under the age of 6. I met them due to all the thudding upstairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11843

You deserved it

876

Favorite

By bgoodwin07 - United States

Today, I found out my dad has been sending dirty text messages to my mom. Which wouldn't be a problem except they're divorced and my dad is remarried. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35860

You deserved it

2859

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - San Leandro

Today, after months of taking care of my grandma after a surgery, the doctors gave her a clean bill of health and I finally got to sleep in my own bed. She passed away while I was at home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36915

You deserved it

1785

Favorite

By gummy bear

Today, trying to be an old-school romantic, I asked my girlfriend "where art thou my love?" via SMS. She replied "Toilet." FML

I agree, your life sucks

17487

You deserved it

30836

Favorite

By SJDAOisdjlkSADlksda - United States

Today, I witnessed my sister use some ice cubes on her blistered toes, then quietly return them to the tray in the fridge. I've been putting ice from there into my drinks for weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15767

You deserved it

974

Favorite

By Anonymous - 20/10/2020 05:01

Near the knuckle

Today, as a waitress I served someone who was hoping their food would come back faster than expected. I replied, “Fingers crossed!” just for the person to show me they had no hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks

817

You deserved it

Favorite

By LittleFriend

Today, I was told I will receive no Christmas or birthday presents for the next 3 years because my parents paid for my rhinoplasty. I needed it because my 12-year-old brother smashed my nose with a hammer in a fit of rage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5839

You deserved it

279

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Brooklyn

Today, it's been almost a week since I returned from my vacation to Ireland. Before I rarely drank. Now I'm pretty sure I'm an alcoholic. You might think I'm joking, but I've woken up hungover every day since I landed there. I basically paid to kill my liver and become AA's next poster child. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31277

You deserved it

17526

Favorite

By Ohkourt

Mommy dearest

Today, I woke up only to find my half-naked drunk mother in my living room, talking in her sleep about how much she hates me. She still doesn't see what's wrong with this picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1577

You deserved it

Favorite

By Jennyfromdablock - United States

Today, I was making out with a really hot guy in a Jacuzzi. He had the biggest booger hanging out of his nostril, but I was too embarrassed to say anything to him about it. He went in for a kiss. Soon after our lips parted, he said, "Oh, you have big booger." FML

I agree, your life sucks

12876

You deserved it

36232

Favorite

By Xx_DEXIJOKER_xX - United States - Spotswood

Today, my father picked me up from the police academy I'm attending, and got caught speeding. The officer was my drill instructor, and I had to do push-ups on the side of the highway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39017

You deserved it

5157

Favorite

By DosSantos

Today, I returned from a trip to Budapest with more condoms than I had brought with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3381

You deserved it

895

Favorite

By GD - Canada

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I cried and told him that I loved him. He gave me a quarter and told me to call someone who cared. I threw the quarter in his face and ran. I waited for the bus, but when I got on, I realized I was 25 cents short of the fare. I walked home in the rain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

298295

You deserved it

67236

Favorite

By verbaltodomestic - United States - La Crosse

Today, I took my girlfriend to a public place before confessing that I've been seeing another woman, to avoid a dramatic scene. After being rushed to the hospital with a concussion and broken nose, I think it's safe to say my plan didn't go very well. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21888

You deserved it

110928

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Mountain View

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said she wanted to accept, but that she'd basically have to get her mom's permission first. Apparently the answer was no. The worst thing is that she really is this unhealthily dependent on her mom, and probably wasn't lying about needing her permission. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30870

You deserved it

3380

Favorite

By Tasty - United States

Today, I went into a restaurant and sat at a bar near three guys who appeared to be 19 or 20. They did not acknowledge me. 15 minutes later, my burger arrived. They all ran over to ask me about it. I haven't been hit on in months. My cheeseburger is more attractive to men than I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47063

You deserved it

6887

Favorite

By Dumped

Today, at work, I went to place a small item on a shelf. The shelf fell on me, trapping my hand. While lifting it, the top shelf fell against my chest and the products all dumped on my face. I then realized the shelves were only held up by zip ties. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3770

You deserved it

339

Favorite

By Anonymous

Sneaky

Today, after losing a battle with ants in my apartment, I just pulled one off that was biting me in the vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1815

You deserved it

185

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my mom doesn't know my phone number, but she does know the names of both of David Hasselhoff's daughters. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24472

You deserved it

3924

Favorite

By Anonymous - 19/2/2021 02:02

Dragging it out

Today, I hadn’t seen my boyfriend since New Year’s Day, then we went out for lunch Valentine's Day and at the end of the date he didn’t even kiss me. He texted me at midnight tonight saying he sorry he’s a jerk and broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

965

You deserved it

Favorite

By a critically injured shitehawk - United Kingdom - York

Today, I brought my girlfriend home to introduce to my parents. My dad thought it would be hilarious to fill some clear bags full of flour, then pretend he was sampling a cocaine shipment when she arrived. She excused herself very quickly and isn't answering my calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35069

You deserved it

3003

Favorite

By JoshuaRob - United States

Today, I got excited because a snowman I had built lasted a whole week, which is uncommon in my mild climate area. I thought myself lucky, and that my life was turning around. Then I realized how lame my whole train of thought was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23119

You deserved it

7999

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I got a call from the wife, but I was asleep so she left a voicemail. Seems like she accidentally called while sleeping with another man. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7003

You deserved it

339

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Oak Ridge

Today, my mom called me into the living room to say that she had something important to tell me. She then explained how she and my dad had "talked things over" and wanted me to know that they accept me and love me no matter what. Apparently my mom thinks I'm lesbian. I'm not. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34052

You deserved it

3188

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By hekinokuroihi | 20

#6180817 - Friday 23 January 2015 0:53

Tell him to let you grab his hand to help you through the pain; and then break his fingers. Then he'll surely drive you to the hospital.

By randomguy76 | 14

#6180826 - Friday 23 January 2015 0:54

The pregnant woman that cried wolf... Very painful story.

COMMENTS

By King_paradox | 22

#6180813 - Friday 23 January 2015 0:52

Congratulations, you had a home delivery

Welshite | 39

#6180834 - Friday 23 January 2015 0:57

I was almost a home delivery.

My father refused to take my laboring mother to the hospital until the newest episode of Miami Vice was over.

TanJew | 10

#6180895 - Friday 23 January 2015 1:46

#7 really? I don't know whether to consider that funny or not. Guess it's a perspective thing.

Welshite | 39

#6180905 - Friday 23 January 2015 1:58

#15: Really. My father laughs about it, but my mother does not. I just count myself lucky I wasn't named after one of the show's characters.

wvcheesehead | 13

#6180921 - Friday 23 January 2015 2:14

I think she would have preferred degiorno.

Regimental_Phan | 18

#6181049 - Friday 23 January 2015 5:19

#20 why am I laughing so hard at you comment?!?!?!?!

By hekinokuroihi | 20

#6180817 - Friday 23 January 2015 0:53

Tell him to let you grab his hand to help you through the pain; and then break his fingers. Then he'll surely drive you to the hospital.

CaitiieBuggs | 23

#6180903 - Friday 23 January 2015 1:56

I knew a guy whose mom actually did break his dad's hand during labor. He was an only child.

By Kibaruto | 33

#6180819 - Friday 23 January 2015 0:53

Is it too late to leave him?

ProfessorMctitie | 20

#6180910 - Friday 23 January 2015 2:06

Um i dont think she is planning on leaving him for this

pizzafrommars | 14

#6181039 - Friday 23 January 2015 5:09

You've gotten too many negative votes on so many FMLs. Be proud.

palosqueak | 19

#6181062 - Friday 23 January 2015 5:32

what was it? hits and fails? haven't seen too many hits yet...

By GermyGirl | 13

#6180822 - Friday 23 January 2015 0:54

What an idiot. You'd think he would interpret your screeches of pain?

By randomguy76 | 14

#6180826 - Friday 23 January 2015 0:54

The pregnant woman that cried wolf... Very painful story.

BlindlyWandering | 17

#6180994 - Friday 23 January 2015 4:32

More like cried "baby"

By K_kanaka | 26

#6180827 - Friday 23 January 2015 0:55

One day you will tell your child this story, and you all will have a good laugh. But, not this day. Today your boyfriend will be grilled and sleep on the couch for a while...oh and congratulations.

BunnyStar | 14

#6181249 - Friday 23 January 2015 9:35

No, she should sleep on the couch. That way it's him that gets woken in the middle of the night by a screaming baby, who presumably will be sleeping in their room. :)