Today, I made a joke that my boyfriend was going to end up sending...

By unsuspectingmom - 22/1/2015 11:32 - United States - Dearborn

Today, I made a joke that my boyfriend was going to end up sending me into premature labor. Later, I went into labor for real. My boyfriend thought I was faking and refused to take me to the hospital. FML

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unsuspectingmom tells us more :

Baby was 3 weeks before term, but is doing fine. Sophia Grace, 7 lbs 2 oz

Health

Billy no-mates

Time for the ER

This is fine

By moonlight77 - 11/1/2019 14:00

Today, I deliberately snapped a pic of myself and edited it to add to my story, in order to make my ex think I have a life on a Saturday night. FML

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By Hungry - 23/12/2019 01:00

I am hungry

Today, I thought my mother was coming into my room to give me lunch. She gave me cleaning supplies instead. FML

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By Oops - 2/12/2018 13:30

Today, I submitted some honest negative feedback to the customer service team of all my favourite games, Today is also the day all my accounts got permanently banned from my console and I have lost all my progress. Bye bye 22 years. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/7/2015 21:50 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I learned companies can legally lie to fire an employee, and unless anything they say is on record, they are legally correct, no matter how unethical the company is. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/4/2009 04:35 - United States

Today, I was at soccer practice. The ground's keeper just aerated the field, and my teammates and I decided to throw the cylindrical clumps of dirt at each other. I got hit in the face with one. It wasn't dirt. It was a clump of wet dog poop. FML

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By anonymouss - 21/9/2009 04:02 - United States

Today, I bought the girl I like a bouquet of roses saying "anonymous" on it, and left it on her front porch. She saw it, and called the guy she thought it was from. He said "you're welcome" and now they're going out. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/7/2016 21:22

Today, I got pulled over and was given a ticket because my exhaust was too loud. I got this ticket while on my way to get said exhaust fixed. FML

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By Stuckism - 15/9/2009 17:16 - Malaysia

Today, I got stuck in an elevator. The help-line tells me, "Don't touch the door. We'll be there soon". Two hours later, I've got a headache, my legs are stiff and my date must think I stood her up. The tech finally arrives, pries the door open, then rudely asks, "Why didn't you do that yourself?" FML

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By jessica - 17/2/2009 23:56 - United States

Today, I was working the register at a local grocery store. A kid about 5 years old was having trouble zipping his jacket. I reached out to help him and he started screaming "No bad touch bad touch!" and kicked me in the knee. Everyone looked. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/1/2016 22:31 - United States

Today, I got a call from my dad asking if I was a porno actress. I am. FML

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By anonymous.. - 3/9/2010 00:29 - United States

Today, my mom told me I was conceived on Halloween. She thought it would be funny to say "Let's just say your dad was not wearing his ghost costume." She then winked. I am now scarred for life. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/9/2013 22:20 - United Kingdom - Newcastle

Today, I was struggling to move a large bookshelf downstairs. Mid-way down, the weight became too much for me and I desperately yelled to my dad for help. He stood at the top of the stairs and said, "Cash or broken bones. How much's it worth, son?" I'm now £50 poorer. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/9/2009 06:05 - United States

Today, I took a look at my boyfriend's videocamera. On it were several videos of me on the toilet. My boyfriend has been hiding the videocamera in the bathroom airvent, and taping me taking dumps for the past three months. FML

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By inosehowthatgotthere - 10/2/2011 01:12 - United States

Today, the woman giving me a manicure found a booger under one of my fingernails. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/5/2011 07:26 - United States

Today, I ate some hardboiled eggs for breakfast, not knowing they were practically rotten. My whole day has consisted of vomit-inducing sulfuric farts and diarrhea. FML

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By steven - 28/6/2009 15:53 - Cayman Islands

Today, I had my first kiss standing in front of my front door. It was really cute, the way you normally think about first kisses. When I got inside, I realized my mom had been watching out her second story bedroom window taking pictures. She put them on Facebook captioned 'My baby's first kiss!' FML

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By Anonymous - 22/1/2011 09:03 - United States

Today, a friend and I saw some deer outside my car. Since we were both leaving for college the next day we wanted to do something memorable so we decided to chase the deer. Turns out the deer wanted to chase us too. We ran for over five minutes screaming. FML

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By CanadianEH - 8/11/2016 23:39

Today, my dog ate my underwear. This is the twenty-seventh pair that he has eaten. FML

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By anon - 15/9/2012 05:35 - United States - Rocklin

Today, I woke up to the sound of my neighbor pleasuring himself. FML

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By punaise ... - 5/12/2014 02:12 - France - Marchaux

Today, to avoid walking on a thumbtack that had fallen on the floor, my little sister took a red sharpie to the carpet and drew a circle around it, "so that way, everyone will see it." FML

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By Mona Lisa was a skank-ass ho - 24/5/2015 15:56 - United Kingdom - Cheadle

Today, my new doctor asked if I'm sexually active. I said no. He nodded and murmured "No surprise there." Thanks, mate. FML

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By homework - 21/7/2009 07:34 - India

Today, whilst cleaning out his desk, my dad "accidentally" threw away my summer homework. That's 100 pages, over a duration of 2 months. School starts in 3 days. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/1/2015 11:04 - Australia - Blacktown

Today, I was playing Charades. My boyfriend, who I'd recently had a fight with, had trouble and just said his answer was the name of my celebrity twin. Nobody got it. He said "Really? It's Fat Bastard." Stunned silence followed, broken by a single "HAH." from my 'best friend'. FML

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By Jeanna S. - 23/11/2012 15:10 - United States

Today, my cat was too overweight to get out of the litter box, so he gave up, and went to sleep. I had to pick him up out of his own waste and clean him up. FML

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By forgotten - 19/10/2014 18:19 - United States - Folsom

Today, the kids on my cross country team were planning a big surprise party for one of the girls, whose birthday is in a few weeks. It's my birthday today. FML

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By Ltl_Dust_Bunny - 23/3/2009 07:36 - United States

Today, I met a cute guy for coffee. Everything was going fine, right up until he started telling me about his alien encounters and super psychic powers. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/11/2010 15:03 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor's office for a minor cold, and left with a diagnosis of pregnancy. FML

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By sllaggy - 18/4/2011 09:34

Today, I woke up at my boyfriend's house. I had a shower while he went downstairs. As I went to say goodbye to him, his mother muttered "slut" while pouring him orange juice. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/4/2011 14:19 - United States

Today, just a few minutes after I got to work, my usually laconic boss came into my office and said, "Pack your stuff and get the f*ck out." Apparently, half my department was being downsized. Thinking it was an April Fool's, I burst out laughing and told him how funny the prank was. He wasn't kidding. FML

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By flea-bitten - 6/4/2013 19:41 - United States

Today, I was discussing possible career choices with my relatives. Pretty much everyone expressed the belief that I'm screwed for life, with my grandma commenting later: "She ain't even got the tits for porn. God help her." FML

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By Anonymous - 4/10/2020 04:02 - United States - Holmdel

Miscommunication

Today, I went to a going away party for a coworker. I had brought weed for the party and at one point a guy asked me if I have a Grindr. I replied, "No, I don't use those dating apps. I do have a Fetlife but that's it, if you want it." He apparently meant a weed grinder. Most awkward 3 hours ever. FML

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By nil mil - 23/9/2019 22:02

Crazy ex's girlfriend

Today, I sent my ex's mom several pics of the kids from our recent outing. Being the kids' grandmother, she loved them. Later, I got a barrage of angry, insulting and threatening texts from my ex's new girlfriend, saying that since he and I are no longer together, I should have no contact with his family. FML

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By Oopsie - 20/7/2019 04:00

Today, nine hours into a ten-hour shift, I accidentally told a customer, "You're a problem!" instead of, "You're welcome!" or, "No problem!" She gave me a dirty look and hurried off before I could correct myself. FML

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By cookscatastrophy - 8/12/2009 08:19 - United States

Today, in aerobics, while stretching, my friend leaned over to pull the long hair off my pants. It was my pubic hair sticking through my pants, and I screamed. FML

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By ohgodwhy - 27/11/2012 23:46 - Canada - Brampton

Today, a customer at the Walmart I work at had a hissy fit and began throwing merchandise everywhere, including at my face, because we are Canadian and don't have a show called "Extreme Couponing" for "devoted shoppers" like her. FML

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By damnedbydurberg - 22/11/2011 00:35 - United States

Today, after years of torment and relentless harassment, I finally built up the courage to stand up to a bully. I got a detention for swearing at him. FML

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By Diesel - 3/5/2011 14:23 - Belgium

Today, my motorcycle was stolen. If that wasn't bad enough, the thief drove past me. Twice. FML

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By soomeone - 16/2/2010 19:28 - United States

Today, I went to the movies with my girlfriend. I started putting my arm around her, when I hit her in the face. FML

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By fuckjuggalos - 29/6/2012 23:57 - United States - Eugene

Today, I found out just how easy it is to be launched against the wall and sucker-punched into oblivion by a 200-pound former Marine turned professional body-builder. I discovered this after I told my fiancée's dad that we were expecting a baby. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/1/2011 06:38 - United States

Today, I hit a dead deer that had been left in the middle of the road. My car started to make a funny noise and smell, so I pulled over to check it, thinking I blew the tire on some antlers. The deer got stuck in my front wheel, and I'd dragged it more than a mile. And it wasn't actually dead. FML

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Top comments

By hekinokuroihi | 20

#6180817 - Friday 23 January 2015 0:53

Tell him to let you grab his hand to help you through the pain; and then break his fingers. Then he'll surely drive you to the hospital.

By randomguy76 | 14

#6180826 - Friday 23 January 2015 0:54

The pregnant woman that cried wolf... Very painful story.

COMMENTS

By King_paradox | 22

#6180813 - Friday 23 January 2015 0:52

Congratulations, you had a home delivery

Welshite | 39

#6180834 - Friday 23 January 2015 0:57

I was almost a home delivery.

My father refused to take my laboring mother to the hospital until the newest episode of Miami Vice was over.

TanJew | 10

#6180895 - Friday 23 January 2015 1:46

#7 really? I don't know whether to consider that funny or not. Guess it's a perspective thing.

Welshite | 39

#6180905 - Friday 23 January 2015 1:58

#15: Really. My father laughs about it, but my mother does not. I just count myself lucky I wasn't named after one of the show's characters.

wvcheesehead | 13

#6180921 - Friday 23 January 2015 2:14

I think she would have preferred degiorno.

Regimental_Phan | 18

#6181049 - Friday 23 January 2015 5:19

#20 why am I laughing so hard at you comment?!?!?!?!

By hekinokuroihi | 20

#6180817 - Friday 23 January 2015 0:53

Tell him to let you grab his hand to help you through the pain; and then break his fingers. Then he'll surely drive you to the hospital.

CaitiieBuggs | 23

#6180903 - Friday 23 January 2015 1:56

I knew a guy whose mom actually did break his dad's hand during labor. He was an only child.

By Kibaruto | 33

#6180819 - Friday 23 January 2015 0:53

Is it too late to leave him?

ProfessorMctitie | 20

#6180910 - Friday 23 January 2015 2:06

Um i dont think she is planning on leaving him for this

pizzafrommars | 14

#6181039 - Friday 23 January 2015 5:09

You've gotten too many negative votes on so many FMLs. Be proud.

palosqueak | 19

#6181062 - Friday 23 January 2015 5:32

what was it? hits and fails? haven't seen too many hits yet...

By GermyGirl | 13

#6180822 - Friday 23 January 2015 0:54

What an idiot. You'd think he would interpret your screeches of pain?

By randomguy76 | 14

#6180826 - Friday 23 January 2015 0:54

The pregnant woman that cried wolf... Very painful story.

BlindlyWandering | 17

#6180994 - Friday 23 January 2015 4:32

More like cried "baby"

By K_kanaka | 26

#6180827 - Friday 23 January 2015 0:55

One day you will tell your child this story, and you all will have a good laugh. But, not this day. Today your boyfriend will be grilled and sleep on the couch for a while...oh and congratulations.

BunnyStar | 14

#6181249 - Friday 23 January 2015 9:35

No, she should sleep on the couch. That way it's him that gets woken in the middle of the night by a screaming baby, who presumably will be sleeping in their room. :)