Today, I was called a ruthless bitch for not waking up early to search for my car keys, so my boyfriend could go get his pipe and get high before work. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was running late for work. I was trying to find my car keys, then realized I'd left them in my boyfriend's car. My phone charger was locked in my car, and my phone was dead. I couldn’t get hold of my boss and explain what had happened. I’m fired, aren’t I? FML
Today, my boyfriend let me know he wanted me to leave by repeatedly jabbing me with my car keys. FML
Today, I learned that when my girlfriend told me that she's a different person without coffee and smokes in the morning, she wasn't kidding; after I'd asked her how she'd slept, she bitched me out for "mocking her" and hurled a hairdryer at my head. FML
Today, I got a phone call from my boyfriend, who screamed at me for being a f-ing liar and never taking time for him. He'd called my work and knew I wasn't there as I said I'd be. He was right - I was lying. I'd been driving for the past 10 hours to his family's beach house to surprise him. FML
Today, I yelled at my dog for waking me up growling and barking out the window. He was doing it at the person stealing my car. FML
Today, I was bitched out at 2 a.m. by my parents, for trying to "sneak out." I was sneaking out of my bedroom to take a crap. FML
Today, my now ex-boyfriend called the cops on me and told them I wasn’t letting him in the house. His keys were in the door, he was just too drunk to unlock it. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me I could sleep in. Twenty minutes later, she was banging on the door, yelling, "Get up, fat lazy fuck! It's seven o'clock, we have chores! You expect me to do everything for your worthless ass!" FML
Today, I woke up early for work and spent 30 minutes frantically looking for my keys. I had to take a 30-minute Uber ride to work, then drove an hour in the company truck, only to be stood up. FML
Today, I learned a co-worker called and awoke my boss at 3 a.m. to complain that I'd been "rude" to him. All I'd done was make a disapproving face because he'd been drinking and he was slobbering drunk, and wanted to charge his purchase to his employee account, a definite no-no when not on the clock. FML
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Top comments
zilfy 17
How can you even stand someone like this?
Hiimhaileypotter 53
Real respectful boyfriend you got there.
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Comments (144)
Askhole 3
Hate to say you deserve this, but you do know his true character bc he has shown you: petty name-calling, zero work ethic, forgetful, and spends money on weed instead of buying his own damn car! get out!
clair_brodie 35
Why was his pipe in your car?
jorinde123 9
not sure whether to go for YDI for having such an asshole for a boyfriend, or FYL for having such a morning. I'll go for the latter... But please lose that twat of a boyfriend... nobody should call you that or treat you like that!
classicsparkles 17
I would have retorted that he was a lazy bitch for not getting them himself.
fmlashl 13
YDI for dating him, I think??
Bliepje 22
leave.... that sounds like an addiction.
Witchylady 18
Why are you in a relationship with such a loser?
LordVaper 14
Does he only have one pipe?
bonermonkey 31
he sounds like an arse and he doesn't sound like he appreciates you either
taylorseery 5
Dump him! I would can't stand low life drug addicts