Today, I was bored at my job at Home Depot. I got a bar code tattoo 3 weeks ago and thought it would be funny to scan it. I'm a $5.98 160z claw hammer. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my building installed a fingerprint scanner for the front door. Feeling futuristic, I pressed my thumb to unlock it while carrying groceries. The scanner rejected me five times in a row because I’d cut my thumb slicing bagels earlier that day. A neighbor watched me fail repeatedly before asking, “Do you actually live here?” FML
Today, my son volunteered to help me cut out coupons. When I got to the register at the store, I noticed he'd cut off all the barcodes. FML
Today, I got a free temporary tattoo of a scorpion in a packet of potato chips and decided to wear it on my wrist. Whilst I was in the shower, I got a shock, thinking it was a spider. I then lost balance and slipped, banging my head on the faucet. FML
Today, I was looking at tattoos and fell in love with a really cool looking one, so I decided to get it. I later showed it to a friend who is a cop. He informed me that it is a gang tattoo. I think I just put a target on my ankle. FML
Today, I got piss drunk. Being a tattoo artist, I came to the intoxicated conclusion that I could save much more money doing my own tattoos on myself. I now have my ex-boyfriend's name permanently on my thigh. It's not even spelled right. FML
Today, my boss hung a dartboard in his office. It has a printout of my employee photo taped to it. FML
Today, I found out what sound a hammer makes when it strikes the back of my hand. FML
Today, I realized that the "holla" tattoo I stupidly got on my lower lip five years ago isn't fading as I expected it to, and will probably contribute to my unemployment for years to come. FML
Today, I went to the grocery store where this really cute guy works. I swiped my card but the machine wouldn't read it. I swiped it quickly some more before getting frustrated and saying, "Your stupid machine doesn't work!" He took the card and turned it around. His face said it all. FML
Today, I got my eyebrow pierced. By a fish hook. FML
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Top comments
scott1494 0
haaaaaaaahahahahahahahahahahahaaaa!!!! Talk about being a tool!!!!!
Tucatz 0
Could be worse- at the grocery store you might be a $0.69 can of green beans. And at the drugstore you could be Preparation H. In fact, that should be your new goal- to go around and find out what you are at various stores.
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Comments (407)
bleghbleghugh 0
I definitely just laughed out loud.
pommeblossom 0
That's so cool :D
kbtoys 2
Personally, I like to pretend that we're in a magical world where every FML is real, so that I can laugh and take joy in their stupidity and ****** up lives. More fun that way. ;)
zzzzzzzzzz_fml 0
FYI, bar codes are universal it doesn't need to match anything specific in that particular store... pretty unbelievable, might have to call shenanigans, but it's pretty ironic if it is true
fakeredone 1
ydi for getting a barcode tattoo
cheer_me_up 0
Ok this is BULL!!! My husband has a bar code tattoo on his arm (which he hates now that he is older) and people try to scan it ALL THE TIME as a joke. It does NOT actually scan you freakin moron! Now to all of you that think you cant tattoo a bar code, you can. If you are a fan of the metal band Slipknot then you would know that bar code tattoo's are somewhat common. (the band all have bar code tattoo's) Talented tattoo artist's can tattoo almost anything. It looks like a real barcode with the numbers under it and everything. Still the point is that this is a totally LAME and FAKE FML!! If your going to post a fake FML then make it a good one.
wtfxpaigerz 0
Shenanigans or not.. If this WERE true, that's why you don't just get a random barcode. Each bar and space means something, so do your homework and get something meaningful. That's as bad as getting a random tattoo in Chinese and never doing your research, only to find out two years later that what you once thought said "I love Amanda" means "Alarm clock souffle" Not an FML. Not a YDI. Just idiocy.
VerticalOrbit 0
Shout out to #3, loved that. Also, best story I've heard about a barcode tattoo (assuming this is true). In this case, I agree with what #43 said. :) But not really an FML. More irony than anything.
upandb 0
faaaaaaaaak
Tucatz 0
You lot DO know how a barcode works, don't you? It's not unique for every item, it's merely a string of characters represented as light and dark spaces- in other words, on/off pulses. Binary. Thus a random barcode could be recognized by any of a number of systems, and depending on whether or not that string of characters was used in the store's PLU system, it might show up as something. Don't call bullshit unless you know what you're talking about, guys.