Today, I was bored at my job at Home Depot. I got a bar code tattoo 3 weeks ago and thought it would be funny to scan it. I'm a $5.98 160z claw hammer. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my building installed a fingerprint scanner for the front door. Feeling futuristic, I pressed my thumb to unlock it while carrying groceries. The scanner rejected me five times in a row because I’d cut my thumb slicing bagels earlier that day. A neighbor watched me fail repeatedly before asking, “Do you actually live here?” FML
Today, my son volunteered to help me cut out coupons. When I got to the register at the store, I noticed he'd cut off all the barcodes. FML
Today, I got a free temporary tattoo of a scorpion in a packet of potato chips and decided to wear it on my wrist. Whilst I was in the shower, I got a shock, thinking it was a spider. I then lost balance and slipped, banging my head on the faucet. FML
Today, I was looking at tattoos and fell in love with a really cool looking one, so I decided to get it. I later showed it to a friend who is a cop. He informed me that it is a gang tattoo. I think I just put a target on my ankle. FML
Today, I got piss drunk. Being a tattoo artist, I came to the intoxicated conclusion that I could save much more money doing my own tattoos on myself. I now have my ex-boyfriend's name permanently on my thigh. It's not even spelled right. FML
Today, my boss hung a dartboard in his office. It has a printout of my employee photo taped to it. FML
Today, I found out what sound a hammer makes when it strikes the back of my hand. FML
Today, I realized that the "holla" tattoo I stupidly got on my lower lip five years ago isn't fading as I expected it to, and will probably contribute to my unemployment for years to come. FML
Today, I went to the grocery store where this really cute guy works. I swiped my card but the machine wouldn't read it. I swiped it quickly some more before getting frustrated and saying, "Your stupid machine doesn't work!" He took the card and turned it around. His face said it all. FML
Today, I got my eyebrow pierced. By a fish hook. FML
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Top comments
scott1494 0
haaaaaaaahahahahahahahahahahahaaaa!!!! Talk about being a tool!!!!!
Tucatz 0
Could be worse- at the grocery store you might be a $0.69 can of green beans. And at the drugstore you could be Preparation H. In fact, that should be your new goal- to go around and find out what you are at various stores.
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Comments (407)
Golden_fml 1
ROFL #3
CinnamonSpider 0
That's actually kind of awesome that it scanned. Must be a well-done, if kind of weird, tattoo.
Good_old_Grim 8
Actually pretty much every barcode used on products is unique. As in - by the barcode alone it is possible to find out what an object is, where it is produced, by what company etc. So theoretically, it should be the same thing in whichever store. Or even more likely (this is what i'd actually expect) simply come up as an invalid code, because it is impossible to tattoo them accurately enough to be scanned properly. So it was either a faulty or some weird best-effort scanner or a fake FML.
TomTomSoup 0
Good work, Agent 47.
jm88 0
Nice, #3. YDI for getting a damn barcode tattoo..
nomadxx7 0
I call fake on this... What are the chances that you have the same exact barcode as a product in the store. The ONLY way that would be possible is if you went on the internet, found a random barcode and the tattooist was able to copy the thickness and exact lines of the barcode. If they missed one thin lie or substituted it wouldn't work. Sorry I just highly doubt the probability that you had a tattoo that was 100% perfect for an item in the store.
houndstoothk 0
yeah, i agree, sounds fake. would have to be so dead on to work right.
AngryAtheist20 0
If someone asks, you can just say you're carrying a hammer in your pants. What a tool.
ShutUpAndStare 7
Sir, that was awesome.
ihatestupidpeopl_fml 0
HOLY MOTHERFUCKING SHIT! WHY THE **** DID YOU POST THIS. WHAT DID YOU THINK THIS POST WOULD ACCOMPLISH??? DID YOU EXPECT PEOPLE TO THINK YOUR LIFE IS ******??? THIS IS DEFINITELY NOT AN FML...THIS IS OMG I REALLY NEED ATTENTION, SO I'M GONNA POST THIS STUPID STORY, AND HOPE I BORE THE READERS TO DEATH, ******!
J352SAURUS 30
Calm the **** down.
Nakedsquirrel 5
How the hell did this get accepted? This is retarded on top of fake.