Today, I was babysitting a 4-year-old, and we decided to play a game of hide and seek. Before he started to count, he looked me in the eyes and said that if I hid in his spot, he'd murder me with a knife when he grows up. I have to babysit this kid for the rest of the summer. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was babysitting a four year-old. He was mad and began hitting me. I told him to use his words not his fists when he's mad. He then began telling me how much he hated me, and that I should go die and never come back. FML
Today, while babysitting a girl, I told her to be quiet so she wouldn't wake her little brother. In reply, she told me that she would kill me, wake her brother up to show him my dead body, then draw all over my face. I'm stuck with her for another two hours. FML
Today, a five year-old that I am babysitting picked up a knife and said he would chop my nuts off if I didn't give him his ice cream before dinner. Only 5 more hours to go. FML
Today, while babysitting, I got stabbed by a 7 year-old with a mechanical pencil. FML
Today, I babysat a 9-year-old kid for the first time. The moment his parents left the house, the little shit looked me dead in the eyes and let me know that if I didn't let him do whatever he wanted, he'd tell his parents that I touched him in his "no-no place". Suddenly I hate kids. FML
Today, I babysat an 11 year old kid while his parents ate out. As soon as they left, the kid asked me if I wanted to be on the sex offender's list. Before I could even process that, he told me to stay out of his way and he wouldn't accuse me of anything. FML
Today, I had to babysit two kids. It all went well until one of them duct taped a knife to a toy machine gun, lit the barbecue on fire, and ran around like a wild banshee screaming obscenities. The other one got scared and climbed onto the roof of the house. FML
Today, I was babysitting a two year-old. He was messing around with a silver fork and I told him it was dangerous. He then got mad at me, started crying, and stabbed me right in the foot. Be warned, even though they're little, they can still cause a lot of pain. FML
Today, I was babysitting my niece when we decided to play hide and seek. I went in the shed, and waited. After waiting a while, I went to go back inside to see what was happening. I saw my niece had locked all the doors and was eating cookies on the kitchen bench. FML
Today, I was babysitting. Everything was going well until the kid called 911 on me for making him eat his vegetables. FML
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Top comments
sammyjanette 17
I would tell his parents. It may cost you the job, but it is obvious that this kid needs psychological help.
5sonic 22
I'm scared for you op.
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Comments (77)
Hobbit79 10
Damn a junior sheldon cooper.
Hawaii84 16
Kids are products of their environment and his parents probably let him watch too much grown up tv and movies. Let his parents know and keep an eye on him to see if any patterns emerge. At least you have 14 more years before he grows up and kills you.
panther_73 7
Where is that spot? You will never know until you hide there...
XistingPrince 9
Nice kid. Maybe just never play hide and seek with him.
1crabbygirl 10
Tell him at least all your teeth aren't going to fall out, like his are.
CallMeMcFeelii 14
I was thinking daycare more than prison or an asylum.
ashjo 12
Why is a four year old talking like that?
AliceAristocrat 12
I don't think most kids know what they're saying means more than what they're saying. My cousin once told my uncle that she wanted to chop his head off and carry it around so she could see him all the time because she loved him so much. It's creepy but at the same time, she meant it in a non creepy way.
TheyCallMeDamien 18
Are you locked into some unbreakable contract otherwise you can quit. At the very least you should charge extra for children of the corn.
mr_sarcastic416 29
I'm hoping FML makes an illustrated version of this one
davincidasecond 24
One of my cousins, while I was babysitting him, said something similar to me. I stared him dead in the eyes with no expression, and told him, "You know, I keep guns on me for people who make threats." It was a complete lie, but he had the most terrified look in his face. Show him not to bring a knife to a gun fight, OP.