Today, I was attending a drug-free lecture at school. The speaker said, "There are many ways to quit smoking. You can try patches, gum, or even quitting cold turkey. Any questions?" I raised my hand, and she called on me. I asked, "How does cold turkey help?" And then I realized. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I decided to quit smoking and put on a nicotine patch. I decided to have one last cigarette and ended up sick at the doctors with nicotine poisoning. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was over her addiction and wished to quit cold turkey. I cancelled all my plans to stay home and support her. She didn't mean her tobacco addiction, no no. Her corn chip addiction. FML
Today, while at a school anti-drugs assembly, the speaker asked everyone to stand up if they knew someone who had died of an overdose. As I stood up, my friend hit me in the side, making me laugh. I stood frozen under accusing glares while the speaker bitched me out for a good 5 minutes. FML
Today, I learned that when you quit smoking, you get "Smoker Flu", meaning you feel like you're coming down with something really horrible. The good news is that my throat is so raw, I couldn't smoke a cigarette if I wanted to. FML
Today, I saw my boss, so I mentioned to him, "Oh, I quit." He then interrupted, saying, "Great, I was going to fire you this week anyway." I wanted to tell him I quit smoking. FML
Today, I was walking past a homeless guy while smoking; he asked if he could have a cigarette. So I gave him one and said without thinking, "Sorry, it’s a menthol, but beggars can't be choosers." FML
Today, I gave up smoking. A few hours later, I caught myself daydreaming about brutally killing a guy that gave me a mean look at the bus. Maybe I should go back to smoking. FML
Today, after secretly smoking for more than two years, I decided to quit. I came home from work to see my wife holding a pack and asking me what was it doing behind the toilet seat. FML
Today, I'm going cold turkey with my drinking and smoking habits. I'm so irritable, I seriously considered running down an old lady who was taking her damn sweet time crossing the road, then shooting the guy in the car behind me for honking at me like I was holding everyone up. FML
Today, while answering an "anonymous" survey about how to keep my school drug free, I told them they should stop drug testing the kids that they know don't do drugs and test the sketchier ones. They in turn drug tested me. FML
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Top comments
lazytown 0
Cold turkey helps because it's yummy. You'll be too busy eating it to smoke.
Exodium 0
Isn't the whole point of School that you ask a question when you don't know something? I'm sorry, but you sound like an idiot. What will this person learn by NOT asking questions? Regardless, they actually did say "And then I realised" so they obviously figured it out anyway.
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Comments (113)
Brave_Sir_Robin 4
Okay, so I got a cold turkey and according to a coworker who was a former chain cigarette smoker (who I will call Mr. Smoke), he told me to start slapping the cold turkey. I started slapping the turkey wildly at work and I still feel like smoking. So I quit slapping the turkey and I still feel like smoking. Am I doing this right?
girlygirl666 0
Yes.. Yes you are.
HookEmTexas07 0
"slapping the turkey?" Is that what they call it these days?
a1s 3
actually nooned know why we say it... "The etymology possibly derives from the phrase "talk turkey", in which someone deals matter-of-factly with a subject. Some, however, believe the derivation is from the comparison of a cold turkey carcass and the state of a withdrawing addict — most notably, the cold sweats and goose bumps. It is often preceded by the verb "to go," as in "going cold turkey." Yet another suggestion of origin is that cold turkey is a dish that needs little or no preparation. "To quit like cold turkey" would be to quit in the same way a cold turkey is served, instantly just as you are without preparation."
yuttivon 0
nice Wiki reference.
catastrophicsock 0
How old are you? Or better yet, what's your IQ?
wh4t3v3R 0
Eh, I've had to explain to forty year olds that no one is suggesting they need to get bitten by a dog to help hangovers. Age means nothing, exposure is the key.
warrenpeace 0
Is it me, or do women get dumber with each day?
perfectperson 3
Sexist idiot.
girlygirl666 0
Google- FTW
BeeSkwaird 0
Quitting cold turkey does nothing. Quitting cold-turkey, however.....
manny718 0
Oh that really had to suck.
TheSadCupcake 0
Cold-Turkey is a pretty kwl guy and doesn't afraid of anything.
Brave_Sir_Robin 4
So then who was fone?
SNOTTYBONES 0
Sounds like one of those blond jokes.....
msbetsy 0
I could never quit cold turkey. My sandwiches just wouldn't be the same.